Harry and Rons first class was Making Poisons 101, and of course Draco was in there with the rest of his house. Harry walked to a table towards the back, Ron was following like a puppy. Harry sat and looked around his bag for his textbook, and not finding it because he left it in the little cement room. Hermione walked in and saw the pair, walking to their table and sitting, getting her textbook out. Enraged that everyone else had a textbook, Harry punched the wall closest to him.
"Wot are you so mad about now Harry?" Hermione inquired.
"Everyone else has a textbook but me! This is so unfair! I'm Harry bloody Pooter!"
Hermione rolled her vision balls at the boy with the gaping head hole.
"Theres a cabinet over there with spare textbooks Harry, no need to punch things."
Harry stomped over to the cabinet that she had pointed at and grabbed one of the books. He opened the cabinet and grabbed a particularly worn book when-
"Aw, did'a Harry Pooter'a forget his'a textbook'a!"
Harry's head whipped around so fast his brain almost flew out. He threw his textbook in Rons direction, who successfully caught it- causing a few kids in the class to clap- and stomped over to Draco.
"Keep my name out of your mouth Draco. Don't forget what I can do."
Draco laughed at him, "And'a what is it'a that you can do'a?"
Harry punched Draco in the stomach hard, tearing the Italian boy's stitches and sending a wave of pain over him. The blonde boy fell to the ground on his knees and his stomach started to bleed again. Satisfied, Harry walked back to his seat, watching in amusement as the blonde boy was carried away by two of his classmates to the nurses office.
Just when Harry thought his day was going to turn around for better, the greasy, smelly black haired man from when he and Ron had first arrived to the school walked in.
"Welcome to Making Poisons 101, I am your pro-"
"WOT?! WHY ARE YOU IN HERE?!" Harry interrupted, outraged.
"If you would let me finnish, you would knnow. I amm your professor. Professor Snnap." he said, walking around the room, looking down at all the children.
"This skwel is so stoopid..." Harry said under his breath. Thankfully, Snap didn't hear him, and continued on.
"Please turn to page 274. We will be making the sleeping poison. The purpose as you may have guessed is to make your enemies pass out long enough for you to do what you need. The ingredients are all in the back cabinets. Get started now, you have until the end of class to make the poison."
Hermione went to the back and grabbed all the necessary ingredients and got to work. Harry flipped his textbook to the right page and noticed little notes all over the margins of the pages. He read them and realized they were shortcuts, and better ways to make the poisons. Harry rolled his orbs and ignored the little scribbles. He went and got his ingredients and started making the poison.
At the end of class Professor Snap came around and checked everyone's poisons.
"As i expected, nno onne made this correctly. You all will nneed to remake this tomorrow. You are dismissed nnow."
Harry got mad, his orbs turned red with pure fury.
"I didn't make this potion wrong mate! I think YOU made it wrong!"
"I never touched your poison, you stoopid boy." Snap snapped.
Harry rolled his peepers and flipped the table. "MY POSION WAS PERFECT! WATCH!"
Harry reached his fist out and grabbed the nearest kid, which happened to be Neville, and used his fingers to pinch at his jaw, forcing Neville to open his mouth. Harry then grabbed a vial of the sleeping poison he made and dumped it down Nevilles throat.
Snap jumped forward and knocked both the vial and Nevilles' convulsing form from Harrys hands. Neville passed out on the floor, foaming at the mouth.
"SEE! MY POTION WORKED, THAT NERD IS TOTALLY ASLEEP NOW!" Harry shouted, kicking Neville's face.
Snap rushed forward and grabbed Neville, checking his heart beat.
"The boy is dyinng. This potion was merely supposed to put the victim to sleep." Snap drawled out.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screamed britishly, doing cartwheels angrily around the professor.
The greasy black haired man just rolled his globes.
"Youre just like your father. So dramatic and arrogannt."
For some reason that made Harry very angry. He had never met his father, but he was sure he was a wonderful guy, just like Harry. So he cartwheeled to the back of the room, then cartwheeled at full speed, which was about 12 miles per, at the smelly man. Snap didn't realize what was happening till Harry smashed into him, knocking them both over.
"WHA- GET OFF ME YOU HORRIBLE CHILD! YOULL BE SENNT TO THE HEADMASTER FOR THISS!"
Harry starting swinging at Snap, missing horrible since he was blinded by his rage.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGAHHH!!"
Snap grabbed Harrys wrists and got up, dragging the thrashing boy to Dummydoors office. Harry was easily able to slip out of the man hands since they were so greasy. He jumped on his back and started attacking him, hitting him on the head with his glock and scratching him with his other hand. His shoes and socks were off, lost in the kerfuffle, and he was using his freakishly long toenails to scratch the teacher. The oily man tried to pry the small child off his back, managing to get his legs off from around his torso. Harry kept screaming wildly, the other students paying him no mind. They were already used to his theatrics. Snap grabbed Harry's arms and threw him to the ground, drawing his own glock from his robes. Suddenly they were in a western style stand off. Harry gripped his glock by the handle and was foaming at the mouth, a crazy look in his diamonds. Snap held his by the handle, looking the small boy in front of him, watching for any signs to what he was going to do next. Harry charged at the poisons teacher, whipping a switchblade out from his own pocket, swinging at the man. Snap dodged his attacks and hit him on the back of the head with his glock, knocking him out. Snap grabbed Harry by the ankle and started dragging him to Dummydoors office, tucking his glock away.
