TW: self harm, suicide
Y/n pov:
Almost 3 weeks have passed since I've moved here and met everyone. We have had a lot of fun just goofing around, making videos, and just hanging out. Johnnie and I have gotten closer. Tara and I are still best friends, I'm very thankful for the friendships that I have gained wile coming to LA. Tara and I are going to go shopping today!
I start to get dressed I put on a black long sleeve dress that the top of the sleeves hang over the shoulders and throw on a black velvet corset. The dress is pretty short so I put on fishnets as well and some black books that go to mid calf. I go to the bathroom and start doing my makeup and hair routine. Nothing too different just the usual.
We decided to take my car because I also really need to clean it wile we are out. It's been so dirty from moving it just needs done. I walk into the living room and Tara is still getting ready. I pull out my phone and I see a message from Johnnie.
"Good morning "
We have been messaging everyday ever since the second day we had actually met. It's been pretty nice. I go to message him back but he had already sent another message.
"What are you up to today?"
"Tara and I are going shopping then nothing else the rest of the day if you guys want to come over after I'm sure we can find something to do"
"Sounds good! Have fun :)"
I stay looking at my phone smiling and Tara comes walking out of the bedroom
Tara:"what are you smiling at?"she said with a smirk but also confusion.
Y/n:" oh nothing" I pause for a minute "Johnnie and Jake are coming over when we get back" after I say that I grab my car keys and do a little skip to the door and look back at Tara as she has one eyebrow raised at me.
Tara:" someone seems a little happy"
Y/n:"hmmm" I hummed and walked out the door.
We get in the car and I hand Tara my phone so she can play music and put the address into the gps. "Gives you hell" by the all American rejects come on and we go into car karaoke mode. Passing the air microphone back and forth to each other just laughing. We get to rue 21 (Tara's choice) and I park the car
Tara:" hey Johnnie texted you"
Y/n:" what's it say?" I ask looking at her
Tara:" here" she says smirking handing the phone over to me.
I looked down at my phone and it says
" I cannot wait to see your pretty face today;)" I smile again and start blushing. I message back,
"I can't wait to see yours either:p" I put my phone down still smiling and look over at Tara to see if she's ready to go in. She's looking at me with a wide smile almost jaw dropped.
"What?" I asked shoving her playfully because I
already knew why.
"You and Johnnie?" She says shoving me back a little harder.
I roll my eyes and get out of the car and start walking into the store.
"Ahhhh so cuteeee!!" Tara squeals.
I chuckle following behind her. This girl loves shopping it's not like she really needs anymore clothes. She pretty much has a whole clothing store as a closet.
"Are you wanting to get anything?" She asks wile filing through the clothes on the rack.
"I don't really need anything " I say standing back just enjoying the time out.
She rushes over to a whole wall of bras and grabs a couple. I hate bras I probably only own 5 most of the time I don't wear one.
"Y/n" she says holding up a very lacey black bra and thong set.
" you should get this" she smirks
"Why?" I say with an attitude
"For Johnnie" she winks and hands it to me
"We are not even a thing" I say putting my hand on my face walking away a bit when I hear he say quieter
"Not for long"
"What was that" I turn back to her
"I said not for long"
"What makes you say that?"
"Let's just say Johnnie talks a lot about you to Jake, and Jake tells me everything"
Wait Johnnie talks about me... I know he likes me but I didn't think anything would ever come of this. We do flirt hardcore with each other even around people so it is quite obvious.
"Earth to y/n" Tara chants
Y/n:"Sorry I was thinking"
Tara:"Day dreaming of Johnnie"
Y/n:"shut upppppp" I say walking away again.
Y/n:" I'm going to the car hurry I'm so over shopping"
Tara follows up to the front to check out and I get into the car. I pull out my phone and scroll through social media. I haven't posted pictures in a wile on instagram. I open instagram and start to add pictures.
The first one is a picture of the road from my trip here, the second one is a picture of Tara and I late one night making cookies, the third one is a group picture of Tara, Jake, Johnnie, and I wile we was streaming, and the last one is a picture of me covering my face standing by Johnnie, it's kind of blurry because we all was walking and the picture was taken by Jake but it looked cute. Johnnie was smiling looking at me.
That day was very fun we all went to the park and I don't think I have ever laughed as hard as I did that day. My friends.... My friends have made everything a lot better in my life. I haven't been in my thoughts I've laughed more than I probably have in my whole life combined.
I go to put a caption on the post
"✨these people have made my life a lot better the past few weeks. I'm thankful for the new beginnings✨"
I tag all 3 of them and post it. Tara opens the door at that time and gets in. She looked over and says
"You ready to go home?"
"Yup" I say and start driving.
* about half way to the house*
Tara:" so the boys are already there they are just sitting around"
I just nod and keep driving. I really can't wait to see Johnnie. It's been maybe 2 days although we text everyday the way he's blue eyes sparkle when we talk and it feels like he is looking in my soul deep into my eyes. Ugh it gives me butterflies.
Tara just blurts after a wile.
Tara:" you make that picture of us look 100x more beautiful"
Y/n:" huh? Stop it" I say giving her a smile
Tara:" no y/n, that's what Johnnie said on your post!"
My jaw dropped
"No way let me see" I say pulling her arm.
I look at the comment and my smile just gets wider I start to blush.
" you need to make a move" she said do me more of a command.
"I don't even know how" I say putting my head down
* fast forward to arriving home*
We get out of the car and start walking in, Tara opens the door and runs to Jake and kisses all over him.
"Hey guys" I say standing there smiling
I get a unison of hellos back.
"We will be right back" Tara says pulling Jake away to her room.
"That's weird" I say looking over at Johnnie who hasn't taken his eyes off of me since I walked in.
