"Better terrible truths than kind lies."
-Leigh Bardugo
~~~~
New
"Mom! Drive faster!"
"No, honey. It's too late for that. C'mon! Don't be sad. We'll go again tomorrow."
"Pinky promise?"
"Yes, pinky promise."
Rain lashed against the windshield of our navy blue car, as mom drove down a deserted, one lane highway. I peered through the front window trying to see what was ahead of me; it was pitch black outside, with not even one star in the night sky, and only the moon's faint light and the small square orange lights lining the road to see by.
"How far is home?"
"Not too far away, Newwie."
"But Newwie is tired now! Go home faster! Faster!"
"Good boys don't complain all the time. Who's a good boy now?"
"Me! Newwie is a good boy!"
Outside the front window, the rain was coming down in torrents, blurring my vision even more. The windshield wipers whipped back and forth over the window, attempting to clear away the large droplets clinging to the glass - but it seemed they weren't moving fast enough. Looking out my side window, I noticed the trees walled me in on both sides.
Two blinding lights suddenly blazed ahead like two shining eyes trying to pierce the impenetrable darkness-
"Mom!!"
I awoke abruptly, my eyes moist with tears. My chest pounded, and perspiration drenched my body.
It was another nightmare. I sighed heavily, knowing I could never escape its clutches. The details of that night are forever etched in my mind, solely due to these haunting dreams. These recurring nightmares have haunted me for as long as I can remember.
It always stops at the same scene. Nothing new. I cannot recall what happened beyond that specific scene. Was it my fault? What actually happened to Mom?
Emptiness consumed me once more. The hood crumpling, the glass shattering, the screeching of tires echoing in my ears. The lingering pain from the impact.
I groaned, clutching at my hair and pulling. The memories of my mother were slipping away, fading with each passing day. Her voice, a distant whisper in my mind. Yet, fragments of her essence remain deeply imprinted within me, never truly released. I could never let her go.
A knock at the door disrupted my thoughts. Though I chose to remain silent, I recognized P'Mook's voice.
"It's me! Please open the door, Newwie," P'Mook called out.
I hurriedly composed myself, straightened my nightdress, and welcomed her inside.
"Good morning, Newwie," P'Mook greeted, carrying a tray with food and coffee. "I've prepared breakfast in bed for you."
Offering her a quiet smile, I continued to keep my emotions to myself.
P'Mook carefully placed the tray on the table near the window. Casting a glance in my direction, she raised an eyebrow. "Hmm? What's wrong? Is it that dream again? You can't be brooding in the morning all the time, New. You must find a way to move on."
Politely, I replied, "Good morning, P'Mook." I didn't want her to dwell on the subject any longer. The ordeal had already left a deep impact on me.
"Alright then, I won't bring it up. But remember, Newwie, sometimes you need someone to confide in. Someone who will not only support you but also comprehend your situation. To achieve that, you must express yourself. You can depend on me, Newwie. You're my little brother, I will never let you go through this hell."
I nodded, appreciating her concern. P'Mook had always been there for me, offering support and understanding. But some things were just too difficult to put into words. "I know," I reached for her hands, "-Trust me, I know that better than anyone else. You are already that someone I need in my life."
She looked at me with disbelief, but remained silent. P'Mook was someone who would never judge me or turn away, no matter the mistakes I made. Someone who loved me for who I truly am.
I hugged her tightly as she turned away from me. "Stop being upset, P'Mook! We can discuss it another day. I know how much it hurts you too. Stop pretending to be strong all the time, okay?"
P'Mook turned around and returned the embrace tightly. "I don't pretend to be strong because I'm already strong. I could punch your beautiful face right now. Do you want me to?"
I chuckled at her remark, "I know I'm beautiful, don't be jealous."
She was laughing too, "Stop it, idiot."
We released each other after what felt like an eternity. I yearned for that warmth once more.
P'Mook gently pushed me from behind towards the connected bathroom. "If you wish to freshen up, go ahead. We will dine together like we used to. Go, go, go!"
