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Suman POV
"Go back, please," His words made me feel tight in my chest and I took my steps back, walking away from him.
But, he looked worried. Not just worried but bothered and unwell.
What was wrong with him?
And, why was he wearing black clothes and Kohl in his eyes.
Did he go somewhere? And, why was he hot? It seemed like he had a fever.
It was early morning and I woke up early because of the running thoughts in my mind. And, the moment I saw him almost running to his chamber I felt that something was wrong.
After, following to him chamber, I figured out that something was absolutely wrong.
Since, then I was in the kitchen helping maids in preparing ladoos and he still had not called for breakfast. It was late morning now.
I did not know but I was feeling worried because he gave me that black thread the other day and the Black thread was missing from his hand.
I tried to focus on watching the maids making ladoos but my mind had stuck on him. I just wanted to know if he was fine. I knew, he would not tell at me until something was wrong. I mean, he had been hard on me later but he cared for me. It was not like he hates me or did not want to see me.
I mean, if he hated me, why would he meet me before leaving the Kingdom. Not, just leaving but handing me his dagger.
Yes, I should return his dagger. He asked me to keep it safe.
I immediately stood up from there and went back to my room to take his dagger back to his chamber.
It looked empty as I walked in. The silence followed as I tried to call.
"Kunwarsa,"
Not even attendees were and I looked at the draw. Curtains of his bedroom. I felt a knot in my stomach. I had not seen in Nandani's chamber or with Ranaji since morning.
"Kunwar Agastya,"
I called again but he did not reply back. I just wanted to know if he was fine. Because, he did not look fine yesternight.
I could not help but part the curtains and peek in. It looked darker as all the curtains were drawn not letting the sunlight fall into it.
Now, I felt even more worried.
Gulping nervously, I walked inside and looked at his bed. It was covered with curtains too.
"Kunwarsa," I called in a slow voice not wanting anyone to notice that I was in his chamber when I should not be.
He did not answer making me walk closer to him. It was turning into the afternoon and he usually did not sleep this late.
I parted the curtains and looked at him laying half naked covered up to his waist with comforter, on his chest, and face down in the mattress, sleeping.
I blinked silently biting on my lower lip. Walking to the side of the bed, I looked at his closed eyes and calm breathing. His hair was falling on his forehead and his lips looked redder.
"Kunwarsa,"
I called again but he did not move an inch. Leaning forward I tried to touch his forehead for the temperature. But, suddenly he opened his eyes and I was taken back.
Inhaling deeply, he looked at me and his gaze softened from shock.
"Are you okay?" I asked and he nodded lightly.
His green eyes looked mesmerizing with kohl. The lashes looked even thicker and the tan on his body made me feel hot in my cheeks remembering the warmth of his body.
"I came to give you dagger back to you," I said and kept the dagger beside him.
He looked at me silently and I took a step back thinking of going back.
"Suno,"
"Listen,"
He called and I turned to look back at me.
"Stay," He said and I bit on my lower lip.
"Then you will say that you asked me to stay because I wanted it,"
He inhaled deeply and forwarded his hand lazily asking for my hand.
I gulped nervously not knowing what should I do. My mind was telling me that this was wrong but my heart wanted to give in and stay.
"For me," He said gulping silently and looked at him touching my finger. I felt slight tickle in my stomach when he held my hand gently and pulled me towards him.
I sat on the edge of the bed, keeping my legs down to the floor and looked at him moving closer to me.
Due to the shift, the comforter stretched down and I mistakenly noticed the lower curve of his back.
"You are naked,"
I tried to say and looked at him bringing his forehead closer to my side.
"That's fine you would not be disappointed," His words managed to bring a slight smile on my face and I realised that he was just Kunwarsa Agastya.
Unapologetically Kunwar Agastya. Who does not care.
I felt the rough texture of his hand intertwining my fingers. Butterflies interrupted in my stomach and I looked at the slight cracks in his finger pads which had healed a lot since the day I found him with mortar and that grey powder.
"Kunwarsa, are you really okay?" And, it made me question on a serious note.
"I mean if you want to tell," I added.
He closed his eyes and I inhaled deeply for a few moments silently and shook his head slowly.
I looked at his face turning emotional and I pressed my finger tightly against his intertwined hand and asked.
"What is it?"
In this moment, I forgot our designation. I forgot that there was a world outside these drawn curtains and him and I.
"I went to a... Brothel last night,"
His words made me feel sudden tightness in my chest and dryness in my throat.
The words hung in my throat and I tried to question.
"Did you cheat on your fiance?"
He shook his head slowly and said.