"What is it?" I question sitting down next to him very close.
"You- you look amazing" he says putting his hand on my arm.
"Thank you, you do too as always" I say winking at him.
I had forgotten what I was wearing, I look down and see I'm not in my usual attire of a band t and jeans. I'm wearing my dress. I look over at Johnnie and he's wearing a mcr shirt and black jeans, his hair is messy and usual but in a cute way.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asks
"Let's go!" I say as we both stand up and walk out the door.
Neither of us say anything the whole walk. We get to the park down the road and I make eye contact with the swings
"I'll beat you!" I say running at the same time
"Fuck youuu" he says playfully chasing behind me.
I get to the swings and sit down. Of course I beat him there. He stands behind me and starts pushing me. Still no words were said so I broke the silence.
"It's nice seeing you"
He stops me from swinging and looks at me. I felt the butterflies again his hands right above mine on the chains from the swing and his face maybe a foot from mine.
" can we talk" he asks as he puts his hand out like he's asking me to grab his and follow
"Sure" I say grabbing his hand to get off the swing and follow him still holding on to his hand.
We walk over to this big tree that the branches hang over so low it's like a curtain. It's in a real shaded area. He sits down and pats beside him calling me to sit down.
" what did you want to talk about" I ask shy like looking him in the eyes never once breaking eye contact.
" do you feel anything about us?" He says holding both my arms looking at me as well.
" I like you Johnnie, I like you a lot. It's weird having someone with the same interests as me." I say
" did you really have no friends at all back in Ohio?" He questions as if I was lying before.
" really, I was such an outcast" I say looking down at the ground fidgeting with the grass.
"So is that the only reason why you have been so sad in the past?" He ask as if he genuinely wants to know and cares. I stay quiet for a minute.
" no... not fully"
"Can we talk about it?" He questions again.
I proceed to tell him about my brother who had passed away, about being bullied in elementary school. I tell him about my parents who was never really there for me, I'm the middle child and way different from any of them. How for the longest time I was mentally abused by my mother and father to where I'd self harm and I'd be manipulated into thinking it was my fault all along. I'd been to multiple psycwards. Then I tell him about my first suicide attempt after my brother had passed away.
Then I tell him about my most recent one, a week before I moved here. The week before I had moved here I had tried and take my life, things were getting really bad at home. More of the mental abuse again. My parents tried to seem nice and accept me for who I was because I assume they felt guilty for what they had done but didn't want to admit it. But the gaslighting never stopped. They blamed me a lot for my brother's death.
"I'm so sorry y/n" he says moving his hand closer to my face moving a strain of hair from my eyes with a few tears falling from my face.
" my father passed away when I was younger" he says to try and relate.
"Loosing someone you love is very hard" I say leaning my face on his hand that was still there.
" I also have an ex girlfriend that cheated on me a few years ago" he said wile rubbing circles on my cheek.
" no one should have to deal with that" I say looking at him.
" I've never been in a relationship"I say kind of ashamed
"Why do you seem so down about that?" He asks
" I feel lame"
"You're not lame, I think you're really cool. You just never had someone as cool as you" he says smiling at me trying to lighten the mood after all we had just talked about.
"Thank you, I don't think I'm cool an anyway what so ever but I appreciate it" I say looking at him
We stay staring at each other and stay in silence again. He still has his hand on my cheek rubbing circles. He puts his other hand on my other cheek and gets closer.
My heart drops and I feel so many flutters in my stomach. Johnnie is so attractive and he makes me feel good. I've never felt this way, I've never even had a chance to feel like this. I see him slowly lick his bottom lip and blinking a lot more. He looks very nervous.
"Kiss me" I say moving in a little closer. He pulls my face towards his with his thumbs on my cheeks and the rest of his fingers cradling my neck. Our lips touch and it started slow soft kisses and I decided to rub my tongue on the entrance of his lips, he opens to allow me in as I explore his mouth. He shoves his tongue into my mouth and does the same. I pull away
" Johnnie" I say in a flustered voice
"Did you not like that?" He questions
"I like that... a lot" I say moving my hair from my face again.
"Why don't we get going back I'm sure Jake and Tara are wondering where we went" he says standing up with his hand out.
We walk back to the apartment Johnnie holding my hand as we walk very close together. Before we open the door I stop and say
"That was very nice" looking him in the eyes. He smiles holds my hand tighter
"Y/n I have a lot of feelings for you, I just need to think about this I need to talk to Jake " he leans down and gives me another kiss really quick before the door opened.
It was Jake, his jaw was dropped. He just saw us kiss. We walk in past him not realizing we still were holding hands. He lets go and I go sit by Tara.
"Are we just acting like I didn't see that" Jake says still standing there baffled.
Tara:" well I saw you guys holding hands"
Jake:" you guys was actually kissing at the door" he says with his jaw still about dragging the floor.
Tara:" OMG!" She yells with her hand over her mouth.
Johnnie and I are blushing so hard. I think they are being quite dramatic.
Johnnie:" well at least you didn't see us making out"
Y/n:" omg" I say covering my face.
Tara:" told ya" she says nudging me on the shoulder.
Johnnie comes and sits by me and whisper's
"I'm going to go talk to Jake a minute about what I told you before we came in. I need to get my head straight."
"Okay" I say grabbing his hand a little and letting go
As he gets up he puts his finger on my nose as a little boop.
Him and Jake walk into the other room. I look over at Tara and she is just as baffled as she was when we came in.
"You have to tell me everything" she says turning towards me.
🫶🏻Sorry a very long chapter again. Let me know if you'd like shorter chapters. I feel so bad they are almost 3000 words long but I'm getting really invested.
Word count: 2640