I nodded and closed the door firmly. Leaning against it, I took a deep breath. This was the moment. I had to converse with P'Mook. Judging by the circumstances, I was certain that P'Mook was already aware of the situation. She had undoubtedly come here to discuss it with me.
I composed myself and quickly freshened up. When I opened the door, P'Mook was already setting the table with another set of food.
She looked at me and smiled, "C'mon, let's eat."
I nodded and sat down opposite to P'Mook. We ate breakfast together in silence, the only sound filling the room was the occasional clinking of cutlery against the plates. P'Mook tried to initiate small talk, asking about my plans for the day, but I gave short, vague answers. My mind was preoccupied, replaying the haunting images from the dream.
After breakfast, P'Mook cleared the table and insisted on helping me with my chores. I appreciated her help. But deep down, I knew that the only way to find peace was to confront my feelings head-on.
"P'Mook, I know why you're here. I want to talk about this whole thing with you. But not now. Let's talk in the evening. I have to meet Earth, for now."
P'Mook let out a sigh and replied, "Okay, Newwie. I won't force you to talk to me. This is a serious matter and we have to discuss it even if you don't want to. I'm not working today, so let's talk later."
I shook my head in agreement, stating, "Yes, we'll talk about it. I'll tell you everything."
She nodded and made her way towards the exit. Suddenly, she halted and turned back to face me. "Remember, Newwie, It's us against the world. Keep this in mind, always."
I gazed at her as a tear fell down my cheek. "I know."
"Tell Earth that I said hello!"
With that, she closed the door behind her, leaving me in solitude. It's us against the world. That's what Mom used to tell us all the time. P'Mook would remember that better than anyone else. She had heard it more frequently than I.
Swiftly, I retrieved a rugby shirt and khaki pants from the wardrobe. Earth had arrived and told me to meet at the usual park. It was a fifteen minute walk from home. I'm feeling a mix of excitement and nerves.
It's not in my nature to skip classes, especially on Mondays, but today is an exception. After months apart, I'm finally meeting the love of my life. My dad has given me permission to stay home, as I have to meet my fiancé later in the evening. The thought was giving me a headache. However, before that, I need to have a conversation with Earth.
Earth landed early and sent me a text message first thing in the morning. I glanced at my phone. Meet me at the park at sharp ten, it said.
He had mentioned he would spend his first day with his family before meeting me, but his text indicates otherwise. Are you already home? I had texted him back. He had left me on read.
I hastily make my way to the front door when I hear my dad's voice.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
I stop in my tracks, nervous. "S-sir, I- I have to meet a friend." I stammer.
"Why?" he questions further.
"P-project. I-it's related to my s-studies." I respond, mentally cursing myself for the lame excuse.
He glared at me and spoke in a regular tone. "Return before lunch. You need to prepare yourself before meeting the Vihokratanas."
"The Viho-what?"
"Vihokratana!" He repeated
"Okay, S-sir." I replied and hurriedly left.
Was that his name? Vino? Vido? What was it again? Why am I even concerning myself with it? I couldn't recall it anymore.
I quickly strolled my eyes around and left the neighborhood. I could take a bus to the park but I decided to take a walk to clear my head. The fresh air and the gentle breeze against my skin helped to ease the heaviness in my heart.
I glanced around to check if Earth had already arrived. It would be best to send him a text. I am here now. Where are you?
The response came immediately, accompanied by a heart symbol. Almost there. Check if our usual bench is available.
I crossed the park and felt relieved to find our bench unoccupied. I am aware it is a public space, but the bench near the water fountain was ours. I chuckled and stumbled upon the familiar bench where Earth and I used to sit and chat for hours. I sat down, letting the memories wash over me. I closed my eyes.
I did fall in love. Surely,
wholeheartedly, but not all at once.
It was patient, soft, an everlasting
feeling of forever. When you find
such love, there is a part of your heart
changed. A part of your heart that
from that moment forward remains
calm.
"Baby."
