“We can not let that tosser snitch on us to dummydoor!” Harry whispered, turning to look at Ron. Ron's orange orbbrows squished together.
“Why?” Ron questioned.
“Dummydoor loves you, he won't think you did it.” Ron reasoned.
“Well i suppose that's true,” Harry said “But still i hate that pasty boy, so I want to tell Dummydoor first”
The boys heard the distant sound of a toilet flushing,
“Dracos done.” Harry whispered urgently as he grabbed Ron's hand and started running towards the headmasters office.
The boys ran fast, their feet pounding on the stone floor of the castle hallway. Ron glanced behind them and shouted “Harry! Draco is gaining on us!”
Harry risked a glance over his shoulder and saw Draco, his pale skinny self bounding through the halfway with extreme speed, his hands flat like paddles, pumping at his sides, his face huffing and a line of toilet paper stuck to his shoe fluttering behind him.
Harry's face contorted with fear, Draco was faster than them.
“Ron! Slow down Draco!” Harry swung the arm holding Ron back, spinning Ron like a top into Draco. Ron and Draco both hollered out in pain as their bodies clattered together on the floor. Harry kept running as fast as he could to Dummydoors office. As he turned a corner, he saw Ron and Draco helping each other up. Harry panicked at the betrayal of Ron, Harry lept up in the air, hands high above his head and he started cartwheeling through the corridor, gaining speed, he looked like a graceful tumbleweed flipping through the hallway.
Harry ended his cartwheels with a roundoff and kicked Dummydoors office door down. Dummydoor was standing next to Fiwiks, holding a jar of cut up fruit. Dummydoor was in a white wife beater tank top and cargo shorts, his beard braided down into a bow in front of his belly button, with purple tinted glasses resting on his nose.
"Harry! To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"
"Me and Ron found a bunch of roosters taped to the wall!"
Draco and Ron ran into the room as Harry was talking to Dummydoor.
"And it's ironic cause its DUCK tape!" Ron shouted, his finger high in the air with his declaration. Harry rolled his globes at that.
"Roosters taped to the wall?"
"No’a!” Breathed out Draco, who was clutching his side and panting. “And it was'a Harry and Ron'a who killed'a them!" Draco yelled.
Harry shrieked. “I did not Dummydoor I promise! This crime reeks of an Italian boy!”
Dummydoor chuckled and said “Oh Harry, I don't think you killed those roosters,” Then Dummydoor leaned closer to Harry and whispered, “And between you and me, if you did kill those roosters I could always blame that ugly albino Slythergun boy behind you.”
“AH!” Draco gasped, his hands clutching his chest. “Headmaster Dummydoor’a! I am’a innocent! Why’a would’a you’a blame’a me!”
"I don't know what youre talking about Dylan" Dummydoor said with a small twinkle in his vision orbs, "Now Harry, you said these roosters were taped to the wall?"
"Yes," he turned to look at Ron, "And not in an ironic way," he said pointedly. Ron just shrugged.
“Well,” Dummydoor said, rubbing his hands together “Harry, Roy, Diego, lead the way to the roosters!” Draco opened his mouth and raised his finger in the air to correct Dummydoor, before setting his hand down looking confused. Harry in front, the group walked back to the rooster window, where now a pale blond girl was sitting, prodding a rooster with her glock.
“Who are you?” Harry asked the girl, she looked familiar, like maybe she had been hanging with Ginny in the hallways.
“Im Luna” The girl said, her visual perceptor balls were abnormally large, and she smiled, showing more teeth than an average smile.
“Are you Draco's brother- oh I mean sister?” Ron asked, staring at her. Draco made a face and turned to look at ron.
“That’a is’a not my sister” Draco said italianishly.
“Oh that makes more sense.” Ron said, nodding. “I was wondering why she didn't have that Italian accent if she was your sister.” Draco looked confused.
Luna smiled and said “Well it wouldn't be very appropriate if we were siblings now would it?”
