Lauren watched as Camila's eyes fluttered back into reality, immediately searching the room for the familiar green eyed girl. Camila met Lauren's gaze tentatively, looking for any sign of anger or danger. When she was only met with pure adoration, Camila moved swiftly forwards and threw her arms around Lauren.
"I tried," she mumbled, squeezing her eyes shut and tucking her head into the crook of her girlfriend's neck. The small girl held her breath to contain her tears.
"What?" Lauren whispered, grabbing Camila's shoulders and separating them. "What are you talking about?" She watched as tears clouded Camila's eyes. Lauren moved forwards to pull her girlfriend into another hug, but Camila stopped her, shaking her head.
"I want to talk," Camila sniffed, wiping her eyes. Lauren hated to see Camila struggling, but the green eyed girl held herself back. Camila took a deep breath.
"I-I did a bad thing to you, didn't I?" Camila whispered. Before Lauren could speak, Camila shook her head and continued talking. "I do not... I do not remember the bad thing. But... I tried, Lo," she reached up and traced Lauren's jawline with her index finger, letting it linger on her face for a moment.
"You tried?" Lauren said softly. She placed a hand on Camila's arm, trying to ease her to continue. The small girl nodded furiously.
"The things they said..." she shook her head. "They were bad." Camila didn't quite understand much of the meaning of what she remembered, but she could tell just by the tone of the girl's voices that they were anything but nice to Lauren. And it infuriated her.
"I tried, Lo, I tried," Camila bit her lip. "I did not want them to say those things to you, I did not!" She threw her hands down at her sides, becoming frustrated with her inability to express her words.
"Hey, hey," Lauren shook her head, grabbing Camila's wrists and forcing her to look up. "Breathe," she whispered, rubbing Camila's arms to calm her down. "Take your time."
"I... I tried to stop them," Camila reached up to roll her bottom lip inbetween her fingers, looking down at the ground.
"You did?" Lauren asked, somewhat surprised with Camila's words. The brown eyed girl nodded softly.
"Those things were not good for you," Camila whispered. "It hurts to know that I could not help," she hung her head down, disappointed with her past self. How could she have been so cold?
"It got me here, didn't it?" Lauren squeezed Camila's hand. The girl looked up in confusion.
"I mean, yeah, it sorta sucked at the time. Not gonna lie," Lauren shrugged and bit her lip. "But what if it hadn't happened? What would my life be like? Would I be here with you? Or would I be somewhere else?" She watched Camila's eyes shine with realization. "I wouldn't go back to change it and risk never meeting you."
"You... you would not?" Camila looked up in disbelief. Lauren laughed softly and shook her head.
"Never in a million years," she kissed Camila's forehead and reached up to adjust her bow. "If you can't tell, I'm pretty happy with things just the way they are. And I'll be even happier when all of this sucky stuff..." she motioned around the room. "...is behind us."
Camila nodded softly. Her mind was all over the place. She could barely focus her eyes on one place. None of this made sense, yet all of it did. She was confused, yet completely content. It was an unexplainable feeling.
"Y'think you can walk around a little more?" Lauren bit her lip nervously.
Camila studied her girlfriend's face. That was the one thing that always remained constant. Everything could change and she could be perfectly fine as long as every time she looked up, she was met with the same pair of emerald eyes. They captured her, pulling her away from everything bad and making everything okay, even if just for a moment.
And with that, Camila gave Lauren a soft nod, finding her hand and lacing their fingers together. She gave her girlfriend a soft smile, silently letting her know that she was going to be alright.
Lauren, slightly surprised, squeezed Camila's hand and led her out of the classroom, making sure to turn off the lights behind her. Sure, technically they were breaking and entering. But also, she was technically just a returning student that got a little too excited.
She paused once they made it down the stairs, leading them down a long row of lockers. Her lips spread into a smile and she pointed to one of the tall, dark blue lockers. "That one was mine."
She turned around when she felt Camila let go of her hand. The small girl was across the hall, pressing her fingertips against a locker.
