Once the Theatre of Pain tour ended. Everyone went their separate ways.
Tommy had Heather. Mick had his new girlfriend. Vince had Sharise and Skylar. And you had them as well. But Nikki? You weren't sure who he had when he was home after the tour.
The bassist rarely answered your calls. And when he did answer it was always a guessing game as to how fucked up he was. Some days he was perfectly fine, and you'd talk together for hours. Other days, he was completely off his face and babbled nonsense through the phone until you hung up.
Nikki Sixx was going down a dark path and you had no idea how to help him. Not that he would accept your help if you tried.
It wasn't until a few months later that the band all met up again for Tommy and Heathers wedding.
It was the biggest wedding you had ever been to. There were over 500 guests and Tommy was so incredibly happy, and you were happy for him, despite feeling a little jealous. You couldn't have Tommy. You couldn't have Nikki either. But Tommy deserved to be happy even if it wasn't with you. And Heather made him happy.
The only problem on the wedding day was Nikki. The best man. He was as high as a fucking kite.
When you first arrived at the venue you could instantly tell that Nikki was strung out because he wasn't saying much. Nikki liked to talk. If he wasn't talking, it meant he was fucked up. And as the afternoon proceeded, it became apparent at how fucked up he actually was.
Vince and Mick were the groomsmen and Tommy had asked you to be the grooms-woman, if that was even a proper word. He wanted you to be up there with him and the guys and at first you were a little apprehensive about it. Heather probably wouldn't want her soon to be husband having a girl as a groomsman, especially considering the things you and Tommy used to get up to behind her back.
You should feel guilty about that.
Tommy cheated on her with you too many times to count, but you didn't feel bad about it which should probably be concerning. Any normal person would feel guilty, right? But you were just grateful for the time you got to spend with the drummer, even though it was only short lived.
The guys were wearing matching black suits, so you had gotten a tailored black suit to match them as well. You thought about wearing a black dress but figured a suit would be better to blend in with the other groomsmen.
"I think I'm ready." Heather announced.
You lowered your makeup brush and took one last look at yourself in the mirror. You didn't go overboard with the makeup, just light foundation, black eyeliner and mascara. The scars on your face had faded but were still very visible and made you feel self-conscious even after all this time, but you tried not to think about it.
"Want me to see if the guys are ready?" You asked, glancing over your shoulder to where she was standing across the room with her bridesmaids.
Heather looked beautiful. Her blonde hair was styled nicely, and the long white dress hugged her body outlining her curves perfectly.
Tommy was lucky to have her. It hurt to admit it, but it was true.
Heather smiled, "that would be great. Thanks, Y/N."
You left the room and made your way down the corridor to the room that the guys had claimed as their own when you first arrived earlier this morning.
Thankfully, they were all dressed and seemed to be sitting around on the couches waiting for the ceremony to start. Well, Mick and Vince were sitting. Nikki seemed to be passed out on the other couch and Tommy was fixing his tie in the mirror.
"Heather's ready." You announced, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you guys good to go?"
Tommy glanced over his shoulder at your voice and his face lit up with his usual bright smile as he took in your black suit before nodding.
"Nikki, let's hit it." Tommy announced, still fiddling with his tie as he glanced at Mick and Vince. "Are you guys ready?"
They both nodded but you were too busy staring at Nikki to notice. He had lost weight since the last time you saw him all those months ago. His face now thinner and paler than you remembered.
"Yo, best man. Let's go. I got a wife waiting. Come on!"
Nikki didn't respond though. He was totally passed out on the couch with his sunglasses covering his closed eyes.
You knew his addiction was getting bad. But you wouldn't have thought that he would shoot up during his best friend's wedding.
"You fucking kidding me?" Tommy muttered under his breath before he walked over and lifted the bassist's sunglasses slapping his face gently. "Hey, Nikki. Wake up, asshole!"
