The boys followed her as she walked around, they started to approach a bathroom, a girls bathroom.
"Right, 'Mione, why are we walking into the girls' lavatory? Seeing as were boys it seems silly to do that." Harry said.
Hermione waved her hand dismissively, "No no silly quaker, this is the bathroom where decaying myrtyl died, no one uses it anymore because they never removed her body when she died, they just left it there to decay, so it smells awful in there."
Harry did not understand why that meant they should use it, but continued to follow his friend to the bathroom..
"What's that?" Ron said, looking up.
"What's what- oh," Hermione said as she followed Rons gaze.
On the wall, above the bathroom door, written in red ink was a message.
"The Secret chamber has been opened, Enemies of the heir beware" Harry read out.
"Sounds like a poet wrote that, it rhymes," Ron said, before repeating the phrase, seeing how it sounded on his tongue. The trio stared up at the wall.
Harry's gaze traveled down the wall and he looked at the floor, there was a cat, its body was flopped, looking dead on the floor.
"Look at the dead cat mates." Harry said, pointing to the scruffy creature. Hermione and ron looked, they frowned.
"Whos kitty is that?" Hermione asked, and Harry walked over to the cat, grabbing it around the throat, to check if it had a name tag.
"There's not a collar." Harry said, hard outstretched with the cats neck still in his clenched fist.
"Mrs Nurrus! Tututut!" A call came from down the hallway, out of sight. The triumvirate ignored it. Still watching the cat.
"Look Hermione, does this look like a cat that belongs to someone you know?" Harry asked, shoving the dead harry cat in front of Hermione's face.
"No," Hermione said.
"Mrs. Nurrus! Where are you! Your daddy misses you!!" the voice was louder, Harry showed Ron the cat.
"Wot 'bout you fuzznut. Recognize this cat?" Harry asked. Ron scrunched his face up in thought, and was about to shake his head, when a loud shriek ripped through the air.
"My cat! Oh what have you done to my cat!"
The trio turned and saw Flonch, the janitor, who was skip hobble running his old bones self over to the lot.
"You killed my cat!" Flonch spat out, tears streaming down his face.
"I did not!" Harry shouted, still holding onto the dead cat by its neck."
Flinch snatched Mrs Nurrus from Harrys fist and hugged her to his chest as he fell to his knees, a loud popping sound coming from his knee joints. Harry rolled his orbs at the janitor.
"Wotever mate, I'm sure you'll get over it soon."
Flonch was shaking holding his cat, looking very upset. She seemed to be breathing, but she wasn't moving otherwise.
Hermione looked at the cat in his arms, "She seems to be breathing fine, so shes probably just paralyzed."
This did not seem to comfort Flonch much, but he did stand, looking sadly at Mrs Nurrus.
"You lot will pay for this! This cat was my baby." Flonch sobbed. "Just wait till i get Dummydoor!" He yelled as he turned on his heel and hobbled away as fast as his bowleggedness could carry him.
"Dummydoor doesn't like you anyway!" Harry shouted after the janitor. Harry and Ron looked at eachother, silently asking if the other wanted to go to bed, and they turned to leave when Hermione stopped them.
"Shouldnt we wait for Dummydoor?"
"For wot Hermione? I want to take a nap," Harry said, a teensy bit annoyed.
"Well, shouldn't he know about how Flonch's cat got paralyzed by Flonch is going to tell him it was because of us!"
Harry shrugged his shoulders and shook his hair out of his face, leaning up against the wall.
"Im cool waiting," Ron said "But what's that message mean anyway, what's it saying?" He said, redirecting the triad's attention back to the writing on the wall.
"Enemies of the heir beware?" Harry clarified, staring at Ron in disbelief, "Enemies of the heir beware? You know, Foes pertaining to the successor look out? Oppositions about the beneficiary heed this warning? Antagonists appertaining to the inheritor walk on eggshells? Nemeses characterized by the next in line mind your ps and qs" Harry explained, still looking at Ron.
Ron got a confused look on his face, staring back at Harry.
"Harry what? No- i know what the words mean. I meant like.... What does it mean? Who wrote it and why?"
Harry and Hermione squinted at the wall. "I bet it's that washed out white boy draco!" Harry proclaimed.
Hermione frowned. "I doubt it, Draco isn't that tall."
"He could have used a ladder."
"Where would he get a ladder that big, does this school even have ladders?"
"Im sure it has ladders, its a school."
"Ive never seen any ladders here at all."
"Doesnt mean its not there, you don't see ghosts either."
"Ghosts aren't real."
"Oh yeah? I get possessed all the time! Watch"
Harry turned and stomped on Rons toes while yelling 'Boo'
"Yelling 'BOO" doesn't make you possessed!" Hermione yelled, rolling her orbs. Ron was jumping on one foot, clutching the one Harry just stomped on.
"Agree to disagree," retorted Harry.
Hermione was about to retort when a gravely but cheerful voice said "OH what have we here?"
The trio turned to face none other than Dummydoor, the man they were waiting for.
"Dummydoor!" Harry shouted
"We were waiting for you!" Hermione said
"I swear we didn't kill Flonches cat!" Ron added, no longer standing on one foot.
Dummydoor shrugged "I know you didn't, it's still alive, just paralyzed."
"We didn't do that either," Hermione said, stepping forward, clarifying.
"Well that's a shame, I always hated that ugly cat." Dummydoor explained.
The group gazing upon the wall gained a new member, the trio now a quad.
"What does it mean?" Ron asked Dummydoor, gesturing to the wall.
"Well, 'enemy' means someone-" Dummydoor started before getting cut off by Ron.
"No no! I know what it means- I just meant- nevermind." Ron sighed.
