It's been about three times that Jiseok had been "kindly" asked to give money to Jooyeon and he couldn't just say no even though it made him go crazy inside. He couldn't let anyone know about their kiss additionally because the kiss wasn't his fault at all. Jooyeon himself admitted to Jiseok that yes, he was the one who initiated the kiss but as we know, the police won't care...
Walking down the corridor and seeing Jooyeon from a distance was never a good sign to Jiseok, the boy was like a bad omen to him, always smiling for no reason and behaving as if he was just meeting his friend.
Jiseok didn't know how long he would have to give his money away to him but, he knew he couldn't do this for a long time. Now it didn't bother him because his monthly income was enough for him to have some savings. Soon after the tour, his band was having in the next month, it might become harder for him to give Jooyeon whatever amount he wanted.
Jiseok was now standing on the balcony, a place that barely anyone in the University knew existed and between his lips, he was holding a lit cigarette to find some peace in this fucked up world. Holding tight onto the railing, his eyes wandered through the landscape in front of him and his nostrils breathed the fresh, cool air.
Getting away from reality was something he loved doing. His restless mind could finally say goodbye to its bothering thoughts and just be there. Exist. Nothing more. His smile could finally be replaced with a bored and tired facial expression allowing him to breathe freely and not be tense at all. It was like a dream to him. Do nothing and be happy about it.
The forest waving at him reminded him of his fans swinging left and right during the slowest songs his band had. Its lethargic motions gave him chills all over his body. He loved letting his mind forget about all his problems and struggles. Although doing it was always hard. Getting away from one particular thing was barely possible for him lately, even though he thought he was safe there on his beloved balcony.
He was wrong.
"I was looking everywhere for you, oh my lord... Jiseok, how the fuck did you get here?" he heard a panting voice that belonged to no one else but Jooyeon, the boy who definitely acknowledged how Jiseok's money smelled and sensed it somewhere in the air.
"Better question, what are you doing here?" he took the fag between his fingers and blew smoke slowly from his lungs. Jooyeon coughed accidentally breathing in all that had gotten out of Jiseok's mouth. "Mind me smoking?" the boy shook his head and used his hand to disperse the grey cloud.
"I said I was looking everywhere for you," he repeated himself adding. "And if I say everywhere, that's what I mean."
"Good. Now, what's the purpose of your visit here?" another question just to make sure he aimed to grab some pretty money and spend it on whatever he wanted.
"You already know why," as if he was reading his mind. Jiseok nodded letting out a quiet chuckle that informed Jooyeon about his astonishment. "I don't need a lot, just 100 dollars."
He smiled at him lightly waiting for a proper response that he didn't get. Jiseok shrugged his arms and turned to look at the people walking down the street, they just come out of the vast, green forest and were heading somewhere he didn't know.
"Jiseok?" Jooyeon asked to gain his attention because he seemed to zone out... No response at first, so he joined him in holding the railing as if his life depended on this activity, yet instead of looking forward, his eyes were fixed on the smoking boy.
"Why should I give it to you?" Jiseok asked simply knowing very well how it was going to end up. The second time Jooyeon had asked him for his money he did the exact same thing: demand for the reason, but the young boy just showed him his phone and smiled at him with bare teeth. He threatened him with the police for something he didn't even do.
"You don't wanna?" Jooyeon said still studying his face. The hair flowing in the air, the eyes focusing somewhere far, the nose twitching with every harsh gust of wind, the quite red cheeks and even redder lips.
"Funny, I'd love to," he lied laughing softly and after a second he pulled another cigarette from the pack. "You know, I paid way more than I had to. I think that's enough."
"Then give me the fag," Jooyeon was now looking at his hands and Jiseok could see how curious he was. It made him smile (the reason for this was also the sudden change of his decision which equalled Jiseok saving some money).
"Have you ever smoked before?" the words fell out of his mouth and Jooyeon shook his head from side to side. "Then I'm not giving you one."
"But you can teach me how," he stated earning a look from Jiseok. He wasn't sure about the offer so he sighed and put one cigarette between his own lips and with a lighter he let the little fun start. "Oh, come on, Jiseok, it's not a big deal."
"Smoking isn't cool, you know?"
"One fag won't do much and besides, if it's not cool then why don't you just quit?" he nudged him with his arm and kept on staring at the white smoke coming from his mouth— as if this view was more than mesmerising.
"You can't just quit," Jiseok explained, which was obvious, but Jooyeon rolled his eyes and fixed his hair with his hands— or rather made a little mess on his head. "Plus recently, my god..."
Jooyeon was silent and not knowing what to say, he just smiled and breathed loudly. His hands tapped on the railing and his eyes traced Jiseok's face in a slow, monotonous glide. The hush between them didn't last long. Maybe ten, up to twenty seconds or, as the younger one counted, sixteen seconds.
"Take it if you wanna try it so badly," Jiseok moved closer to him and passed him the already-lightened cigarette. Jooyeon looked into his eyes to check if he was joking but to his surprise, Jiseok was completely serious. He took it in between his fingers and put it directly into his mouth. "No," Jiseok laughed making him startled.
"What did I do wrong?" he frowned.
