*edited*
I had just finished my debrief papers from the ordeal with Valentine and Johnathan. I still couldn't remember what he looked like. I didn't know why. He was familiar. I knew that. A pain shot through my head if I thought too much
"Argh," I rubbed my temples.
"I don't think the screens are doing you much good," Magnus added. I turned smiling at him.
"Alec, called you didn't he?" I asked. Magnus raised his hands in the air.
"You can't blame him. You've been through a lot. He just wants to make sure that you're okay. From all angles," Mag smiled. "So other than angry with paperwork, how are you, Lilly?"
"I'm fine. I wish I could go out on assignment, but I guess I'm benched for a while," I grabbed the papers and put them into the folder.
"And that's a good thing. You need some time to rest. Just to let everything sink in," Magnus said. I stood up from the desk shaking my head.
"It's already sinking in Mag, but I can't do anything about it. It happened. Now I'm here. I'm trying to figure out where my brother is." I walked down the hall with him following me.
"How is that going by the way?"
"Dead end," I shook my head. "It's making me angry. It also isn't helping that I'm stuck here."
"What else is there for you to do?" Magnus asked.
"I don't know!" I yelled. He gave me a sad smile as I rubbed my face. "I'm sorry. I don't know. There isn't anything for us to do because I didn't get anything. I failed."
"You didn't fail Bean," Mag muttered. "You were injured."
"I could have done something. Anything. I'm smarter than that, Mag. They depended on me and I failed them," I shook my head as I walked to Alec's door. I knocked lightly.
"Lena," He smiled. I came in setting the papers on his desk.
"I finished the paperwork," I crossed my arms. "Have you eaten anything yet?"
"Thanks and I—uh," He looked at the time making me smile.
"I'll go grab us something," I patted his shoulder. Magnus was leaning against the door giving me a soft smile.
"Wait," Alec stood up. "I'm sorry I haven't seen you much today." He gently touched my arm.
"It's okay. I had paperwork to do and you have people to lead," I smiled. He took a deep breath brushing his thumb across my jaw.
"You're perfect," He leaned forward and kissed me.
"I'll get your favorite," I whispered.
"Mm, I love you," He kissed me again. "Mag is going with right?" I stared at him.
"He is, but Alec, I'm not fragile. I can handle myself I promise," I gripped his hands tightly. He let out a long breath.
"I know, I know," He kissed my forehead.
"I'll be back soon."
"We! We will be back soon," Mag interrupted as I looked at him.
"Sorry forgot you were there Mag," I laughed.
"It's alright Bean," He hooked arms with me as we walked. I saw Isabelle heading for him. She was angry. I didn't stop her as she walked into his office.
"We should go." I nodded as we both left the institute. "Okay, you're free. Now, tell me how you're really feeling?"
"I'm angry," I admitted. "I'm angry with myself."
"About Johnathan?" He asked.
"And the miscarriage. Alec assures me that he isn't hurt by it. That he agreed with my point of view on us being too young and it is the wrong time, but Mag. I just feel like I failed him. I shouldn't have gone on the mission. It's just a bunch of what-ifs that I can't do anything about. And the Johnathan thing," I laughed looking up at the street lights.
"Everyone is asking me what he looked like. They are trying to get everything out of me, but I don't know. I can't remember. I can't remember why I can't remember. I know other things. Like some of my childhood memories, but I can't remember what he looks like other than a burned monster."
"Do you feel anything for Jonathan? I remember you telling me that you remember being with him for a time while you were younger. I know you went missing for a while when you were younger, but I didn't know you were with your brother. When you came back you were so out of it." Magnus shook his head. I hooked arms with him.
"I'm not sure. I want to, but the way he speaks. How he acts." I said. "He's a demon through and through. I thought I was bad, but his outlook has no conscience. He doesn't care who he kills."
"But he cares for you?" Magnus asked.
"If you can call it that. He called me Sissy. It was familiar. Like I knew him. I remembered him for a moment." I shook my head. "He's not the same person from my childhood, but I could see through his eyes. His black eyes that there is a part of him that just wanted to be loved by his father."
"That's the empath in you," Magnus said.
We paused our conversation as I ordered Alec and I's Thai food. It wasn't as busy as it normally was in the small corner shop. It was a little after dinner time so most probably already came to get their food.
