She laid down on her bed and stared at Sasha's bunk above hers. She thought back to when they were little, to Jean's chubby cheeks stuffing his mouth with omelette, then to their first weeks in the Training Corps, to his annoying smirk and cocky attitude. Now, he was all soft smiles and calm eyes with her, good leadership skills and managing his anger; that was to an extent, but there was evident improvement. He'd grown up, not only in personality, but appearance, too. He had muscles now, he was growing taller, his face was more pointed, but in a good way. He was quite good-looking now, really.
Wait.
No, that was okay. Objectively looking, Jean was good looking. She was his best friend, but that didn't mean she didn't notice his features.
''Y/n!'' Sasha called as she suddenly burst into the room, her hands cupped around her mouth. ''You're gonna miss sending Jean off!''
Right. After they'd returned to the walls, all new recruits were sent off to another Survey Corps base, and after that Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Jean were summoned for a mission. Y/n hadn't talked with Jean since they returned from beyond the walls. Every time she thought about him, she felt more and more confused.
Y/n didn't move, continuing to stare at Sasha's bunk. ''I can't.''
''Huh?'' Y/n heard Sasha close the door behind her. ''What are you talking about?'' Sasha trudged over to Y/n's bed and motioned for her to scoot over, which Y/n did, before Sasha laid down next to her. The two laid shoulder to shoulder in silence for a bit, though Y/n could feel Sasha moving every few seconds. ''You know . . . I've noticed how awkward you and Jean are around each other. Is everything okay between you two?''
Y/n bit the inside of her cheek. They were technically on a leave right now — was there finally time for her to confine her feelings. ''Jean, he . . . confessed his feelings for me.''
''WHAT?'' Sasha sat up, sitting on her legs to look down at Y/n. ''When did that happen? What are you talking about?''
Y/n sighed and sat up as well, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs, then told Sasha about the night Jean had confessed his feelings. ''. . . and I just ran away basically. It's been so awkward since then, the only times we talked was during the mission.''
Sasha tilted her head. ''But . . . don't you like him back?''
Y/n shrugged. ''I don't know. I care about him, of course, but I've always cared for him because we've always been together. I don't know how romantic feelings feel, I don't get that — I mean, how does he know he likes me romantically? Maybe he's just confusing it. I don't know.''
''Hm. Do you see yourself living with him in the future? Getting married?'' Sasha asked.
Y/n looked at the sheets. Of course she'd imagined her and Jean living in the interior before, but never in that way. Of course she'd known they would always be there for each other, but she never thought too deep about it. She never thought things between them would change. She shrugged again. ''I don't know.''
Sasha nodded. ''Okay, then . . . how would you feel if Jean was with somebody else?''
Y/n's eyes widened. If he gets together with another girl, he'll start spending more time with his girlfriend than with me, and then when they get married they might move away and then I'll see him maybe only for holidays, if he even— Y/n's blood ran cold. No, that couldn't be possible, right? Jean wouldn't just forget about her, right? ''I don't . . . I don't know. I don't really want that. I thought it'd always be the two of us, but I never really thought in what way.'' Y/n's eyes finally met Sasha's. We're like two halves of a whole, you know? One doesn't really go anywhere without the other — except now, I guess.''
Sasha nodded again. ''Okay, okay. Now, imagine you're going home after a long day and Jean is waiting there for you with warm dinner. How do you feel?''
''Uh . . . I guess I'd feel hungry? And I'd be glad he cooked,'' Y/n answered.
''Okay, I get that, but I mean, like, how do you feel about the fact that it's Jean that made the food?''
''I don't really trust his cooking, actually.''
''Y/n!'' Sasha yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her. ''That's not the point! How do you feel about him being at your house in general?''