I gasped at the sudden sound. I opened my eyes and just about died. God! He was on his knees, in front of me smiling like an idiot. Unable to contain my excitement, I found myself practically collapsing into his welcoming embrace.
Touching someone for the first time after a long separation feels like that first glass of cold water when you've been dehydrated and it's like, the sweetest water you've ever tasted. It feels like the moment you come up for air when swimming underwater for too long. It feels like the sun when it catches that spot on your body perfectly and warms you up. It felt like survival!
It felt like I was home.
"Earth." It only came out as a whisper.
"New..." He whispered back, holding me tighter.
I was done for this moment with him. It was like no time had passed at all. It was as if we had never left each other two years ago. In fact, this moment was proof to me that we've had this invisible connection to each other since day one, and that nothing could sever it.
We let go of each other after a while. Smiles spread across our faces that could stretch from the Pacific ocean to the Atlantic. We were giddy. It felt like a movie. A sunny morning, birds singing in the trees, flowers blooming, music in the distance, a gentle breeze through the sun-filled windows.
I stared in disbelief that either of us were actually there in person, standing in front of the other.
It was that smile. The first time I
saw it, I knew I wanted to see it for
the rest of my life.
"God. Newwie..."
"No one's ever said my name like you
do."
He pauses and sits beside me, cupping my face. "Good."
I smile at how breathless he is, the stillness of him, that hint of anxiousness on his face, as if he's afraid I might disappear. He stares down at me, an unsure look on his face.
"It's not a dream. I'm not disappearing."
His eyes close briefly. "I'd die if you
leave."
"Stop talking nonsense. No one's dying!" I said pouting.
He chuckled, "God! I love you so much. My baby has gotten more prettier."
I didn't reply but I felt my cheeks and ears flush. He noticed it immediately. "Is my baby blushing?"
"No! The wheather is cold." I lied, embarrassed.
"Yah sure! I'll buy that one." A stupid smirk stuck in his handsome face.
I stare at him and he's already looking at me. He moved closer and I felt a delicate caress of lips. His lips were soft, almost silken, and pillowy against my own. I could feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath my nose, his fingers carding through my hair as we breathed each other in.
I pushed him gently, "Earth! We're in public!" I shouted.
He pointed his index finger at me, with a doubtful expression. I raised my eyebrow at him.
"Mom? Is that you?" He said, laughing at his own joke.
I rolled my eyes. "Ha ha! Very funny! Jerk!"
He was still laughing, blessing my eyes and ears. I looked at him more, the new marks on his face, remembering every little detail.
He turned around to face me and smiled. My heart skipped a beat. I love him so much.
"You have this way of lookin' at me," I murmured huskily as he continued
to card his hand through my hair.
"Lookin' at me like I'm the moon and
you're fucking dazzled by me."
"I do," he agreed easily. "I am."
"I'm just a man, Earth. Don't forget it" I reminded him, uncharacteristically somber.
He frowned and reached up to smooth the little furrow between my own brows. "Never just a man, Newwie. Not when you're my man."
"I missed you, so much that it was getting hard to breathe." I admitted, my eyes never leaving his own. Too afraid he would disappear if I turn around.
He nodded his head slightly and placed a kiss on my forehead. "I missed you. I can't breathe without you, Newwie."
We were at it again, being cheesy and all. But who cares? I love this man sitting beside me so much to care what people thought.
"I love you." I whispered, moving closer to hug him again. I smiled, breathing in that familiar fresh and spicy scent.
"I love you."
I chuckled at how he said it. Earth had this specific way of saying things like it's been said for the first time. And I loved that a lot about him. Nobody could ever imitate that. He never says or let me say 'I love you too' because he thinks, it sounds like I'm just agreeing with him. He loves Anna Todd a little too much to believe that theory.
"You've changed a lot, you know. You look cute and more handsome."
And you look clean, like that Taylor Swift song.
"And you're getting more wrinkles 'round your eyes, jerk, see." I pointed towards his eye.
He responded with a boisterous laugh and took my hand, guiding me while walking hand in hand.