"Back to our lovely conversation," I muttered. "I feel like no one trusts me anymore. I don't come through like I used to. I can't do anything."
"You do more than enough for people to trust you, bean. At least the people that matter," Magnus said. "You are a great shadow hunter. Arguably better than Jace, but he won't be seen that way now that he's a Herondale."
"If I'm so great, then why can't I think straight anymore," I sighed.
The man called my order so I stepped forward grabbing the bag from him. Magnus walked with me in silence for a moment. I didn't know the answer to my own question either.
"It's the whole pregnancy thing. I think."
"It threw you off balance. You thought your ground was good until it shifted and now you're spinning," Magnus muttered. I nodded.
"I'm spinning and I'm losing touch with what I used to have," I admitted.
"Not with your Sister or Isabelle. You still have Alec." Magnus added as he opened the gate. "And me." I walked through.
"You know that's not what I mean. I mean I don't really know who I am anymore. This is a new me. A new person. Everything is different. Well except for the Clave's opinion of me. Lena Morgenstern. Abomination and destroyer of the soul sword." I shook my head. My eyes fell to the ground behind us. Where I destroyed the sword. It was in the middle of the part of the cemetery. "Thank you for letting me rant Magnus. I know it just keeps repeating, but it's still there."
"Anytime Lilly, you are no bother to me. Have a good dinner," He kissed the top of my head.
I walked back inside moving through the people. Alec was staring at his desk with his arms crossed.
"That's never a good stance," I laughed. He smiled and looked over at me.
"No it's just family," He shook his head.
"Isabelle?" I asked. He stared at me. I set the food down on the other table as he came to join me. "It's not parabatai. It's just her storming down the hallway earlier."
"Yeah. Max is ready for his first mission." He helped me unpackage the food and display it on the table.
"That's amazing," I smiled. I've only spoken to him a few times, but he's been busy training under Isabelle.
"Yeah, but Isabelle is worried for him. Since Kaelie almost killed him, she doesn't want him out in the field yet. Not until Valentine is captured and nothing is at stake," He rubbed his face. I gave him his food watching his shoulders relax for a moment.
"Well, that's your decision and his. If you think he is ready then he's ready. You can't keep him hidden from the world forever. You have to trust that he's capable of handling himself. He's proven himself right?" I asked. Alec ate a bite of food and nodded.
"He has. He excels in everything," He muttered.
"Mmm the lightwood way," I smiled. Alec leaned into me. "Then he has proven himself. You'll never trust him if he doesn't get to go out on a real mission." He set his food down and looked at me.
"He's my little brother," Alec said. "If anything happens to him it would be on me."
"I know, but Isabelle will have to realize that either he's going out on a mission you assigned or he will go out on his own and risk his own life to prove that he's ready," I explained.
Alec's eyes moved over my face searching. This wasn't just about Max anymore and I just realized that.
"I love you." He smiled.
"I love you more, now eat your food before it gets cold," I laughed.
He smiled as we both ate just talking about our day. We were trying to plan for dates in the future, but it was most likely going to be like this. Alec always has work now that he's the head of the institute. He's been busy, but I'm proud of him. I'm happy for him as long as this is what he wants to do, I will support him.
***
"Dot," Clary and I walked toward the warlock. "What are you doing here?"
"Girls," She smiled. "I didn't know who to trust so I came right here?" She whispered stepping closer to us. "Have you heard from Elliot?"
"Elliot Nourse?" Clary and I both asked. Dot nodded.
"No, not since he quit Mom's shop and started his own," Clary explained. "Dot, what is it?"
"I think something terrible has happened to him," She looked fearful as she rolled up her sleeve. "And I'm worried I might be next." She showed us her wrist. The protection mark.
"Come on," I grabbed her arm.
We had to get her somewhere safe since we still didn't know exactly who Johnathan was. We had to bring her somewhere to talk privately. Jace left to grab Alec. He came out fast as we walked down the hall.
"Elliot was one of my Mom's best friends," Clary said.
"He introduced me to Jocelyn," Dot smiled.
"And now you're concerned he's in trouble?" Alec asked.
"The mark on Dot's arm is a protection spell," I said. The group walked into a separate room closing the door. Clary and I stared at one another.