"This one was mine," Camila whispered, turning to look at Lauren with a shocked expression on her face. "I remember."
Lauren raised both her eyebrows. She had never paid much attention to where Camila's locker was in high school. Camila clasped her hands together, tentatively taking the lock into her hands and fiddling with it for a few moments.
Lauren nearly choked on thin air when the locker clicked open. Hell, she had already forgotten her combination, and she'd used the same locker for all four years of high school. Somehow, Camila remembered hers.
"My hands know," Camila glanced at Lauren. "Even if my head does not." She turned back to face the locker, frowning when she realized it was empty.
"There was a mirror here," she nodded softly, tapping the inside of the locker door. "I remember, because I used to look at—," she paused, cupping her hands over her mouth as her eyes widened in realization.
"What?" Lauren grew worried, moving forwards to grab Camila's hand. She was relieved when the small girl giggled, shaking her head and taking a step away. Camila looked down shyly, covering her face.
"I used to look at you," she mumbled.
Camila took a deep breath, dialing the same combination that was practically carved into her memory. 12-29-39. She flinched when someone slammed the locker beside hers, looking around nervously.
Pulling her locker open, Camila let her door slam against the wall. When the metal stopped shaking, the small girl caught a glimpse of shiny black hair in the reflection. She bit her lip, subtly watching as the girl bent down to retrieve something from the bottom of her locker.
Nope, no, not today. Camila shook her head, prying her eyes away and shoving her history textbooks into her backpack. When she looked back up, she couldn't help but glance in the mirror once more.
Lauren had shut her locker now, and was leaning against it. From the way her eyes were lit up, Camila knew she was talking about something important to her. She watched as one of Lauren's friends – Normani, she believed – handed the girl her sketchbook and hugged her goodbye.
Camila fumbled with her bag, spilling her pencils on the ground. Cursing under her breath, the small girl bent down to collect them. When she stood back up, the image of the green eyed girl was gone from the mirror.
Disappointed, Camila turned her head and glanced down the hallway. She caught sight of Lauren's white blouse. Ugh, she had to stop wearing that color. She looked like an angel. But hell, every color looked good on her. Camila brought her hand up to her face and groaned. She was in way too deep.
Too late now. Camila raised an eyebrow as Lauren scanned the hallway to see if anyone was watching. The small girl ducked behind her locker, making sure she wasn't seen.
Camila watched as Lauren quickly slipped into the art room, which had been previously unoccupied. She quickly shoved the rest of her things into her bag and closed her locker.
She walked down the hallway slowly, holding her breath when the door to the art room burst open and Lauren hurried out. She was in such a hurry to get to class that she didn't even notice Camila.
In a burst of courage, Camila jumped forwards and grabbed a hold of the door before it could close and lock. She quickly slipped inside the room, wondering why she had even done that in the first place.
Camila, on the other hand, was in no rush to get to history class. She felt around on the wall until she found the light switch, blinking a few times when the light invaded her pupils.
The first thing Camila's eyes landed on was Lauren's sketchbook, which had been placed in one of the corner tables. She glanced at the door once more before quietly walking over to the back of the room.
Camila knew she shouldn't be doing this. But she was just so curious. She tossed her backpack over her shoulder and traced her fingers over the cover of the sketchbook. Taking a deep breath, she flipped to the first page and studied the drawings.
Okay, she knew Lauren was an artist. But she had no idea that Lauren was actually amazing. Like, insanely amazing. Camila's jaw was practically on the floor as she paged through the sketches.
Everything was in black and white, Camila realized. It was all sketched with pencil. Where was the color? Camila furrowed her eyebrows, closing the sketchbook and taking a step backwards.
She nearly screamed when she ran into something behind her. Camila quickly turned around and held her hands out, catching her breath when she realized it was just a shelf. Upon further investigation, she realized each shelf had a nametag on it.
Curiosity overtook her and she began scanning the shelves for Lauren's last name. It was one of the top rows, so the small girl grabbed a chair and scooted it over to the shelves, climbing on top of it and peering inside.
