Age 18, three months after:
"Happy birthday, bitch!"
I jolted upright, immediately alert despite being sound asleep just a second prior. Taking in my surroundings, I noticed I was in my best friend Tyra's bed. She stood over me, fully dressed, with a big smile on her face. In one hand, she held a full shot glass and in the other a pink blunt and lighter.
"Ugh. If I drink anything else, I'm gonna need my stomach pumped."
The night before was Saturday, and Tyra had thrown me a small surprise party to bring in my 18th birthday. There'd been a lot of alcohol, of which I felt I'd reached my quota on ingesting. It was honestly a really fun time. I was surprised but secretly elated at the amount of people that had shown up. The past three months had been difficult, after what happened with my family was made public. I'd only talked about it with Tyra/her mom, as well as my boyfriend, Terrence, so a lot of people found a narrative and ran with it. Tyra and her parents defended my mom and I as best they could, but once a rumor starts it's practically impossible to change. After a while, things began to die down, but it's hard to forget the things your "friends" say about you.
"Oh girl, one shot ain't gon' kill you!" Tyra protested. "You'll love it. Plus, I just cooked. You'll be fine."
Despite the way my stomach rumbled, it really didn't take much coaxing. When it comes to a drink, Imma have it.
I took the shot from her and downed it. It tasted like vanilla birthday cake and traveled smoothly down my throat. I rose an eyebrow. "Damn, that was good."
"I told you!" Tyra boasted, lighting the blunt. "I should be a bartender."
She went to pull up the window and turn the fan on. I knew what that meant. "Your momma at work?"
"Mhm. Double shift. She won't be back till late tonight."
Tyra's mom was very lenient, and her dad was always away on business trips, so Tyra and her brother got away with a lot. Their mom didn't mind them drinking, as long as they were responsible, but she drew the line at marijuana in her house. Tyra said it was only because she didn't like the smell— her mom took edibles all the time— so we would only smoke if her mom was going to be gone for a while.
Tyra took the first hit, passing the blunt to me. I inhaled the smoke deeply. Pulling out my phone, I found my notifications full of missed calls and messages wishing me a happy birthday. It was almost noon, I realized. I scrolled through, only caring about hearing from two people.
Terrence: HBD shawty, hmu when you free
I frowned in dissatisfaction. Terrence and I had been together for well over a year, and this was the best he could do? Things had been off between us for a while, but I would've thought he'd at least call me.
"What's wrong?" Tyra asked, reading my expression. I took another heavy hit, showing the message to her. "What the fuck?"
"Nah for real." I finally got out of bed, passing the blunt back to my best friend. "I'm gonna get to the bottom of this."
"You gon' talk to him?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna call him. I gotta go, though."
"You going home?" She asked me.
I nodded. "Among other places. I'll tell you later."
I'd been staying with Tyra for about a week at this point. It was long overdue for me to return home and check on my mom.
We'd just moved into a small, one bedroom apartment, because my mom couldn't afford to maintain the house we lived in— which was fine with me. Every room in that place held a memory from when that man hurt me. I could barely walk in there, much less sleep. I'd had a job waitressing at a local restaurant, but it wasn't enough to help with many expenses. I needed more money to help sustain us, though I doubted she noticed I was doing anything at all.
"At least have some breakfast, okay?" I nodded at Tyra's request, following her downstairs to see she'd made omelettes and waffles. I couldn't help but fill my plate, enjoying the food as well as a few mimosas. A calm cross fade settled over me, and it didn't take much convincing from Tyra to get me to go back up to her room for a nap before I left. I knew I had plenty of time to get done what I needed to.
I woke up about two hours later, feeling sober. I hopped in Tyra's shower, letting the hot water soothe me. Once I'd gotten ready for the day, I thanked Tyra and bid her goodbye.
The drive would take me across town, resulting in me being on the road for at least a half an hour. I decided to call my boyfriend.
He didn't answer until the fourth ring. "'Sup shawd?"
"Uhm, hey T. Whachu doing right now?"
"Nothing really. Finna roll up and eat. Why?"
"Can I come over later?"
He was so quiet, I almost thought he'd hung up. "I don't know, might be busy."
"Okay, what the fuck is your problem?" I demanded. "You've been weird for a minute now. It's my fucking birthday, and you don't wanna spend time with me? You didn't even come to Tyra's last night!"
"You already had people there for you. You didn't need me."
"You're literally my nigga. Of course I needed you there."
There was another short pause. "Honestly, I think you needa find a new nigga."