"Where to?" I inquired.
He winked, "Somewhere."
I giggled like a teenager. I glanced at our intertwined hands, then at his face. He wasn't looking at me, but the smile on his face was enough to lift my spirits.
"I know you like what you see but, Newwie, eyes on the ground. And walk properly, I'm not going anywhere. You can look at me all you want, later."
"Too in love to walk straight." I said, still stealing glances at him.
He just chuckled and turned around to face me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "I will never leave you, alright? I will remain with you like Neil Armstrong's footprints on the moon."
Now It was my turn to chuckle. "God! Who speaks like that? That's so weird. You're crazy and a jerk!"
He moved towards me, placing his hands on his waist, and pulling me closer. "You love me crazy and jerky!"
I couldn't help but chuckle, turning my head to avoid his gaze. "Alright, enough of that!"
He extended his left hand towards me, as if expecting something. I raised an eyebrow, questioning him. "What is it?"
"I need your phone," he replied succinctly.
I reached into my back pocket, retrieved my phone, and handed it to him. I was curious about his intentions. I watched closely as he proceeded to turn off my phone. "What are you doing?" I asked in confusion.
He remained silent and retrieved his own phone, following the same course of action. I stared at him, puzzled. He then placed our phones together in his pocket, and I saw a radiant glow emanating from within him. It blurred my peripheral vision, and for a moment, it felt as if the only thing keeping me grounded was Earth himself.
"No one will disturb us now." He said, smiling ear to ear. I returned the smile.
We soon arrived at the small parking area outside the park. Earth walked towards a 2019 Toyota Innova 2.8 Crysta G Wagon. It was a car he had purchased with his own earnings.
He opened the door and I entered the passenger's seat. We quickly drove past the neighborhood and onto the highway. "Night Changes" played on the radio, it was our song. The song we had danced to countless times. The song that had made me realize my feelings for Earth. I didn't bother asking where we were going. He would never tell me, even if I asked.
I glanced out the window as Earth stopped the car. We were in front of an amusement park. I turned towards him and smiled. He retrieved something from the glove compartment and held it up for me to see. A couple's chain!
"This is for our fifth anniversary. Please never take it off, alright?" Earth said, observing my puzzled expression.
I smiled and nodded. "I promise I'll never remove it."
It was a Magnetic Matching Heart Necklace made of two pieces. He separated them, revealing the silver and black parts of the metal.
"When apart, the charms look like metallic stones. When held together with the magnet, they form a geometric heart. I've engraved our names in it!" He explained smiling.
I chuckled, a tear rolling down my cheek. "It's beautiful! I love it." I expressed.
Handing me the black portion of the necklace, I glanced at the engraved name, New.
He gently grabbed my hands and moved closer, wiping away the tears streaming from my eyes. "Place it around my neck. It belongs to me," he asserted.
I nodded in agreement, carefully fastening the necklace around his neck. In return, he positioned the silver end of the necklace around my own neck and offered a warm smile. Grasping the pendant, I couldn't help but beam at the name engraved on it. Earth.
Upon entering the amusement park, Earth and I embarked on a quest to experience the adrenaline-inducing roller coaster. Foremost, we eagerly settled ourselves into the sleek compartments, bracing ourselves for the exhilarating journey that awaited us. As we soaringly ascended to the crest, the anticipation thickened in the air, leaving our hearts pumping with electrifying excitement. The descent was nothing short of breathtaking, the wind whistling in our ears as we navigated the twists and turns with pure precision.
Subsequently, drawn by the allure of merriment, we made our way towards the arcade games area, a veritable oasis for engrossing entertainment. With a multitude of video games at our disposal, we indulged in a delightful spree of competition and amusement. The air echoed with gleeful laughter and the cacophony of buttons being pressed with unwavering dedication. Our camaraderie blossomed as we strategically maneuvered our digital avatars amidst flashing lights and captivating sound effects.