"Who do you think wrote it?" harry asked, tugging lightly on Dummydoors long flowing silver beard "Was it draco?"
"I doubt it, I don't think we have any ladders in this school." The wise old man said thoughtfully. Hermione shot Harry a proud look over her nose. "My guess is Peeves,"
"Who's Peeves?" asked Harry.
"He's just an old student, i'm pretty sure he's possessed by a poltergeist or something of the sorts, a ghost maybe.''
Then it was Harry's turn to shoot Hermione a smug look.
"Either way, I should probably get Flonch on this and clean it up. You kiddies can stay in here if you want," Dummydoor said, shrugging and walking to the door, "Say hi to Peeves if you see him!" he said cheerfully, leaving the room.
"See ghosts are real, Dummydoor just confirmed." Harry said
proudly, crossing his arms over his abdomen.
"Dummydoor said they were real Harry, and let's be honest, Dummydoor has a screw or two loose" Hermione stated, rolling her orbs before Ron interrupted,
"He didn't say they were 'real hairy' he was just implying that they exist." Ron stated matter of factly.
"Wot?" Harry asked,
"He wasn't saying ghosts are hairy."
"Ghosts aren't me?" Harry asked.
"What? No- ghosts aren't hairy" Ron stressed, looking at harry
"'Hairy' like fur?" hermione asked
"Yeah" Ron replied
"What are you talking about right now?" Hermione asked, looking at Ron ludicrously.
"You said- nevermind. What are we going to do here?" Ron demanded.
Harry and Hermione looked at each other, and they shrugged. Harry suggested going to bed and the trio left.
***
Harry was lying in bed, staring at the top of his four poster bed.
Suddenly a sharp electric shock snapped at his head. Harry gasped and slapped a hand over his head hole. The shock had hurt really bad. Harry passed it off as nothing and went back to staring at the ceiling. The shock hit again, harder this time, it seemed to reverberate through his skull.
"AH!" Harry yelped, clutching his head hole. His cry woke his dorm mates, who were very unhappy.
"Harry!" Sheamus moned. "Yeah mate what's wrong with you." Deun added, both had rolled over in bed, staring at Harry, trying to rub the sleep out of their orbs.
"Sorry bruvs, something shocked my head!" Harry explained, Ron rolled over now, looking at Harry also, "Did it hurt?" Ron asked.
Nevile responded to the question even though it was aimed at harry. "Well yeah, he woke us all up. I imagine it hurt."
Ron nodded solemnly.
Harry began to lie back down, "It's alright roomies-" he explained "lets just go back to bed and- SON OF A MUPPET!" Harry yelped, sitting bolt upright in his bed. The shock had shocked him even harder than the other two times.
"WOT IS GOIN ON?" Harry cried.
Ron swung his long legs out from under the covers, he was wearing a white tank top and some striped boxers, his pasty legs were covered in soft red hair, nearly transparent.
Ron grabbed a flashlight and walked over to Harry's bed.
"Is the shock coming from outside your head hole or in?" The orange furry man asked.
"IN" Harry shouted, his body jerked as another shock hit his nerves.
"Let's take a looksy then." Ron said, Harry laid down and Ron sat on Harry's chest, Ron leaned over and aimed the flashlight at Harry's hole.
"Nevill, would you hold this still for me?" Ron asked. Holding the flashlight out to the boy.
Nevill took it and aimed it at Harry's hole, but for a moment the light hit Harry's orbs.
"AH NEVILL YOU WART! YOU ARE USELESS AREN'T 'CHA MATE! GOSH I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE BEING SO STUPID AS TO NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN HOLD A TORCH RIGHT YOU BUGGER."
Nevill frowned but did not dignify Harry with a response.
Ron peered deep into Harry's hole. When Harry laid back down his brain squelched back into his skull, showing the empty wet vastness inside his head.
"Do you see anything?" Harry asked.
"No"
Harry reached in and felt around his head hold, scraping his brain a little with his untrimmed nails.
"I just don't get it" sighed Harry
"Go to bed then! We're all tired!"
Groaned Deun, who flopped onto his bed and covered his face with his pillow. Neville frowned and walked back to his bed. Ron got off of harry's chest and sat on the edge of his bed.
"Ron?" Harry asked
"Yeah?" Ron replied.
"Do you think Footsock died?"
Harry asked, Ron frowned and looked thoughtfully at the wall.
"I don't know Harry, Footsock is quite a big animal, I have a hard time imagining her getting hurt or anything. But ive also never had a pet die." he paused for a moment before thoughtfully adding "I had a goldfish go to a goldfish farm before once though,"
"Did your mom tell you that?" Harry asked
"Yeah"
"Your goldfish died," Harry said, sounding annoyed.
"Do you have a pet back home now?" Harry asked, trying to blink away tears that had sprung from the thought of Footsock being dead.
"No, I did, but Ginny came and dropped off my pet rat the other day." Ron said, sounding more cheerful, "He mostly stays under my bed. You can probably hear him eating cheese and crackers if you listen hard enough," he said, smiling.
Harry listened and did indeed hear the faint sounds of crunching from under Rons bed. He looked at the floor next to Rons bed and saw the tips of a pair of human-sized shoes.
"Ron. I dont think that's a rat bruv." Harry said, the tears in his orbs gone.
"Of course he's a rat! I've seen him with my own lookers, and ive had him for years!" Ron exclaimed, getting him a loud shushing sound from the other boys in the room.
"Why wouldnt he be a rat Harry?" Ron asked, quieter this time.
"Ron, I can see his human-sized shoes peeking out."
"Harry, he doesn't wear shoes, he's a rat." Ron said, crawling under his covers.
"..Ron. you can see them if you just look down!" Harry said, irritated. The other boys yelled at them to shut up.