"It's a sigil. It only transfers to another warlock if something terrible has happened," Dot muttered. She looked at all of us.
"Whatever he's guarding must be pretty important," Alec crossed his arms. Dot looked over to Clary and me. I nodded and looked at Clary, she did the same. We knew what it was guarding.
"It's the mortal mirror," She said.
"Jocelyn had it," Jace breathed.
"I know it's crazy the mortal cup and the mirror," Clary shook her head. "I guess Mom knew that Elliot would of done anything to keep it safe. As a warlock, he can protect it better than anyone. She entrusted him with its location."
"And now Elliot has entrusted me," Dot breathed.
"So you know the current location of the mortal mirror?" Alec asked. Dot tilted her head.
"Sort of," She said. "These lines coordinate to specific ley lines in the city." She showed her wrist. "I can figure it out, but it'll take me some time."
"We have maps for all the ley lines. We can help you," Alec offered.
"And we can protect you from Johnathan and Valentine. With those marks on your wrist. It's only a matter of time before they come for you," Jace explained.
"Comforting," I gave him a tight smile.
"Jace and I will go to Elliot's shop and see what happened?" I said. Jace nodded.
"I'll go too," Clary reasoned. She grabbed Dot's hand. "You'll be safe here."
"Be careful," Dot said She gave me a tight smile and reached for my hand. "Lena, would you stay with me? I would feel better if one of you was with me." I took a deep breath but nodded.
Sidelined once more.
"Of course," I said.
Jace and Clary were quick to leave as I brought Dot into a different room while Alec got us tablets. I could at least try to be helpful.
"Lena," Dot muttered. I looked up at her. "I just want to say thank you."
"For?" I asked.
"Everything you've done," She gave me a tight smile. "I know growing up we weren't close and it seemed like I hated you."
"You did," I crossed my arms.
"It was a misunderstanding." Dot reasoned. "The things I was told about you. About what you did before coming back to your family. In my eyes, you weren't an innocent child anymore. Even if you pretended to be."
"Except I wasn't pretending," I said. "They took my memories. Wiped everything from me."
"I know that. I now, know that you would do anything for the people you care for. Even me. Who your entire life hasn't treated you fairly," She gave me a tight smile. "You sacrificed yourself for the downworld. The soul sword is destroyed. And here you are better than ever. I'm glad you're happy now." Her words were true even if it took her a while to get them out. She meant them. I nodded.
"Thanks, Dot."
"Here you are," Alec came back in with two tablets. He handed it to Dot as she got to work trying to figure it out. "I'll be down the hall." He whispered to me. I nodded as he let his hand fall from my lower back.
"Alright," I sighed.
Dot and I sat close to one another looking at her wrist and then searching over the ley lines. A few words were exchanged here and there about what looked familiar or what could add up to the lines on the sigil.
"Find anything?" Alec asked.
"We're getting closer to narrowing down the location," Dot muttered. I zoomed in on another ley line.
"Do you understand that once you retrieve the mirror, it becomes the property of the Clave?" He asked. I laughed a little getting an odd look.
"Always straight to the point," I smiled.
"You think I want anything to do with this?" Dot asked. "The only thing I care about is stopping Valentine."
"No, I—I didn't mean to—."
"I'm sorry, but I've lost whatever faith in the Clave I had left. So when I retrieve the mirror it will become the property of the Fairchilds. They are the only two I trust with it. You both can do what you want with it." She told me. I nodded slowly understanding her reasoning.
"Fair enough," Alec nodded. "We've had too many security breaches recently, so I'm limiting your escort to Jace, Clary, and Lena. You'll be safer that way." I gave him a tight smile as he nodded.
"Thank you," Dot breathed.
"It's Jonathan," Clary came in.
I turned to look at her and Jace. Sebastian coming in behind them. I stared at him for a moment. His face was familiar. He avoided my eyes.
"He's the one who went after Elliot."
"He's looking for the mirror," Jace said.
Sebastian looked down seeing what Dot and I were working on. I moved her tablet up so he couldn't see it.
"Sebastian, thanks, but uh—we're good here," Alec said. He realized that I didn't want him in the room anymore.
"Uh, If I could be of any assistance. I'd be happy to help," He offered. I turned to give Alec a look. He didn't even look at me, he already knew. I loved that man so much.
