We've been driving for what seems like days, but was probably just a few hours. I woke up not too long after the sun came up the night I fainted, and I almost wanted to try and convince myself that everything that happened was just a dream. That my brother was alive and that it wasn't his blood all over my hands and my clothes, that Jayson had died when Trace shot him the first time, but I knew that all of this had actually happened, and there was no getting my brother back at this point.
I grinned humorlessly to myself as I thought about everything that happened last night. Me shooting a gun, taking part in a gang war that would probably have the media all over my dad's ass if they were to find out. The worst part of all of it was that Haydn watched as Jayson shot at my brother and didn't so much as fire back before he limped away and hid somewhere, probably trying to escape the warehouse, but I doubt he had enough time. I had been in the warehouse enough times to know that there was no escape aside from the front and back door. We were at the very front of it, and to have managed to make it all the way out to the back—even without three gunshot wounds—would have been nothing short of miracle.
Chase noticed that I was grinning and he shot me a puzzled look that I didn't even acknowledge. He mumbled something to Haydn, but I tuned them out and continued to just grin to myself. Sure, they'd think I was crazy, but what did it matter? The only person in the world who really had any of my trust had become a bitch over a guy, my only sibling had just died in my arms, and Andrew? I don't even know what'll happen to him!
Then again, he told me a few weeks ago that he had a boyfriend, and I'm sure that he's in good hands. If he thinks that my brother and I are dead, I guess that's for the better. He'll be hurt for a while, that much I know is true considering we practically grew up together, but he'll get over it after a while. All I brought to his life was trouble, and I'm sure he'll be better off without me there to mess everything up for him. Who knows, maybe he and his boyfriend are becoming a huge serious thing at school and he's the cause of a homosexual uproar.
That thought alone brought a genuine smile to my face, and I felt my eyes tearing up at the thought of not being able to see him after this. We had drifted a lot in the past few weeks, and I didn't even really get a chance to say goodbye to him, but would that be for the better? Maybe a goodbye would have just made things harder. . .
Not wanting to think about it anymore, I wiped the one stray tear that was rolling down my cheek and I looked out the window. The sun was just rising over the horizon, and while I would have admired it any other day, all it did was remind me that I had to start over from scratch. I didn't trust Cassandra, I didn't trust Chase, and I definitely didn't trust Haydn. Of course, they were life line right now, and I wasn't going to die because my mind was telling me to ditch them and just go on by myself.
I could always just get out of the car whenever we made a gas stop and run off in some random direction. Sooner or later, I'd find someone who was willing to help me, and then I'd be fine. They'd return me to my parents, I'd be away from Haydn and all this gang BS, and everything would be just fine. . . I wouldn't have to worry about getting shot at or having to shoot anyone anymore, and I could just go on with the life that I know I'm supposed to be living.
It was a risky plan though.
Haydn has people all over the place who would jump at his command to do something for him, even if that meant driving all the way across the state just to keep me safe. 'Or to keep an eye on me until he needed me for another mission. . .' My eyes narrowed, and I almost contemplated smacking him in the face, but he was driving right now, and I wasn't about to say that I survived a warehouse explosion just to have died a few hours later in a car accident. I'd die feeling like a complete dumb ass, not that I didn't already.
I sighed, and for the first time, Chase spoke directly at me. “Are you OK, Adriana? You haven't spoken since everything happened.”
My initial reaction was to just ignore him and continue thinking to myself, but I figured I'd give him a piece of my mind before I went back into my own little world. “I'm just f*cking peachy, Chase. My brother only just died in my arms and I left his body to be burned and crushed while I got away with a group of people who only wanted to use me so they could kill my ex-boyfriend. Everything is just great.” My eyes were still narrowed, and when I turned to see Chase's expression, mine only hardened and I watched as he fought to find the right words to say, eventually deciding to just not say anything at all.
Haydn wasn't all that happy with my response, but he didn't say anything about it. Cassandra on the other hand wasn't all that quiet with her thoughts. 'When did they even pick her up? Must have been when I was asleep.'
