Maryanne
I study the list of rules on the pantry door that reads:
-Clean up after yourself, such as putting dirty clothes in the hamper and keeping bedroom tidy.
-No swearing/yelling.
-No slamming/locking doors *bathroom use can be an exception*.
-No snooping or taking others personal belongings without permission.
-No throwing things inside the house.
-Express your thoughts with us.
-Eat three meals a day, including snacks.
-Obey Dario and Angeline when we tell you to do something.
-Do not be afraid to approach us for anything.
The punishments are no television, no devices, writing lines and I have to be visible at all times for as long as the punishment stands. All blasphemy. I never had any rules before. I was just told what I could and couldn't do. There was never any list.
I still haven't forgotten what happened the other day and it makes me look at them in a different light. More and more I'm learing about them, but I have yet to know who this Ebony person is. I didn't want to ask them because I didn't want Angeline to be angry with me again, even though one of the rules clearly says I shouldn't be afraid to come to them for anything. I might have to start doing my own research and break a few rules.
Angeline is taking me to get something special at the mall, to an indoor shoping mall to be specific. With that being said, I chose to get ready all by myself. It is a hot and sunny day, therefore I picked out a light blue tank top and white shorts. I did my skin care, took my overnight braids out and left my hair down. I want to show Angeline that I can be independent and she doesn't have to help me all the time.
"You look cute today, Bambina" Dario says.
"Yes she does," Angeline smiles back at me. "Ready to go?" she asks me, holding her big cup by the handle. I nod as she hand me my smaller one.
"What time is your barber appointment again?" she ask Dario.
"The appointment is at twelve, ma'am," He says.
"Before you leave, can you make sure that the cats get their flea and tick treatment. It just came in yesterday". Dario signal a salute. "I can't believe it's that time of year already. While I'm out, I'll probably pick up some new collars for them. They are outgrowing the old ones," she says.
"Have fun at the giant square of doom," Dario waves as we are on our way out the door.
"We get it, you hate the mall," she rolls her eyes.
We get in the car and she is staring dead at me with her intimidating blue eyes.
"You feeling okay, sweetheart?" She ask. I nod. Angeline reach for me and she put her back hand to my forehead, then tuck a stand of hair behind my ear. "I could have helped you with your hair".
"I wanted to do it myself today," I say.
"That's perfectly okay. Put your seatbelt on, please," she slides her shades on.
She doesn't make much conversation, only staring at me through the rear view mirror often. As she hums to early 2000s pop music playing in the car.
Twenty minutes later, we land at an area with a big building that Dario described. She parks the car and I let myself out. Instead of taking my hand, She puts her arm aound my shoulder and guide me in the mall. The place is similar to the outdoor mall she took me to before, except everything is inside and it looks bigger. It also has a lot of smells. I can smell cinnamon rolls and perfume. There are moving stairs that take people up or down. It looks suspicious.
What if you miss a step and fall? How can anyone trust it?
"See that store right there?" she says, pointing to a sign that looks like a white apple. Wait! that looks familiar.
"Yes," I answer.
"Today I'm getting you an iPad. It will be mainly for schoolwork, but you can also play games and watch movies with it. How does that sound?" She bends down to my level.
Are you kidding me! I never had something like that before. I'm excited. I can't believe it! My very own tablet. I bet Gemma doesn't have one.
"Okay," I shrug.
The store is packed with people and she takes me over to the area with the iPads. "Do you know what color you would like?".
I instantly spot my favorite color.
Pink! I want that one because it's the pretty color
"The pink one, I guess".
"Of course. I knew that," she boops my nose.
It is very busy in here as we wait patiently for someone to come over to assist us. Eventually, a friendly guy shows up.
"Yes, she wants the pink one," she pats my back and run her hands through my hair.
"Let me see if we have it in stock," he searches through a device that looks like a phone. "The only one we have in stock in that color is the 256Gb" he state.
"Okay that's fine, it's for her school anyways".
I walk out with a white bag that has my new tablet and a pen to go with it. She said that we can order my case online. I felt pretty important carrying around a bag like everyone else.
-||-
Angeline is set on taking me to a book store.
"Do you like to read I noticed the books in your room. I can buy more for you and start a small collection," she wants to pick me up a few reading material.
The last book I read had over a million pages and I spent months alone not making it past page fifty. I haven't been reading much lately. I somehow got lost in the limbo of life.
"Yes I like to read".
She holds my hand as we are about to take the thing called the escalator upward. The book store happens to be on the second floor. I pull back, seeing how steep it looks. I've been on rides that have seatbelts. This doesn't. The horrific image of me falling to my death is taunting. I watch two elderly people ahead of us cautiously step on. This does not look safe.
"What is it?" She faces me. She adjust the shades on top of her head.
"Is there another way we can get up there?" I'm looking everywhere for another way around this.
"The elevator," she observe me carefully. Maybe she knows that I'm being a scaredy-cat "Would you prefer we take that instead?".
"Yes, please. My legs are a little tired," It wasn't a lie, my legs are pretty tired.
"No worries, sweetheart. I understand," She assure.
Phew.
This store has so many books to choose from.
"Okay, you can pick out a few books and I will grab you some workbooks. We need to work on your spelling and penmanship. How are you in math?".
I shrug.
"You know what, I'll just get a few on writing and spelling and we'll figure out the rest later". We had short discussion yesterday and I've decided that I want to do traditional school. Expand my horizons and meet new people. I want the whole experience.
We left the mall after I chose one book from the store. Although, I was interested in the ones with colors and pictures. She encouraged me to pick the rainbow fish book that I was focused on, but I said no.