''Oh.'' Y/n felt her cheeks warm up. She looked up as she said, ''I mean, I don't think I'd mind. It'd be nice, I think. Having Jean there . . . I thought it'd always be a given. I always imagined him there.'' They would sit together on their couch after they'd washed the dishes together and he'd hold her as they talked about their days or read or something. Imagining Jean's arms wrapped around her made her feel fuzzy, made her long for his familiar warm embrace. Y/n's blood ran cold as realization started settling in. ''Sasha . . . I think I like Jean. I think . . . I think I have for a while.''
Sasha cracked a smile. ''Aw! That's so sweet, it's almost making me throw up.''
Y/n snorted, pushing her back. ''Shut up.'' She looked at the door then, realizing why Sasha had come in the room in the first place. ''Wait. I didn't tell him bye, I—''
''I think they haven't left yet,'' Sasha cut her off, nodding towards the door. ''Go find him, lover-girl.''
Y/n quickly stood up, putting on her boots. ''Thank you so much, Sasha! I'll see you later!'' She slammed the door after herself.
She ran through the confusing hallways, trying to find her way to the exit. When she passed through the windows, she could see Jean, Armin, Mikasa and Eren outside with a few superiors and she willed her feet to go even quicker.
Panthing, she finally ran through the doors, watching as Eren mounted his horse. ''Jean!'' She yelled as she neared them, causing everyone to look back at her. ''Jean, wait!''
She would've tackled him if Jean hadn't caught her by the elbows to stop her from falling over. ''Y/n, what are you doing here?''
''I didn't say bye,'' Y/n said as she straightened up, holding his arms as she looked him in the eyes. ''And I need to talk to you. I—''
''Cadet L/n, we have to go and you are holding us back,'' a Squad Leader said and Y/n quickly let go of Jean, saluting her superior.
''I'm sorry, sir! I just need a minute, if I may!'' Y/n almost yelled, holding her fist in front of her chest.
The superior was silent for a moment before he scoffed and looked at Jean. ''A minute and no more, Cadet Kirstein. We're already behind schedule.''
''Yes, sir!'' Jean managed to say before Y/n whisked him to the side. Jean made her stop once they were out of earshot. ''Y/n, what is—''
''I need to talk to you.'' Y/n cut him off, catching his hands again. ''There's no time for everything I want to say right now. But once you get back, please. That's why you have to come back, okay? I don't know what that mission is, just don't fucking die on it, alright?''
Jean was speechless. He had an idea of what she wanted to talk about, which made him giddy, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. ''Fine. Of course. But Y/n—'' He quickly brought her into a hug, whispering in her ear. ''They have an idea of who the Female Titan is. Everyone in the 104th is under suspicion for being her accomplice.''
Her eyes widened. Did that mean she was under suspicion, too? ''Are you saying—''
Jean nodded. ''I'm sorry. I know you aren't, so just don't do anything stupid and wait for everything to clear up, okay? And don't tell anyone about this, not even Sasha. If they find out I told you, I—''
Y/n nodded into his shoulder. ''I won't tell, I promise. Just be safe.''
''Kirstein! We have to go!'' the superior yelled.
Jean pulled away, giving her a soft smile. ''Talk to you later?''
Y/n nodded, giving him one back. ''Yeah. Just don't die.''
He nodded and, to both his and Y/n's surpise, pressed a short kiss to her forehead before he walked away, not saying anything. Y/n's whole body burst on fire and her stomach started aching as she watched him go, but didn't call out again, not wanting to get him in trouble with their superior.
Holy fuck. I like Jean.
———
It's so boring.
''My village is just a little ways south of here, you know,'' Connie said as he leaned his head on his palm, looking out a window.
Sasha mimicked him. ''My hometown is pretty close, too.''
Y/n sat between Sasha and Reiner, her arms crossed on the table as she laid her head on them. She watched as Reiner and Bertoldt played chess on an old board they'd been given. The recruits were currently being treated as kindergarteners and it was so frustrating — they weren't allowed to train, nor did they have any access to their equipment. They were dressed in their civilian clothing and had nothing to do.