"Harry, I'm telling you mate. He doesn't wear shoes."
Harry reached down and ripped the shoes from Rons pet rat, revealing a pair of dirty human-sized human feet.
"Ron, are you stoopid? Dont answer that question- just look down."
Ron closed his mouth, pursed his lips and stared at harry,.
"Look down you stoopid muppet!"
Ron rolled his orbs, annoyed that Harry didn't understand it was just a rat.
"Youre so-called rat has huge feet!"
"All rats have feet, Harry."
The other boys groaned in annoyance, giving up on trying to keep them quiet.
"Ron, you're the stoopidest person ive ever met," Harry said, rolling over to face away from Ron. The orange headed boy laid down and went to sleep.
***
Morning had arrived in the school, the sunlight filtering through the curtain woke Harry up. Harry moaned and stretched, rolling over in bed to see Ron, sitting up already dressed and lacing his shoes.
"Wot time is it?!" wailed Harry, who was upset with the fact of being awake.
"Seven thirty" said Ron, "we gotta go eat breakfast and go to class, i was going to wake you up in a minute."
Harry turned back, shoving his face deep into his pillow, where he let out a bellowing scream. Ron did not react to the scream, he grabbed a pillow and smacked Harry's bottom with it. "Its time to get up harry. We have DAPP today."
"'How do we have DAPP today? I killed our last teacher because he was an undercover cop! How are we supposed to go to a class tought by a dead guy!? Gosh Ron, you sure are an idiot, you make me have violent thoughts mate."
Ron just shrugged and grabbed his bag, "c'mon harry, lets go to the great cafeteria, Hermione is surely waiting for us now."
Harry groaned, irritated, and got up to get dressed.
When the pair was ready they began the trek down to the great cafeteria.
"Ginny goes home today right?" Harry asked, feeling upset he barely talked to the foxy hot girl.
"Yep, she's going home on a train at twelve today." Ron replied, glancing at harry.
"AUGH!" Harry screamed, the angsty boy ran and punched the cinderblock wall. "AAHGH!" Harry shouted again, this time clutching his fist but he continued to walk with ron.
Ron was a bit tense following Harry's outburst, worried Harry would grab Ron's head and bash it into something as he was so fond of doing.
Harry sighed and turned towards Ron, "I hope you know, you will never amount to anything when compared to your sister, she is hot, she is talented, she is beauty and wonder, you are none of those things." Ron deflated a little, a bit relieved that Harry was not going to violently assault him. The pair was approaching a corner, Ginny and Dummydoors voices could be heard back and forth, they sounded deep in conversation.
"Please dummydoor, i'm only three days behind the cutoff line! Just let me get enrolled. I love it here!" Ginny cried as her brother and Harry came into view.
"Sorry Ginny, you are too young, you can start next year."
Dummydoor said reassuringly.
"WOT!" Harry shouted, "No Dummydoor, you should totally let her stay! She said herself she's barely too young! Plus she's one fine piece of meat if you know what I'm saying!"
Dummydoor chuckled, his orb wrinkles folding in and collapsing on each other as his face scrunched up in humor.
"Ho ho ho! I do know what you mean! Who am I to say no to my favorite pupil?" Dummydoor proclaimed, still smiling, he turned to Ginny "You can start school tomorrow, in the meantime come with me to get sorted into your Glockwarts house." Ginny and Dummydoor walked away, going to get enrolled.
"I am so happy right now!" Harry shouted, doing a happy cartwheel around the hallway.
Ron was happy Harry was happy.
Ron followed behind Harrys flipping form, his hand trailed along the cracks in the wall as they entered the great cafeteria. Harry jumped out of his cartwheel with an aerial roundoff, his form a tight Y shape. Ron saw Hermione and grabbed Harry by the elbow, guiding him to their frizzy haired friend.
"Who are you imagining is going to be our defence against the popo teacher?" Hermione wondered out loud, taking a sip of her butternut squash juice. Harry shrugged and looked up at the table where all the teachers sat, disappointed to see there was no new teacher.
"Maybe we will just have substitutes?" Ron proposed.
***
Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the other first year students all sat in the classroom. There was no teacher, but all along the walls were pictures of a man with a big butt chin, curly blond hair, and a giant smirk.
"Whos the bloke?" Ron asked, looking around at the pictures
"I counted thirty eight pictures of him," Said Nevile, who looked confused.
"Don't you recognize him! He's only the handsomest and most talented mafia member there ever was!" Hermione gushed, gazing lovingly at the portrait of the toothy man.
"That is correct!" a booming wanna-be-suave voice echoed out from behind the desk.
"Who was that!" Nevile gasped
"Twas I!" Shouted the voice, and with that a man appeared, twisting and turning as he stood, revealing his form. The man came to an abrupt halt, standing with his hands presented to the class, his robes a mustard yellow color, covered in sequins and orange fiery glitter. HIs brown hair was styled up, and in his globe-shaped-balls used for sight were purple contacts. All the girls in the class swooned immediately at the sight. One girl, Padma Patal, actually fainted when the professor smirked his toothy smirk. All the boys stared blankly, a couple looking at the girls in the class in confusion, Ron included.
"I am Lookhurt!" he said dramatically, swishing his robes around, the sequins catching the light. The girls swooned some more, causing even more confusion with the boys in the class. Harry didn't get what all the fuss was about.
"So are you gonna teach us or are you gonna just stand there swishing your ugly robes bruv?" he asked, annoyed. Lookhurt looked Harry up and down.
"I presume you are Harry Pooter?" he said, spotting the head hole.
Harry rolled his orbs, "Yes, cant you tell bruv? I'm obviously too cool to be some ordinary lame person."
