#adriencore
the only exception paramore
not proofread
wow this is finally done isn't that crazy
(first person)
over the last couple weeks, peter and i had gotten rather close. which was great, you know. it was nice to have a friend that i wasn't constantly yearning to impress.
everything with him was so easy. i didn't have to try when i was with him.
i guess that was my favorite part of peter's company. honestly, i couldn't remember the last time i had a friend like him.
now i can see why my dad liked him so much. peter just had that. i'm not sure what "that" was. it was something that made being around him so enticing. so fun. how was this kid not popular? he was so much better then flash is, and ever will be.
i saw him sitting by ned at lunch, and i wanted to join them. granted, ned and i had never really talked, but i'm sure he was great. after all, peter wouldn't hang out with someone shitty. i really liked him.
as friends, of course. yeah. he was like... a brother?
i got up, but liz stopped me, "where are you going?"
"oh, um, by peter."
"peter?" flash scoffed. "why the fuck would you willingly want to hang out with that ass?"
"first," i snapped, "peter's not an ass. if anyone is, it's you. he's actually really cool, but you have the iq of a goldfish so you wouldn't realize that."
liz and flash stared at me, jaws slacked. okay, so that was a bit bitchy, but they asked for it. it was out of their place to talk about peter like that.
he was so nice and freaking kind and special and one of a kind and i loved him so-
oh god.
no, no, it was fine if i loved him.
he was my friend, and i loved all my friends.
yep.
i sat down by him and he looked up. "hi, babes."
"oh- uh, hi, y/n."
ned's eyes widened and i smiled at him. "it's ned, yeah? we have 8th together."
y-yeah! we do!"
"i'm y/n."
"i know! i-i mean, yeah. i've seen you around."
i was getting deja-vu all of a sudden.
peter ignored ned, "did you need something?"
"nah. just got bored of my friends. god, i don't even know why i hang out with them, they're such jerks. honestly, you're so much better."
i pretended not to see ned wink not-so-subtly at peter beforing leaving to sit by betty and some of her friends.
peter was really pretty, i noticed. well, i'd noticed before, but that was irrelevent.
"so, um, uh- i... i was wondering if-" he was red-faced, then squeezed his eyes shut. "if you- you'd like to go on a date with me?" peter stuttered.
i gaped.
i did not see that coming at all.
"oh, christ," he murmured, "i shouldn't have said anything, and i fucked this up, and i'm so, so, so sorry-"
"yes."
i said it quickly, and i wasn't sure where it came from. but it was kind of late to go back now. what the fuck was i doing? i lov- liked him.
i liked him, right?
but was that okay? no- i can't-
i cut off my own train of thoughts, "i will. yeah. i'd love to."
and god, he looked so happy. "really? this- this isn't a joke?"
it hurt me to think that he thought that. who'd messed with him like that?
i hate people.
"no! i- no! it's not!"
peter was smiling so bright and wide, how could i not as well?
it didn't take away that sickly feeling pooling at the bottom of my stomach.
yes, i like him. i like him so much.
so why was i panicking like this?
maybe i'd made a mistake.
i don't know.
i didn't want to end up like them. i couldn't.
so i forced a smile on my face and listened to him talk about date ideas.
-
when i was younger, i saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind
he broke his own heart and i watched
as he tried to reassemble it
it was old news that my parents weren't together. they'd had this big screaming, yelling fight. i've heard before that you say stupid, untrue, mean things when you're mad. but i know for a fact that's wrong.
you say things you'd otherwise be afraid to admit.
i think that's what happened with my parents. they had all these pent-up words, feelings, and emotions they needed out. and one day, they did.
there wasn't going back from that.
and my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget
ind that was the day that i promised
i'd never sing of love if it does not exist
after the offical divorce, they had shared custody over me. i went back and forth from house to house, and it wasn't something i'd ever gotten used to.
lots of kids' parents' went through that. so i wasn't special.
but maybe there's a line where it differs.
my mom and dad were parents straight out of a hallmark movie. perfect love, perfect family, perfect life. we had every meal as a family, shared our feelings (my mom was adamant on making my dad do this, she said it brought us closer together), and even wore matching pjs.
so i don't know what went wrong.
maybe i know somewhere deep in my soul
that love never lasts
and we've got to find other ways to make it alone
or keep a straight face
i woke up to screaming and shouting downstairs that one night. my mom was throwing things and breaking glass and my dad was waving his hands around wildly, telling her that she was insane.
