Chapter 42
Kizzy
Images of Lulu and Gale float past me and I let myself go floppy. I can't believe this is how I end but kudos to Benita though, wow who'd have thought it?
The Paramedics are here now and doing their best to revive Star. Their voices sound so far away but I'm trying to focus in a bid to block out Dad who is bizarrely blowing in my ear. He is whispering some crap but I haven't a clue what.
"Must have been hard for you Matthew, locked up all these years missing your daughter," says the negotiator as if talking to a young child.
Dad's sweating now, beads of it drop from his face onto mine. I can hear his heart beat and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a tiny part of me that hopes he does escape...although at this present moment that looks to be nothing more than a distant fantasy.
"And how on Earth would you know?" sneers Dad, now pressing his fingers into the side of my neck.
"Well, why don't you tell me? I only want to help you Matthew so why don't you put your daughter down and we can talk properly."
Dad tightens his grip and my heartbeat quickens.
"We have you surrounded so there is nowhere to go."
Is it just me or did I detect the satisfied smirk of a hunter just about to fire the last arrow...I mean Jesus if it's all sewn up why not just fucking arrest him?
"I wouldn't count me out just yet," says Dad always needing to have the last word.
I look him in the eyes, but this time, really look and am appalled to see myself. This kind of shatters me and I wonder why I'd never noticed before. Emotions flood me but shame seems to be winning the race.
How can he be my Dad? I'd often imagine that I was snatched at birth and had been brought up by total strangers...but looking at him now there's no denying it...he's Dad. He and Mum were married, which makes me respectable in his eyes, and Phoenix the Bastard. I feel for my brother I really do but perhaps now he'll see he got the better end of the stick and a lucky escape.
Right at this minute Phoenix looks terrified as if he's the one being held at gunpoint. Underneath all that cockiness and sarcasm he's soft...he has feelings. All the things I'm lacking and always thought I wanted but at this moment would be useless. He feels like scum, a stain that won't sparkle and I get that but sadly the dirt will never wash away. We lock eyes for a split second and I detect a tiny light that accepts me as his sister. I smile inwardly, 'Here lies Kizzy and Phoenix who hated in life but bonded in death.'