Prim:
The pounding in my heart won't go away. We are almost back in the Capitol, and there are only a few more hours before the Tributes will be presented to Cato. I have been trying to rationalize everything that has happened today in a way that I can explain it to my husband without him killing someone, but honestly, I don't think there is a way.
I had been sitting with Effie, who, for once, has nothing to say. It's making me uneasy. Usually, she is a professional at filling up the space so much that you can't think of anything but wanting her to shut up, but now... I would give anything to have her distract me from it all.
I'm not sure how long we have been sitting here. Effie escorted the kids to their rooms and then came to sit next to me. She sat down in silence and reached to place her hands over mine.
I am trembling.
I don't know what to do.
I need Cato.
"Primrose," Effie starts. My lips purse together in response. "Prim, please don't worry," she urges, gripping onto my shaking hands. Effie doesn't even sound sure of her own words.
"I just can't believe she did that," I say quietly. "I didn't even know that she could."
Effie ponders the idea. "I have to agree, it seems there should be something in the rules that prevent Capitol children from entering the Games. But then, how were they going to explain away her being reaped in the future?" she asks.
"I think there may have beeen something to do with the agreement Cato made with Snow. Something about us not being born in the Capitol, which makes us ineligible, so she is... I don't know, it was confusing when he told me, and frankly, I was so mad at him when I found out I didn't want to ask any follow-up questions."
Effie tuts and grips my hand tighter. Effie has been a part of our family since I was reaped. Everyone has, so it's no surprise that she is taking this just as hard as I am. I'd thought that maybe she would be a crying mess too, but she made a comment about her makeup, so I stopped listening. I'm sure she will let it all out tonight when she's home alone and the makeup comes off.
I frown, trying to hold everything in, but it doesn't work. I am powerless to the situation, and the only person I want right now is the last person that should know. I burst into tears as the train comes lurching to a stop and Effie wraps her arm around me.
We must have made it back. There is immediate relief with being here. My home is here.
I suddenly feel stupid. How could I have lied to him earlier? I should have just said something when I called him. He could have had a resolution made up by now.
My heart drops to the pits of my stomach. Cato is going to hate me.
I have to find him.
I stand up quickly, reaching to wipe my eyes as Effie stands with me. "What are you doing?" she asks worriedly.
"I need to tell Cato," I respond. "There has to be something I can do." There has to be. Maybe I can talk to Snow? I'm sure he won't be happy that Willow has unknowingly taken fate into her own hands. Maybe I could convince him to put out a statement to get Willow removed from the Reaped pool. If I phrase it in a way that makes it sound like his decision... I don't know.
This is why I need Cato. He would know what to do.
I move to the door, waiting for clearance to open it and find him. I don't think he's gotten word of what happened yet, or I'd think he'd be blowing up our phones by now. If I rush, I could get to him before he gets the names.
"Prim," Effie starts, coming to stand behind me. I wave her away. I don't need to talk to her. I don't need anyone but him.
She huffs. "Prim, there's nothing that you can do!" Effie grabs my shoulder to get my attention. I frown and wave her away again. "There's nothing any of you can do. Prim, she's already been confirmed."
I turn and gape at Effie. Confirmed? What does that mean?
"What?" I turn to Effie.
"She's already been-"
The train doors open and standing at the doors is Cato. He is flushed red and he's fuming.
He knows.
I am suddenly mute.
Cato stands still, his eyes never leaving mine, and I am like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes shoot silent accusations my way, and I know that he's mad that I didn't tell him earlier.
Shoot. I need to do something to calm him down. What do I do? I am unnerved.
"Cato, I-"
Cato puts a hand up, effectively silencing me from whatever excuse I was going to make. He shakes his head once and glowers at me. "I'll deal with you later," he says lowly. Oh no. "Where's my daughter?"
My mouth goes dry, and for the first time ever, I am afraid that he's going to leave me. Please don't do this, I need you. I choke on a sob. "Cato, please," I plead with him. He puts his hand back up and shakes his head at me again.
"Where's my daughter?" Cato asks again, taking his first step on the small set of stairs leading into the train doors.
I look down, defeated. I should have told him. He steps up to block me, staring daggers into my eyes. I don't think he's ever been this angry with me before.
"She's in her room," I answer.
Cato tries to step around me, but I step to the side to block him. I need to calm him down before he gets to Willow. There's no way he isn't also fuming at the fact that she volunteered.
"Cato, please, just listen to me for a second, okay?" I plead again.
"Rose, step out of the way," Cato grumbles.
I stand still.
Cato sighs heavily, balling his hands up at his sides. He's glaring at me again. "Move. Or I will move you myself," he says icily.
"Daddy?" I hear Willow say nervously from behind me. My eyes widen and I flip around to find Willow and Jackson standing at the opposite end of this train car. Willow is wide-eyed and just as shocked as I am to see him here.