“Why not?” Asked Ron. Draco gave a pointed look and said “I’a dont’a know what the girl is’a talking about.”
Ron nodded understandably. Dummydoor walked forward and looked closely at the roosters.
“Definitely roosters alright”
Dummydoor said nodding. “Welp, they are already dead, I don't know what you children want from me.” Dummydoor stated with a shrug of his wrinkled bare shoulders.
“AH! Headmaster’a! I’a want you to punish’a whoever’a did’a this! What’a if its’a the same person’a behind the attacks’a?!”
Dummydoor put a hand out to stroke his beard, mocking deep thought. “Good point Darren. Do you know who's behind the attacks?” Dummydoor asked, a joking tone hidden behind the question.
“W-well’a no- I’a thought that’a-” Draco started before being cut off by dummydoor.
“‘W-w-well’a no’” Dummydoor mocked “Precisely Dexter, nothing I can do, no one I can punish.”
Draco frowned and looked at Luna, who gave him a pitied look.
“Are you sure you lot aren't siblings?” Harry asked, pushing his glasses up his nose and squinting at the pair.
Luna threw her head back in a laugh and shook her head. Draco was red faced and stuttering nonsense defenses.
Dummydoor peered thoughtfully over his glasses. “It's really uncanny how similar you guys look, maybe you and Laura were twins separated at birth?”
Dracos fist was clenched at his side, but a pained calm look was on his face. “Ay’a Headmaster Dummydoor’a- her name’a is’a Luna, not Laura and-” Draco started before Harry interrupted.
“Truly is uncanny isn't it? They look the same! Carbon copies from birth! Nearly identical, on close inspection one could say they were kinfolk!”
Draco sighed and walked away, Harry and Ron headed to the dormitory.
***
Harry woke up in the middle of the night.
“I have to pee bruv!” Harry shouted, stretching.
“Harry!” Semus moaned, “Stop giving us nighttime updates, we don't care!”
Harry scowled and stomped out of the dormitory, making a point to slam the door so that Semus could suffer.
Harry's cold bare feet walked along the stone floor, he shivered and used his hand to guide him along the dark empty castle hallways. He heard some noises coming from around the corner and so he peeked to see what it was. Harry saw Ginny messing with some blood that was coming from a freshly dead rooster. He was intrigued and started walking towards her.
Harry was fixing his hair and making sure his glasses were on straight as he made his way towards Ginny. He had almost made it to her when he saw Footsock appear behind her.
"Footsock! My beautiful lizard! Oh how I've missed you!" he exclaimed excitedly. His excitement was cut short when the scaly creature dragged Ginny to the ground and started pulling her away.
"Footsock! Wot are you doing?! Leave her alone!" he shouted, trying to grab Ginny's hand. Footsock of course did not listen and kept dragging Ginny away, faster than Harry could catch her. Harry still tried of course, as the love of his life was being dragged away by his beloved pet. He had almost grabbed Ginny's hand, but Footsock disappeared into the shadows with her. Harry accepted defeat and walked to go to his original destination, the bathroom.
When he was finished, he washed his hands and walked back to the Gunnindoor dorms and climbed back into bed.
"I finished peeing!" he shouted, specifically to annoy Semus who was indeed annoyed. Harry got comfortable and fell back asleep.
***
The sun peeked through the window. Harry sat up and yawned, reaching for his glasses on the side table. He looked around the room. Seamus, Dean and Longbottom were already gone. Ron was still sleeping. Harry rolled his orbs. He grabbed a shoe off the ground, and tossed it at Ron's sleeping head.
“Ron you lazy butt! Get up! What time is it?” Harry shouted.
"Ow!" Ron exclaimed, looking at Harry, "Oh, good morning Harry, thanks for waking me up!" he said cheerfully.
Harry just stared at Ron.
“We gotta go find your sister Ron. I went out to empty my piss sack last night and I saw her get dragged away by footsock.”
