(Tanjiro, Inosuke, Zenitsu, Muichiro, Mitsuri, Kyojuro, Shinobu, Obanai, Genya, Sanemi, Giyu, Tengen, Gyomei, Kanao, Muzan, Rui, Enmu, Kokushibo, Doma, Akaza, Hantengu, Gyokko, Gyutaro, and Daki joined the chat)
Kosmos: roasting time >:)
Muichiro: let's do it
Kanao: who's first?
Kosmos: YOU! So, how is it that you have no agency at all? You can't make any decisions for yourself? I swear, it's like you're a computer that needs to be programmed to do anything or a pet that needs to be fucking trained! You make your decisions by flipping a coin? Give me a break!
Kanao: I can- I can make- make decisions for myself-
Kosmos: yeah bitch, good fucking acting
(Kosmos kicked Kanao from the chat)
Mitsuri: who's next?
Kosmos: YOU! So, Mitsubitch, what the fuck is up with your reason for becoming a hashira? You're a spoiled brat who had everything you needed growing up and became a motherfucking hashira just because you wanted the one thing that you didn't have!? Grow the fuck up already! All the other hashira lost everything because of demons and want to eradicate them, meanwhile you're sitting there with a reason even more atrocious than your monstrous appetite and grotesque hair color! STFU already you pick-me bitch!
Muichiro: WAY TO GO KOSMOS
Mitsuri: *sobs* you seemed like such a nice person before
Kosmos: cry more, ugly bitch
(Kosmos kicked Mitsuri from the chat)
Inosuke: LMFAO GET REKT MITSUBITCH
Shinobu: who's next?
Kosmos: You're next! Imagine being the only hashira that can't cut a demon's head off! The ONLY KNOWN DEMON SLAYER that can't cut a demon's head off! I don't know how the fuck you became a hashira, Kagaya must have been blind! Oh right, he IS blind! But it doesn't even stop there! Imagine dedicating years to mastering the human facial expressions for some child to easily sniff out your true feelings! Must suck to suck, Shinobitch!
Shinobu: HE'S THE MAIN CHARACTER OF COURSE HE WAS ABLE TO
Kosmos: doesn't change how dumb it makes you look
(Kosmos kicked Shinobu from the chat)
Giyu: it looks like we're eating roasted insects tonight
Doma: yummy
Zenitsu: HLKHSLGKDLJLKJKFD I'M CRYING-
Kosmos: You're next! Of course you're crying, you're always crying! Is whining and running away from your problems seriously the only thing you know how to do? How the fuck did you get into the demon slayer corps? Someone clearly held your little baby hand through final selection! I swear to god you're a shrieking toddler in the body of a 15 year-old boy! Don't even get me started on your creepy, perverted attitude, you whiny, shameless, simping bitch!
Inosuke: HAHAHAHAHA GET REKT
Zenitsu: *sobs like a baby*
Kosmos: case in point
(Kosmos kicked Zenitsu from the chat)
Kosmos: Hantengu, you're up next, while we're on the topic of whining bitches! How on earth are your clones stronger than you? All your main body knows how to do is cower and run and hide like Zenitsu! And while you do that, you get a FUCKING CHILD to run your errands! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
Hantengu: *cries and runs away*
Kosmos: case in point once again
(Kosmos kicked Hantengu from the chat)
Muichiro: I think you should roast Gyokko next
Kosmos: Gyokko? Oh... man... don't even get me started... Gyokko, everything about you is just a fucking joke! It's impossible to take you seriously! Imagine being the only upper rank demon that doesn't get a backstory. Imagine being the only upper rank demon that's not humanoid! And imagine being the only upper rank demon that's just evil and deranged through and through. You only served as an asset for Muichiro's manifestation of the mark, and nothing else! That's why he got the personality, the character development, the backstory, all of it! You let yourself get provoked by him, only for him to completely destroy you in the end single-handedly, when he was already poisoned and injured! You're even more of a freak than your disgusting, repulsive, so-called art! Seriously, calling that morbid trash art is a grave insult to art! You kept saying that you were a supreme being, but you were just scum living in filth, creating morbid trash and calling it "art"! That's all you ever were!
(Kosmos kicked Gyokko from the chat)
Muichiro: damn, Kosmos is even better at roasting Gyokko than I am!
Gyutaro: we definitely could've been ranked higher than him, Daki
Muzan: the hierarchy does not lie
Muichiro: wait, Kosmos, how did you use single periods?