There were two canvases on Lauren's shelf. At first, Camila thought they were both black and white. The smaller canvas was an exquisite, detailed landscape. But what caught her attention was the larger, thicker canvas.
She carefully pulled it out further, which is when she realized it wasn't actually black and white. It looked like a city crosswalk, Camila noted. There were people walking every which way, painted in jagged, black brushstrokes.
In the middle of the crosswalk, looking lost, was a dark red person. Somehow, just by the way the person was standing, Camila could tell that they didn't fit in. She bit her lip, scanning over the painting once more and wondering if the red person was meant to be Lauren.
Camila nearly fell off of the bed when the bell rang, striking fear into her chest. Shit. She was going to be late to class. The small girl quickly slid the painting back onto the shelf and grabbed her backpack, hurrying out of the room.
As she jogged to her class, she was hit with the sudden realization that she would never, ever have a chance to know Lauren. She would never know the meanings behind her paintings. She would never know what made the girl smile.
That realization was responsible for Camila's quiet mood for the rest of the day.
"Camz," Lauren reached up, cupping her girlfriend's face and expecting the small girl to burst into tears. Instead, Camila blinked a few times before focusing on Lauren's face. Camila's shoulders dropped slightly and she sighed in relief.
"You are here," Camila affirmed, nodding softly and pulling Lauren into a hug. She didn't like the feeling of longing. She liked the feeling of knowing that Lauren was hers.
"I'm here," Lauren laughed softly, rubbing small circles in Camila's back. "I'll always be here." Camila nodded and took a deep breath, breathing in the sweet vanilla scent that she associated with the girl she loved.
"So you really used to look at me?" Lauren smiled, raising an eyebrow. Camila's face grew red and she quickly took a step back, an embarrassed smile on her face.
"I liked you a lot," Camila nodded softly, holding out her arms to show Lauren just how much she liked her. "It is embarrassing."
This time it was Lauren's turn to blush. She took a step forward and moved Camila's hair out of her face. Brushing the brown curls aside, she cupped the small girl's cheek before planting a soft kiss on her lips.
"I think it's cute," Lauren whispered a few inches in front of Camila's face before she pulled away. The small girl giggled shyly, hiding her face behind her hands.
"Stop," Lauren teased, pulling Camila into her side and ruffling her hair. "Goofball."
"Meanie," Camila teased, tilting her head up and crinkling her nose. Lauren led her down the hallway, her smile slowly fading when she realized what was just around the corner.
"You good?" she asked nervously, glancing over at Camila. The brown eyed girl raised an eyebrow.
"Is there something bad?" she asked softly, pointing up ahead. Lauren bit her lip, hesitating for a moment. Camila sensed this and tightened her grip on her girlfriend's hand.
"It's..." Lauren shook her head, picking up the pace as she walked. She had to stop second guessing herself. She just had to get it over with. "It's the cafeteria."
"And?" Camila tilted her head to the side, somewhat confused. Lauren just sighed and shook her head.
"You'll see," she said softly, giving Camila's hand a supportive squeeze before leading her through the large double doors. She glanced at the small girl, seeing no signs of discomfort on her face.
Camila let go of her hand, wandering into the room and studying the tables. Lauren jogged to catch up with her and grabbed her hand once more, just in case.
"I do not understand," Camila whispered, turning to her girlfriend. Lauren scanned the room for a moment, thinking quietly to herself. Camila watched her intently.
"Oh hey, look," Lauren laughed softly, letting go of Camila's hand and walking over to one of the tables in the corner. "They still haven't fixed the broken wheel," she laughed, pushing down on the table and making it wobble slightly. "This was my old lunch table," she added, turning back around to face her girlfriend.
It was then that Camila froze, looking down at her feet and suddenly remembering standing in this exact same spot.
--
a/n: ...lovely weather we're having.
be nice to yourselves babes and ily so much.
- lena (lenajfc on twitter, forbrighterskies on tumblr)