I couldn't believe my ears. "Okay, why?"
"I get you been going through it, Deja, but... I just can't look at you without thinking 'bout you fucking your pops."
"... you know that's not what happened...."
"Yeah, I know what you said, but you know how many niggas have clowned me for being with a female that was sucking her dad's dick? I be kissing you on your mouth! I just can't go out like that, I'm sorry."
A lump formed in my throat. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I'd told Terrence intimately what had happened to me that night. I never expected him to throw it back in my face, much less break up with me over it. I suddenly felt a painful sensation form in my chest. I swallowed multiple times, refusing to let him hear how much his words hurt me.
"Whatever. If that's how you feel."
"Damn Deja, don't be like that." I could hear the exasperation in his voice. "Shit's just weird, you of all people should get that. I don't got nothing against you. We can still be cool."
I gripped at my steering wheel, as a red tinge covered my vision. He could not be serious. My next words flowed out of me before I even thought about them.
"Hell nah we're not cool, the fuck?! Do what you want, but best believe you can ask your homeboy how my pussy tastes by tomorrow morning. Von been in my DMs for months."
"Y'all not gon do shit; I know you."
"Watch me."
I hung up as he began to cuss me out angrily, satisfied at having gotten a reaction out of him. As soon as I stopped at a red light, I sent a message to Terrence's friend Von, asking what he was doing later. It didn't take him long at all to respond. As I'd assumed, he was more than happy to invite me over, stating he was going to give me a better gift than my ex ever could.
A chill ran through me at the realization that this would be my first time having casual sex. I'd only ever consensually been intimate with Terrence, and even then I'd told him he had to make me his girlfriend before we did anything. It was always good sex, but I didn't know what it was like to be with anybody else. Having sex with one of his close friends less than 12 hours after breaking up seemed cruel. Immoral even.
I quickly pushed back any nerves and guilty feelings, as anger at Terrence's words surged through me. He'd better be glad this was all I was doing to him. Tyra's busted windows. It was my birthday; I deserved a good time.
After another several minutes of driving, I finally arrived at Fire and Ice. I looked up at the building, feeling slightly intimidated. I went on their Instagram page, once again reading the recently posted flyer.
Looking for bartenders, bottle girls, and dancers!
I took a deep breath to refrain from talking myself out of what I was about to do, opening the car door and walking inside. I looked around the space. It was currently well lit, temporarily serving as a restaurant. A few beautiful girls in casual uniforms walked around with drinks, hookah, and trays of food. There weren't a lot of customers, which made sense since it was mid-afternoon on a Monday. I'd wanted to come inquire during a time they weren't going to be busy.
"Table for one, mama?" I turned around and made eye contact with a short light skin woman. She was petite, wearing a black crop top that had the restaurant's logo on it and black leggings. Her hair was pulled up into a puff of loose curls, and she looked to be a few years older than me. She was holding a menu, but I was too distracted by how pretty she was to process what she'd asked me.
"Huh?"
"You here to eat?" She asked.
"Oh... no." I trembled slightly, pulling my phone out. I showed her the post. "I wanted to see who I'm supposed to talk to about this."
Her eyes scanned over the post, then she looked at me with a small frown. "How old are you?"
"18."
"Hm..." she didn't seem to believe me, but I'd always been told I looked older than I was.
"I have my ID, if you wanna--" I started to pull it out, but she stopped me.
"No, no. Just hang tight, I'm gonna get my manager."
I nodded, staring at her as she walked away. Damn she was pretty. I blinked in surprise at the way my body heated up just looking at her. I didn't even know her name, but thoughts were swimming around my head. It confused me, because I was in a very committed relationship just a few minutes ago-- I never even looked at other people while I was with Terrence. Now I was planning to hook up with another guy and considering asking for some random girl's number.
I'd known for years I was bisexual. Tyra, her mom, and Terrence were the only ones I ever told, since my family was on their religious kick by the time I'd realized. I also didn't know how my mom's husband would react to finding out I liked girls. I was always scared he'd try to do more than "pray the gay away."
My thoughts were interrupted by the lady returning with a man. My jaw nearly dropped. He was fine. Where were all these good looking people coming from? He looked to be in his mid twenties, standing around 6'4, with an athletic build that was complimented by the navy blue suit he wore. His dark hair was styled nicely, and he had a flashy smile that almost made my knees buckle.
"I heard you're looking for a home here. I'm Tony." He stuck his hand out, and I immediately shook it.
"D-deja."
