Harry was at his first Shootish practice. He loved it. The captain, Oliver Waad, let him take the team's car for a spin around the field first. The twins cheered him on as he tore up the grass of the field.
"Oh I feel happy, mates! I feel good! I was born to be out here!" Harry shouted, smiling big, not a trace of his constant anger inside. Harry stopped the car in front of the rest of the team and got out, his big smile still on his face.
"You were great out there Harry!" Oliver exclaimed.
"Thanks mate!"
"I think you might be ready for the game tomorrow!"
"There's a game tomorrow? But mate its only my first practice!"
Oliver put his hand on Harry's shoulder, "I know you won't let us down."
Harry nodded, a tear forming in his vision globe. Oliver took his hand away and turned to the rest of their team.
"Alright team, i know this is only our second practice but i think we're ready for tomorrow," the rest of their teammates nodded and smiled to each other, "As you know we will be playing our greatest enemies, Slythergun," the team all stopped smiling at the the mention of their rival house," ARE WE GONNA LET THEM BEAT US?!"
"NO!" the team all said in unison.
"THATS RIGHT! WERE GONNA PUMMEL THEM!"
"YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" they all cheered as they went back to their locker room to change back into their normal clothes.
Harry striped down, taking a shower in the locker room. The shower next to him was taken by Oliver, the captain.
"Harry." Oliver said, sounding serious while scrubbing his hair.
"Wot." Harry asked, taking great care not to get any soap on his feet.
"Slythergun is soft, they are known for trying to cause the least amount of damage. But that doesn't mean we are safe. Slytherguns play the game just as well as the rest of us, even with their morals keeping them from being as ruthless as a good and loyal Griffengun." Oliver said, looking Harry directly in the orbs.
Harry rolled his beads. "Mate, I'm not scared of some dumb ol Slythergun!" Harry shouted, looking gleeful. Harry looked at Oliver, Oliver was standing on the other side of the wall, both showers were on but the wall between them only covered from the belly button down. Harry's gaze strayed to Oliver's nipples, which, Harry noticed, were very long.
"Off topic bruv, but why are your nipples so long?" Harry asked his team captain.
Oliver looked down and then looked back up at Harry,"I don't know, genetics mate."
"Well they looks weird, here mate, ill help you!" Harry shouted, shooting one leg straight into the air, his crusty foot, hanging still in the air above Harry's head.
Oliver stared at Harry wide globed. "Wow you are flexible, but what- AH!" Oliver cut off his own sentence when Harry's flaky yellow foot came down, slashing through the air like the sword of a skilled knight. Harry long toenails slashed both of Oliver's long nipples off in one swoop, before Harry's leg hit the barrier wall between them.
Oliver Wad screamed, looking at his severed nipples, Oliver spun around in panic, causing his nips to spray blood in a sprinkler motion all over the walls and Harry's face.
"Wot bruv?" Harry asked, "I did you a favor!"
Oliver grasped at his now short bleeding stub nipples and cried in pain.
Harry rolled his orbs. He leaned forward over the wall and pinched both of Oliver's nips to stop the bleeding. This caused only more pain for Oliver, and fell to the ground in pain. Harry rolled his looker globes again.
"Stop crying bruv, you're fine. Just go to the nurse or something," he said, still pinching his nipples.
Oliver nodded, and got up to walk away. When harry let go, blood started spewing again, spraying him in the face again. Harry went back to washing his hair, making sure to get the blood off his face as Oliver walked away, wailing in pain.
Ron walked into the locker room, looking excited.
"Harry! Im so excited!"
"I dont care Ron. Cant you see im trying to shower?"
"Well yes bu-"
"But nothing. Get out before i hurt you."
"But Harry its abou-"
"RON! I DONT WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT!"
Ron looked sad and walked past Harry to his brothers.
"Well since he doesn't wanna hear, arent you guys excited to see Ginny tomorrow? Shes gonna watch your Shootish match! Mum said shes also bringing your rat ron." he said, getting excited again.
"WAIT! You were talking about the smoking hot babe you live with!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!"
"Well I tried."
Harry tuned Ron and his brothers out, daydreaming about Ginny, now even more excited about the Shootish game.
