Y/n grunted as she landed on the roof of a house, her clothes drenched in blood — human or Titan, she wasn't sure. She was panting and as she looked down, she noticed how dull her blades had become.
"Y/n, watch out!"
She looked to her left at Jean's call and noticed a Titan's hand reaching out to her. She quickly triggered her blades and launched herself up. In the air, she quickly released the blades and reloaded her last pair, coming down and slicing the Titan's nape.
She landed back on the roof where Jean had been. "That was so cool!" Jean said and Y/n could almost see the sparkles in his eyes.
Y/n grinned at him. "There's a reason why i was sixth in ranking, Jean-Bo!"
"Yeah, there really was." He gave her one of his soft smiles and Y/n felt her chest tighten.
The moment of tranquility was over too soon as Jean's eyes suddenly widened. "Y/n!"
He pushed her away and she felt to the side, watching as the Titan grabbed Jean, its fist fully enveloping him.
"JEAN!" Y/n quickly got up and tried to trigger her wires but her equipment refused to work. "No, no, no, fuck!"
"Y/n!" Jean yelled and she looked up, watching as the Titan brought Jean up to its face.
Y/n's heart sank. No, this couldn't be happening. "JEAN!"
"Y/n!"
"NO!" Y/n yelled as the Titan opened its mouth.
"Y/N!"
"JEAN!"
Y/n's eyes widened as the Titan took a chunk of Jean, blood and flesh flying everywhere.
"JEAN!"
"Y/N!"
Her eyes snapped open and she frantically sat up in her bed, her hands holding tightly on a piece of cloth — her eyes widely moved around the semi-dark room.
"Y/n!" She heard a familiar voice call out and her eyes finally fell on Jean, whose face was illuminated by a candlelight.
"Jean . . ." Her voice trembled as she spoke. Her whole body was shaking. "Jean—"
"Shh, it's okay," Jean said, putting a hand on her cheek. "You're safe. You're in your room, it's okay."
Y/n looked around, noticing she was in her new room in their hideout. She shared with Sasha, but the girl wasn't there.
"Was it a nightmare?" Jean asked. Y/n looked back at him and nodded. He pursed his lips. "Come here." He brought her in his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder, finally letting go of her blanket to wrap her hands around his back.
This felt familiar. She'd used to get nightmares as a kid, especially after her father had passed. Much like then, Jean had been the one to comfort her during their sleepovers, which were frequent. He'd hold her like that and then they'd talk for a bit and go back to sleep. Except back then, she'd cry on his shoulder. She didn't now. Then again, back then, her biggest problems were the bullies, not human-eating Titans.
It took her a while to calm down her breathing and racing heart. Jean simply held her and ran his hands through her hair, whispering things like, "I'm here" and "you're safe" over and over again.
Y/n didn't talk. Her eyes remained open, fearing she'd see Jean's blood spraying around if she closed them.
"How did you know?" Y/n whispered in his neck so quietly she almost thought he hadn't heard her.
"Sasha tried to wake you up bc you were talking in your sleep but you wouldn't budge. Then apparently you started saying my name and she came to get," Jean explained.
Sasha, always my savior, Y/n thought. How did she always know to get Jean when in distress?
"Where is she?" Y/n asked, still leaning on his shoulder, her arms still wrapped loosely around his lower back. If she could, she would've stayed like that forever.
"In my room. She and Connie are probably asleep again," Jean said. His hand rubbed up and down her spine. She wanted to sleep again. "Sasha said she doesn't mind if we switch for the night."
"That's nice of her," Y/n mumbled, her eyes drooping. "Will you stay with me?"
"Yeah, sure. Move over."
That, too, was something they would do as children. They didn't cuddle back then, but it was soothing just knowing he was there next to her, ready to chase the bad dreams away.
What would she do without him, really?
———
''Just try not to swipe some of this food, Sasha,'' Jean said as he, Sasha and Armin brought in the newly-arrived rations. Y/n walked quietly behind all of them, also carrying a box and trying her best to escape Jean's watchful eye. He still hadn't noticed her yet, which was good. ''I'll have Captain Levi turn you into mincemeat if you do.''
''I won't!'' Sasha argued as the four entered the house. ''Unless . . .''