Rons mouth dropped open.
“Is she okay?” Ron asked, jumping out of bed and throwing his shoes on, not bothering to change out of his too-small-pajamas.
Harry shrugged and also put on his shoes.
"How should I know? She was dragged away. All I know is we have to find her."
"Should we ask McGunnagal for help? Or Dummydoor?" Ron asked as they walked out of the dorm room.
"No bruv, we dont need their help," Harry said, rolling his globes at the red head.
They walked in silence for a bit to the hall where Harry saw Ginny and Footsock.
"You wanna know something I noticed Harry?"
"No."
"I noticed that your accent isn't as strong anymore," Ron said anyway.
"What are you talking about? My accent is the same as when I met you."
"See? You used to say what like "wot" instead of what!" Ron pointed out.
"Ron, you've lost your mind mate. My accent hasn't changed one bit."
"Whatever you say Harry."
They finally made it to the hall where Harry witnessed Ginny being dragged away from him by his beloved pet. They both stood there for a moment before Ron said something.
"How are we supposed to investigate this..? There doesn't seem to be any sort of clues around here," he said, gesturing at the hall.
"I dont know, she was kind of right here," Harry went and stood where he remembered Ginny being, "and she was playing with some rooster blood, which was really hot," Ron grimaced a little, and then Footsock appeared and started dragging her this way," he walked in the direction that Footsock had taken Ginny.
"Well where's the rooster? And its blood?"
"Footsock probably came back and ate it and licked up all the blood," Harry said, shrugging and looking around, "There might be a feather somewhere around here."
Harry heard a cough and spun around.
“GINNY!” Ron shouted, seeing the red haired girl standing watching the boys. Harry smoothed his hair out and puffed his chest out strutting towards Ginny.
"Fancy seeing you here. We were just looking for you," Harry purred out.
Ginny frowned.
“So ah- Harry here said you were taken by his pet lizard last night.” Ron said experimentally, glancing at Ginny.
Ginny shrugged her shoulders. “Sometimes she takes me to the secret basement.”
Ron squinted and nodded with his fingers in front of his mouth.
“Where's Footsock?” Harry asked anxiously.
“Secret basement.” Ginny repeated, hands on her side.
"Right…and where exactly is that Ginny?" Ron asked, glancing back at Harry.
"In the wall," she replied.
The boys stared blankly at her.
"Yeah but where?"
"In the wall," she repeated flatly.
"Could you show us?" Ron questioned the red headed girl.
Ginny shrugged and looked at the ground, she thought for a moment then nodded, walking down the hallway.
“This way” Ginny said, walking past the pair. The boys looked at each other and followed Ginny. She led them down some stairs to the left and turned left again, leading them down a long hallway. They walked past the Great Cafeteria, turning again and going up another set of stairs. They kept walking for a while before one of the boys spoke up.
"Do you even know where you're going bruv?" Harry asked after they had turned another corner. Ginny shrugged. Harry threw his hands up in the air and briefly wondered why they were taking directions from a woman. They kept following her until she stopped at a door.
"It should be about here," she said, gesturing to the door.
"Ginny, this doesn't seem very secret. It's supposed to be a secret basement. This is just a door that anyone could walk into," Ron explained.
"Well I guess so, but I'm sure this is where it is," she said.
"You better be right, I want my lizard back," Harry said, opening the door, Ron watching anxiously. He opened the door fully and was met with a broom closet.
Harry slammed it shut and kicked a hole into the door, yelling, "UGH! THIS IS JUST A STUPID BLOODY CLOSET! THIS IS JUST FULL OF CLEANING SUPPLIES! THIS IS ALL SO FOOLISH! LAUGHABLE IF YOU WILL! SENSELESS, LUDICROUS EVEN!", kicking the wall next to the closet repeatedly. He grabbed the door handle and ripped the door off its hinges, throwing it across the hall and throwing the cleaning supplies everywhere, some hitting Ron and Ginny. Ron tried to take cover behind a table that he'd seen in the hall but found it broken because of the door Harry threw. He decided it was better than nothing and crouched down behind the splintered wood.