''Damn. Why won't they let us visit? Maybe I'll sneak out tonight.''
''My family told me not to come back home until I become an upstanding person,'' Sasha commented, causing Y/n to snort and earn herself a slap on the back of the head by an annoyed Sasha.
Connie chuckled. ''Mine told me I was too puny to be a soldier. Joke's on them. Turns out I'm a friggin' genius at it and in the top ten of our class. I gotta go visit so I can make them eat their words.''
Y/n wished she could visit her family, too. She hadn't been able to after the liberation of Trost, and Leo was bound to be joining the Cadet Corps any day now. There was no chance for her to go, though. They were way too far from Trost, so even if she snuck out, there was no chance she'd make it there in the next week.
''Connie. If you're serious about sneaking out, I'll help,'' Reiner spoke.
Connie looked back at him. ''What? How come?''
''Don't you find this strange?'' Reiner asked. ''If we're on standby, why aren't we dressed for it? Why won't they let us train or wear our uniforms?''
Y/n knew why, but she stayed silent. Jean had told her they didn't trust the cadets as someone might be working with the Female Titan, whoever she was, so they had to be under strict watch. She'd promised Jean she wouldn't tell, so she kept her mouth closed.
Every time she thought about Jean, she couldn't wait for him to come back so she could confess her feelings. But what then? Would they get together? How would they act? It's not like they could really go on dates while in the army, in the Survey Corps no less. Then again, they could at least enjoy their little time left together as something more, right? At any rate. at least they would be on speaking therms. It was okay if they only knew about each other's feelings but didn't pursue anything yet, right? That made sense. Then, maybe one day . . .
''And what's worse, our superiors are fully armed.'' Reiner watched out the window. ''We're inside the wall, not on the front line. What are we supposed to be fighting?''
''Well, there are bears in the area,'' Connie pointed out.
''Yeah. Could be bears,'' Sasha agreed.
''All you'd need to deal with bears is a few guns.'' Reiner sat back down in front of board.
Sasha straightened up before she let her head bang on the table, causing Y/n to wince at how much that must've heard. It took mere seconds before Sasha's eyes widened and she stood up abruptly. ''I heard thumping! It sounds like footsteps!''
Y/n straightened up as the whole room looked at Sasha. ''Huh?'' Connie asked.
''What are you suggesting, Sasha?'' Reiner asked. ''If you think there are titans here . . . That could only happen if Wall Rose was breached.''
Y/n shuddered at the thought. That couldn't be it, right?
''It's the truth! I know I heard footsteps!'' Sasha raised her hands in the air looking panicked.
Wiring noises came from outside and everyone turned to the window, seeing Nanaba perched on it. ''Is everyone here?''
Y/n stood up. ''Nanaba?'' She and Christa chorused.
Nanaba opened the window, sounding clearer now. ''We've just learned of multiple titans 500 meters to the south. They're coming this way. We don't have time for you to gear up. Go on horseback and evacuate all nearby homes and settlements. Understood?''
Y/n's blood ran cold. No equipment against titans? Oh walls. Are they so suspicious of us they're ready to let us die?
''From . . . the south?'' Connie whispered.
''Does this mean the wall really has been breached?'' Reiner asked.
''Get going! Sorry, but lunch will have to be delayed!''
All recruits rushed over to grab saddles before running over to the stables. Y/n hugged her saddle close to her chest as she tried to calm her breathing. It's going to be okay. We just have to evacuate the villages, not engage with the titans. Y/n saddled her horse and pulled it out of the stable before climbing on.
They rode away from HQ as quick as they could. ''As soon as the titans reach that grove, we split into four teams of recruits and soldiers, and each team will scatter in a different direction!'' their Squad Leader yelled from the front. Avoid engaging with the titans and focus on evacuating settlements! Is anyone familiar with this region?"
Sasha's hand flew up. ''I-I am! I come from a town north of here! I know this whole area! And so does Connie! Connie?''
