Another wave of pain rushes through me and I grip my head, keeling over I try to keep my legs under me.
I focus on breathing through the pain as the headache takes hold.
There is a knock at my door and I grit my teeth against the pain it causes.
"Come in." I call out quietly, sure whoever is on the other side will hear it.
"Dae? Are you alright?" I hear Alvaryn as he walks into the room, closing the door behind him.
"Another headache." I answer, my eyes squeezed shut.
"Come sit down, where is the tonic Quirin gave you?" He asks guiding me to the bed.
"I can't, I've already used it three times." I answer sitting down and hunching over with my head in my hands.
"Come lie down." He says scooping me into his arms and setting me down on the bed. Then he is sitting beside me and shifting me so my head rests on his lap. He starts running his hands through my hair, fingertips massaging my scalp and I feel my muscles relax as I focus on the feeling.
"Better?" He asks after a while.
"Yes, thank you." I answer quietly, worried if I move too much the pain will come back.
"I never thanked you, for helping me, the night..." He stops himself. "I think it reminded me of when I was younger." He says, voice soft and comforting. I keep my eyes closed as I focus on his fingers. "When I was coming into my magic I would get terrible headaches, Oenus did what he could of course but there is only so much when it comes to one's own magic." He continues. "So my mother would lie awake with me for hours on end, she would do this, run her hands through my hair, it didn't matter how late it was or how tired she was, she would come to my rooms and sit up with me until I fell asleep."
"I used to do the same for my brothers and sisters when they were sick, it's why I did it for you, and Aeris...it was the only thing I could think of that might help."
"It did help." He says softly.
"You must miss her."
"I do. I wish I had spent more time with her. I wasted so much of my time buried in books and living in other worlds that I forgot about the one I was living in." He replies and I can hear the sadness and regret in his words.
"She loved you, she would have wanted you to live the life you wanted, doing things that made you happy. She would have known how important reading was to you."
"It was something we had in common, she loved reading as well. She would read poetry, history, romance, a little adventure." I can hear the smile in his voice as his fingers continue to comb through my hair. "Sometimes we would just sit together for hours and read, we wouldn't speak, we would just sit and enjoy the silence and reading together. When she had stopped going out so much I would bring her new books, trying to find something she hadn't read yet." He continues.
I turn, looking up at him and he stops combing my hair and touches my face, fingers grazing my cheek.
"I'm so sorry you had to lose her that way, so suddenly, you didn't even get to say goodbye." I say, feeling the loss and heartache, seeing my own mother and remembering saying goodbye to her.
He smiles sadly, fingertips brushing hair away from my forehead.
"I'm lucky I got as much time with her as I did. And at least now she won't be in pain anymore."
"I'm scared the same thing will happen to you and Aeris, that you will both leave and I will never see you again." I whisper, eyes filling with tears.
"Hey," Alvaryn leans closer, face close to mine. "I promise we will both come back to you, you won't lose either one of us anytime soon. And then when we get back and the war is over we can finally start our future together." He smiles, pressing his lips against my forehead.
There is a knock at the door and I flinch as it rattles in my head.
"Come in Aeris." Alvaryn calls out quietly, fingers returning to combing through my hair.
"Everything alright?" I hear Aeris ask as he enters the room.
Both had spent every night since the death of the King and Queen in my rooms and I was not complaining. I knew I only had a limited amount of time with them before they would leave and I wanted to spent as much of it as possible with them.
"Headache." Alvaryn answers as I feel Aeris weight settle on the bed.
"Dearest," I open my eyes to find his right in front of mine. "Can I do anything?" He asks in a whisper.
"She can't use anymore of her tonic, this seems to be the only thing that helps." Alvaryn answers as I shake my head.
"Didn't you used to get headaches like this?" Aeris asks, lying down in front of me and taking hold of my hand.
"I did, I was just telling Dae about it and how mother used to help." He answers, their voices hushed.
"No I mean, it was your magic, right? When you were coming into your magic, the headaches were signs of it." He replies and I open my eyes, finding his studying me, he smiles, kissing the tip of my nose.
"Yes, every magic has a physical manifestation when it starts to show itself, just like you had your tantrums and screaming fits." Alvaryn answers.
"Right, and Demwyn became restless, constantly fidgeting if I recall the stories." Aeris replies.
I blink, listening to them speak back and forth.
"Correct." Alvaryn says.
"So, what I am saying is, what if this is a physical manifestation? What if Daella's body is accepting the magic and the headaches are a sign of it?" He asks, eyes wide and excited.
"What?" I ask in a whisper.
"I mean, it's possible." Alvaryn replies, fingers stilling in my hair. "I suppose with everything that has happened and how long it's been I just assumed she wouldn't get any of her own magic. But, maybe, maybe it's just taken longer, Quirin said some were more resistant."
"Exactly, so this could be her body accepting the magic and coming into it." Aeris smiles, fingertips touching my cheek. "Has there been anything else?" He asks looking at me. "Have you felt overly angry?" He asks and I blink.
"I don't think so...I mean I've always had a bad temper." I answer.
"This will be different, it will be more overwhelming, more consuming." He replies.
I think to earlier today, when I had been so lost in anger that I hadn't even paid attention to where I was walking.
