Harry Pooter and his crazy Glockwarts adventure

Chapter 1 - Into the water

Mr and Mrs Durslay were perfectly normal, crime free people, thank you very much. They lived up to their name and liked to strut the town in their new bushi fits, they truly slayed. Unfortunately for the couple, The wife Petunia had a secret, her sister was a mob boss, killed by police nearly eleven years earlier.

And her son, Harry Pooter, had been left on her porch the very same night. So now the Durslays were raising the dead mob boss' son. They didn't like him much, as he ruined the family vibes.

"HARRY POOTER, COME OUT OF THAT OVEN AND MAKE ME AND YOUR COUSIN SOME BACON!" A particularly bulbous man with a face like a walrus shouted, his giant bulging hands clutching the table cloth out of sheer desperation and hunger.

"THIS IS NOT VERY SLAY OF YOU, LITTLE SKINNY MAGGOT! I HATE YOU, YOU SO UGLY, YOU CRUSH THE SLAY VIBE, I WISH YOU DEAD LITTLE SKINNY BOY!"

Mr. Durslay's wife came over and put a calming, bird-like hand on his shoulder, making small shushing noises to sooth the giant man.
The small boy pushed his legs out and popped the oven door open, most kids have a room, but Harry had an oven, because he just wasn't slay enough to have his own room according to the Durslays.

"Alright alright, I'm goin mate. No need to yell bruv." the scraggly boy said, climbing out of the oven.
Mrs. Durslay giggled and pulled Mr. Durslay close to her thin pointy lips and gave him a quick kiss. "I hate that little bugger as well, do your best to not get too riled up about it."

"I JUST CAN'T STAND HIS FUGLY FACE. HE IS NOT SLAY ENOUGH FOR THIS FAMISLAY!"

The small boy scurried to the freezer and pulled out an old expired packet of bacon. The cold plastic cooling his finger tips.
"You luv me right bacon?" Harry whispered, his hot british breath ghosting over the frosted bacon slices. "You will neva leave me bacon, you will be my best mate foreva...."

With a crash Harry's cousin burst into the room, he was dripped out in Gucci and lulu lemon leggings. "HARRY, WHY YOU TALK TO BACON! YOU SUCH A FREAK CUZ!" and with a mighty jiggling leap, Harry's cousin Dudslay slammed the bacon out of Harry's clutches and onto the floor, where the rock hard expired ice bacon shattered into a million billion pieces.
Two conflicting voices shouted throughout the Durslay house.

"My friends!"

"ME BACON!"

Mr Durslay heaved his giant body up off of the chair and waddled over to Harry, who was standing next to Dudslay over the broken bacon.

"WHY DID YOU DROP MY BACON YOU STUPID SKINNY BOY!" he said, flicking Harry in the forehead so hard he fell over. "THAT WAS NOT VERY SLAY OF YOU BOY!"

Harry stared up at Mr Durslay with wide green balls of sight and tried to get back up, only to slip on the frozen bacon shards. He fell back down with a thud as Mr. Durslay and Mrs. Dudslay laughed. Mrs. Durslay just shook her head and yanked Harry up to his feet.
"Sweep up the bacon right now young man." Mrs. Durslay commanded Harry, pointing her boney finger towards the broom. Harry rolled his vision spheres and cartwheeled while sobbing to get the broom and walked back over to sweep the bacon shards up, along with some dirt, and then picking the pile up, holding it.

"Should I still cook it bruv?" he asked her, holding his cupped hands out over the trash can. Mrs. Durslay looked at him like he was stupid.

"Of course, it wouldn't be very slay of you to waste food like that." she said, frustrated. Mrs. Durslay walked away muttering to herself, "Stupid runt...."

Mr. Durslay watched Harry as he dumped the bacon shards and dirt into a pan. "YOU BETTER COOK THOSE ALL THE WAY BOY."
Harry started to toss some of his floppy bacon friends into a pan, the sizzle reminded him of the screams, the screams he so distinctly remembered from when he was a baby.