''My village . . .'' Connie's eyes were wide as he spoke. ''My village is to the south. On the other side of that swarm of titans. I can guide a group to the nearby settlements. But after that . . . Please let me visit my village.''
Mike looked back. ''All right. You'll guide the southern team.''
''Yes, sir!''
Once the titans reached the grove, the Scouts scattered — Y/n rode along Sasha to the north, one more experienced Scout with them. They managed to warn a few small villages and settlements on the way. ''There's the village! Can you see it?'' Sasha called.
''Is that the last one?'' The Scout asked.
''No! There's still mine. It's deep in the forest!'' Sasha said. ''I'll go there alone!''
Y/n made her horse ride faster so she could be shoulder to shoulder with Sasha. ''I'm gonna come with you! Four eyes are better than two!''
''All right!'' The Scout breached off and moved towards the village while Sasha and Y/n continued ahead.
On the way there, Sasha was silent. Y/n kept giving her worried glances. What was she thinking about? ''Sasha, you okay?''
They were entering a deep forest now. They must be close. ''I haven't been home in three years. I hope they noticed something was off and ran already.'' Sasha's eyes widened as she looked at the ground. Y/n followed her gaze. Footsteps. Titan footsteps. ''All the way here? They've already come this far?'' Sasha whispered in fear.
They made it to an abandoned village, though Sasha seemed quite surprised to see it. There was no one around, thankfully, meaning the people must've already evacuated. Y/n and Sasha tied their horses to a tree and started walking around.
''Everyone must be gone by now, right?'' Y/n asked as she looked at Sasha.
Sasha, on the other hand, was looking to a house. Her eyebrows were furrowed. ''No. I hear something.''
The two girls walked over and noticed a naked figure inside a house — a titan. Chewing noises came from inside and Y/n's blood ran cold as soon as she noticed a skirt and a smaller leg. There was a sound and Y/n snapped her head to Sasha, who's as now holding an axe. Y/n's eyes widened. ''Sasha—''
It was as if Sasha hadn't heard her. She ran towards the house with a battle cry, starting to wack the titan with her axe in the nape. Y/n rushed in after her, stopping at the door with a pant, her eyes falling on the only other figure in the room. ''There's a child . . .''
Sasha's axe flew up and lodged in the roof of the house, causing Sasha to scream in horror. Both girls were now weaponless and had one more responsibility. Sasha stepped back, looking at where the girl was. ''A child?''
The titan didn't move. The woman in his grasp was missing her thigh and was panting. There was no way to save her now, not without any equipment. Sasha cautiously walked past her, apologizing as she approached the girl.
Y/n took action, quickly climbing on a nearby chair and grabbing the axe's handle, lodging it out of the wall — in the meantime, Sasha had grabbed the girl and ran out of the house. ''Y/n, let's go!'' Sasha called and Y/n quickly jumped down, taking one last look at the poor woman — it was a sight she was sure would haunt her nightmares for a while.
The three girls ran through the streets of the village, Sasha holding the girl's hand while Y/n held tightly on the axe, looking over her shoulder every few seconds.
''What's your name?'' Sasha asked. They made it to the horses and the two recruits quickly started untying them. The girl didn't answer, her eyes wide and empty. ''Don't worry. It's going to be okay.''
''What will?''
''Huh? Er, I mean, um . . .'' Sasha turned to face the girl, then her horse started letting out sounds, so she turned back around. ''Steady! Steady . . . '' Sasha turned back around and at the same time her horse ran away. ''Hey! Wait! Please wait for us!''
Y/n's head snapped to Sasha at that, her eyes wide. Her grip on her horse's reigns loosened, allowing her own horse to slip off. ''Hey!'' Y/n's called as she tried to run after it. ''Hey, stop! No!''
Sasha whistled, trying to call back for them, but there was no use. She turned back to the girl. ''There's no cause for concern. Please stay calm. It'll come right back!''
