Chapter 3 - The Carride
Harry was not at the train station. Harry wasn't very smart but he was smart enough to know that. Harry crept out of the fire pit, dragging his bags and lizard with him. He awkwardly wiped his glasses off, attempting to clean his glasses while holding a nine foot lizard proved to be a futile task; Footsock twisted out of Harry's grasp and ran down the hall.
Harry looked around him for the first time, he was in a large cement room. He thought it looked like a garage. As he looked around, he could only see the fireplace from which he and Footsock appeared from some old looking furniture that was covered with some sort of clear sheet, and an old, fancy looking door.
As Footsock ran around the small cement room, Harry abandoned his bags and cartwheeled to the door. He was just about to open it when he heard voices coming from the otherside. He pressed his ear against the door and heard what sounded like that strange seductive italian boy. What was his name, Drocab Melfiy? Harry couldn't be bothered to remember. He kept listening and heard Drocab and another man voice talking back and forth.
"You're'a going to'a start working'a for Captain Valdimar'a. He'll give you'a taskes to'a carry out'a and you must'a follow them'a if you want'a him to succeed'a in his plans." the man voice said.
"But Papa'a, I'a do not'a want to'a work for the Captain'a!" the small italian boy said. Harry recognized the name as the guy Hagrid said killed his parents and the one who had given him his dreadful head hole.
He wondered why they could say his name but he could not.
"But'a Draco'a!" the older seductive italian exclaimed.
Harry nodded and whispered the name Dracoa, to help him remember the name.
"I am'a not at'a Glockwarts anymore! I can not'a spy on the school'a! I am'a your father and you will'a do what I'a say."
Harry heard Dracoa scoff and heard their footsteps getting farther away from the door. He slowly cracked open the door and tiptoed out into a small hallway that went to a large room that seemed to be a living room. He was just about to go looking around the big room when Footsock dashed past him towards the italians.
Harry cartwheeled as fast as he could after the big lizard, hoping to catch her before she got to Dracoa and his dad. He almost had her when suddenly she sped up, and Harry just couldnt catch her.
Footsock almost got Dracoas leg, but she missed as he entered another room, closing the door just in time, the door smashing Footsocks scaly snout. Harry caught up and grabbed Footsock, cradling her like a baby. He tiptoed back to the large room and found a blanket, and decided to swaddle Footsock so that she couldn't cause anymore problems. He carried her around as he looked around the room, not finding much other than pillows and couches.
Harry got bored, so he decided to wander and he just went through the first door he saw. He did realize that the door went back to the small cement room he started in so he left and went through the second door he saw.
Inside of this room was a refrigerator, lots of cabinets, and an oven. There was also a small group of what looked like giant flies, but with human arms and legs. They were all wearing simple brown shirts, and were all cleaning or cooking something. When Harry entered, none of them paid any attention to him, so Harry started poking around in the cabinets. They mostly all had dishes and silverware and such, so he gave up on those. He went to the refrigerator and opened it to look for something to eat, but there wasn't much in there except a decapitated horse head and eggs. Footsock scrambled out of the blankets and swallowed the frozen cranium whole.
Harry sighed in disappointment, and decided he'd just eat the eggs instead. He grabbed two and started to look for a pan to cook them in. He looked in all the cabinets again and grabbed a small frying pan and threw the eggs in, shell and all. He watched them cook slowly, and grabbed a handful of different spices and started dumping them in. He mixed them all in with his finger, toasting his skin. When the eggs were cooked he tipped the pan so that the eggs and spices slid into his mouth. Harry swallowed his food and coughed, sending a cloud of spices into the air, getting them all over his clothes and face.
A tiny fly man walked over to Harry and grabbed him by the face, spices staining its hands.
"Harry Pooter muzzzt go home!'' The 3 ft tall fly man seemed desperate.
"The mazzters will be here zzzoon for dinner!" The tiny fly man buzzed.
"EW, git your hairy bug arms off of me! Wot are you?!" Harry screeched, trying not to vomit at the feeling of the flies, weird grubby baby human arms.
"I izzzzz a houzze fly. My name izzzzz Dooby!" he said, getting real close to Harry's face.
"You muzzzzt not go to glockwartzzzzz!"
Harry forced a smile and nodded, backing away from the creepy bug guy.
"Well, I got what I wanted from this room so, Im gonna leave now," he said, backing towards the door and picking Footsock up along the way. Dooby watched Harry leave the room, occasionally buzzing. As soon as Harry was out of the kitchen he ran back to the little cement room to try and figure out how to leave this place. Footsock was relaxed for once and let Harry drag her to a spiral, fire escape looking spiral staircase and ran up it as fast as his tiny boy legs could carry him. Harry was running so fast his head hole was whistling.
"We got to get out of here Footsock!" Harry shouted, the fear getting to him. A wooden door blocked the top of the stairs.