Lookhurts smirk turned into a wide toothy smile, He spun around his desk and stood in front of Harry.
"Finally! I meet someone famous- someone who is almost as famous as me!" Lookhurt said, winking at Harry then turning to face the class.
"Almost as famous?" Harry sneered. "I'm twice as famous as you! I've never even heard of Lookhurt before!"
Lookhurts grin faltered, he sneered a bit, "Well maybe you just don't remember. After all, you do have that...head injury."
"Wot are you trying to say about my head ho'e bruv?" Harry said, starting to get agitated.
"I only mean it might have impaired your memory, nothing else." Lookhurt said smiling again. "But alas, tis of no matter now! I didn't get on the cover of 'Sexy Mafia Men Monthly' by talking about Harrys accomplishments now did I?! HAUGH HAUGH HAUGH!" Ron winced at Lookhurts loud laugh.
"It is to my deep and knowledgeable understanding, that you students were under the care of an undercover cop?" Lookhurt asked snootily, picking at his nails while looking at the class.
"Yeah but Harry killed him." Hermione said, batting her lashes at the glittery man.
Lookhurt nodded and winked at Hermione, who blushed furiously and hid her face.
"You will not have to worry about that with me here." Lookhurt smiled, "I am a professional mafia man, making appearances in several magazines, biographies, interviews and autobiographies."
"You dont look like a professional mafia man, bruv," Harry said.
"And why is that Harry?" Lookhurt asked, getting increasingly annoyed.
"Aren't professional mafia members supposed to not attract attention? Like you know, not wearing brightly colored sequin and glitter covered robes?" Harry asked, gesturing at Lookhurts clothing.
Lookhurts bead twitched but he kept smiling forcefully.
"When you are a famous professional, you can wear whatever you want. Since you are all still just students, you must wear the plain and ugly clothing that ametures wear."
"I'm not ameture!" Harry shouted.
"Maybe, maybe not, but one thing's for sure. You arent good enough"
Harry opened his mouth, but was shut up by the sudden harsh memory of living with the Durslays, he was crawling out of the oven, covered in soot and grease, watching as the Durslays groomed themselves for a night out, they were covered in gold and champion shirts with gucci belts. "Can I go with you to the mall please?" Harry asked quietly.
Mr Durslay laughed and walked over to Harry.
"HARRY MY UGLY NEPHEW, YOU WILL NEVER BE SLAY ENOUGH TO BE WITH US IN PUBLIC. YOU ARE LUCKY WE EVEN LET YOU SLEEP IN THE OVEN."
"Please uncle! I will be good! I can wear what you wear and say what you say, do what you do, slay what you slay!" Harry said, grabbing the cotton edge of his Prada green leather padded jacket. His uncle flinched away from Harry's greasy touch, and immediately slapped Harry across the face with his backhand, one of his gold, diamond encrusted rings slicing Harry's cheek open.
"YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH." Uncle Dudslay said, not sparing a glance at the boy who was now curled up, crying on the floor, clutching his bleeding face.
Harry was tearyorbed, not realizing where he was until a hand touched his shoulder.
"Are you alright Harry?" Ron asked. Harry flinched away and shoved Ron off of him, blinking to clear the tears from his diamonds.
"Yes Ron, why wouldn't I be okay?" Harry said angrily, before looking back up at Lookhurt.
"Of course I'm good enough you stoopid muppet. Everyones heard about me, but no ones heard about you, so maybe you're the one who isn't good enough!" Harry's voice was getting louder with each word until he was yelling. Ron looked at his friend with concern as he yelled at the glittery man.
"Harry ar-" Ron started before being interrupted.
"HAUGH HAUGH HAUGH! That's the furthest thing from the truth that you could've said Mr. Pooter!" Lookhurt chortled, "I have several books published! I don't see any of your own books being sold at bookstores!" the girls swooned at this comment.
"Thats because I dont need to publish stoopid boring books about myself for people to recognize me! I'm the boy who lived you self absorbed sod!" Harry yelled.
A boy with a curly brown mullet in the back audibly whispered,"Aww snap! Harrys full of dubs!"
Lockhurts head swivled around to find who spoke, pointed at him and yelled,"Detention Mr. Cartmill!"
"Aw snap! Not again!" the boy said sadly.
Lookhurt looked back at Harry, "You just dont have anything notable to write about Harry. Dont take your anger out on me simply because you live a pathetic, boring life." he said with a forced smile.
"My life is far from pathetic or boring, you stoopid glittery muppet!" Harry yelled, standing up out of his seat. Ron was getting worried that Harry was about to lose it.
"Harry, maybe you should sit down. He's only trying to get a rise out of you, you know." Ron told his friend, gently putting a hand on his arm.
Harry ignored him, "If you were even a little bit important, than you wouldve have to write so many books for people to think youre some impressive mafia member!"
Lookhurt rolled his lavender sight organs, "I dont need to, I choose to because I want to and everyone deserves to read about my heroic deeds. In fact, I have free copies of my latest book for all you lovely students."
The girls started squealing with delight and rushed up to their new teacher to get their copy, the boys following, curious about Lookhurts adventures. Harry stayed at his table, fuming and ready to explode. Ron stood next to him, hoping he could stop an outburst before it started.
"Um, maybe we can just leave Harry. We can go to the Great Cafeteria and get some snacks? Doesn't that sound like a good idea?"
"I want to kill him too, Ron."
"Um. Maybe let's not do that?" Ron suggested.
Harry looked at Ron, irritated with the whole situation.
"Wotever bruv, let's go to the Great Cafeteria," Harry replied, rolling his vision globes and walking towards the door.
Ron pumped his fist, excited he successfully stopped Harry from having a violent outburst, and followed his friend. They left the classroom and walked to the Great Cafeteria and sat at their usual table.