"I am sorry for the last night. I did not want to yell at you," He said and I nodded slightly.
"I know,"
I managed to say but my mind stuck on the word 'brothel'
"Why did you go to the brothel then?" I tried to ask and he shifted closer to me and closer to me.
"You promise to keep this between us?"
He asked and I gulped silently.
"Yes," I agreed in the slow voice.
"I am feeling suspicious that Mehrangarh is planning something against us and it's head commander has some crucial information. So, last night he was visiting the brothel and I went there to take that information out,"
He said and I thinned my brows.
"But, you are getting married to the Princess of Mehrangarh and the commander must have seen you. Did not he recognise you?" I tried to ask and he shook his head.
"I could not meet him directly. I sent one of a old frie... I mean someone I know to him and she got this information for me," He said and I could feel his thumb caressing the back of my hand slowly.
I sucked on my lower lip and tried to ask in slow and calculative voice.
"Someone you know means a girl and you know because you have a past with her?"
He opened his kohl filled eyes and looked at me with a slight nod.
"Oh, so you have feelings for her?" I asked again and he shook his head.
"No, I met her twice before," He added.
I blinked silently for a few moments and asked again.
"So, what happened then?"
He squeezed my hand a little and closed his eyes hiding his face like a baby.
"Ummm, I asked her to get that information and she asked me to sleep with her in exchange,"
He said and I felt slight lump in my throat with this information.
"So, you slept with her?" I said in a slow voice but to my surprise he shook his head.
"No, I denied so she asked me to fuck her with my dagger," He said and I felt a knot in my stomach with this and the words hung in my throat.
"Bu... But you left your dagger with me and how can you fu... I mean do that with your dagger," I asked and he gulped. The Adam's apple in his throat moved as he gulped.
"Yes, because I did not want to do anything with anyone," He said. "But, she drugged me with something to make me lose my control and have heightened desire, you know,"
He said and I felt my palm turning colder with his words.
"So, you...,"
I could not say anything and looked at him looking at me and shaking his head.
"That's why I asked you to go back yesterday," He said and I inhaled getting it.
"Ohh," I said. And, tried to calm my fastly beating heart and continue. "But, you did not have to do it. I mean, Mehrangarh would be close to you. You could have gone to your fiance. And, bearing that drug would have been difficult. She could have hel... Helped you," I tried to say and looked at him and turning in his back and looking at me with no emotions.
"You are stupid," He said slowly and I gulped silently lowering my gaze.
"Am I?" I muttered and looked at him straightening up and staring into my eyes.
I did not but I could feel my cheeks heating up with his eyes on me. And, my brain oozing up remembering I had scene him half naked in my dream.
"So, you are still under the influence of drug? Am I in trouble?" I managed to ask in a slow voice and he smiled looking at my face while shaking his head.
"No," He said in a slow voice.
I bit on my lips not knowing what to do now. Knowing what happened yesterday made me feel hot in my cheeks but knowing he told me about a woman who he had slept with made me feel something different.
"So, you slept with that woman before. For pleasure or take out information?" I managed to ask and his smiled vanished a little and he lowered his gaze a little.
My gaze also lowered to his naked chest, his biceps and his muscles. He was not heavy like Ranaji and all the brothers had the same height but he was leaner than him.
He sucked on his lips a little and shook his head.
"Will it hurt you?" He asked in a slow voice.
I gulped nervously not knowing why it was hurting me a little already.
"Why would it hurt me? I mean, you are getting to the Princess of Mehrangarh," I managed to say and he lifted his gaze at me.
"But, we are kind of married too," He said in a slow voice and I shook my head.
"That's good for the fun and delusion to keep us happy, maybe, but in reality there is no us. You are a Prince and I am just a maid. Maybe in stronger position than other maids, and well respected and loved but still a maid. And, I am thinking of going back to Mahabaleshgarh because clearly I am creating problems in your life,"
I tried to say and looked at his gaze intensifying while shaking his head.
"You cannot go," He said and I shook my head.
"It's good for both of us. Maybe we will forget each other,"
I tried to say and he shook his head.
"Do you want to stay away from me?" He asked in a slow voice and I did not know what to say. I did not know either. There was a war going in my head.
"I do not know," I managed to say.
"Then, do not go," He stated and I gulped nervously.
"But, you are gettin-,"
"I am already married, Suman. Bhaisa is never going to allow me to get married to another woman. Cannot you understand that? My life is fucked up. You do not want to stay with me. I cannot stay with another woman. I am going to die longing for a relationship with... love,"
He said and I felt heavy in my heart all of sudden.
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