Harry grabbed Footsocks large, girthy tail and swung the lizard around his head like it was a lasso. Then Harry released the fat lizard, letting it fly through the air and smack against the wooden door blocking the way; the bulky lizard smashed the door down with a crash and Harry ran through, komodo dragon in hand.
When he ran out the door he came face to face with some old men. Each one was scared and turned to face Harry, they seemed to be gathered around some busted up tables playing with cards, their gnarly mouths twisting into a frown upon seeing the skinny boy. Footsock leapt off of the busted door and ran straight into the center of old men, screeching. The horde of men shouted Italian profanities and yelled at Harry and the lizard for interrupting their poker game.
Harry was at a loss for words, he was so scared he nearly pulled a Bellon. He started to pant and felt like he was going to pass out until-
"Harry?!" Hagrid's voice shouted over the men, and Harry looked over to see the large man protruding from the group, looking red faced.
""AGRID!" Harry cartwheeled from the floor on top of the table and rolled into Hagrid's huge lap.
"I wos so scared Agrid! I nearly soilt my knickers! I almost wet my trousers! I just about soggy'd me underpants! Golly gee Agrid, I practically muddied my pantaloons!" Harry was breathing heavily, his hands on both of Hagrid's shoulders.
"What else did you almost do Harry?" Hagrid asked.
"WHY I JUST ABOUT CONTAMINATED MY CHAPS! I WAS BORDERING DEFILING ME CORDUROYS!" I WAS NOT FAR FROM DRENCHING MY PAN'IES-"
"Alright harry, lets get you out of here." Hagrid interrupted, picking the small boy up.
The old men poker players started to moan and groan as Hagrid left, many shouted at him to stay.
"Now Harry, what are you doing in Italyally? You should not be here, you should be on the train, it will have left by now!" The jumbo man said, his beatle black sight balls staring straight ahead.
Harry was sure that Hagrid was peeved,
"Hagrid, I tried i did! But I turned up in that cellar place with all the little fly men! And that sexy Dracoa mulfoy boy was there with his father!"
Hagrid shook his head and started to run. "You sabotaged my game Harry, the headmaster at Glockwarts wanted me to stake out the Mulfoys! Why cant you be where you are supposed to be." After running for 3 miles, Hagrid threw Harry and Footsock back into the fire pit and shouted "train station!"
Harry popped out with Footsock in his arms. He looked around for his bags, and realized that he must've left them in the little cement room. Harry looked around and saw a boy with bright orange hair. Harry was taken aback by the sheer brightness of this boy's hair. He squinted to save his sight as he walked up to the boy.
"Did you miss the train too?" the neon orange haired boy asked Harry.
"Wot, the train to Glockwarts missed me! I show up when I mean to." Harry replied, hoping that the orange haired kid would think Harry was super cool.
"Oh," was all that the cantaloupe headed child said in response.
"Well, how are you going to get to Glockwarts? I don't need help, but I suppose I can tag along with you so you aren't so lonely, you little tangerine fur boy."
"My name is Ron, Ron Weasloy, wots your name?" Ron asked politely, ignoring harry's blunt British tone.
"My name is 'Harry Poo'er, nice to meet you." Harry replied britishly.
"HARRY POOTER? THE MAN THE MYTH AND THE LEGEND WHO DEFEATED YOU KNOW WHO?"
"Yep thats me!" harry shouted, proud of being recognized.
"Do you really have the.... Well the, you know..." Ron whispered, gesturing up towards his own forehead.
Harry smiled and shifted his bangs to the side, further revealing the already very visible hole in his head.
"You con stick yo finges inside if yo wont mate." Harry said, grabbing Ron's hand and shoving it inside the mushy warm hole. Rons squirming fingers were held in place by Harrys clamp like grip.
"EUAGH" Ron squealed, disgusted by the predicament he was in.
Harry heard the noise Ron made and frowned, it was quite rude of him to make that noise.
"Ew why is it so greasy?!" Hollered Ron, who was frantically wiping his greasy head hole hand on his shirt.
Harry watched Ron and grew more and more angry, Ron was so rude to act like that.
"Okay. stop being rude please." Harry stated, looking straight at Ron.
"And, to answer your question, its greasy because its kinda hard to clean in my hole. So I just don't."
"Well fair enough I guess." Ron answered looking down at his hand, which had bacon bits stuck in the fingernails. "But why is there little bits of bacon in your hole"
"Because I have a family, gosh, are you like an orphan or something? You don't have a family who pulls silly little pranks on you?" Harry lectured.
"No im not an orphan, and i have five brothers and one stupid sister, What about you harry, i thought you were an orphan? Like your parents were killed by You know who?" The red hared boy questioned.
"I AM AN ORPHAN!" Harry sobbed, throwing his little orphan body against Rons, long, non orphaned body.