***
The new day had begun and Harry was about to participate in his first ever Shootish game. Harry was in the locker room, excitedly putting his Shootish uniform on. His first practice had only been a few days ago but he could feel it in his bones that he was going to win the game for Gunnindoor. Oliver Wad was carefully putting his shirt on, trying to avoid causing more pain to his band-aid covered nipples. The rest of them finished getting ready and they all lined up while Oliver gave a speech.
"I know our first ever practice of the year was only a couple days ago, but i can feel it in my soul that we will win today. So let's go out there and kick some slither-butt!"
The rest of the team was nodding along, getting hyped up.
"Lets go out there and demolish the Slytherguns!"
"YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!" the Gunnindoor team cheered.
They all rushed out of the locker room onto the field where the team car stood. On the opposite side was the Slythergun team and their car. Harry made orb contact with Draco and sneered. Draco rolled his vision diamonds as they both got into their respective cars. Harry sat in the drivers seat, gripping the wheel tightly. Oliver climbed into the passenger seat, getting his glock ready. The twins climbed into the back seats of the car, also readying their glocks, the rest of the team ready to fill in for anyone too injured to continue. Windows were rolled down and everyone but Harry hung out the window, sitting on the window frame, holding on tightly to railing on the top of the car.
Harry peered at the Slythergun car and saw Draco in the drivers seat as the announcer, Lee Jardon, announced that the match start soon.
"You ready for your first game Harry?" Oliver asked Harry, ducking his head into the car while they waited.
"Heck yeah mate, were gonna crush these goody two shoes!"
They heard Lee say counting down from 10. Oliver put his head back outside the car and Harry heard him yell, "Get ready boys!"
"...Five! Four! Three! Two! ONE! GOOOOO!" Lee yelled.
Harry stomped on the gas, sending the car flying forward as the rest of his team started shooting at the enemy team. Harry swerved right, sending mud flying at the other car which hit the Slythergun members in the lookers. Harry heard one of them yell in pain, and assumed that they had been shot.
"GOOD ONE HARRY!" he heard one of the twins yell. Harry put the car in reverse and flew backwards. Draco looked confused as he followed Harry, but not as fast of course. Harry grinned and put the car in drive, lurching forward at full speed, crashing into the front of the green car. Harry kept pushing forward, pushing his rivals car against a wall. He could hear the crowd cheering for him. Dracos teammates were shooting at Oliver and the twins, only managing to graze them.
Dracos car was being crunched and grinded by Harrys, and he was starting to look worried. Some of the crowd was booing Harry, but Harry assumed they were booing the Slythergun team because who in their right mind would be booing the greatest team ever?
Draco stepped on the gas pedal of his car, trying to push Harry away so he could get away. He finally managed to get away, and one of his teammates shot Oliver in the arm. Harry heard him yell in pain, and Oliver aimed at the one who shot him, shooting them in the side. Harry turned sharply to face Draco again, circling his car so that Draco couldnt leave. The Slythergun car stopped, and the Slythergun team was shooting at the Gunnindoor team, missing horrible since they were circling them very quickly. The Gunnindoor team was also missing pretty bad since they were going fast, but they managed to hit another green-wearing player, who had toppled out of the Slythergun car. They heard Lee over the big speakers saying that they would be entering the second to last quarter of the match soon.
"KEEP SHOOTING THEM!" he heard Oliver yell, "WE GOTTA GET THEIR BAG!"
Harry had been so distracted trying to brutally injure Draco that he forgot all about the sack of "treasure" that they were supposed to steal from them. He stopped circling around the emerald colored car and sped over to the Slytherguns safe zone, turning at just the right moment for one of the twins to grab the sack.
"GOT IT! GET BACK TO OUR SAFE ZONE HARRY!"
Harry took a deep breath and raced to their safe zone.
"AND GUNNINDOOR HAS GRABBED THE SLYTHERGUN TREASURE SACK! THEIR DRIVER HARRY POOTER IS RACING TO THE SAFE ZONE! GUNNINDOOR IS GONNA WIN!"
The Gunnindoor team heard Lee yelling this, as well as the crowd losing their minds. Draco had just barely realized what had happened when Harry crashed into the wall inside the safe zone.
"GUNNINDOOR WON! THEY WON!!!" they all heard Lee cheering into his microphone.