"I hate that stoopid glitter wearing "professional" mafia member. Why does he think he's so much better than me! Ive never even heard of a Lookhurt!" Harry exclaimed, eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese angrily.
"Well i mean, you did only just find out the mafia was even real so...that might be why youve never heard of him?" Ron prompted, eating some yogurt.
Harry glared at Ron, "If he's as famous as he insists then even ordinary people wouldve heard of him, Ron."
"I suppose so," Ron said, continuing to eat. Harry kept shoveling the macaroni and cheese into his mouth until he finished the bowl.
***
Ron and Harry walked to the Gunnindoor common room to wait for their next class. When they walked in, they found Hermione studying for one of her classes. She looked up when they came and sat with her.
"Where did you two go? You know you could get into trouble for leaving class early."
"I was about ready to murder that stoopid sequin-covered muppet," Harry said, still mildly irritated, sitting across from his friend. Ron nodded and sat next to Hermione.
"Yeah, me and Harry went to the Great Cafeteria to eat so that he wouldn't kill Lookhurt."
"Why would you even want to kill him? He's so charming and handsome!" Hermione said, opening the cover to the free book he gave her, and gazing at the signature on the title page. Harry rolled his orbs and Ron frowned a little bit.
"He's not that handsome..." Ron mumbled.
"He's not that good looking Hermione. I might even say he's the worst looking man I've ever seen." Harry said, before thinking for a moment and then adding, "Actually the second worst looking man I've ever seen. Ron is definitely the number one ugliest."
Hermione nodded, agreeing, Ron frowned and tried to smooth his hair down.
'Well either way, we have homework for his class. 2 pages on how to dress to impress."
Ron and Harry groaned, Ron pulled out some paper and tried to start his assignment.
Hermione went back to studying and Ron looked out the window, already distracted. Harry got up and went to sit by the fireplace by himself. Not much happened for a bit, Harry just watched the flames roll in the fireplace.
BOOM
A clutter of teenagers ran into the common room, causing Harry, Ron and Hermione to all flinch and look up.
"There's been an attack." Said Fred, Ron's brother popping his head out from behind a rather tall girl.
"What? Who?" Asked hermione.
"Justin Flinch-Flotchy" Mcgunagal said, pushing her way through the crowd of teens. Her lips were set in a grim thin line. Her orbs falling onto Harry.
"Who?" asked Harry, sounding disinterested.
"Justin Flinch-Flotchy, he was-is a Hufflesnuff." Repeated McGunnigal grimmly. Harry continued to stare blankly at her, rather annoyed she interrupted his staring into the fire.
"Okay, like? Bruvess? Why are you here to tell us that? Why should we care, he's not even in Gunnindoor?" Harry asked, smacking his lips in annoyance, looking Mcgunnigal up and down- a habit he picked up from living with the Durslays.
McGunnigal frowned and said "I'm afraid, Mr Potter, that you will have to come with me. You to Grunger, Weasloy,"
The trio got up, Ron and Hermione exchanging worried glances. "Are you suspecting we are involved with the attack?" asked Hermione tentatively. McGunnagal did not reply, she only led them through the common room entrance, heading towards her office. Harry sighed and trailed his hand on the cinderblock walls, the walls stretched up into the ceiling, which seemed miles away, the school for whatever reason was very tall, with windows that seemed to go on for forever. Some of them were ornate glass stained windows depicting various scenes.
Harry gazed at the colorful windows as they walked past them until they reached McGunnagals office. They all walked in and McGunnagal shut the door behind them before taking a seat behind her desk.
"So why are we in here? It's not like we did anything wrong." Harry said, annoyed that he was not staring into a fire right now.
"Yeah, I'd like to know why we're here too," Hermione stated, also slightly annoyed that she wasn't using this time to study.
Ron seemed mildly confused, but otherwise content.
"Well children, there's been an attack as you know. And you are our prime suspects."
"Is there a reason? We were in the Gunnindoor common room when it happened," Hermione said, a little confused now.
Harry rolled his diamonds, "Yeah McGunnagal, Hermione was studying and I was staring into the fire. I'm not sure what Ron was doing but he was with us the whole time."
McGunnigal frowned again. "You three were found at the scene of the attack with Mrs Nurrus. So far you are our only suspects, and while I don't believe that you lot-" Mcgunnagal trailed off from her speech when she saw her office door creak open.
"Are you interrogating my favorite student?" Dummydoor asked, sliding into the room and shutting the door behind him, Gazing at McGunnigal over his spectacles. "Er, i'm just trying to see if they have any information behind the attack. We are extremely luck that Justin Flinch-Flonchy was just paralyzed, he almost died."
"Oh boohoo" Huffed Dummydoor, putting his hand on Harry's shoulder. "People die all the time. Harry Pooter is special, he shouldn't be subject to your silly questions."
McGunnagal drew back with a hiss. "Dummydoor, I am not under the impression that Harry or his friends are the ones who attacked Mr.Flinch-Flinch! I am merely saying that they are our only leads! We need to put a stop to these attacks." She exclaimed before lowering her voice and looking deep into Dummydoors orbs, "You know as well as I what happened last time the secret chamber was opened. A girl died. We can not repeat history."
Dummydoor sighed and whispered something about legal investigations and paperwork.
"Well no one has died yet so lets just leave it for now. My favorite student and his friend need to get back to what they were doing before."
"Friend? Singular? Harry has two friends in here Dummydoor." Ron said, looking up at the old man, smiling a little.
"Ah, right, forgot about the orange boy. Well my point still stands." he said, looking back at McGunnagall, who pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.