"I think you need a friend," Ron murmured, patting Harry on the head,careful to avoid the gapping head hole.
"I don't even know how to get to glockwarts!" Harry sobbed against Rons chest.
"Its probably alright, i think my parents left their Mercedes - Benz S- class car out in the parking lot, lets go"
And so Harry and Ron left the train station and walked to where Ron said his parents' car was. While Ron was trying to open the door, Harry did a couple flips in the air until he heard a big crash. He stopped and looked over and Ron had broken the car window with a large rock.
"Got it open!" Ron said excitedly, leaning through the jagged car window and unlocking the door from the inside.
"Let's go!"
Harry hopped in the car, sitting on shattered glass. Ron hopped into the driver's seat and began looking around, he moved the mirror, he shifted his seat and he looked in the glove compartment, but all he found were dozens of switchblades and shooters.
"wOt are you looking for bruv?" Harry asked, tying Footsocks legs together and tossing her into the back.
"My parents should have a spare key somewhere, they had to leave on a train earlier today, so they have their keys, but there should be an extra somewhere..." Ron whispered, half caring if Harry heard or not.
Harry walked over and leaned under the console, "Cont we just hotwire it mate?"
Ron shook his head aggressively and leaned down, pointing out a little light on one of the wires.
"My pa' hotwires cars all the time, he set up a bomb in all his cars, it will go off if we try to mess with the wiring, see?"
Harry grew frustrated, he got so frustrated he pulled out his ammo cannon and shot at the floor of the car.
"expeliaDIE!" Harry shouted.
As the bullet hit the floor a faint 'tink' could be heard over the bang.
"Wot." harry asked, looking at the car floor, which now had a hole in it.
Ron grew excited and reached down, and grabbed the key which had been under the car rug. Rons pale face grew less excited when he saw that the key had been shot, causing the key to become warped and unusable.
"Oh Harry, now we cont drive the car! Look at this key you shot!" Ron shouted looking disappointed. Harry did not like being yelled at by a ginger monkey.
Harry marched over and snatched the key out of Ron's hand and set in on the concrete next to the car.
"Keyus Repair-DIE!" Harry shouted and his death bringer shot the key, hitting it.
"Tha shoul' fix it." Harry said confidently.
Then the key exploded.
"I don't think that fixed it mate." Ron said, his orange hair billowing in the light british wind. Harry rolled his peepers and grabbed the single key shard that was still in Rons hand.
"Of course it did mate." he said, shoving the shard into the key hole. The goldfish-color haired boys optic spheres went wide as Harry did this.
"HARRY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Ron shrieked, trying to dig the shard out with his fingers that were much too big to fit in the small key hole. Harry rolled his irises again and grabbed Rons hands.
"Chill out mate, its all good." he said, "Just trust me."
With that Harry dragged Ron back into the car.
Harry pulled one of his feet out of its shoe and sock. Ron gagged when he did, the smell of rotting meat and eggs filling the car. Harry pulled his foot up and revealed the longest toenail that Ron had ever seen. He watched in horror as Harry stuck his long, pointy toenail into the keyhole, using it to turn the key shard, starting the car. He pulled his toenail out and put his foot back in his sock and shoe.
"See? Told ya it'd work mate."
Ron and Harry leapt into the car, but both boys wanted to be in the driver's seat.
"Its my car Harry, let me drive." Ron said, frowning at the boy with the head hole.
"I'm Harry freken Pooter, let me drive, tu pelo naranja nino!"
"I don't speak spanish." Ron explained to the yelling boy.
"I'm Harry Poo'er, I'm famous! Let me drive plase!"
Ron sighed and scooted over the console into the passenger seat.
"Lets go," Harry reached out and grabbed the gear shift and froze.
"What's wrong Harry?"
"I don't know 'ow to drive with a gear shiff'."
"What about a stick shift?" Ron asked, confused as to why harry would specify.
"No," Harry responded, still staring at the gear shift.
"Do you even know how to drive?" Ron asked again, looking confused now.
"No, but it's okay, bruv! let's go!" Harry said, shaking his head, grabbing the stick with his fist and punching the gas with his foot.
Harry and Ron screamed as the car shot forwards, it was propelled through the lot, for a total of twelve feet before it slammed into another car, which promptly burst into flame.
"HARRY, YOU TOSSER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUT THE CAR IN REVERSE!" Ron shouted, his freckles screaming along with him.
Harry began to cry, of course he was not actually sad, but he wanted Ron to feel bad and stop yelling at him. It worked.
"Im sorry Harry, its okay, don't cry, just let me drive please."
"N-NO!" Harry sobbed, his shoulders heaving with each gasp for air.
"I can drive! Just give me the directions to Glockwarts you orangutan looking man!" Harry shroud, still pretending to cry.
Ron agreed to give Harry directions if Harry was more careful while driving, and the pair was off.