"Thank you, but we've got it covered," He explained. His expression was flat as Sebastian left. I watched him leave. Annoyance and anger in him as he left. Something about him was just—."
"Lena?" Alec asked. I turned back to him.
"Sorry, yep on it," I saluted.
I looked at the tablet again diving right back in with Dot. After another hour we'd narrowed it down to three locations.
"So you've narrowed it down to these three locations?" Clary asked. I crossed my arms and nodded.
"Yes, here, here, and here," Dot circled three places on the sigil map we created together.
"Wait a minute, Lena," Clary pointed to one. "That's the park we used to go to when we were little. We used to go there when we were kids. She'd pack a picnic and watch me sketch for hours."
I looked at the ground as she explained. She clearly didn't remember any of that clearly. Something about that place just made me want to crawl in a hole. Anything involving Jocelyn usually did.
"She would have hidden it somewhere you would remember, just in case," I pointed out. Clary nodded.
"It's gotta be there," She agreed. Dot let out a long sigh.
"Finally and then I can be done with this." She cleared the monitor.
"Let's go," I grabbed my stele twirling it in my fingers.
I was ready to get back out into the field. Dot and I stood near the entrance waiting for Jace and Clary to finish gearing up. We saw Clary create a portal with her rune magic.
"Someone's in a rush," I smirked. We four stepped through appearing at the park. It was dark and foggy. A great atmosphere.
"Pleasant." I breathed.
Dot gasped as we turned to her. She lifted her sleeve looking at the mark. It glowed blue as she walked forward.
"You know Clary, what I said earlier about Jonathan—."
"No it's okay, you don't have to apologize," Clary shook her head. What did he say about Jonathan?
"I mean you kind of know my emotions towards him," I gave them a sarcastic smile.
"I wasn't going to apologize."
"He's the only family we've got left," Clary shot back. I took a deep breath brushing the comment off.
"I know you don't consider me family, but I care about you," Jace muttered. "Look if you're ever in any danger. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to keep you safe—." Their words faded out as Dot and I walked away from them.
"It's close," Dot muttered as we walked forward. The other two finally joined us. "It's here." She moved under a pavilion. A statue in front of us. An angel. Of course.
"Do you see something?" Clary asked.
I looked around scanning the area. Dot took a deep breath as she raised her hand. A portal opened in front of her hand. She started chanting in Latin as she reached in and pulled a small object out.
"That's it isn't it," Clary smiled. Dot turned as the three of us huddled together. "That's the mortal mirror."
Dot smiled at both of us. We did it, now we just had to get back to the Insitute. Jace was thrown back revealing Jonathan standing in front of us. His body was the same as before. Burned beyond recognition and his eyes were black.
"Clary." Dot handed her the mirror.
She threw her hand forward trying to push him back, but he didn't move. He smacked Dot her body flying to the side. I lifted my blade at the same time as he did. He could use his demon side and kill me instantly. He did not need a sword.
"Nice to see you again Johnathan," I snapped.
"Little Lynn," he hissed.
"Clary run!" Jace yelled. Suddenly he wasn't in front of me anymore. He was in front of Jace. Blade to his neck now.
"No don't!" Clary moved after him. "Johnathan. You're my brother. You're our brother," She gripped my arm. "You don't want to hurt me. If you hurt Jace, that's exactly what you'll be doing."
"This is what you came for isn't it?" Clary asked. She held up the mirror. "You can take this and go or you could come with us. We can help you."
No, we can't. Dot came forward throwing her hands forward. She started a portal behind her. I grabbed Jace off the ground and pulled him with me and Clary as we walked through the portal.
"If I had known Dot was going to do that, I would've never left without her." Clary shook her head.
"She knew what she was doing," Jace sighed. "Because of her. Valentine can't raise the angel. We are finally one step ahead of him." Clary looked at the floor. "Hey, she survived Valentine. She'll survive this."
"All this fighting and bloodshed, but—god for what?" She looked at me the mirror still clenched in my hand. She gently took the mirror from my hand and opened it. I watched her face fall as she stared at herself.
"Hey, what?" Jace asked as she closed it.
"It was like my dreams. I was back at the lake, drowning, but two swords were coming at me." She took a deep breath. "These aren't dreams. What if there are visions? I think it's some kind of message."