Kosmos: the button has always been there
Muichiro: it's been there for me too but I didn't want to show off when no one else could.
Kosmos: you just used it
Muichiro: you used it first
Kosmos: it appears we are the only two people that can use it
Daki: but anyway, who's going to be next?
Kosmos: You! So, Daki, imagine getting stomped by a demon that's not even a kizuki! You got stomped by a demon that's not even a kizuki, then you were beheaded by one of the weaker hashira, and that was when you used your blood demon art: "Blood demon art, ultimate summoning chant, OOOOONIIIII-CHAAAAAN!!!!!"
Daki: THAT DEMON HAD MOTHERFUCKING PLOT ARMOR OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE STOMPING HER
Kosmos: that's very true, but it doesn't change the fact that it made you look pathetic
(Kosmos kicked Daki from the chat)
Kosmos: Gyutaro, the fact that Daki holds you back made you also look pathetic
(Kosmos kicked Gyutaro from the chat)
Tanjiro: I'm probably going to be next
Kosmos: Of course you are! You got the most screentime out of everyone in the series, and yet you couldn't get even the smallest bit of development! Muichiro got more development over the course of 11 episodes than you, Inosuke, Nezuko, and Zenitsu did COMBINED over the course of the ENTIRE SERIES! You're just a generic shonen main character, then Nezuko is a hot garbage plot device bitch, and Zenitsu is a whiny son of a bitch! Inosuke is the only tolerable thing in your stupid group!
(Kosmos kicked Tanjiro from the chat)
Inosuke: GET WRECKED
Kosmos: Inosuke, however, though you may be the only tolerable member of Tanjiro's group, you're far from perfect, meaning you're still subject to roasts. One of which being the fact that YOUR BACKSTORY MAKES NO SENSE! How can you talk in human language and not boar language when you were RAISED BY BOARS!? And even if we ignore that for the sake of it being a fictional story, many aspects of your backstory are still very eyebrow raising. How the fuck did you develop your own breathing technique without being taught by anyone!? There's no way you did that, so did the boars teach you it!? What kind of shit IS THIS!?
(Kosmos kicked Inosuke from the chat)
Tengen: I agree that Inosuke's backstory is far from flashy
Kosmos: You're next Tengen! Where are your fucking manners? Why did you try to kidnap children? You needed them for a mission, sure, but that doesn't explain why you slapped the ass of a minor! That's not a flashy thing to do at all, so don't judge the flashiness of others when you're so unflashy yourself!
Tengen: YOU'RE CALLING ME UNFLASHY!?
(Kosmos kicked Tengen from the chat)
Obanai: wild
Kosmos: Yeah, just like you! Why are snakes your entire persona? I get that you're the Serpent Hashira but COME ON. Also, you always talk way too quietly. It's a miracle anyone can hear what you're saying, EVER!
(Kosmos kicked Obanai from the chat)
Kosmos: However, though Obanai may talk too quietly, Kyojuro is on the whole other side of the spectrum! Kyojuro, you talk too loudly. I get that you're hard of hearing, but there's just really no need to yell all the time.
Kyojuro: I apologize! I will try to talk more quietly!
Kosmos: you're still yelling
(Kosmos kicked Kyojuro from the chat)
Doma: donut
Kosmos: Now it's your turn! Imagine getting killed by the weakest hashira, her tsuguko, and some guy raised by boars! They used a dirty trick on you in order to win, and you fell for it! You could have easily killed them but instead you played with them and paid the price! You didn't take the fight seriously! You never fought seriously in any fights, and died without even taking your LAST fight seriously! You NEVER took ANYTHING seriously! That's just sad!
(Kosmos kicked Doma from the chat)
Akaza: I'm liking this person
Kosmos: So you finally decided to talk, basketball! You're lucky that the blood battles weren't drawn or animated, or else everyone would have witnessed you utterly humiliate yourself by getting absolutely destroyed by Kokushibo for 10 minutes straight. Seriously, what could have possibly made you think challenging him was a good idea? He's upper rank 1 for a reason. Many reasons. And even after all that, you still think you have even the smallest chance of killing him and go as far as to say that you are "definitely" going to do so? When will you ever learn? I swear, it's like you're a child or something.
Akaza: what even is a basketball
(Kosmos kicked Akaza from the chat)
Giyu: now there are only three demons left on this chat
Muzan: I am a perfect, supreme, being, as such I am NOT subject to-
Kosmos: Yes you are! Yes you fucking are! You've been alive for more than 10000 years, and you couldn't find a blue plant! Perfect, supreme, being, my ass! Not to mention you killed two of the only humans with knowledge of the blue spider lily's location. That doctor that turned you into a demon in the first place, and Tanjiro's mother. You also could have sent Michikatsu to find the blue spider lily before turning him into a demon. If you just gave it more thought, you may have been able to find the blue spider lily a long fucking time ago!