"What the fuck, dude?" Nikki groaned, blinking his eyes open.
"Jesus!" Tommy swore turning away and going back to fixing his tie.
"I'm good." Nikki mumbled pulling the sunglasses off his head as he groggily sat up. "It's all good."
"You're most definitely not all good, man. But, whatever, just clean- Hey!"
Nikki tripped over the glass coffee table in his effort to stand, sending the items crashing to the floor loudly as he struggled to his feet.
"Jesus, Sixx." You whispered under your breath watching him worriedly.
It had been a long time since you saw Nikki this fucked up. Not even on tour at the clubs and bars was he usually this bad.
Tommy leant over and grabbed the bassist by the collar of his shirt, "get your shit together. I don't want Heather to be embarrassed, okay?"
"I'm embarrassing? Cool." Nikki slurred taking a sip of his beer that you hadn't realised he grabbed.
"Drummer, come here." You pushed yourself away from the doorframe and walked over to Tommy and motioned to his tie that he was struggling with.
He nodded his thanks as you reached up and began to tie it carefully for him while he glared over his shoulder at the bassist who was now spilling beer while waving his bottle around.
"Let's go marry your fancy ass TV chick in this fancy ass hotel."
"Hey, are you gonna do this on the happiest day of my life, asshole?" Tommy snapped, turning away from you before you could finish as he faced Nikki.
"The happiest day of your life? The happiest day of your life was when I let you join my band."
"Sixx, shut the fuck up." You warned.
Tommy sighed, pulling his half-tied tie completely off in frustration before he turned to look at Mick and Vince.
"Shall I get someone else to stand up there with me or what?"
Vince shook his head, "don't look at me, man."
"I'll do it, Drummer." Mick declared standing up from his seat.
"I-I've already got the fucking rings. Let's just go." Nikki sighed.
Tommy stared at his best man for a moment before he turned and marched out the room without a word. You shared a quick look with your brother and Mick before following him out.
Standing up the front between Vince and Nikki during the ceremony wasn't too bad. The location was right by the beach and the fresh air seemed to be helping Nikki a little, but you had to grab hold of his arm during the vows to stop him from falling over.
He didn't comment on you practically holding him up but seemed to appreciate it though and to your relief, he didn't make any scenes or cause any issues during the ceremony.
After the ceremony, the real party started.
The guys were pretty drunk and having a wonderful time. Tommy had seemed to either forgiven Nikki for earlier or was simply now too drunk to care, either way, the two of them were laughing with their arms around each other's shoulders across the crowd.
Dinner was bought out later that night, some kind of slow cooked meat that usually would have smelt wonderful but only made you feel nauseous.
"Are you okay?" Heather asked, looking over at you as you stared at your plate of food trying not to throw up.
Food never had this kind of impact on you. And you hadn't drunk much either, so why did you feel sick?
"I-I..." You tried to say before you abruptly stood up and rushed off to the bathroom.
You barely made it to the toilet in time before throwing up the little food you had inside. Your stomach churned violently, and you spat into the toilet before flushing away the horrible stench and resting your face down against the cool porcelain lid breathing heavily.
Throwing up wasn't unusual for you. Migraines had that side effect, except, you didn't have a migraine.
"Y/N?" Heathers voice worriedly called out from the main door. "I bought you some water. Are you okay?"
"Yeah." You sighed, pushing yourself away from the toilet before leaning your back against the stall wall just as Heather poked her head around the corner with concerned eyes.
"Here. Have something to drink."
You grabbed the glass with shaky hands and took a small sip trying to wash away the horrible aftertaste.
"You know, my friend used to get sick whenever she smelt pork while she was pregnant." Heather suddenly said, and it took your foggy brain a moment to catch on before your eyes widened.
"What?"
She smiled, "it's okay. I won't tell anyone. How far along are you?"
"I-I... I'm not... I can't be... oh, fuck." You went through a million different emotions within the span of five seconds.