The Gunnindoor team all jumped out of the smoking, crushed up car and started celebrating, the standby teammates joining in of course. They were all celebrating when Ron came down to the field with Hermione and the most beautiful girl Harry had ever seen.
"GINNY!" the twins yelled, running to give their younger sister a hug. Harry ripped his shirt off and threw it to Ginny, flexing his nonexistent muscles. She caught it and looked at him confused. He winked at her, still flexing. Ginny smiled and waved before kissing her brothers on the cheeks.
Ron came down from the bleachers behind Ginny,
"Harry! You did amazing out there! I am so impressed and proud of you!" Ron shouted.
Ginny turned to Ron and mentioned leaving "Scrubbers" the rat under rons bed.
Harry continued to flex for Ginny, disregarding the comments ron said. Harry made a super man pose when he felt a cool tapping on his shoulder.
"Aya, Harry! Iya justa wanted toa say... Ah gooda game!" Draco smiled at harry.
"I'ya wouldn't have'a been'a able to'a play if'a it wasn't for'a you! Snap convinced Dummydoor to'a give'a me'a a chance because he thought it'a was only fair!"
Harry frowned, and slowly spun to look at Draco.
"Don't touch me you pale freak! You should be embarrassed that you lost the game!" Harry shouted at Draco. Draco looked upset,
"Aaah Harry, I'ya understand that'a we do not'a get'a-long great. But i just wanted to say-"
"NO, EW, STUPID PALE ITALIAN BOY!" Harry shrieked, he grabbed Draco by the shoulders and shoved him down.
Draco scowled in a very Italian fashion and walked away.
Ron looked at Harry and said.
"You know Harry, I imagine, that Draco was trying to be polite and congratulate you."
Harry rolled his beads and stared pointedly at Ginny, while talking to ron.
"I don't talk to loser Italian boys!" Harry shouted, starting to grin again. "I am in such a good mood, Shootish gives me life Ron!" Harry shouted gleefully and reached out to grab Rons hands.
"I have never been happier!" Harry shouted again, Ron and Harry jumped around, Ron was very happy, pleased that Harry wasn't angry. Harry caught Ginny's lookers again and smiled at her, winking again. She giggled and Harry walked away from Ron to her.
"Hey Ginny. Did you see my awesome driving skills? I totally won that game for us," Harry told her, subtly still flexing.
"I did see Harry! You were amazing!" Ginny blushed.
"I know, I'm the best Shootish player that's ever existed," Harry said, chuckling in a gym-bro way and flexing very hard.
Ron looked from Harry to Ginny, quite confused, but turned and started chatting with his older brothers about how awesome the game was.
***
Harry woke up, excited because Ginny was here now. He leaped out of bed and cartwheeled gracefully down the stairs to the Gunnindoor common room. She was sitting by the fireplace on the carpet with her brothers and Hermione.
"About time you woke up, we were about to go to the Great Cafeteria for breakfast," Hermione said, standing up. Everyone else stood up too as the common room cleared out.
"Well I need my beauty sleep. How else would I look this awesome?" Harry asked, flexing his scrawny arms. Ginny giggled and walked next to Harry.
They all walked to the Great Cafeteria and sat down to eat. Harry glanced over at the Slythergun table where he saw Draco, who sent him a friendly smile to which Harry sneered. Draco looked hurt and Harry turned away, satisfied.
"So what classes do we have today?" Ron asked.
"I think we have Controlling and Predicting 101," Hermione replied, eating toast with some fruit jam spread on it with a fork and knife.
"Wot the heck is Controlling and Predicting 101? That sounds
stoopid," Harry said, shoving eggs into his mouth. Hermione rolled her vision globes.
"Its important for developing the skill to control the outcome of interactions between us and the enemy Harry."
Harry rolled his orbs at that and kept eating eggs. Eventually they finished eating and went to their classes. Harry and the gang went to Controlling and Predicting 101 and they sat down at some circular tables. There was a crazy old hippie woman at the front staring at all of then intently. They all sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Welcome to Controlling and Predicting 101!" she said suddenly, causing the students to jump, "In this class I'm going to teach you how to change and control the outcome of any situation, but especially those between us and our enemies, the police force effectively!"
The students around booed at the mention of the police.
"I am Professor Trolownoy!" she said with a big smile as the class quieted down.