"Are you hungry? I have some granola bars in my purse," she tries to hand me her purse with one hand on the steering wheel.
"Can I get ice cream?" I ask. I have a hankering for some and the mall had plenty of it. I'm surprised she didn't ask me if I wanted anything there.
"Not today, honey. We have ice cream at home," she says, looking straight ahead.
"But I don't like that one. I want the one with the cone and sprinkles on top" I fold my hands together, wondering if she's going to say yes.
"Our next stop, I'll buy some cones and I will make you one later, Okay?".
The fire of defiance is burning up inside of me. I have to stay in place and control my energy. "Yeah. Okay".
"Next time, baby" I'm not a baby.
-|||-
Our last trip of the day ends at Target. Angeline is stocking up on products for the house and more of my shampoo. We come across the baby section and I fly past. I turn around when I notice she is not next to me. I didn't hear the moving cart or her shoes. I find her looking at the 'stuff'. What is she doing?
"Mary, come her for a sec," she says. I walk to her side.
"Do you want any of these?" she shows me the pack of pacifiers that individually have cute flowers on them. I have to compose myself. I shakes my head. I still have the one she let me keep. Why do I need more? I will not fall into temptation. I'm a teenager, not a baby. "It's no problem. I can take these and you can—,"
"No!" I heighten my voice. She has a worrisome facial expression and it says it all "I'm mean, no thank you. I-I don't need them".
"You're right. You have the one I gave you. Let's go check out!".
What is happening?
At home, I put myself in the room while she set up my new iPad for me. I'm currently having a staring contest with so- the pacifier on my night stand. This is day three of me not suppressing and I assumed I was doing so well. The urges are not working in my favor. I am tempted to throw this thing away, then I remembered it was a gift—an important piece from her and her baby. She said she was sorry, but I can't take any risks. I can't let my guard down.
Not a minute after, she is standing outside the doorway. "Honey, I have it all set up for you and your lunch is ready. Come out and eat!".
I walk out and sit at the bar stool.
"I hope blueberries are okay. I forgot we ran out of stawberries" Angeline says.
"It doesn't matter," I say. I take a bite of the grilled cheese sandwich. She hums and stands next to me, rubbing my back in the most gentle way. It reignites those fuzzy feeling I had when I met her for the first time.
"Anything else I can get for you sweetheart. Hmm?" She ask. Her voice is soft and sweet—exceptionally soothing.
"N-No thank-you," I scoot over, so hopefully she gets the memo.
"I'll be in my office and leave you to explore your new tech. Okay Piccola Mia?" I sense the cooing in her tone. She kiss the side of my head and pinch my cheek.
"Mhmhm," I reply
"Okay. Shout if you need me".
"Mhmm".
I don't know how long I can keep this up.
●●●
"I can't do this anymore" the man says to himself as he carried the toddler in his arms and a backpack filled with a few of things and majority of baby necessities.
The little girl is going with the flow without a care in the world— bouncing in the young man's hold. She was holding her blanket in one hand with a pacifier bobing in her mouth.
He was walking the streets looking for a place for the little one. Someplace safe for her.
"Dis" she lisped, holding up the off white blanket with little animals and objects on it.
"Yes, it's your blanket" he replied.
She then pointed to the blanket then him "you?" He knew what she was asking because she has been asking him all day and she likes to make it out of a game, knowing he will answer every time.
"No, I didn't give it you. Your mommy did".
Her low little voice says "Oh". Soon, she does the same thing with the pacifier— taking it out of her mouth and repeating the cycle.
"Yeah, that's your soother!".
He found what he was looking for. The orphanage for children. He couldn't present her to them and look foolish. His tactic was to sit her on the steps, knock and run away. It would be quick and less painful for him.
"Alright, little one. Sit right here." He set the little one down on the steps. She looked up at him with her wide brown eyes.
"I dont know how I can keep feeding you. Babies need food to grow. I'm always getting weird look whenever I carry you around. I didn't think this through properly." He sighed and touched her soft curls that were getting longer by the day.
"I have to leave you now. In the beginning, I thought for sure I could do it, but look at you-You're just a baby. You need people that can give you what you need. I thought that taking you in would do me some good and you did save me from a lot of things...I'm not a bad person you know that? " She poked his nose with her finger and released the most adorable giggle.
"You probably won't remember this or me, but promise me that you will be good and never grow up like me, little maryanne" he said. "-you'll most likely forget that name too. It was your grandmother's—my mother's name". He takes out a tiny lion toy from his backpack and gave it to her as a distraction. "I'll miss you". He patted her head.
He knocked on the door twice and rushes away. He hid behind a fence and waited. No one came out yet, but the little one finally realized he was gone and looked around. The man had seen from a distance that the toddler's lip was poking out. She began the whimpering that turned into crying. He does his best to ignore it.
Out of the blue, She stood up on her two little feet and cried out, "Dada! Dada! " his stomach dropped and his eyes grew wide as the moon. He turned around to see if it was actually him that she was crying out for. He couldn't believe it. In the end, the man shows himself and once the toddler sees his face, she opened her little hands toward him "Dada". She took a few steps closer the edge without looking. He ran up to her quickly, so she would not miss her footing and fall over. He grabbed her and hoisted her up in his arms once again.
"Dada" she smiled at him with her small set of teeth.
The door to the building opened and a woman looked out curiously.
"Is everything alright? Do you need anything?" she asked.
"No, ma'am. I had to stop and tie my shoes. She had a fit as soon as I put her down. I think it's her nap time. Right little lady?" he tickles her under her chin, making her giggle.
"You got me wrapped around your finger".