"Surely dummydoor, you can see the importance of-" McGunnigal was silenced by the shushing noises coming out of Dummydoors mouth.
Dummydoor lead the trio out of McGunnigles office, ignoring the protests coming out of her mouth. Harry was thankful to be out of there, as it meant he could resume his daily fire- watching. Hermione seemed pleased too, and Ron was just the same. Mildly confused and content.
"Thank you Dummydoor. I like McGunnagal alright, but she interuppted my daily fire-watching.," he said to the tall old man, "We'll be on our way now. Thanks again Dummydoor," Harry turned to walk away.
Dummydoor smiled, "Anytime Mr. Pooter. Enjoy your fire-watching."
***
When the three mafia members go back to the Gunnindoor common room they all resumed what they were doing before. Harry settled into the big armchair and watched the flames of the fire swishing around.
"What do you suppose is putting people into comas anyways?" Hermione asked out loud. Harry and Ron shrugged.
"Well, I was reading a book about komodo dragons the other day because Footsock is missing, and I started to suspect. Well anyway, Komodo dragon bites are extremely toxic and can lead to paralyzation".
"...How is that related to Footsock?" Harry questioned.
"I believe she is still in the school and could be biting, leading her victims to become paralyzed".
"So Footsock is responsible?" Harry asked, squinting at hermione
Hermione shrugged, "Likely"
Harry frowned, "Footsock is so kind and friendly, I can't imagine her attacking anyone for no reason! Flonches cat and Justin what's-his-ugly-face probably were being mean to my dearest pet."
"...Right. Well we need to find her so she doesn't attack anyone else." Hermione said, shifting in her seat.
"Not sure how to do that bruvess, I can't even find footsock, and I'm her owner, she'll come back to me when she's ready. You can go through if it makes you feel better" he said, looking back at the fire.
"You're not going to help look for her?"
"Not right now, I got a fire to watch you silly muppet."
Hermione rolled her lookers and got up, "Well I'm going to look for her then," she said, walking out of the common room, leaving Ron alone at the table.
Harry waved and kept watching the fire. Ron sat at the table for a while before he came and sat on the floor next to Harry.
"Wot are you doing Ron?" Harry asked, irritated suddenly.
"...Fire-watching?"
"Find a different fire to watch you naked mole rat in-a-wig looking boy"
Ron kept sitting there anyways, to which Harry let out an angry sigh.
***
Harry and Ron had fallen asleep in front of the fire, the common room was silent apart from the slight whistling as Ron breathed, the orange boy's head was leaned against the shoulder of Harry, who was leaning against a cushion chair. The fire was no longer burning with the same ferocity it was originally, there was just a small couple embers, smoking slightly. Moonlight filtered through the glass panes on the wall, illuminating the boys.
Harry began to stir, he felt a pressure on his shoulder, he blinked and looked over, his orbs falling on Ron. Harry recoiled, shoving Ron's head off of his shoulder. Ron woke up with a start and wiped the sticky drool off of his face. Harry growled as he looked at his cold drool soaked sleeve.
"You are so gross Ron!" he exclaimed, trying to shake the drool off.
"Sorry Harry," Ron apologized and looked around the room, "Has Hermione come back?" he asked.
"How should I know? I was asleep too you Cheeto colored boy," he replied, scooting closer to the fire to put a couple fresh logs in the fireplace.
"Well I dont know, maybe she woke you up when she came back," Ron said, shrugging.
Harry rolled his vision globes and grabbed the matches and lit one, putting it under the logs. He grabbed the fire iron and poked at the logs to get the fire to spread.
"Well if she came back she didn't wake me up, Ron. I would've gone to my bed and left you out here if she had."
Ron nodded, taking note of how Harry would have kindly let him keep sleeping had Hermione woken him up.
"Should we go look for her?"
Harry stopped poking the fire and looked back at Ron, "Are you seriously asking me that right after I've lit the fire back?" he asked, agitated. Ron shrugged,
"I just have a weird feeling, Harry." Ron said "She went to go look for Footsock alone, and all these attacks are happening."
"Attacks shmacks, Hermione is fine Ron!" Harry growled before turning back to the fireplace, attempting to keep the baby fire growing. Ron hugged his legs to his chest and tucked his head into his knees. He sat there for a while.
"Ask me what I'm doing Harry." Ron asked, Harry ignored him
"Harry- ask me what im doing." Ron asked again, Harry ignored him again.
After a few moments Ron said "Harry- ask-"
"What are you doing Ron?" Harry asked finally, looking at the hunched over boy next to him. Ron shrugged in his position before giggling for a second. His head popped up and Harry could see a slight smile playing on the red heads lips.
"What?" Harry asked again
"Well you see- sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward," Ron said, smiling wider.
"Why bruv- you are such a weirdo"
"-Because that's just how I roll." Ron said, leaning forward and doing a somersault.
Harry stared blankly as Ron rolled towards the fireplace.
"I don't get it, was that a joke?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, you know? Because like- the expression...?" Ron trailed away his gaze looking up towards the opening of the common room, where McGunigal was walking in.
"UGH McGUNNAGAL why are you always here!" Harry moaned, tossing a pillow into the fireplace in his anger.
McGunnagal pursed her lips and took a deep breath through her nose.
"Is everything alright professor?" Ron asked politely
"Better not be alright, heckin three o'clock in the morning"
McGunnagal straightened her robe and said "Hermione has been attacked, she's in the nurse's office right now. I thought you boys would like to know about your friend."
"Is she okay?" Ron inquired, looking worried.
"She seems to be fine other than being in a coma like the other victim," McGunnagal answered.
"Of course Hermione's okay, she's too smart to die," Harry said, watching the pillow burn in the fireplace. Ron nodded, some of the concern leaving his face.