"This class sounds so stoopid. Why do we even need this? I don't need to know how to control the outcome of anything to shoot them with my glock!" Harry complained loudly. Trolownoy chuckled.
"That is where you are wrong dear boy. To control the outcome is to avoid drawing suspicion to ourselves. If we went in guns blazing everytime, this school would have been shut down ages ago. We would have been causing too much trouble for any of us to stay employed, and that means none of you students would be here to keep the Mafia alive. You cannot use your glock for everything Mr. Pooter."
Harry rolled his peepers and leaned back into his seat, crossing his arms. He looked over at Hermione and Ron, who both seemed excited about the class. Harry sunk down even more in his seat, frustrated. Professor Trolownoy started to talk but Harry tuned her out because when would he ever need this. He eventually fell asleep because of how boring it was and was woken up a while later by, unfortunately, Ron.
"Ugh Ron! I was just dreaming about your foxy hot sister! Whyd you have to go and ruin it like you ruin everything?!"
"Um, sorry Harry but class ended like five minutes ago."
Harry groaned, annoyed, and got up.
"Do we have another class after this?"
"I think Defense Against the PoPo."
"UGGHHHHHHH"
Ron and Harry walked to the DAPP classroom and went and sat down. The man who appeared to be their teacher was a shaky guy who seemed the jump at every noise, and seemed to talk to himself softly occasionally. No one really knew what his deal was.
"Oh u-uh, hello students. I am P-professor Quorroll."
The room was dead silent, and someone coughed.
"Ahem, yes uh. In here you'll learn how to, uh, effectively defend yourself against the police force, u-using your glocks of course."
All the students put their glocks on their desk and waited for him to talk more.
"So.. um, how about we go around the room, and state our full legal given names.." Quorroll said, glancing around the room until his small bowling-ball-shaped organs used for sight fell on the potted plant with a little red blinking light in the soil.
"Uh- ah ha, just for fun lets say our full names while holding the flowerpot! Haha..." Quoroll said, wiping huge balls of sweat off of his head. And he passed a girl the pot.
She glanced up at him, and grabbed the pot "Padma Pamela Patal." She said and passed the pot on.
"Neville Frank Loongbottom"
Neville whispered into the pot.
"Ronald Billius Weasloy." Ron said proudly, shoving his face into the soil, a bit of dirt browning his nose as he resurfaced.
The pot was passed to Hermione, who grabbed the thing, holding it away from her body, making a face as if it smelt bad.
"This seems suspicious." Hermione said, squinted brown orbs flitting between Professor Quorroll and the potted plant. Professor Quoroll started breathing quickly.
"wh-what ? psh no no, uh why is that suspicious? Look i-i-ill do it!" Professor Quoroll grabbed the plant from Hermione's hand and leaned into the dirt near the blinking red light. "M-my names Quinnerius Quimbly Quoroll! Now y-you try!" he said loudly, setting the pot on Hermione's desk still breathing shallow rapid breaths.
"No thanks," Hermione said coolly, making direct orb contact with the professor. Hermione calmly pushed the pot off of her desk where it shattered on the floor, dirt spilt everywhere along with the ceramic brown pot. The flashing red light was revealed to be attached to a silver box that had the words "SIS GRADE RECORDING DEVICE" written on the side in black ink. Professor Quoroll started moaning and rocking back and forth in place.
Hermione shot up in the air, startling Harry and Ron who sat on either side of her. Harry looked up at Hermione, then Quorrol, then the plant looking confused, Ron did the same. Hermione pointed at Quorrol and shouted "You! You are a government spy!"
Everyone in the class looked at Hermione in confusion. The frizy haired girl shoved her fist in the pile of dirt and held the recording device in the air above her head.
"SIS grade recording device it says!" Hermione said, but she only got blank stares in response.
"Honestly" Hermione said, rolling her orbs. "SIS!? Secret Intelligence service? The Police?"
Everyone gasped dramatically at that, and one kid in the back fainted. They all looked at their professor who was sweating a lot. He wiped his forehead and nervously laughed.
"I d-don't know what y-you silly children a-are talking about! SIS stands for uh- um sister...?" Quorrol put a finger to his ear and whispered weakly "W-What do i s-s-say?"
