Eve

chapter two

I woke up the next morning with my phone ringing.
I answered. It was my partner. It was like my boss was so angry that I didn't go to work without knowing it. When the boss's name comes to mind, everyone imagines a middle-aged man with white hair, white mustaches, and his stomach is up, and he's whining with a big voice. But my boss is a skinny, bald man, who has no mustache at all. But he whines, like all bosses.
I got dressed and went to work without eating anything.
I came home this month with a deduction.
I wasn't upset. And I was sad that I wasn't upset.
That means I was numb. People are usually motivated and sad or stressed out for this kind of situation. Life had a neutral taste. It was neither acidic, nor play. Not bitter or sour. And that's the problem. I was tired of repeating myself every day exactly like the day before. Thinking too much and being alone made me feel like I was going crazy and losing my mind. I felt dead, but I wouldn't trade my own cemetery for anything.
I either had to become a normal person and live silly like everyone else to be happy or I had to get rid of myself and save my body from its futile activity.
My blood smelled like shit. I had to do something to myself.
I picked up one of my empty notebooks and started writing down the things I needed to do today.
I love writing to do lists. Although I don't do any often, it makes me feel happy. It's like I'm doing the right thing.
I got to work. I've got the house in order.
First I threw my clothes in the laundry. I opened the windows to change the air in my blood a little bit. I took all the CDs in front of the TV and sorted them. After a long time, I felt good. I always enjoyed tidying things up.
I swept the house and packed all the trash.
I'm tired.
I lay on the couch when my phone rang.
It was my mother. When I separated from my family and bought my own house, it was only my mother who was always with me and asked me about it. My father never wanted me to leave them before marriage. He had some official military figures who wanted everything to be done according to the rules wrapped inside his brain. Maybe it wasn't his fault that it was. Since he was thirteen, his parents have been sending him to military school. I remember my mother once saying that my father wanted to be a teacher, but since my grandfather was a military man, he sent his only son to be like him. Thank God I left that house, or they'd turn it into dry wood like they did.
I answered and we asked each other. It was like my father wasn't feeling well. I don't know why, but I didn't feel anything special. I should have cared and been sad, but I didn't feel anything. I was not happy or sad. I knew I wouldn't be too upset even if he died. When someone dies, if they're close to me on the other side, I might miss them, but I never do . I've only cried for one before.
I told him to ask me how he was, although it didn't matter to me, and I didn't really mean anything. After my mother gave her usual advice, I said goodbye.