"Or feeling hot? Like you're going to burst into flames?" He asks growing more excited by the second.
I remember the night I had woken up from a nightmare and felt like my skin was on fire, I had soaked in an ice cold bath and sat by the open window until sunrise.
I nod slowly and he grins.
"Do you know what this means?" He asks excitedly and I wince at the volume of his voice. "Sorry" He whispers as Alvaryn's fingers start combing my hair again. "It means you could have your own magic."
"Well we don't know that for certain." Alvaryn says quietly.
"No, but all the signs are pointing that way. We need to speak to Quirin about it." Aeris replies still smiling at me. "You don't look happy about the idea of having magic." He says, smile fading.
"I..." I don't know what to say or how I feel. "I'm not sure, I'm not fae, I'm not supposed to have magic. Won't it be bad if I do? Others will find out, Quirin would be blamed if they find out about the ritual, both of you would be blamed as well." As the thought settles into my mind the words and fears come tumbling out.
"Shh, shh." Aeris says quickly, hand cupping my cheek. "It's alright, we don't know if that is what is happening. And even if it is, no one will find out. Alvaryn and I won't tell anyone, neither will Quirin."
"I don't even know if I want magic." I whisper, blinking back unshed tears.
"It's alright Dae, like Aeris said, it's just an idea, we don't know if that is what is happening. It might just be your body's way of accepting our magic, that doesn't necessarily mean you will have magic yourself. It could just be a result of having our magic inside of you." Alvaryn says leaning over me. "And even if it is that, you don't have to be scared, it won't change anything, you will still be the same person, and we will be right here with you."
I nod, closing my eyes as the tears begin to fall.
"I'm sorry Dearest, I didn't mean to upset you. I thought it would be good news, that it would mean there would be end to the headaches and we know why there are happening in the first place." Aeris says thumb wiping away my tears. "Are you mad at me?"
I shake my head.
"Are you mad that the only reason you are going through this is because of what we did, without your consent, the ritual?" Alvaryn asks.
I shake my head again.
"Then talk to us, tell us what it going on inside your head right now." Aeris whispers.
I open my eyes, finding his dark endless eyes studying me with concern and fear and love.
"I'm just scared, all of this is happening, and both of you will be leaving any day now. I'm scared that it is true, and I'm going to be here by myself, I won't know what to do or who to talk to. What if the symptoms get worse? What if I do get magic and it comes out in front of other people?" Again all my thoughts tumble out in a rush of scared whispers.
"You won't be alone Dearest, Quirin will be here with you, you can talk to him and he will be able to answer all of your questions. You might have to keep to yourself until we know for sure, just in case. But I mean it usually takes years for a fae to come into their magic, you have only just started showing signs, we won't be gone for that long." Aeris says, eyes open and earnest.
"So this could go on for years? These headaches, and the anger?" I whisper feeling even worse.
"No, no, they won't last the whole time. It comes and goes in stages." He answers quickly.
I hear Alvaryn sigh above me.
"We don't even know if it will be the same for Dae, she's human after all, fae come into their magic around puberty, but symptoms can start from early as ten." Alvaryn says quietly.
"You and Dem said I was running around screaming through the halls from the age of five." Aeris says looking up at his brother with one brow raised.
"You were just an overly emotional and spoiled child, we can't blame all of it on your magic." Alvaryn answers with a smile. "But what I mean is," he continues, turning to me, I blink, looking up at him. "We are out of our field of knowledge in this, this ritual is almost completely unheard of it, Quirin found one book about it and it is limited in its knowledge and written by someone who didn't have much to begin with." He says with a shake of his head.
"You've read it?" Aeris asks curiously.
Alvaryn nods. "Of course, I wanted to know what we had agreed to and what the consequences would be for Dae." He answers.
"And?" Aeris asks.
"And," Alvaryn sighs. "It didn't offer much at all, Quirin is doing his best but it really is just a matter of time. Aeris is right, these might be signs of your own magic coming forward, or it could just be our magic settling inside of you. Either way doesn't change the fact that you are awake and alive and not trapped in nightmares. I know you are scared and I'm not going to lie and tell you I'm not as well. I don't want to leave you to go through all of this alone, I want to be here with you and help you every step of the way. But at the end of the day, you have to see that you are still better off, that the ritual and all the symptoms or signs that you are now going through are there because you are alive and awake. I wish it could be different, that you don't have to go through all of this, or that it never happened in the first place. But Aeris and I need to leave so we can make sure the person who did this to will never be able to do it to another being again."
I blink, looking to Aeris who continues to watch me with concern.
"I know you do." I whisper. "I wish you didn't, but I understand why you have to."
I close my eyes, relaxing into Alvaryn's lap as his fingers continue to move through my hair and Aeris lies in front of me holding my hand.
I am terrified, terrified that what they are saying is true. Terrified that they will leave and everything will change. Terrified that they will leave and never come back.
I don't blame them. They need to leave and I need to stay.
I try not to think about it, forcing it from my mind I focus on the present. I focus on Alvaryn's fingertips massaging my scalp, the way they slide through my hair. I focus on Aeris hand holding mine as the other traces invisible patterns up and down my arm.
If they could leave their home and face an army then I could stay here and face whatever is happening to me.