''What was that?'' Jean called as he placed the two bags he was carrying down. He then looked back, his eyes falling right on Y/n. The girl froze under his gaze, caught in her act. ''Hey! The hell are you doing? Give me that!'' Jean quickly swiped the box from her hands and placed it down. ''You're supposed to be taking it easy!''
''I'm fine! You don't need to keep treating me like a child!'' Y/n scoffed, moving her shoulder a few times. ''It doesn't even hurt anymore!'' Well, it was a little sore, but Jean didn't need to know that.
''Hey! Did you guys clean your shoes before you came in?'' Eren suddenly called — Y/n couldn't help but laugh at the two cloths wrapped around his face.
''What?'' Jean looked back at him. ''No way. How could we clean our shoes while carrying all this?''
Y/n's eyes fell on Sasha as she moved over with her crate. She quirked an eyebrow and followed the brunette as Eren continued scolding Jean. ''What do you think Captain Levi would have to say about that attitude? If I hadn't tucked in your sheets in the morning . . .''
''Would you give it a rest?'' Jean yelled at him. ''What are you, my mom!?"
Y/n peered over Sasha's shoulder, seeing her eyeing the buns. ''You know, if we split, I won't tell.''
Sasha gave her a grin and whispered. ''You got it!''
''We're back,'' Mikasa spoke and Y/n looked back, seeing her with Christa — Historia, right — carrying firewood and an axe.
''Wait, why were you chopping firewood?'' Armin asked.
Y/n turned back to Sasha. ''They're distracted, hurry up!''
''I don't want to get rusty,'' Mikasa explained.
''You were injured by a Titan! You should still be in bed!'' Armin fussed over her.
Jean took the opportunity. ''You hear that, Y/n? That counts for you, too!''
Y/n looked at him and rolled her eyes. ''I'm not doing anything too bad, Jean-Bo!''
''I caught both of them doing sit-ups earlier,'' Eren suddenly said, causing Y/n's head to snap back.
''Hey! Eren, why are you snitching, huh?'' Y/n scowled, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
Jean, however, had other priorities. ''You were peeping on them, you scoundrel!?"
''What part of that sounded like peeping to you!?'' Eren fought back.
''It kinda feels like we're back in the Training Corps,'' Sasha suddenly said, causing everyone to look back at her.
''Yeah . . .'' Armin agreed. ''But why were we all picked for the new Levi Squad? Isn't protecting Eren and Historia too important to leave it to us?''
Y/n had wondered that, too, from the moment they were all told. It was odd that they chose specifically Eren and Historia's friends, but it also made sense — it meant that they wouldn't try to hurt them or give them up to the Military Police or something for money because they cared about them. That and because they were just that good of soldiers, of course.
''It just means they can see we're talented,'' Sasha said and at the same time snatched two bread buns and shoved them in her bag.
''Huh?'' Armin looked at Sasha all of the sudden, causing Y/n's blood to run cold. ''Sasha, what did you put in your bag?''
Sasha looked back at him. ''Nothing remotely resembling bread.''
Y/n audibly face-palmed at her friend. ''C'mon now, Sasha . . .''
''You damn kleptomaniac!'' Jean walked past Y/n and towards Sasha, Eren following after. ''Just put it back.''
''Forget that!'' Eren said, still holding onto his broom. ''We gotta finish cleaning before the captain gets back!''
''Come on, we know you have it,'' Armin tried to reason with her.
Sasha quickly looked at Y/n, raising a hand and pointing it at Y/n. ''It was Y/n's idea!''
Y/n let out a gasp, pushing Sasha's hand down. ''Hey, the hell!? Why're you throwing me under the bus? It was a team effort!''
''Come on, you two, you never learn!''
''We can't afford to waste food!''
Y/n kept her arms crossed as she looked away from Sasha, who seemed quite indifferent about the ordeal.
Silence fell between the group and Y/n looked ahead, seeing Captain Levi touch under the table and bring out his dusty fingers. ''Interesting. I know I gave you enough time.''
Eren face-palmed and Y/n bit the inside of her cheek. Were they going to have to run until they drop now?
''Oh, well . . .'' Levi wiped the dirt away. ''We'll discuss your lax cleaning job another time. Eren, Hange is itching to get the experiment started.''
''R-Right.''
———
''Eren!'' Mikasa yelled as Eren's Titan dropped to the ground, steam emitting out of him.