i never found out why they fought that night. it wasn't something i'd concerned myself with before, and by the time i did, it seemed too late.
things went south for my mother not long after the divorce. she had financial problems and stuff, and got some mental disorders? i don't know. i'm not sure. i was kinda young. well, not that young. i was old enough to remember. twelve, thirteen, maybe?
she got into drugs. addicted and whatnot. neglected me, i suppose. i feel like that was harsh. it wasn't like that. she was my favorite person when she was sober or whatever. but the second she wasn't, i didn't exist.
she wasn't sober a lot, and i guess that was the problem.
anyways, my dad found out, brought this whole thing to court and he was granted full custody.
and i've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance
and up until now i had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness
because none of it was ever worth the risk
my mom died shortly after from an accidental overdose.
dad said "accidental," but he had this weird look on his face that made me think otherwise.
but i didn't like thinking about it. so i didn't, not really.
she was angel, flying and free now.
that's what i told myself whenever i missed her.
i know for a fact they didn't ever talk unless they absolutely had to, and even then, it wasn't always kindly. it was a toxic breakup, and i knew that much.
i've got a tight grip on reality
but i can't let go of what's in front of me here
i know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
i finished my last curl, even though i knew for a fact i wasn't going. i was hoping that by the time i was done with my hair, i'd have some courage mustered up.
i didn't.
i was scared.
from the second i got home, i pondered my feelings for peter and honestly reached a realization that i was in love with him.
my mom was in love with my dad.
look where that got her.
she went off the rails, completely. and a part of my dad never came back. he was more reserved now, i'd say. and i think finding pepper made him a little better about that. pepper made him happy in ways i could never, but their relationship would never be as perfect as my mom and dad's were.
there was something different about it, and i couldn't ever explain it in words, i don't think.
i looked at the girl across me in the mirror, and i wanted to throw her off the balcony, it was a mood really.
mascara and eyeliner rained down her cheeks, creating one big smudged mess.
what if i ended up like my mom? dead and never complete again? wanting the one thing that i couldn't have?
no, no, peter wasn't like that. he was sweet, he was kind. he put everybody before himself, which is one of the reasons i loved him.
but my dad was like that, too. he was a good man, not selfish in the ways that mattered.
look where that got him.
i didn't end up going. i cried in my bedroom, angry that i couldn't get over this stupid fear. i didn't want to be heartbroken.
but what was there any good, if i was the one doing it to myself?
god, i don't know.
i don't know anything anymore, it seems like for everything.
-
(peter, first person)
[two hours previous]
i told aunt may as soon as i got home about my date. we'd settled on some fancy diner at 7, and it only felt right for may to be the first person to know.
i mean, she'd kinda already known about my crush. well, "crush" sounds like something a third grader would say, so i take it back. i really, really, really loved her. i was in love with her, but it seemed a little early to say that, so i didn't.
may helped me get ready, she was excited. i tried to downplay it, like it wasn't a big deal, but i think she saw right through my facade.
i swear, she knows everything.
we settled on uncle ben's old tux, and she got a little teary-eyed and said i looked just like him. i kissed her forehead and told her not to cry, because i never liked seeing her sad.
i told her that, but she said she wasn't sad. she was happy. she was happy that i was wearing it, and that it seemed right.
my hair was done by aunt may, gelled back a little to keep it in place, i'd say i looked pretty good.
for one of the first times, i felt handsome, you know? like i wasn't just some highschool loser.
it was funny how y/n had that type of hold on me. but it wasn't a bad thing, it kept me on my toes.
damn, i loved her.
and for a while, i thought she felt the same.
but the fact that i've been waiting an hour and a half for her to show up proves me otherwise.
i really thought i had a chance here, but i guess it was all just fun and games to her.
it's fine. what did i expect?
i didn't want aunt may to find out, because for some reason, i didn't want her disliking y/n, because i still didn't. it felt like i had a responsibility to keep her reputation untarnished. i called and texted her, but she never responded. leaving a twenty dollar bill on the table, i finished my glass of water, and left. i ignored the pitying looks the waiters gave me.
i webbed away, high above the city, so no one would see me. stopping at a tall skyscraper that was parallel to the avenger's tower, i sat at the top, pulling my knees to my chest.
i suppose this was kinda on me, it was stupid to get my hopes up.
y/n had done this to so many other guys, and i was stupid to think i was any different.
i fell for it. i fell for her.
is this something you guys want another part for?
because if you want it done, i'll do it ig :)