Everyone could hear a faint talking sound coming from where Quorrol's finger was, where there was an obvious earpiece. Hermione rolled her orbs once more and snatched the device from his ear, smashing it onto the ground.
Quorrol stared at the piece in shock and horror. The students cheered for Hermione as their teacher dropped to his knees.
"I'm turning you in Quorrol," Hermione stated, turning to walk out of the classroom, "You lot keep an orb on him until i come back with Dummydoor," she told them, walking out and closing the door behind her. The students nodded and then all looked back at him. Quorrol chuckled nervously and stood up, backing into the wall behind him.
"I-Im sure we can w-work something o-out, r-right? You d-dont really w-want to turn m-me in, r-right?" Quorrol fumbled for his glock that was in his pocket. The students of course took notice because this guy was the worst at being sneaky, so they all pulled their glocks out and pointed them at him.
"Im i-inocent! Y-you guys don't understand!" Draco looked at Quoroll in pity, but his gaze went unnoticed by all except for harry.
"Hey albino freak!" Harry shouted, staring at Draco.
"Why do you look upon this man in pity? He is trying to sell us out!"
Draco blanched for a moment before regaining his composure and sneering at the head hole boy.
Suddenly DummyDoor kicked the door down in the room.
Dummydoors usually pleasant face was twisted into a sour looking fuzball, his usually sleek gray beard was a wild puff around his face.
"IVE BEEN INFORMED THERES AN UNDERCOVER COP!!" he shouted dramatically, points a long old man finger at the sweaty undercover cop.
"I-I-I don't know w-what youre talking ab-about!"
Hermione showed Dummydoor the SIS recording device,"He put this in a potted plant and tried to have us all say our full legal names into it! Luckily only three of my dimwitted classmates said their names." Quoroll wiped a huge bead of sweat from his forehead.
Dummydoor and Harry made orb-contact and Harry nodded, knowing what he had to do. He gracefully got into position and cartwheeled quickly at the shaking man and leaped into the air, kicking him in the face. Quoroll fell to the ground with a yelp, passing out when his head hit the hard floor. Dummydoor gave Harry a thumbs up and then walked over to the unconscious man, kicking him in the head, blood spewed everywhere.
"Did you kill him?" Hermione asked, her spheres widened in wonder staring at the unconscious turbaned man.
Dummydoor smoothed his beard down and peered at the man Quoroll, whose blood was soaking into the students shoes.
"Nah, he's fine. I'll have to get Flonch to take care of this." Dummydoor assured the girl and the class before turning towards the door. Dummydoor shot his gun to the ceiling and shouted "FLONCH! CLEANUP IN ROOM EIGHTY SEVEN!" Then Dummydoor pocketed the glock and skipped out of the room.
Hermione's peepers searched the room before she found Harrys, she grabbed Ron by the shoulder and walked over to the head-holed boy.
"That was crazy." Hermione said.
"Totally" said Ron.
Harry looked at the oozing body and walked over to it. Harry started ruffling through the layers of bloody clothing on the corpse.
"What are you doing?" Ron asked, glancing around the room to see if anyone else thought that this behavior was weird.
"Just looking for anything interesting mate." Harry said. Just as Harry's hands slipped into Quorolls bloody turban the man started to stir.
"W-what?" Quorrol asked, choking on his own blood.
"Ah shoot he's not dead!" Harry laughed,
"Yeah Dummydoor said he would be okay," Hermione replied.
"That's dumb." Harry said back, leaning to look at the bleeding man head on, then the bloody teen boy put one palm directly over Quorrols mouth, and with his other hand he pinched Quorrols nose, blocking out all oxygen. When Quorrol started to move around on the ground trying to escape, Harry gently lifted his leg over the dying man's body so that he was straddling Quorroll and pinned Quorrols arms to his sides with his knees.
Harry held this position easily for a couple minutes, just embracing the feeling of the warm sticky blood slowly drying into cooler crusty flakes caking his hands and his fingers under the nail, Harry enjoyed the feeling of the vacuum of air created by his palm, but most of all Harry loved watching the look of fear and regret in Quorrols face as he realized he was going to die. Harry felt a twisting in his stomach at the feeling of another man's life being in his hands. All his life Harry had been at the mercy of the Durslays, now, people were at the mercy of him, and he would give no mercy. When Quorrol finally slumped and Harry saw all the recognition and life drain out of the dead man's vision lookers, Harry stood up and turned back to the class.
