Reviewer: 0rbofnight
Author : Else257
Book title: 10/10
"The Lost Mafia Sister": The title immediately grabs attention and sparks curiosity. It hints at a thrilling story with a mysterious and intriguing premise. It has the potential to attract readers who enjoy suspenseful and dramatic narratives.
Book cover: 5/10
The picture on the cover of the book is truly impressive! It creates a powerful and intimidating atmosphere that perfectly matches the book's theme. The visual impact of the cover is likely to grab the reader's attention and increase their curiosity about the book. However, a book cover shouldn't forget to prominently showcase the book's title. Unfortunately, in this case, the title seems to be missing or not clearly visible. The title plays a critical role in attracting the reader's attention and conveying the essence of the story. Therefore, it's essential to ensure that the title is easily readable and stands out on the cover.
Blurb: 7/10
The blurb is good, but it gives away most of the story. Although it's essential to provide readers with an idea of what the story is about, it's equally important not to reveal too much. A balance needs to be struck between providing enough information to pique the reader's interest and keeping the twists and turns of the story a secret. One way to make the blurb more captivating is to include some engaging dialogue from the book. This can give readers a taste of the characters' voices and the emotional depth of the story without spoiling the plot. By doing so, readers will be more intrigued and eager to read the book to uncover the rest of the story.
Concept and Plot: 10/10
The concept of your story is really captivating and filled with a thrilling and mysterious vibe. That's great! It's important to have a strong concept that hooks readers and keeps them engaged. I was impressed with the plot. Well done author!! The story starts with the sons hating their parents and then discovering they have a sister, which adds an intriguing twist to the narrative. It’s amazing, and I think that's a great sign!
Pace: 8/10
The pace is smooth, not really going fast . But I could see when the povs are changing the words are not changing with that . So that's kinda confusing to read and get what the characters are talking about and their feelings.
it's important to find a balance between a fast pace and providing enough description. While a fast-paced story can be exciting, it's also important to give readers enough time to absorb the details and immerse themselves in the world you've created.
Character Introduction and Character Development: 8/10
The character introductions in the first chapter are well done, particularly the one for the father. Including the characters' backgrounds and emotions helps readers connect with them. I suggest adding emotional introductions for each character, where we get to know how they feel about certain things. This can be an effective way to deepen readers' understanding and attachment to the characters.
Regarding character development, it's clear that it's still a work in progress in your story. However, I can already see the emotional attachment that the characters have towards their sister. Jungkook's immediate forgetfulness of his worries upon meeting his sister also shows a strong emotional connection. These are positive signs of character development and potential for further growth as the story progresses.
I think it looks good! Keep exploring the emotions and motivations of your characters as the story unfolds, and I'm sure their development will continue to shine. Great job so far!
Grammar and Vocabulary:3/10
The plot and the story is so perfect but the grammar makes it difficult to read what the characters are trying to say . Or who is telling what. There are a lot of spelling mistakes and punctuation missing.
Using quotation marks ("") for dialogue is my suggestion! It helps to clearly indicate when a character is speaking, making it easier for readers to follow along. I know you used it but not every dialogue is closed with the quotation. So it was difficult.
And for grammar Using a grammar app for editing or seeking out tutorials can definitely help you polish your writing and make it even more enjoyable for readers
Writing Style: 5/10
The writing also has some room to improve as you see it's a Ot7 story . So it's important to make sure we include every character and express their emotions in such a way that is more catchy.
Like you mentioned all the members but i couldn't know what every member is feeling in a particular situation. You can separate their povs to catch their emotions more. I know it will make the story longer if every member has one chapter for a particular scene. But you can try to catch everyone's emotions in a single chapter.
Finding a balance between detailed dialogues and other descriptive elements can be key. Dialogues can bring the characters to life, but it's also important to provide enough description to set the scene and create a vivid atmosphere.
The words you used to express some background or emotions are catchy but still because of grammar mistakes the sentence lacks something. But you wrote so many good dialogues and interesting scenes. I loved it . Well done. You're doing an awesome job
Overall Impression: 5/10
I'm impressed with the plot and characters of your story. And that's a good thing, Right.
However, I guess you're looking to enhance the originality and emotional connection in the plot, and every story needs that. It's a key element.
To make the plot even more engaging, you can dive deeper into the characters' emotions and motivations. Show their internal struggles and desires, and how these drive the plot forward. Adding unexpected twists and turns can also keep readers hooked and excited to see what happens next.
Keep refining and adding those expressive elements to make a deeper connection with the story and characters. I am pretty sure that it will turn out amazing! You're doing a fantastic job, author
Rating on Book : 7/10
I really enjoyed the book as a reader and I will be waiting for the more chapters and wañt to see how amazing this book turns out after editing and exploring your writing. I hope I can see your writing after keeping the points in mind.
The idea for your stories is pretty interesting. So well done for that!!
Good luck author! I hope to see more from you in future!!
Thank you!!
Total: 68/100
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