"See that ash?" Jiseok pointed at the end of the cigarette and Jooyeon nodded. So that was the issue. "You need to get rid of it first. Just tap it on the railing or with your finger, whatever," he instructed him quickly and watched him do as he said.
"Okay," the white-grey stuff fell from the balcony to the ground about 20 meters below them. Jooyeon closed his eyes and finally inhaled the smoke he had been so inquisitive about lately. It was a long inhale, maybe even too long for his first time. It stung and burned so badly that even tears formed in his dark eyes.
"Chill, chill," said Jiseok laughing loudly as the boy started coughing uncontrollably. "No need to take such deep breaths, do it quickly and breathe only a little of the smoke, okay?"
"That's embarrassing," Jooyeon said rubbing his cheeks and wiping away the tears.
"If you say so," Jiseok couldn't help but laugh. But he was the only one having fun at the moment, Jooyeon looked quite annoyed.
"But I'm trying my best," he grumbled, putting the cigarette between his lips once again, focusing on breathing in the smoke carefully as if drinking a thick smoothie through a straw. It worked, even though he could still feel it irritating his throat. He released the snow-white smoke after holding it in for a few seconds.
"And?" Jiseok looked at him, a note of curiosity in his eyes. The smoke swirled in the air making the younger close his eyes and try unsuccessfully to shoo it away with his hand.
"Does it always scratch you so much?" Jooyeon asked, Jiseok shook his head from side to side and responded.
"No dummy, never," he lied, sometimes it hurt him as hell, but he was used to it. He has been smoking since he was a little stupid kid and probably that's why it seemed so impossible for him to quit now. It was something that he did all the time as he was growing up, it became a part of his daily life that to him was too normal and natural to stop immediately. He knew it wasn't something to be proud of but what could he do? Nowadays it wasn't his way to show teenage rebellion but a way to forget about the stress consuming his whole body. Smoking was easier than facing his problems.
Well, still it wasn't solving them.
"Give me another one, I'm gonna finish it quickly," he received a silly broad smile from Jooyeon whose hand was in front of Jiseok, opened, waiting for the cigarette to be placed here.
"Holy shit, I thought you would give up easily," he tilted his head left and with a slow movement found a pack somewhere in his coat. "Just one, okay?"
"Sure," he smiled taking a cig into his hands. Then Jiseok watched him as he tried to smoke it so badly, coughing every now and then and laughing in pauses for breath. "God, I didn't know that I would fail at it so miserably," he concluded.
"Not miserably," Jiseok interjected. "Somewhere more than it. You act so cocky, I thought you would be better." he pulled a cigarette out himself and Jooyeon just stared at him wondering how in the world he could look so gracefully smoking a fucking cigarette that was slowly turning his lungs black. How? "Well, I forgot to ask but how did you find this place?" Jiseok questioned, finding it hard to get rid of the said thought.
"I knew that you would hide somewhere so I thought of looking for you as a hide-and-seek game," he shrugged his shoulders with a proud smile on his face. "Looks like I won!"
"Congrats or something." Jiseok looked at him with no joy on his face, he was emotionless and that's what was also heard in his voice.
"Is there something wrong with this place that you are so shocked at?" mumbled Jooyeon quite lost. Yes, finding this place was hard for him but he didn't understand why Jiseok was so interested in all the details.
"No, I was just wondering. Barely anyone knows about it."
"Being there sounds quite illegal, I'm not going to lie, but this place is lit!" he smiled walking around the small, rectangle-shaped floor. "It's gonna look way more amazing during spring!" he could imagine the sunrise in the mornings: the sun looking like blood, slowly emerging from under the trees and the flowers— ivy climbing the cracked walls of the school and greeting him on the balcony... It seemed so ethereal.
"Right?" said Jiseok in a nonchalant tone just to catch the boy's attention. He succeded because Jooyeon's eyes were fixed on him after a second. "But don't introduce it to others, I want it to be unknown forever, okay? I'm gonna trust you with that one."
"So, it's like an oasis of peace?" the younger questioned scanning Jiseok's smallest movement. He nodded but despite it, Jooyeon noticed how he shifted from one leg to another. "Then I'm gonna keep quiet."
"I'm being for real, Jooyeon. You have no idea how much I love spending time here alone." it sounded more like begging than normal talking to Jooyeon. He smiled slightly at his interlocutor.
"Should I take it as a sign of you not wanting my company here?" the boy to whom the words were addressed frowned and watched Jooyeon come closer to the railing just to lean forward and look at people walking on the square in front of the school.
"Maybe, I mean, I don't mind you here now."
"But in general, you want me to get the fuck out?" he straightened up monitoring Jiseok's face again, now looking for the answer to be written on his forehead. But Jiseok remained silent and his body didn't indicate anything as well. "I am not gonna get mad, you can reply to me."
"Sometimes I like being alone, I need it to calm down," it sounded sincere. He paused for a second to blow smoke out of his mouth and put a smile on his face that accompanied his next words. "So, kindly, yes."
"You are a motherfucker, Jiseok!" he punched him in the arm and giggled. Jiseok stepped to his right and not affected by the action of Jooyeon, he rested his arms against the railing and passed the boy the already-started cigarette to his lips, waiting for him to slowly inhale the smoke. He watched him as the white fog filled his mouth.
"Good," he commented shortly after pulling it away from him, smiling slightly. "Good job."