Snap reached his oily knuckles up to the Dummydoors door and banged three times.
"THE POOTER BOY NEEDS TO BE PUNISHED!" Snap yelled through the door.
Dummydoor swung open the door, he glanced at Snap who was holding a limp- passed out harry by the ankle, then looked at the door where Snap had knocked. There was a greasy shine spot on the door where Snap had pounded his ugly fist.
"Now Snap. What have we said about touching anything of mine?" Dummydoor asked, looking pointedly at Snap.
"Nnot to do it." Snap mumbled looking ashamed in a ugly greasy way.
"That's right," smiled Dummydoor.
"But it's okay, I'll just get that useless worm of a janitor Flonch to clean the spot off. What were you saying about my favorite student?" Dummydoor asked, looking down at the limp boy hanging in Snaps greasy fist.
"He failed to make a proper sleepinng poisonn annd thenn he accussed me of makinng his poisonn wronng when I hadnnt touched his poisonn. Then he attacked me in my classroom annd onn the enntire way here like a wild annimal, sir, he is feral- just like his dead dad" Snap explained, still holding onto the boy with the head hole.
Dummydoor nodded as he listened, then he clapped his hands together, "Well why don't you leave the boy here with me and he will be dealt with," he said with a smile. Snap dropped Harry onto the floor.
"Thannk you sir."
"Yes yes, go back to your classroom Snap."
Snap nodded and turned and walked away from the office, leaving a trail of grease and oil behind him. Dummydoor shuddered at the sight and grabbed Harry by the ankle, right where Snap had his hand. Dummydoor shrieked at the feeling of snaps oils on his fingers and dropped the unconscious boy and ran to wash the nasty oil off his hands.
When Dummydoor returned from cleaning his hands and yelling at Flonch to clean up the snail trail, he grabbed Harry's other, clean, ankle and drug him into his office.
Dummydoor looked around his office for a way to wake the boy up. He saw his glock on his desk and decided that was good enough. He went and got it and aimed at Harry, putting his finger on the trigger. Dummydoor shot his glock, narrowly missing Harry, hitting the tile next to his leg. Harry jumped awake and looked at the small indent in the floor next to him.
"Wot the bloody heck Dummydoor! You were gonna shoot me?!"
"I wasn't really going to shoot you Harry, I was just trying to wake you up," Dummydoor lied, smiling at Harry. He tossed his glock back into the desk and leaned back against it.
"Snap tells me you attacked him?"
"Well yes, he told me I was wrong. And i'm never wrong cause im Harry Pooter!" Harry exclaimed, doing a single cartwheel.
"Right right. Well I told him I was going to deal with you, but seeing as i don't like that greasy fellow, i'm not going to do anything. So just tell him i gave you detention or whatever with McGunagall and ill tell her to play along."
"Okay, thank you Dummydoor. I knew you'd understand. I hate that guy too, he's so smelly and oily, and he told me I was wrong, which I wasn't. Neville was totally asleep."
"I'm sure Mr.Pooter," he said with a twinkle in his vision balls, "Now run along to class my dear boy."
Harry nodded and cartwheeled out the door to his next class.
***
Harry walked into his next class which happened to be McGunagalls class. He saw Ron and Hermione and supposed he could sit with them since he hated everyone except Hermione. Ron was alright.
"Hey Harry! I heard you and Snap fought in the hallway. Some kids said you lost an-"
Harry was outraged once again and he body slammed the kid to his right, which happened to be Neville, who had just returned from the nurses office after receiving an antidote for the poison that Harry had given him.
"AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed as he made contact with Neville.
"AHHHHHHHHCK!" Neville cried, being slammed into the floor.
"I NEVER LOSE! I'M HARRY POOTER! I'M THE GREATEST PERSON ALIVE!" he proclaimed, punching the tile floor next to Nevilles head. Neville just laid there, hoping that if he didn't move or say anything that Harry would leave him alone faster. Harry got up and glared at everyone in the room as he went back to his seat. When he sat down he looked at Ron with fury, his whole body vibrating with his anger.
"I don't know who told you I lost, but I did not!" he said, shooting daggers at the ginger boy.
Ron nodded, "Of course of course. I knew you had not lost, I was just telling you what I had heard is all. Its alright Harry."
Hermione made orb contact with Harry and nodded, agreeing with Ron. This calmed Harry, knowing Hermione knew he would never ever ever lose to anyone. Ever.
McGunagall walked in and saw Neville on the ground.
"Neville, why are you on the ground?"
"Its nothing McGunagall, i was just brutally body slammed by Harry is all," he said meekly, getting up and walking back to his seat next to Harry.
"Ah, well if that's all," she said, looking around the class as she walked to her desk, "Well, Welcome to Deceit 101. I am your professor, Professor McGunagall. In this class you will learn how to skillfully lie to the enemy."