Y/n blocked her face as the steam hit her, her horse taking a few steps back along with Jean's and Mikasa's. Everyone was geared up, testing Eren's Titan limits. It was his third transformation now and he was much smaller than usual. His body hadn't fully formed either and when Hange pulled him out, his face got torn off, which made her want to throw up.
''Make sure nobody witnesses the test!'' a soldier yelled.
''Yes, sir!'' Jean yelled and he, Connie and Y/n each took off in a different direction to make sure no one was around.
Once everyone had returned, Eren had been brought back to the house they were currently using as HQ. Hange was still there with Moblit, Hange talking while Moblit was rapidly writing something down. Y/n quickly got down from her horse, handing it over to a superior as she approached the two.
''Hange-san!'' Y/n said as she saluted in front of her superiors. ''Reporting! There were no traces of anyone in the south perimeter.''
Hange nodded. ''Good work . . . L/n.'' Y/n nodded and was about to walk away when Hange spoke again. ''Say, L/n, do you happen to be related to D/n L/n?''
Y/n halted in her tracks. It was as if lightning had struck her. She nodded, holding her hands behind her. ''Yes, Squad Leader. He was . . . He was my father.''
Hange's eyes drooped and they nodded. ''I see.''
Moblit walked away, leaving the two in private. Y/n wasn't sure if she should leave, too, but the conversation had been started. ''Did you know him, Hange-san?''
Hange looked up at her and slowly nodded. ''He was in my squad. He was brave, really — transferred from the MPs, right?'' Y/n nodded. ''Right. He always talked about you, you know? You have two siblings, correct?''
Y/n felt a lump forming in her throat, but she nodded anyway. ''Yes. I'm the oldest. My younger brother enlisted in the Cadet Corps not too long ago, too. I have a younger sister as well.''
Hange hummed. ''Right. Leo and Stella, correct?''
Y/n furrowed her eyebrows. ''Yes. Were you two close?''
''I try to get to know all my comrades,'' Hange said. There was a moment of hesitation before they continued. ''Especially . . . the ones who saved my life.''
Y/n's hands trembled behind her back, but she didn't let go of her stance. This couldn't be possible, right? ''He . . . He did? Is that why . . .''
''I'm so sorry,'' Hange said, then saluted back t0 Y/n. ''D/n L/n was a brave Scout who sacrificed his life to save mine. That is a debt I'll never be able to repay. He sliced me out of a Titan's hand and ended up getting captured himself. I was too late to save him. For that I will be forever grateful.''
Y/n sniffed; her throat and stomach hurt and she finally let her stance go, putting her hand over her pocket where her small family portrait lay. ''Hange-san, I—'' She felt the tears starting to stream down her face and she quickly wiped them away. ''I'm sorry, I gotta go. Please tell Captain Levi I'll be back soon.''
''Y/n—''
Y/n ignored Hange and quickly rushed back to get her horse. The superior who was taking care of it yelled in protest, but Y/n ignored him, too. She heard Hange tell him to let her go, which she was thankful for. Then she rode off in the forest.
Dad died to save someone's life. Hange-san is only here because Dad saved her. She came to a stop not too far from the testing grounds and slid down from her horse, tying it to the tree before she leaned against the bark and slid down. The tree was rough against her skin, but she didn't care.
After all these years, she finally had the answer.
She'd gotten over her father's death, of course, but she missed him, fuck, she missed him so much. And now, finally knowing how he'd died, she felt eleven again — she felt like she'd just received the news her father wasn't coming back home, that he was gone and he'd left them behind.
Y/n ran her hands through her hair and pulled her legs close, loudly crying in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't fair that Hange got to live because her father sacrificed his life. It wasn't fair that they got to go back home and he didn't. It wasn't fair that she could talk to Hange now but not her father. Not fair, not fair, not fair, not fair.
But life wasn't fair, was it? Y/n leaned back against the tree, looking up at the tree crowns that covered the sky. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't resent Hange for her father's death. Her father had chosen to save her and be noble, and he lost his life because of that. That was on him. She couldn't just blame Hange because it was easier. Hange didn't deserve that.
Still. A small part of her, the selfish part, had wished it had been Hange.
———
''Shit, Y/n, where have you been?'' Jean got up from the chair he was sitting on, rushing over to her, Sasha following right after. ''We tried to go looking for you, but Captain Levi wouldn't let us.''
''It got late and we started worrying, but Hange-san assured us you were okay and needed time,'' Sasha said, holding her arms. ''What happened?''