Your period was late. Your pants were getting too tight. That bad food poisoning that lasted for a couple of weeks... holy shit.
"You didn't know?" Heather asked gently a small frown on her face. "If you don't mind me asking, who's the father? I didn't think you were dating anyone."
And then your stomach dropped, and you felt like you were going to be sick all over again.
Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee.
Oh, dear God.
You hadn't done anything with anyone else since... no. This couldn't be happening. This could not be happening.
-
Denial.
That had become your coping mechanism.
Complete and total denial.
That tactic worked, until another month passed, and your stomach was beginning to balloon out into a small bump that was getting harder and harder to hide.
You were yet to take an actual pregnancy test to confirm what Heather had suspected, but you didn't need to. It was pretty fucking clear what was happening despite how badly you wished it wasn't.
Vince was hosting another party at his beach front mansion. The thought of being around drunk idiots while not drinking yourself did not sound fun, but you knew Vince would be suspicious if you didn't show up. So, you pulled on a large jacket and went to your brother's house.
The party was loud and rowdy. It was filled with booze, drugs and too many people for your liking.
So that was how you ended up out on the beach behind his house to get away from all the noise while trying to figure out what the fuck you were going to do.
Tommy was off on his honeymoon with Heather. Nikki was at the party and injecting in the bathroom. And Vince was about five beers down while snorting lines off the table... there was no way in hell you could tell them about this.
You sat on the cool sand under the moonlight watching waves crash along the shore in front of you. Music from the party thumped in the background behind you, Too Fast for Love playing for the fourth time tonight because Vince was in control of the playlist.
"What's going on, kid?"
You glanced over your shoulder to find Mick walking down from the house to where you were sitting near the water. He had a bottle of vodka in his hand but didn't seem half as drunk as the rest of the people in that house.
"Just thinking." You sighed, looking back out at the ocean as stars shimmered brightly in the sky above it.
Mick didn't say anything else before he carefully eased himself down onto the sand beside you, wincing a little at the pain in his back, but he sat down despite it and joined in watching the ocean.
"I've got three kids." He suddenly said after a few minutes of silence and your heart stopped.
He knew.
How the fuck did Mick Mars figure it out?
"I've been around pregnant women before. I can tell." He continued to say as if he could sense your thoughts. "That and, you can usually drink me under the table with rum and you haven't touched it at all tonight."
You chuckled softly but remained silent not knowing what to say.
"Tommy or Nikki?"
And there it was. The golden question you had been asking yourself since the wedding.
"I honestly don't know." You admitted before shaking your head at yourself and wrapping your arms around your knees resting your chin on top. "You must think I'm a horrible person."
"No." Mick answered and he sounded truthful. "None of my kids were planned either."
You tilted your head towards him, "do you regret having them?"
It was a horrible question, but you remembered how the older man had been struggling all those years ago when Mötley Crüe first formed. He went from sleeping on park benches struggling to pay child support to... well, he wasn't on park benches anymore.
"At the time? Yeah. It wasn't my choice, and I was broke." Mick answered honestly. "But now? I can't imagine my life without them."
You nodded, biting your lip as you felt tears starting to rise in your eyes. You quickly looked away not wanting the older man to see you cry.
"I don't know what to do, Mick." You said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I never wanted kids. Tommy is married and Nikki... I don't know. I don't know what to do."
Suddenly, Mick wrapped his arm around your shoulders and gently pulled you into his side without a word and that was all it took before you broke down.
How were you meant to tell Tommy and Nikki? How the hell were you meant to tell Vince? How the fuck were you even meant to raise a child? Sure, you were good with Skylar, but that was different. You had no idea what you were doing, and you had no idea what you wanted to do either.
"It's gonna be okay, kid." Mick whispered, rubbing your back gently.
You leant against the older man and cried silently in his arms, but Mick never judged you for it. He kept whispering soothing words to you and allowed you to let out your emotions.