"Harry-" McGunnagal breathed out, wringing her hands together. "Dummydoor is not concerned about the attacks, he insists that no one has died and that it doesn't matter. Do you have any clue about who could be behind these comas?"
Harry took a deep breath in before saying "Look McGunnigal, I am inclined to believe Dummydoor no one died, and I do believe it was you who told me it was okay that I hurt Draco in the cars."
McGunnagal opened her mouth then closed it again.
"That was different, Draco was bleeding, he wasn't going to die. Death is not permissible in a time like this, where we are constantly in between investigations! Each and every one of these children almost died."
Harry sighed again, rolling his head back.
"LOOK McGunnagal, Dummydoor said it wasn't a big deal, so lets just leave it alone. Itll solve itself eventually."
McGunnagal sighed, frustrated.
"Do you two know if Hermione knew anything then? She didn't mention anything out of the ordinary? Anything at all?"
Ron looked at Harry, who was staring into the fire still, and then looked at McGunnigal.
"Well, she told us that she had read some about komodo dragons. Since Footsock went missing, and she- she had started to suspect maybe Footsock was behind the attacks?" he said, tentatively, glancing at Harry.
Harry turned to look at Ron at the mention of Footsocks name.
"It isn't her Ron," he looked up at McGunnigal and her black sequin cat ears, "It's not her. She wouldn't attack anyone unprovoked McGunnigal."
"But it's still a possibility that she's behind these attacks Harry. And even if it isn't her, it's the only lead we have right now," she turned to leave, "Thank you boys," and she left the Gunnindoor common room.
Harry looked back at Ron and glared.
"Why'd you have to go and tell her that Footsock is the one responsible for all this?!"
"Well it's just the truth Harry! I just told her what I knew!"
"SHE ISN'T RESPONSIBLE SO YOU LIED!!!" Harry yelled.
"Harry, I didn't say she was responsible. I told McGunnigal that Hermione suspected Footsock, not that I did." Ron explained.
"You still insinuated that Footsock was the one doing all this. My perfect lizard pet would not do that Ron!" he shouted.
"If you say so Harry."
It was silent for a while, Harry staring into the fire and Ron picking at his nails.
"So uh, do you wanna go see Hermione?" Ron asked.
Harry sulked and his orbs shifted from the fire to ron.
"Fine, let's go mate, and I promise you there will be no bite marks from Footsock." Harry said, sitting up in his chair and getting up.
The boys walked to the nurse's office in silence.
Ron pushed the door open, the nurses office was rather large, with several beds covered in curtains, the wall to the left had a large window overlooking the shootich field. The boys walked to where they saw Hermione. There was a nurse next to her fiddling with a feeding tube when they walked over.
Hermione was laying in bed, his orbs partially open, her mouth was gaping and she was slumped lifeless under the covers. The boys could barely see the rise and fall of her shallow breath.
Ron walked over and closed Hermione's mouth, "Don't want a fly getting in there," Ron said as an explanation and stepped back, sadly looking at Hermione.
"When will she get better doc?"
The nurse squinted at him, "Your friend here seems to suffer the same affliction the others have gotten."
"Whatever do you mean kind nurse lady?" asked Ron, batting his lashes at her.
"Well-" she said, setting the feeding tube down, "they all have these oozing inflamed bites on them."
She explained, shifting the cover of the bed so that the boys could see Hermiones leg, which was two times its usual size. An obvious bite mark was displayed, 13 deep holes puncturing Hermione's leg, each one oozing white fluid.
"Can we see the bite?" Ron asked, "McGunnagal is trying to figure out what's causing all this."
Harry slapped the back of Rons head. "You absolute wanker! She's showing us the bite right now, look!"
Ron looked at where Harry was gesturing, "Oh! That's a pretty big bite mark."
He glanced at Harry, "Maybe komodo dragon sized..?" he said hesitantly.
Harry glared at him, "It's not Footsocks doing Ron! She wouldn't attack anyone unless they deserved it and Hermione doesn't seem like the type to try to fight a giant lizard."
"I didn't say it was Footsock. Just that it seems like maybe the size of a komodo dragon bite. There could be another one of those running around!" Ron said, hoping to avoid an outburst so that they wouldn't get kicked out.
"I would be surprised if it was a komodo dragon, those animals live in Indonesia, however a komodo bite could definitely do this to a human."
Harry gave Ron a pointed look before asking, "Hypothetically, what would happen if someone caught a komodo dragon on the school grounds?"
Ron sniffed and said "The lizard would probably be put down or taken away or something." The nurse nodded to what Ron said.
Harry screamed.
The curtain hiding the bed in the corner shot open at the sound of Harry's shrill scream. Ginny swung her leg over the side of the bed and walked over. She looked worse for wear, bags under her orbss, a huge hospital gown loosely hung over her pale frame.
"I assure you, this was no lizard." Ginny said darkly, her red hair hung limply over her face, casting a dark shadow over her orbs.
"OH- Ginny!" Harry stumbled out, slicking his hair back and leaning casually on the table, one hand on his hip.
"Its Flonches dirty cat!" Ginny screamed, pointing a shaking finger towards a counter in the back where Mrs. Nurris's skinny body was lying haphazardly, limbs bent at awkward angles.
The nurse pursed her lips and took a deep breath, she seemed used to Ginny's screaming.
"Ginny-" The nurse said gently, "We've been over this before, Mrs Nurris is paralyzed."
Ginny shook her head aggressively, her brown spheres seemed to be sunken in, she looked both tired and alert, both vancant and hyper aware, she was a walking crazy looking contradiction. Harry loved it. "Shut up Mrs Pamfrey!" Ginny blurted out, staring at the ground.