“You know, if it weren't for all of us, you would have died in there with your good for nothing brother—”
“—shut the hell up, Cassandra! Where the hell were you when everything was going down? Painting your nails so you could get laid when all of this was over?” She didn't respond, but I wasn't going to stop. “You know, the whole time we were friends, I knew that you were hiding things from me, but the fact that you were hiding my own life from me? What kind of friend does that make you? Did you only stick around so you could see what would happen when everything was done and over with?”
Again, she didn't answer, but Chase cut in. “Adriana, it's not even like that—”
“—but isn't it, Chase? You guys have done nothing but lie to me the entire time that I've known you! And Haydn? The only reason you wanted me here at all was because you needed me as bait to get to Jayson. F*cking bait! And now that your stupid mission is over, you're just going to sit back and pretend that everything is OK? That I'm not supposed to care that I left my best friend behind? That my brother isn't really dead?”
When no one answered, I crossed my arms over my chest and just continued to keep to myself. The tension in the car was undeniably thick, but I don't really think that that was anyone's real concern. Maybe some of what I said wasn't true—about all of them lying to me—but when you're blinded by anger and your words just flow out of your mouth, you really don't know what you're saying. I won't take any of it back though. I know that everything I said has been bothering me in the back of my mind for a while now, and if I didn't get it out now, I probably wasn't ever going to.
It wasn't the most therapeutic way to get over things, but it was definitely a start, getting it all out there.
We drove in silence for a few hours, not even bothering to turn on the radio, and eventually, we pulled into a gas station. Part of me wanted to just hop out of the car and run in some random direction, to go along with my initial plan and just hope for the best, but all around us, all I could see was sand, sand and more sand. I'd probably die before I got very far. Plus, it's not like I could just leave. I hadn't eaten in almost two days, and I hadn't used the bathroom since last night. If I were to leave, I'd die, and then most likely void my bowels all over myself.
That'd sure be an attractive way to die.
Still, I quickly scrambled out of the car and walked around the back of the gas station and used the bathroom. Had there been any other option, I probably wouldn't have used the dirty bathroom, but since my bladder was going to explode at any possible moment, I sucked up my pride—and my breath—and just used it. Someone on the other side was knocking, and just as I finished pulling up my pants, the door was thrown open and Chase walked in with an apologetic look on his face. I didn't want to talk to him, but I couldn't really be mad at him either. He risked his life to save me, knowing he didn't owe me anything, so being mad at him wasn't really all that fair.
“Adriana, I—”
I put my hand up to stop him from saying anything else. We stood in silence for a while as I washed my hands in the small sink, and when I finally turned around to face him, I sighed. “Chase, I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm not going to apologize for what I said, and I don't care about anything the Haydn might have sent you to come and say. I'm just waiting until we get to where we're going, and then I'll be out of your hair. I don't plan on staying that long anyway. . .”
Before he spoke, he handed my a water bottle, which I happily took a swig of considering it was bone dry wherever we were. “Do you really believe that Haydn only wanted you around for the sake of killing Jayson?”
By the tone in his voice, something told me that me speculating the way I was probably wasn't the smartest idea in the world, but I stood my ground. “It's not like I came up with theory all on my own. He said it himself that all he needed me for was the mission. What point do I have in staying now that everything is done?”
He laughed to himself, all whilst shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. From what I could see, it looked like he was going to say something to me, but instead, he just shook his head again and walked out of the bathroom; leaving me alone with the strong smell of piss and spray paint. It wasn't bothering me as much as I thought it was going to, but the longer I stayed in the bathroom, the dizzier I got and soon, I found myself holding onto the sink to stand up, and eventually, on the floor.
Just as I began to see black again, the door to the bathroom opened and someone picked up my nearly unconscious body. I tried to put up a fight, but when I took a deep inhale of the person holding me, I just snuggled up against their body and fell asleep, breathing in the scent of the person's Polo cologne.