Harry scanned the room. He saw Draco, that pale little albino looking freak. Draco raised his hand.
"Yes Mr. Mulfoy?" Mrs McGunagal asked.
"MM yes, Mrs.MgGunagal'a iya was'a wondering, when we lie to the police, iya imagine thata we get in'a more trouble. Because'a mya papa says that the police'a hava lie detecotras now!" Draco asked, lowering his freakishly pale hand.
"Yes Mr.Malfoy, you are correct. The police have those lie detectors now, but there are ways to fake it. Since the police have started using those devices, me and Headmaster Dummydoor have changed a few things about my lesson plans to include lessons on how to deceive even those new machines," McGunagall explained.
All the students murmured excitedly to each other.
"I don't need to learn how to fake a lie detector test. I already am the best ever, so i can already do it of course!" Harry explained loudly to Herminone, who nodded at what he was saying. Ron nodded too, to agree with Harry and to feel included in the conversation.
"So that means you'll be the first to attempt to fake the lie detector test then, Mr. Pooter?" McGunagall asked, seeming to appear out of nowhere in front of the trio.
"Uh, yes. I already said I'd pass without your fancy training McGunagall," Harry said britishly. McGunagall went and got the lie detector machine out and set it on her desk, pulling a chair up.
"If you're so confident come sit down and let's see, shall we?"
Harry got up and walked to the chair, where he sat while McGunagall connected him to the device on her desk. She rested his arm on the desk in front of him and put bands around his head and around his arm.
"I will ask you some questions first to make sure the machine is working correctly. You must answer these truthfully before we move on to the actual test,"
McGunagall said, sitting behind the device where she would be able to see if he was being truthful.
"Okay okay, let's just get on with it!" Harry said impatiently.
"What is your name?"
"Harry Pooter of course."
McGunagall looked at the paper spilling out and then looked back at Harry.
"Where are we right now?"
"Glockwarts. Are we done with the silly questions now?"
"I suppose we can start the actual test now. Your task is to successfully deceive the machine and I both."
"Yes yes I understand. Ask me a question."
"Oh McGunagall, ask him what he thinks of me!" Ron said excitedly to McGunagall, "He's gonna say im his best friend and then the machine will say he's telling the truth!" he told Hermione.
"Sure Ron, whatever you wanna tell yourself." Hermione said.
McGunagall asked the question while the pair talked,"Harry, what do you think of Ron?"
"I think he's the best friend ive ever had. obviously."
McGunagall looked at the results, which of course said he was lying. She looked back up and made orb contact with Ron, who was looking at her hopefully.
"Erm, he was telling the truth."
"Yes! I knew it!"
Harry laughed and fist pumped the air, "I lied! I knew I could fool your little machine!"
"Ah, that was a lie." McGunagall said, laughing awkwardly.
Clearing her throat she said, "Does anyone else have any questions for Mr.Pooter here?" she asked, looking around the room.
Draco raised his hand and said, "Ask him'a if his'a dumb lizard'a is still alive'a."
McGunagall asked.
"Um, of course not. She died like 80 years ago," Harry said confidently. McGunagall looked at the paper.
"Telling the truth, anyone else?"
Neville raised his hand, "Does he hate me or something? I keep ending up the victim of his outbursts."
"Mr.Pooter, do you hate Neville?"
"Who is that? You mean that nerd over there?" Harry said, looking back at Neville, "Absolutely."
She looked at the paper again.
"Truth, okay, we'll do one more question."
Draco raised his hand again.
"Yes Mr.Mulfoy?"
"Are you'a really the greatest'a mafia'a member ever'a?"
McGunagall asked Harry.
"Of course im the greatest mafia member ever. Everyone knows that," he said, unable to lie to himself.
"Ah, Mr.Pooter it appears you've lied."
"WOT?! NO!? I AM THE GREATEST MAFIA MEMBER EVER!"
The machine spit out more paper saying he was lying.
"YOU'RE STOOPID MACHINE IS BROKEN!"
Another paper saying: Lie
"AGGGHHHHHHHHH WHAT THE HECK BRUV! YOUR STOOPID MACHINE IS SO...SO STOOPID!
Harry said, kicking the machine off the desk, the wires popping off of him.
McGunagall sat as the boy destroyed her equipment. Harry went and started jumping on the machine, which was spitting our papers that said: Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie
Harry reached down his pants and pulled out his gun, shooting the lie detector several times, the lie detector was jammed, still spilling paper and smoking.
Harry's thrashing around was causing his brain to pop in and out of his head hole. With his last jump, his brain popped out and hung out of his head hole as the machine smoked, obviously beyond repair.
"Mr.Pooter, your brain appears to be hanging out of your head."
Harry gripped his brain and shoved it back in, walking back to his seat angrily.
Draco sat at his seat, smirking italianly at the angry boy. Harry stared at the extremely blonde boy wide-orbed, hoping he might explode.
McGunagall smiled at the boy, "Oh Harry, you didn't have to ruin my machine! Silly boy! You should have realized you are not officially part of the Mafia! That's all it was! Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow!" Mcgunagal laughed.