Ginny thrust her non-pointing hand in the air, a bite was revealed, significantly smaller than the one on Hermione's leg.
"I saw the bloody cat in the hallway, it was hurt, it was yowling and yelling! I bent down to try to help it and it bit me!" She screamed, "a bit after the blasted thing bit me, I started hearing her voice."
"You heard the cats voice?" Ron interrupted, looking concerned. Ginny nodded, suddenly looking weary, she sat down on her bed.
"That's gnarly." Harry said, staring at Ginny with big ocular beads and a smirk.
"After she bit me I could hear her voice, I still can, she tells me what to do sometimes. The monsters worse though."
The nurse- Mrs Pamfrey, sighed and started guiding Ginny back to her bed, before the boys could ask what ginny meant by 'the monster'. "You boys better go, I can't have anyone exciting my patients. Shoo, shoo!"
Harry and Ron left the nurses office, Ron looked upset, he was biting his nails. Harry was smitten.
"Mate- i'm going to marry your sister one day" Harry said, a dopey grin on his face. Ron frowned and looked at him. "Why?" He asked.
"Never in my life have I seen a girl so attractive, and well, I'm the hottest boy here." Ron was confused, Ginny was clearly sick, but he shrugged. "Alright Harry, I guess that would be fun, we would be brother in laws!" Ron said, skipping on the last word. Harry suddenly stopped walking, staring at the wall.
"Ew," Harry finally said, shaking his head.
"What?" Questioned Ron, looking at him.
"I just can't imagine being related to an orange haired boy like you. Gross'' Harry explained. Ron didn't understand and touched his hair self consciously.
"Harry," Ron said, looking apprehensive. "I'm worried, Hermione's paralyzed and
Something is wrong with Ginny... What if footsock really is behind the attacks?" Ron asked, twisting the edge of his t-shirt.
Harry scowled and did not respond as they turned the corner. Harry and Ron faltered, forgetting their previous conversation as they saw the three bloody roosters taped to the window. One roster was missing several large chunks of feathers- which seemed to be in a pile on the windowsill next to duct tape, which appeared to be the tape used to tape the bloody roosters up to the now-blood-dripping glass.
Ron walked forward and grabbed the duck tape.
"Well that's kinda ironic isn't it?" Ron said, tossing the tape in the air and catching it again.
"What is?" Questioned Harry, staring at the roosters.
"You know, how they used DUCK tape to tape up ROOSTERS?" Ron explained, smiling slightly.
Harry paused, growing thoughtful. "I don't think that counts as irony, Ron," he said.
"Are you sure?" Ron asked. "I mean it's unexpected, duck tape for a rooster, you know- the different types of birds and what not, its contradictory."
Harry leaned against the wall thinking for a moment. "I guess I can understand that train of thought Ron, but- Well I mean, what category of irony would that fit into? It's certainly not dramatic irony, after all there is no audience who knows some secret we don't. It's not verbal irony, as no sarcasm or misdirection was used, I guess that you could argue that it was situational irony, but that seems like a stretch because duck tape AKA duct tape is after all not made for ducks, it's just tape." Harry said, scratching at his head while he explained.
Ron looked confused.
"Sure, sure, sure, Harry, but irony can just be a comedic idea that goes contrary to what one might think would happen, so duck tape being used for roosters is ironic." Ron defended.
"Okay Ron you lost me, by that definition I could say that you becoming successful in the future would be ironic, because it's laughable and not what one would suspect would happen, but in reality that notion is certainly not ironic, just unexpected, Duct tape and rosters are not ironic. " Harry explained before being interrupted by an Italian voice.
"Ahh, What is'a going on'a here!" Draco exclaimed, his pale, nearly translucent skin shining blindingly in the sun cast through the window. "AH! I gasp! Did you'a kill'a these'a birds!" Draco asked, looking shocked, his bleached looking hand pointed at the dead roosters on the windowsill.
"NO we didn't 'kill'a' them you pallid, bleach-haired, pasta muncher!" Harry shouted, as he spun, arms up in a pirouette to stare down at Draco.
Draco recoiled at the offensive words that came out of Harry's mouth. "What'a happened to'a the birds then?" Draco retorted, his delicate small hands crossed over his chest.
"We don't know." Harry spat. Ron shifted and peered over Harry's shoulder at Draco.
"Hey Dracoa!" Ron said cheerfully.
"It'sa Draco'a," Draco said rolling his vision spheres.
"Yes, Draco'a that's what I said'' said Ron, before Harry rolled his lookers and said "Ron come on, we've done this before, its Draco." Draco nodded ardently at Harry's words.
"Oh sorry Draco." apologized Ron.
"It'sa alright." Said Draco, waving his hand as if to dismiss the apology.
"I was wondering if you could settle a little debate me and harry were having." Ron began, stepping forward.
"Ah, sure, what'a is'a it?" Draco asked, relaxing a bit.
"Is it or is it not ironic if the tape used to stick those roosters onto the window was duck tape?" Ron explained, gesturing to the duct tape in his hand and to the roosters on the window.
"Hmm, well'a id'a have'a say that'as ironic isn't it, its'a two different'a types of birds'a yes?" Draco said, putting his hand to his chin. Ron pumped his fist in victory and Harry threw his hands up in the air in frustration.
"Ironically though'a-'' Draco continued "I'a have to'a go to the bathroom." Draco said, slicking his hair back, glancing towards the hall leading to the bathroom.
"Did you even hear yourself?!" Exclaimed Harry in disbelief, "You just threw the word 'ironically' into a completely unrelated sentence! You sound like a nimrod"
Draco scowled and walked away, before he turned the corner he said, "Well by'a the way'a Harry- I will be notifying the headmaster'a about'a this!"