Jean's voice dropped as he looked her in the eyes. ''Were you crying?''
Y/n looked around the room — everyone was watching them now. It seemed she'd come back in the middle of dinner. ''Nothing, don't worry about it.'' Y/n gave Jean her I'll-tell-you-later look and he simply nodded.
Looking around again, Y/n noticed neither Hange or Captain Levi were there. Eren was gone, too, probably still recovering. Y/n had wanted to talk to Hange, but it seemed like it'd be another time.
''We set up a plate for you, too, Y/n,'' Armin said.
Y/n gave him a smile. ''Thanks, Armin, but I'm not really hungry. I think I'll go to bed.''
No one questioned her. Everyone bid her good night and as she made her way towards the bedrooms, Jean followed after her silently. They made their way to the room she shared with Sasha and Jean closed the door behind them, watching as Y/n walked over to her bed and plopped down.
''You okay?'' Jean asked as he sat down next to her.
She looked down at her boots, her hair framing her face. ''I found out how my dad died.''
Silence fell between them again, Jean's eyes wide. ''How?''
''Hange-san told me.'' Y/n gulped. ''He sacrificed himself for them, apparently.''
Jean wasn't sure what to say. What do you say to your girlfriend after she finds out why her long-deceased father was dead? Exactly. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her hugged her tight. He expected her to cry, but she just sat there in silence.
He wanted to ask if she was okay, but he knew that wasn't the right question. ''How are you feeling?''
''I don't know,'' Y/n whispered. ''I cried it out when I was in the forest and thought about it. I can't blame Hange for what happened, right? That won't change the past. My dad won't come back now just because I know what happened. It doesn't really matter anymore.''
''It's okay to grieve, though,'' Jean said, rubbing her shoulder.
''Yeah, I know,'' Y/n said. ''I give myself today to grieve. I don't think my dad would want to see me be so sad over his choices. Besides, I doubt Captain Levi would excuse me from my chores over a sob story.''
Jean chuckled along with Y/n. ''Yeah, you're probably right.''
They stayed in silence for a moment. Jean's back was starting to hurt from the position they were in, but he didn't move, not wanting to upset her more.
''Sorry to dump it all on you,'' Y/n said with a sniff and pulled back enough to look at him. ''But thank you for being here.''
Jean pressed a kiss to the side of her head. ''Of course.''
Y/n's whole body warmed up at the gesture. Is this the new normal? Getting kisses after being held? It was odd, but not unwelcome. She'd just never imagined receiving such gestures from Jean. Should I give him a kiss, too? How affectionate does he want to be?
Jean let go of her and Y/n immediately missed his warmth. He stood up and patted her head. ''Get some rest, okay? I'll see you in the morning.''
Y/n gave him a smile and held his hand for a moment. ''Okay. Thanks again.''
''No worries.'' Jean let go of her hand and started opening the door. ''Good—''
Sasha and Connie toppled on the ground, both of them groaning. ''Shit, Sasha, get off me!'' Connie yelled as he shoved her off.
''Ouch! Don't push me like that, idiot!'' Sasha shouted back as she scrambled to stand up, looking between Jean and Y/n in embarrassment. ''Hey guys! How's it going?''
Connie was getting up when Jean grabbed him by the back of his shirt and lifted him up. ''Hey!''
''Were you two eavesdropping?'' Jean asked, getting awfully close to Connie's face, whose eyes widened.
''We weren't! We just happened to be passing by!'' Connie tried to reason with Jean while trying to get away from him. ''Let me go!''
Y/n stood up and crossed her arms, approaching the three. ''Oh, so you just-so-happened to lean on the door hard enough to fall over once it's not supporting you anymore?''
Connie stopped trashing around. ''Well . . .''
''We were just scared you guys were going to . . .'' Sasha moved her hands around. Y/n wasn't sure why. ''To . . . you know.''
Y/n and Jean stood in silence for a moment before they shared a look. As if the realization hit them at the same time, both of them quickly started yelling at their friends. ''What the hell!? Why are you even thinking about that!''
''You guys are disgusting!'' Y/n said, putting her hands over her burning face.
''Tch, get out of here, Springer! It's bedtime!'' Jean said as he started pulling Connie out.
''Well, we did think it was already bedtime for you guys!''
''CONNIE!?''