Cato zeroes in on Willow. His eyes narrow for a split second, and then he grabs me by my upper arm, yanking me in her direction. I shoot a panicked glance at Willow, whose mouth gapes open, before he's gotten her arm, too. Willow resists against his hold, but his grip is strong enough to hold her steady.
"Cato," I plead again. Cato ignores me, continuing to pull us to wherever he is going. He's never been this rough or demanding with either of us before.
"Daddy, please don't be mad," Willow whispers. Cato pulls us into a random room where there are two Peacekeepers standing guard.
He doesn't even look up. "OUT!" Cato shouts at them. The venom laced in his voice makes my heart leap out of my chest. The Peacekeepers scurry out immediately, leaving us to face our doom alone.
Cato glares at me and Willow as the door shuts behind the Peacekeepers. "Sit. Down," he demands, pointing to the couch behind us.
I frown and sit down quickly, willing him to look at me. If appeasing to his demands will make him less upset, I'll do it. Please, please don't hate me.
Willow is more hesitant to sit. "Dad, let me explain," she tries to reason with him.
I shoot her a look. Now is not the time. She ignores me and turns her attention back to Cato. Willow stands her ground. She's just as stubborn as he is, and I wonder briefly who will win this fight. Cato has the power, but he's a sucker for his girl.
Cato clenches his jaw and glares at her. Looks like he will win. "Willow, I will only tell you one more time. Sit. DOWN!" he shouts at her.
Willow jumps and places a hand on her heart. She pouts, and for a second, I think she may start to cry. Her face sours and she frowns up at Cato with tears in her eyes.
Oh, my baby, don't cry.
I stand, against Cato's orders, and reach for Willow. Willow wraps her arms around me, falling into my embrace. I have to get a hold on the situation before it goes too far. These are two people with big emotions that are used to getting their way, especially with each other.
Now, here we all are, at odds.
"Don't shout at her like that, Cato," I frown at him. He can talk to me however he wants, but she doesn't deserve this, especially after what she's been through today.
Cato eyes me, still pissed. Willow's tears don't seem to affect him this time. "What the fuck happened?" he asks me.
I pat Willow's hair gently as she tucks into me, safe from her father's rage. She curls into me and watches Cato hesitantly.
"I don't know," is all I can say in response.
Cato scoffs. "What do you mean? How can you not know?! My daughter just volunteered for the fucking Hunger Games!" Cato is shouting again.
Willow takes the chance to defend us, though her voice is meek. "She didn't know I was going to do it, Dad. I didn't, either. It just kind of happened."
Cato shushes her. "I will deal with you after." Willow gasps inaudibly; she knows he means it. There's no time for sympathy for her today. What she did was unthinkable to him.
I don't know what to say. Cato paces back and forth in front of us.
"You called me today," he fumes. "I asked you about the tributes this year, and you lied straight through your fucking teeth to me."
"I know," I answer remorsefully.
"And now you have the nerve to tell me not to shout? Willow is a Tribute now, Rose. Did you have no fucking idea how this was going to affect me? Do you not even know who I am?" he rambles.
My lip trembles again. I am lost for words. I am just so sorry, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to cry again...
Willow grips onto me more tightly. I pull her as closely as I can just as she looks up at me. Neither of us have actually spoken the words out loud. She hasn't heard herself being referred to as a Tribute, a Volunteer, or even a victim. It jolts us. I thought that if we just didn't say anything, it would all just go away. But now, it's real, and I see how scared she is. My sweet, brave girl is so scared, and she needs me.
Really, Willow needs the both of us.
I push her hair out of her face as tears pool in my eyes. I'm so sorry. Willow pouts again and then buries her face into me as she begins bawling her eyes out. My heart tugs at my chest and my tears fall into her hair.
How could we do this to her?
Cato's head falls suddenly. He reaches up to rub his eyes before he's frantically pulling my arms away from Willow. He pulls her up and crushes her into his arms, hugging her to him while holding her head to his heart. Willow squeezes him for dear life and begins to wail loudly. Cato moves to sit down, still holding onto her as she cries.
Cato is what she needs. He has always been her hero.
He's been my hero, too. I need my hero.
"I'm so sorry, baby," Cato whispers to her. Willow cries even harder. "I didn't want this to be the life you lived."
Willow sniffles and pulls her face away from his shirt to wipe her nose. "She was only twelve," Willow says in an unsteady voice. "We can't keep doing this to our own people anymore."
Cato nods once. "I know." He cups his hands around Willow's face, using his thumbs to swipe the tears from her cheeks before he kisses her forehead. My heart swells. Willow frowns, seemingly on the verge of tears again with her dad being so sweet.
Cato glances over at me, but still says nothing. I sulk down into the couch, disappointed in myself for lying to him and hurt that he won't give me any attention. I know that he is so mad, but we need each other right now. I need him.