"Oh you mean like the angels trying to rip your head apart," I muttered.
"Let's go," Clary grabbed my arm. We moved through the institute quickly. "Let's try this one more time."
Jace left going to find Alec as I took off my jacket and moved back into the main room. Alec was at the table looking perplexed. I touched his arm listening to him sigh.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, but we need to have a briefing with the others," He pulled me close to his side. "Now that we have the mirror we have to be on high alert. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's just me being problematic," I assured him my hand moving over his back.
"Alright I'm here," Clary sighed.
Sebastian followed after her. I didn't quite understand why he was in the room with us. The more and more I saw him, I just had an itch to smack him. Jace stood beside me with his arms crossed.
"Has anyone seen Max?" Isabelle asked.
"Have you checked the armory, he's probably sharpening his weapons waiting for a mission," Jace smiled.
"That's the first place I checked," Izzy looked worried.
"We have more pressing issues," Alec interrupted. "Now that we have the mirror. Valentine will be wanting it."
"He will do anything to get in here to take it back," Clary said.
"Does no one else find it odd that he's coming after a mortal instrument when the soul sword has been destroyed?" Isabelle shot out. We all stared at each other.
"Whatever he's up to it's not good regardless," I said. She nodded.
Her words started something though. She was right. Why would he be looking for it? They are powerful objects. I came back. The angels gave me back. Why is it always me?
"Lena?" Alec asked. I looked up and saw that everyone else had left.
"Shit, sorry what did you say?" I asked. He smiled and kissed me.
"Stay on high alert," He told me as he walked off. I nodded.
My eyes moved over the people. Sebastian was looking around suspiciously as he walked off. I heard screaming from the dorms. A familiar scream. I found Isabelle next to Max. His head was bleeding from the side and blood dripped from his nose.
"Oh shit," I muttered.
I sprinted to the medics. They rushed him to the infirmary trying their best to keep him stable and hook up. I paced back and forth staring at him. Alec came in going to Max's other side.
"How is he?" He asked.
"Not good, Alec," Isabelle cried.
Alec reached his hand out slightly and I took it immediately pulling him towards me as they stared at their little brother. Clary, Jace, and Sebastian came in.
"Max," Clary breathed.
"All of us will go investigate what happened," I said. "You both stay with him."
I went to walk away, but Alec didn't let go of me. My eyes followed Sebastian as he left the room. I held Alec closer to me as he stared at his little brother. He had a bandage around his head. His face was pale, too pale for a little boy.
"I've already messaged Mom and Dad," Isabelle sniffed. "Oh, Max." She touched his little face.
"He's strong," I breathed. Minutes later Clary came back down with the box. That fucker, he was here. I went to leave, but she grabbed my arm.
"Jonathan is in the institute," Jace said.
"Max was determined to prove himself. He has been eyeing the box for days," Alec said.
His eyes moved to me as I clenched my jaw. This was my fault. I should have remembered sooner and I could have saved him.
"Still think he can be saved," I stared at Clary. She shook her head.
"He could be glamoured to look like anyone," Jace said. Alec stood up.
"As of now, the Institute is on lockdown. I'll go inform the others," He left the room.
"I've got a demon to hunt," I snapped as I walked out the door.
Isabelle was going to wait with Max until their parents arrived. I grabbed an excessive amount of knives as I walked around. I was on the hunt, but the issue was my mind. I couldn't remember who it was. They seemed so familiar, but it could have been anyone.
"Lena!" Alec yelled. He ran through the halls. "I need you to call Magnus. I don't know if Max is going to make it. They can't transport him and the silent brothers aren't known for their medical survivors—." I put my hand on his shoulder as I pulled out my phone.
"Breath," I said. His chest rose and fell. I pressed the phone to my ear as it rang.
"Bean." Magnus cheered.
"Get to the institute now. Max is hurt." I said.
"I'll be there in two minutes." He answered.
"I love you." I hung up. "He's on his way." Alec ran his hands through his hair.
"I let him get in, I let him get in," Alec shook his head.
"This isn't your fault, don't blame yourself," I cupped his cheeks. "I've got everything else covered. Go stay with your brother. Your parents will be here soon enough." He nodded. "Go."
I told him and he went. When Magnus arrived I sent him down there as well. I had to hunt down my brother.