-
Nikki Sixx was banging on your front door before the sun was even up the following morning.
"Y/N! Open the door! We need to talk." He shouted from outside. "I know you're home. Answer the door."
You sighed, rolling over in bed hoping if you ignored him for long enough, he would simply leave.
You were not in the mood to deal with Nikki's intoxicated state because if he was awake this early that meant he hadn't gone to bed since the party which meant he was either drunk or high or both. Probably both. When you were leaving last night, Nikki was so fucked up. Hell, he could barely walk straight.
"Y/N! Come on!" He continued to shout, knocking loudly against the front door.
Fucking hell.
You sighed before kicking your blankets off and sitting up as a rush of nausea hit you like a truck. Morning sickness was a real bitch.
After throwing up the little contents in your stomach and brushing your teeth to get rid of the horrible taste in your mouth, you were surprised to hear Nikki still knocking on your front door. He was determined, you'd give him credit for that.
Pulling on your dressing gown covering your pyjamas and small baby bump, you made your way across the house and pulled open the front door.
Nikki was pacing along the porch looking stressed out of his mind but also extremely high. That shouldn't have been a surprise considering how much he was snorting last night on top of whatever he had injected in the bathroom.
"Do you know how early it is?" You sighed, rubbing your face with your hands.
Nikki spun around not having heard the door open, and he was marching straight past you into the house without saying a single word.
Okay. That was weird.
You watched him walk to the main room of your house before you closed the front door and joined him, but Nikki was still pacing along the back of the couch, not looking at you.
"What's going on, Sixx?" You asked hesitantly.
Something was definitely wrong.
The bassist eventually stopped pacing and turned to face you properly. He looked wrecked and you knew it wasn't just because of the drugs.
"I had an interesting talk with Mick last night after you left."
Oh. Oh.
Fuck.
"Nikki-"
"Were you ever going to tell me?" He asked, and his voice sounded so broken you wanted to cry.
"I-I don't even know myself. I haven't taken a test." You admitted, despite not needing a test to confirm it.
Nikki nodded, rubbing his face with his hands as he took in a deep shaky breath and returned to pacing the length of your living room. He was freaking out. That was valid, but you had no idea how to calm him down because you were still trying to process it too.
"How-how long have you known?" He eventually asked while still pacing with his arms folded across his chest.
"A month."
"A whole fucking month?!" He whirled around, his eyes wide in sudden burning anger that had you flinching back on instinct. "You've known for a month, and you never thought to fucking tell me?"
You raised your hands to try and calm him but before you could say anything he was already shouting.
"You didn't think it was important enough for me to know? I mean, fuck, Y/N. Does Tommy know? Do you even know who's fucking baby it is? Are you going to keep it, or terminate it? Are you-"
"Sixx, stop! I don't know. I... I... fuck. I don't fucking know!" You shouted back at him matching his anger because if you didn't get angry then you were going to start crying. And you did not want to start crying in front of him.
"Jesus Christ!" He swore throwing his arms in the air in frustration. "What do you fucking know then?"
"I know that you are fucked up right now. So, get out." You ordered pointing at the front door.
"No. We need to talk about this!"
"We can talk once you're sober." You sighed, all the anger deflating out of you as you walked over and opened the door for him. "Go home, Sixx. Get some sleep and come back when you're not high or drunk, okay?"
Nikki hesitated, his dull eyes shifting between you and the door before he reluctantly nodded and left the house without saying or shouting anything further. You had expected him to fight and argue more but were relieved that he didn't.
You were not in the right state of mind for this argument.
Nikki had questions, but right now, you couldn't give him any answers even if you wanted to.
-
A/N: before you all come at me for this pregnancy jump scare, just wait for the next chapter.
This is NOT a pregnancy/baby fic (not that there is anything wrong with those fics) but I know a lot of people hate that trope and I don't want to spoil anything but just trust me and wait for the next chapter.