Satiated by the delightful escapades of the arcade, we found our appetites piqued and sought solace in the nearby food stall. The aromas wafting through the air were tantalizing, coalescing into an irresistible temptation. With discerning palates at the helm, we selected sumptuous treats to appease our hunger. The flavors exploded upon our tongues, a culinary symphony of savory delights that left us satiated and content.
Reflecting on our memorable day at the park, the roller coaster, arcade games, and delectable cuisine formed an unparalleled trifecta of delight. Such experiences, encapsulating thrills, laughter, and gastronomic wonders, will forever remain etched in our hearts as cherished memories.
Afterward, we found a bench and took delight in observing the magnificent amber sky. Earth, began capturing photographs of me and complimenting my photogenic nature. The time had come for me to confide in Earth about a certain person named, uh, was it Vino? I could no longer evade the matter.
"I must... Earth, I have something... you know, if there's any way I can..." I stumbled, attempting to express my thoughts.
"Newwie, darling, look at me," he interrupted, extending comfort and reassurance.
Nervously, tears streaming down my face, I turned towards him. "I don't know what to do, Earth. It's overwhelming me."
He averted his gaze, responding, "You needn't explain anything to me. I am already aware of your marriage."
"How?" I inquired, astounded by his knowledge.
"It was Gawin," he revealed.
Subsequently, silence enveloped us as we continued to witness the sun's descent. There was a profound realization that Earth had been privy to this secret all along.
"What should I do? I am perplexed. I agreed to Dad's demands due to his threat to have Phuwin marry a stranger. I am aware of the sort of individuals Dad associates with..."
He sighed heavily, "It's just business, Newwie. It will mean nothing. And I know we'll find a way out of it."
"He is my brother, Earth. It doesn't matter that we aren't related by blood. I would die for him!" I cried, as he embraced me.
He slightly rubbed my back, calming me down. "I know, Newwie. You're tough but I'm here for you. I'll take care of this whole thing, Okay? Don't worry."
"What if we fail?"
"Then you get married to him and I'll be your secret lover. Then one day your husband will find out and he'll divorce you. See, simple!" He was grinning.
I hit him playfully, "Stop it!"
"But don't get close to him. I'll die out of jealousy. Don't let him touch you either. We belong to each other, Newwie. I don't think I can ever see you with someone else."
"Stop being jealous, you idiot." I
leaned over and brushed my lips to his, softly, carefully. "None of them will ever be my husband. That position is for you, Earth. No one can replace you."
"So we'll get married one day?"
"Yes. And then you'll come back home to me leaving Paris behind and we'll start our happily ever after, right?"
"My happy does not wait for later," he
tells me. "My happy is now. Here. With you. I need nothing else."
I placed my head on his shoulder and watched the sunset in silence. I could hear his heart beats. He placed a kiss on my head and I glanced his way and caught him staring at me. "You're not watching the sunrise," I said.
"No, I'm not."
A blush stained my cheeks as I
smiled faintly, my expression perplexed. "You love sunrises."
"I love you more."
"I love you more," I repeated.
He positioned his camera in front of us, capturing the moment we shared. He diligently recorded our activities together, except for our intimate moments, of course, although he did make an exception for our kisses.
"Let's take a selfie!" He suddenly spoke, pulling out our phones.
He reactivated my phone and handed it to me. It was already six in the evening, and I had missed numerous calls. "Shit!"
Earth raised an eyebrow, "What happened?"
I freaked out. "Earth! Holy mackerel!! I'm dead meat!"
"Newwie, calm down! What happened?!" He shouted.
"My... heavens! I was supposed to meet that guy's family today, precisely at six o'clock! They are coming home! It is already six! Father had instructed me to be back before noon. Oh, Earth! What do I do now?"
"Listen! Look at me. It will be alright! I will drive you home. I will not allow them to harm you for being tardy, alright?" Earth tried to comfort me.
Earth had those kind chocolatey eyes that shone with the light of 'everything will be ok.' And in that moment, that's all I needed to calm down. It was surreal. A dream. And I never wanted to wake up from this dream.