All the comotion had caught the attention of McGunnigal and Dummydoor, who had been walking past the hallway.
McGunnigal gasped. “Well I never! In my thirty-eight years of teaching-” She shouted, her nostrils flaring.
Harry tossed the chunk of door he was holding at the old woman.
“Stupify-DIE!” McGunnagal shouted, shooting the wood so it shattered before it hit her.
Dummydoor was bouncing on his feet, looking down putting several small braids in his beard.
Harry panted, smoothing his hair down.
“How did you shoot that so fast Professor?” Ron asked, peeking his head out from behind the smashed table.
McGunnagals head turned to Ron sharply. “Quick draw, had you been in any of your classes you would be quite proficient at it.” She explained.
Ron's brown peepers widened. “I forgot we have classes!” Ron exclaimed, his hands flying to his head. McGunnagal nodded and announced both Ron and Harry were failing all of their classes.
Ron wailed. “Mom and Dad will kill me! Do you know how much trouble ive gotten into this year?” He exclaimed, “Stealing the car! Leaving them at the train station! Breaking my glock! Blowing up the car! Late to school! Skipping all my classes! And now I'm failing all my classes!” Ron cried, whipping his broken pistol into the air.
McGunnagal sniffed and Harry scowled.
“Uh- Professor, you said both of us are failing our classes, but surely that can't be right.” Harry said, placing his hands on his hips.
McGunnagle frowned and asked “and why can't it be right Mr. Pooter?” Dummydoor tied off his baby braid and tuned into the conversation.
Harry looked at McGunnigal and her stupid cat ear headband, dumbfounded. “I'm Harry Pooter!” He exclaimed, shocked.
McGunnagal pinched her nose and took a deep breath.
“Yes, you are Harry Pooter and im afraid that you have gotten away with far to much at this school!”
Harry rolled his orbs. “Name one thing I got away with that I didn't deserve!” Harry shouted.
“Well for one, it came to my attention recently that a certain student got his nipples chopped off!” McGunnagal shouted, pulling out what appeared to be two pink sausages.
Ron slowly turned to look at Harry. Harry rolled his orbs at McGunnigal.
"Oh whatever braves! His nipples were too long. I did him a favor, no? Plus I'm not the freak who held onto me for months now am I?" He exclaimed gesturing to McGunnagals hands, which were each holding a puffy pink nipple, squeezing them like stress balls. Harry and Ron stared at the puffy flesh tubes pumping in her hands.
Harry kept forward and grabbed the nipples, they were so soft and squishy, they even felt like they would burst.
"Hey! Those are mine!" McGunnagle shouted, suddenly looking distraught.
Harry shot her a warning glance before dropping the nipples down his shirt, feeling the soft velvety nipple skin slide against his smooth hairless chest skin.
"Well you could try to get them but I reckon a teacher feeling down my shirt is rather suspicious ain't it?"
McGunnagle sighed and sat back down. Dummydoor smiled at Harry behind his now braided mustache.
"Well the matter of your failing classes is still at hand. Quite frankly I think you are doomed to fail this semester."
Dummydoor cleared his throat, and leaned forward.
"Ooh, well, McGunnagle, if you don't mind me-"
"I mind dummydoor."
"What a fussy pussy cat."
Dummydoor said with a laugh, talking over McGunnagle, who rubbed her face in frustration.
"Anyways Harry, failing your classes isn't too big of a deal. Barely an inconvenience, I'll just go ahead and give you and Ryan passing scores for the rest of the year! Sound good?"
Harry cheered and Ron hesitantly corrected Dummydoor on his name before also cheering.
McGunnagle buried her face in her arms and let out a quiet scream.