Y/n's eyes were wide as she looked deeper in the woods. It was over. They were trapped, the titan was most likely going to come for them and they had no gear. Sasha was bluffing.
''Why are you talking to weird?'' the girl asked.
Y/n looked at the two. Sasha had told her early on that she had a dialect she was embarrassed about and tried to speak like how they would in the cities because it was embarrassing. She sometimes slipped around Y/n, who didn't really care about it. As far as Y/n knew, the only other people who knew about it were Ymir and Christa.
Sasha looked back at her. ''What?''
Footsteps echoed through the forest — the titan was exiting the house. He wasn't tall, but without gear, they stood no chance. Stupid Female Titan, stupid Scouts, stupid traitors. If it hadn't been for them, they would be geared up right now. They would stand a chance.
Sasha looked around in panic before she grabbed a bow and arrow from a nearby crate. She looked back at Y/n. ''Start running!'' Sasha called and grabbed the girl's hand before dashing off. Y/n yelped before following, holding tightly on her axe. ''It'll be okay!''
''Why? Everyone else ran away,'' the girl spoke. Both Y/n and Sasha looked back at her. ''They all knew about my mom's bad legs. But nobody came to help. And I just watched.''
Neither of the girls knew what to say.
They reached the moving bridge and Sasha threw her arrows over before helping the unknown girl climb up. The titan was nearing as Y/n and Sasha climbed over and then the three continued running. ''It'll be okay!''
Y/n looked back, hearing the bridge snap. The titan was hanging off, trying to crawl up. ''It's stuck!'' She called. Maybe. Maybe there was hope. Maybe.
''It's okay.'' Sasha smiled as she said that, looking back at the girl. ''Hey, listen up. You'll be fine. Run straight along this path — stay with Y/n. She'll make sure you won't get hurt.''
Y/n's eyes widened and her head snapped to Sasha. ''What are you talking about?''
Sasha gave her a determined smile. ''Just trust me on this one. Keep her safe!'' Sasha yelled as she dropped the girl's hand and spun on her heel, aiming her bow and arrow at the titan. Y/n cursed under her breath as she grabbed the girl's hand and pulled her back, watching as Sasha faced the titan. ''Get'cher asses movin'!'' Sasha yelled, her dialect slipping out.
Y/n huffed and grabbed the girl's hand, pulling her away again. She looked back, watching as Sasha stood on a higher ground now as the titan approached her. No. No, I have to go back. I have to help her. Fuck! She looked down at the girl. ''Keep running and don't look back!'' Y/n called and let go of her hand. The girl gasped, though Y/n didn't look at her as she ran back towards Sasha, climbing up on the small hill where Sasha was currently being hugged by the blinded titan. ''FUCK!'' Y/n called as she hit the titan deep with the axe, giving Sasha the chance to push its head up and slide down the hill.
Y/n let the axe in the titan's neck and jumped down, stumbling before Sasha grabbed her arm and pulled her ahead. Sasha looked back at her. ''That was so dumb!''
Y/n scoffed. ''Says the one hugging a titan!'' She retorted back, finding her footing and running side by side with Sasha. ''You good?''
''Never better!'' Sasha called, letting go of Y/n. ''Now, we gotta find that girl!''
Hooves hitting the ground filled their ears — were their horses back? The two girls looked up to see a horde of horses, people riding them. The man in the front looked at them with wide eyes. ''Huh? Sasha?''
———
Y/n rode next to Sasha along the people from her village. Both of them were near her father in the front. ''We've been goin' around givin' horses to everyone in the area,'' Sasha's dad said. ''That girl told us some people were still back there. Who coulda guessed it was you? You fought back a titan to save that girl, didn't you? Sasha . . . you've really grown up.''
Y/n noticed the small smile on Sasha's lips. She'd told her before what had happened when she'd left to join the military and how terrified she'd been of coming back home.
Looking up, Y/n smiled a little herself. I hope you're proud of me, too, Dad.