"Can I see an ID?" I handed him my driver's license. He glanced at it then back at me with a risen eyebrow. "Happy birthday."
"Thank you."
"She just turned 18 today?" The lady asked. I nodded, and she frowned. "Rome isn't gonna like that. You know how he feels about--"
"I have just as much say as my brother does." There was a tightness to Tony's words, making me wonder if there was sibling rivalry or drama I needed to steer away from. He took a deep breath, letting the charismatic composure return to him. "What're you interested in doing?"
"I wanna dance." I felt relief at the confidence my voice showed. I didn't like them seeing me as a kid.
"Do you know what kind of dancing we do here?"
I shrugged. "There's poles all over this place, so I have a pretty good idea."
Tony laughed at that. "I like you kid. You deserve a fair shot. Rome isn't here today though, and he needs to give the official green light..."
"How about a trial run?" The girl suggested. "There's no point in Rome meeting her if she can't actually dance. You know I of all people could give you a pre-yes or no."
Tony looked at her for a second with an unreadable expression, before nodding slowly. "Okay... Deja, I'm gonna send you with Lynae here to one of our private rooms. If you impress her, we'll call you back to have my brother and I interview you personally."
I nodded. "Sounds good."
I followed Lynae towards the back, trying to hold back my nerves. I couldn't believe I was really doing this. I'd done dance and gymnastics for years before quitting to try out for volleyball. I had a lot of flexibility and skill, but I'd never tried pole dancing before... and I definitely never tried being sexy for anybody besides Terrence or when I'd be joking around with Tyra. I knew I was pretty, but did I have sex appeal?
Lynae opened the door to a room that was dimly lit. The walls and floor were covered in what looked like a soft blue carpet material. There was a speaker and large couch, of which Lynae immediately sat on.
"You nervous?"
"A little, yeah." I honestly said.
"It's okay." She smiled, beckoning me to sit beside her. I did. "I was terrified my first time. Damn near threw up in my first private session."
"Are you a dancer here?"
She shook her head. "Not anymore. My son is old enough to be in school, so now I manage the daytime restaurant. The hours aren't as flexible, but Tony and Rome have been real helpful."
"Oh, nice."
It was quiet as she connected her phone to the speaker. B.E.D. by Jacquees softly played through it, and she stood back up. "You want me to show you how it's done first?" I voiced my agreement. "It's a lot of touching and teasing. Are you okay with that?"
I gave her a once over, once again taking in her physique. "Absolutely."
Another small smile lit up her already gorgeous features, before she got into character. I watched her intently as she slowly stalked towards me. Her eyes had a hooded gaze that sent warmth all throughout my body.
The moment her hands touched my skin, I suppressed a gasp. It was electrifying. Her body moved fluidly and confidently-- sometimes swaying, sometimes gyrating. She climbed on top of me, guiding my hands all along her body. Her eyes never left mine, and I could feel a pressure building up in my stomach.
All too quickly, Lynae stopped. Her breathing was a little labored from the work she'd just put in, while I panted for an entirely different reason.
"How was that?"
"I don't get how these men don't fall in love with y'all."
She laughed at that. "Believe me; they do. Let's see what you've got."
We switched spots, as Trip by Ella Mai began to play. I took a deep breath, knowing my goal was to turn her on. That was always the goal. I had to prove to Lynae that I was more than a young dancer; I needed to be an asset.
I took some of what she'd done as inspiration, but added my own flare. It came a lot easier than expected, especially with me already being so attracted to my audience. By the end of the song, her hands were possessively gripping my ass while I let my fingers softly wrap around her neck. The atmosphere was thick with tension, and I inhaled deeply as lively adrenaline pumped through me. It was in that moment that something clicked.
I had the ability to control. Sex appeal was something you can't learn; you either had it or you didn't. Clearly I had it, but it was untapped raw energy just waiting to be released. As I stared into Lynae's lust-filled eyes, I knew what path I wanted to take into adulthood. Sensuality and sex were the key. For the first time in years, I finally knew what it was like to have the upper hand. My body could get me into spaces I never even dreamt of entering and open doors I never bothered to look at. My nerves about becoming an exotic dancer vanished as if they'd never been there, and any lingering guilt I had over my plans to sleep with my ex's friend washed away. I even found myself really looking forward to it. I liked this feeling. After a long, traumatic three months, I was given the best birthday gift a helpless girl could ever ask for: power.
"So... how was that?"
A small chuckle escaped Lynae's lips. "I think Tony is gonna be calling you soon... and so will I."