After a moment for Willow to compose herself, Cato switches from a frown to a smirk. "I brought you something, Willow."
Willow sniffles but smiles anyway, looking at him expectantly. How does he always know what to do?
He looks proudly at her. "I was waiting to give this to you for your birthday in a couple of days, but I thought it would be best to just give it to you now."
Cato reaches behind him, lifting his shirt before he pulls out a gun. It's a nice one, small, chromed, and in her favorite color: forest green. Willow gasps excitedly, grabbing the thing out of his hands to inspect it as I begin to protest.
"Oh my gosh, Dad! No way!" she squeals. "You think I'm ready?"
Ready... what? What is happening?
"Absolutely not! Why did you bring her a gun?!" I stand up swiftly. There is no way I am letting her use a gun!
Willow turns to frown at me. I admonish her with my eyes. She mutters a sorry.
Cato sighs, finally looking at me. "Well..." He pauses for a few seconds.
"Well, what?!"
"Well, Daddy has been teaching me how to shoot," Willow admits in a rush before Cato can, turning her gun over to appreciate it.
WHAT?
"Rose," Cato starts, but it's my turn to stop him.
"Are you out of your mind?!" I shout at him. "You've been teaching our daughter to shoot guns this entire time?!"
Cato smirks. "Now look who's shouting," he says smugly.
I glower at him. Now is really not the time.
His eyes narrow back at me. "Well, I taught her everything else I said I would. But yes, I did also teach Willow how to use a gun."
"Why?"
Cato stands with Willow following suit. She is transfixed by the gun, spitting out 'oohs' and 'ahhs' every time she notices something new.
For the first time since he surprised me at the door, Cato smiles at me.
"For the fight," he mutters so quietly with a smirk, "if there will be one. Did you really think I was going to just let them take our daughter?"
What is happening?
"I... I- Well..." I stammer. I don't know what to say.
"Wait," Willow interrupts, finally taking her focus from her gift. She turns to Cato. "I thought you said I would need to learn for the target shooting competition in District 2."
"No," he states. "I know that we've only practiced with targets, but," Cato pauses, placing his hands on Willow's shoulders. "You may have to shoot people."
Willow and I both gape at him. We make eye contact, for a second, she resembles me. She's my girl.
"Dad..."
Cato nods. "Don't look at me like that. You were going to have to do it in the Hunger Games, that you volunteered for," he says, grumbling in the end. Willow frowns and blushes. In the midst of this drama, even I forgot about the reason why we were behind all of this.
There's a sharp knock at the door. Willow jumps and quickly stuffs her newly gifted weapon into the back of her skirt just as Effie's wig peeks its way into the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt the family squabble, but you have my Tribute. I need to get her upstairs; we are on a schedule."
I look to Cato to determine our next moves. Cato moves to stand directly behind Willow. He sneakily reaches for her arm and grabs her while shaking his head at Effie. "No, she won't be staying with the other Tributes. She has a home in this building, you can come grab her from there when you need her for Tribute scheduling."
Effie stomps her foot and stands up tall. She and Cato will never, ever, stopping fighting one another. They work together almost daily for Hunger Games things. In my opinion, it's the most epic battle in history.
"I wasn't asking," Effie responds lowly. Her eyes narrow. She's prepared for battle.
Cato sighs and reaches behind himself to unholster another gun I didn't know he had. He points it directly at Effie's head. "Neither was I," he says back. My mouth drops.
Effie stomps her foot again before she honors her defeat. She makes sure to pout dramatically. "I hate when you do that," she mutters angrily, and turns sharply on her heels before she stomps back out of the room, leaving us alone again. I sigh as I hear her begin to squeal about Jackson's room as she, I assume, drags him away.
Cato smiles proudly as he holsters the second weapon. I'm stunned. "How... how often do you do that to her?" I stutter.
Cato turns to me as if he's shocked I even asked, but then stops to think seriously about it. He frowns. "Maybe twice a week?"
I gasp. Willow cracks up immediately. She, just like her father, finds it funny. Jeez, she's just like him.
"Hey, don't fucking judge. She's pulled one back on me more than a few times," he says while laughing. At first, I'm bewildered, but then I remember that we are talking about Effie. I'm sure seeing Effie with a gun would be hilarious. I wonder if it would match her outfit?
"Anyway, let me take you guys home. You need to get some sleep while I get everything in order."
I nod. I'm too drained to ask questions. I don't want Willow to have the gun, but I want to avoid that fight for now. "At least take that gun from her for now," I say. Cato grabs it from her waistband.
Willow is the first to start to walk out the door. I turn to reach for Cato, but he pulls himself away from me, shaking his head. "Don't. Not right now."
My heart.
I turn to follow Willow out with my head hung low and silently pray that he forgives me. I can't go through this alone.