Muzan: if it weren't for the STUPID MOTHERFUCKING PLOT I would have done all of those things A LONG TIME AGO
Kosmos: I am aware that it's for the plot, but it still makes you look incredibly lame
(Kosmos kicked Muzan from the chat)
Rui: I made many errors throughout my life, I am most certainly subject to roasting and I am probably going to be next
Kosmos: I... I actually don't have the heart to roast you...
Rui: what?
Kosmos: you're just a child, and you're the most tragic demon in the franchise...
Rui: I see
Kosmos: I do have some constructive criticism though
Rui: what's that?
Kosmos: You would have easily been able to defeat the Kamado siblings and then Giyu and Shinobu if you had not made several mistakes mistakes. These mistakes include but not limited to splitting your power between the members of your family, and letting your emotions affect your perception of the battle.
Rui: this is very informative criticism, thank you
(Rui left the chat)
Gyomei: how come Rui got constructive criticism while everyone else so far has gotten destructive roasting?
Kosmos: Not everyone else has gotten demoralizing roasting! Not to mention, I LITERALLY JUST EXPLAINED why Rui got constructive criticism! Or are you both blind AND deaf? In case you didn't get my explanation, I'll say it again REAL SLOW so that you can understand me. RUI. WAS. JUST. A. CHILD. AND. IS. THE. MOST. TRAGIC. DEMON. IN. THE. FRANCHISE.
(Kosmos kicked Gyomei from the chat)
Sanemi: damn
Kosmos: okay Sanemi, now it's your turn! instead of roasting you, though, I'd like to return something I believe you lost!
Sanemi: what is it?
Kosmos: YOUR GODDAMN COMMUNICATION SKILLS! How is it that you only explained to Genya what you were actually feeling and why you had always wanted him to quit the demon slayer corps when he was LITERALLY DYING!? If you had told him sooner, HE MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW! He would have understood, I'm sure of it!
Sanemi: ...yeah, you're right
(Kosmos kicked Sanemi from the chat)
Genya: don't blame my big brother for this, his life hasn't been easy
Kosmos: I'm sure your life hasn't been easy either! You're unable to even use breathing techniques and have to make up for it with a GUN which, combined with the trains and motherfucking telephone lines, just completely screws up the ancient timeline. Not to mention, if you had been able to use breathing techniques, then maybe you would have been able to invent American breathing! You would have had Muzan's head immediately!
Genya: if only...
(Kosmos kicked Genya from the chat)
Kokushibo: now it's just me, my descendant, and some guy
Giyu: ...some guy
Kosmos: some guy indeed! and yet, Giyu, there are many things about you that somehow don't make sense! such as the fact that one moment you say that you could never get along with demons, and the next you're so quick to stop Shinobu from killing a demon! what the actual fuck? at least pick one and stick to it.
(Kosmos kicked Giyu from the chat)
Kokushibo: it's just you and me that are left now, Muichiro
Kosmos: yes
Kokushibo: I'm probably going to get roasted now
Kosmos: You are. However, I can't really think of anything I could use against you in order to roast you that isn't some form of mischaracterization. As such, I'm going to have to rely on mischaracterization in order to roast you.
Kokushibo: it's okay, I can handle whatever it is
Kosmos: Okay. So. You abandoned everything, your home, your humanity, all just to be better than your brother? Just because you were jealous of him!? He was always going to be superior, so you were just throwing everything away for an unattainable goal out of pure jealousy and hatred! Must suck to suck!
Kokushibo: I see
(Kosmos kicked Kokushibo from the chat)
Muichiro: I'm the only one left
Kosmos: ...
Muichiro: just roast me and get it over with
Kosmos: I could never do that
Muichiro: ...what?
Kosmos: I could never roast you. I can't think of anything wrong with you that anyone could fault you for, and even if there was something, I still couldn't say it. Rui is the most tragic demon, but you're the most tragic character. To think that you're only 14 years old... you didn't deserve any of the horrible shit you had to go through, any of the horrible shit you're going through, or any of the horrible shit you're going to have to go through.
Muichiro: I see
Kosmos: but anyway, I'm going to end the chat now
Muichiro: ok
(Kosmos ended the chat)