Much of the class gave thumbs up and whistles, Draco looked sick. Flonch walked in with his cleaning supplies and sighed in annoyance when he saw the huge puddle of blood he had to clean up. He got to work cleaning the mess up, pulling gloves onto his hands.
"This man dead?" Flonch asked, pushing a gloved hand to Quorrels lukewarm fleshy neck.
"Yeah bruv, is that a problem?" Harry asked, turning to Flonch. Harry suddenly realized he could get in trouble, and he decided to put his bloody hands behind his back.
"No- but no one told me to bring a blasted body bag." Flonch said grumpily, pushing himself up with one skinny shaking arm. The old janitor grunted as he walked out of the classroom to grab a body bag. The students all stood there, not really sure what to do since their teacher was dead. Flonch came back with a body bag with Dummydoor following him excitedly.
Flonch rolled his looking peepers as Dummydoor exclaimed "Time for a teaching moment! As you can see, Mr. Quoroll is dead and Flonch here is cleaning it up."
Everyone looked at each other, not really sure where this was going.
"So, he's going to teach you how to clean up a crime scene!" Dummydoor said, clapping his hands together. Flonch mumbled something under his breath, irritated, and then turned to the class.
"No I won't." Flonch muttered under his breath, looking at Dummydoor.
"And if he doesn't-'' Dummydoor said, still cheerful as ever, "He gets fired." But the way he said fired, made Harry and the class think that Flonch wouldn't get fired, but something worse would happen to him.
"Okay class, this is how you clean up a crime scene," Flonch said dejectedly, "First you gotta get rid of the body." Flonch explained, monotone, laying the body bag on the floor and opening it. They all watched as the skinny old man lifted the sweaty slick bloody man's body into the body bag, catching it when it started to slip due to all the congeling fluids, zipping it closed and lifting it onto his cart.
"Then you gotta clean up the blood if there is any. Usually with bleach or hydrochloric acid, preferably both." he said, getting his mop and dipping it into the bleach filled bucket and sloping it onto the floor, "Do I have any volunteers?" he said acerbically. Hermione shot her hand into the air, much to Flonch's distaste. He handed the mop to her and stepped back. Hermione started mopping the blood up very efficiently.
Flonch watched her and waited until she was done to snatch the mop from her hands.
"And that, kids, is how to clean up blood," he said. He looked at Dummydoor, annoyed, "Are we done here?"
Dummydoor smiled and nodded, gesturing towards the door. "There's the door Flonch, feel free to use it." Flonch grimace and with a groan from deep within the tiny man's throat, heafted the cart weighed down with the body and the supplies out of the door.
"Do remember my little mafia tots," Dummydoor said, suddenly turning serious. "A skilled mafia should not often have to clean up his or her own mess, they should be able to use their connections to keep the incident silent. Do you understand?" The old sleekly silver bearded man asked, peering over his crescent glasses at the class.
Most of the class nodded, except for Draco and a few other select Slytherguns. Which Dummydoor took note of.
"And-" he said dangerously, his gaze shifting over the students, "The popo face fates way worse than this at the hand of us mafia men everyday. Traitors. Die." As he said the last two words, his orbs fell directly onto Draco, who was sitting frozen in his chair, his pale hands shaking in his lap.
Dummydoor smiled again and clapped his hands together once more, "All right, I'll look into getting a new teacher for you children!" he said cheerfully, walking to the door and leaving. Harry clapped Hermione on the shoulder and smiled at her.
"Good job cleaning that mess up Hermione!"
She smiled and looked at her handy work, proud of herself.
The rest of the class left the classroom to wander the halls or go back to their dormoritries before their next class, leaving Harry, Ron, and Hermione there.
"Yeah, and good job getting rid of that stupid undercover cop!" Ron said, copying Harry and patting his shoulder. Harry recoiled at Ron's touch.
"Don't touch me Ron! You haunt me with your foul presence!"
The goldfish hair colored boy removed his hand and nodded understandingly, "Sorry Harry."
"Wot are we supposed to do now?" Harry asked, mostly talking to Hermione.
She shrugged and started walking out of the classroom, "I guess we could just wander around until we find something to do."