Another sigh escapes Aeris lips and I turn watching as he stretches his neck from side to side like he is preparing to go into the sparring ring. I suppose in a way we were, just not one with swords and fists.
"Did you get any sleep?" I ask as we walk towards the King's chambers.
"I'm fine." He answers gruffly and I take that as a no.
"It won't do us any good if you lose your control and start making demands." I reply, adjusting the lapel of my coat.
"I'm not going to lose control." He replies tightly, already I can sense he is on the edge. The lack of sleep on top of everything else means his emotions would be volatile and while he may be doing his best to present himself as if he is fine, I know he is not.
But in truth, neither am I. How can we be? It has been two days. Two days and we have buried their bodies and crowned a new King and while the rest of the Kingdom may be able to move on, hanging their black banners in the street to express their sympathy it isn't enough.
Two days is not enough time for the amount of change we have endured.
I take a steadying breath as my mind goes over all the words I had prepared and practiced over and over. I knew them back to front and still I felt like I was not ready. There would be no going back once this was done. And while I was confident in my decision, the repercussions of voicing it to the only person who could make a difference left me feeling a little less confident.
Guards stand at attention outside the King's office, I take in the black bands on their arms in sympathy for the loss of our King and Queen and my steps falter.
The realisation that I wasn't going to walk in and see my father behind his desk as I had countless times before hits me and I struggle to process it.
"Ready?" Aeris asks pausing to look at me.
I stare at the closed doors, the dark oak wood and golden filigree familiar. I could describe every inch and detail of that office, remember the individual place of every ornament and decoration. I could picture in my mind all the times I had visited my father in his office, from the age of five and sitting on his lap while he worked, to just weeks ago before the world had changed. There was something innately wrong with knowing that the moment those doors open he won't be there, that he will never be there again. It isn't his office anymore.
"Alvaryn?" Aeris touches my shoulder and I flinch, blinking and turn to him.
I nod once.
"Ready." I say walking towards the doors and forcing all my memories back to where they belong.
The guards move as one, opening the doors as we step up to it and even the smell of the familiar room sends a flurry of memories and it is a struggle to ignore them.
Demwyn looks up from the desk, father's desk, the kings desk, his desk. He looks between the two of us, a pen in his hands and a frustrated expression on his face.
"A visit from both of you, to what do I owe the honour?" He asks dryly, scribbling something on the paper in front of him.
Everything in the room is exactly the same, not a single thing out of place, and yet it is completely different.
"We need to speak to you about our future here with you and our loyalty to you." I begin calmly.
He stops scribbling, dropping the pen and looking up at me, expression now confused and verging on angry.
"I'm confused." He says leaning back into the chair and folding his arm over his chest. "Why would you need to discuss your future here and what doubts could you have after swearing your loyalty to me? You are crown princes of Wyndelle, your place is here and your loyalties lie to this Kingdom, to me."
"That is true, we are princes and we serve Wyndelle and its people but that does not mean we have to agree with every decision you make or thought you have. We want to stand beside you Demwyn, we want to support your rule and follow your lead, but in order to do that you need to accept Daella." Aeris says, doing his best to keep his voice even.
Demwyn just looks at him like he is struggling to understand the words.
"Aeris is right, it has been too long since we all agreed, since we all acted as brothers instead of enemies. And the only reason for that is Dae and your dislike of her." I say firmly.
"That is because she is going to tear us apart!" Demwyn snaps leaning forward in his chair while gripping the arms tightly.
"She isn't tearing us apart!" Aeris snaps back, losing the control he had. "If anything she has bought Alvaryn and I closer together. We both love her and will do whatever is needed to make her happy and safe. Just because you cannot understand it does not mean it is not real or right."
I step forward trying to take control of the room before we lose all of it.
"You are King now, you can allow this marriage to take place." I say.
"You cannot be serious?!" Demwyn bites out, standing suddenly. "A marriage between three people is unheard of."
"It is not unheard of." I reply quickly. "I have found multiple records in the past of fae in positions of authority taking more than one spouse. It maybe have been some time ago but that doesn't mean we can't allow it now."
Demwyn shakes his head running a hand through his hair, shoving it back from his face as he looks between the both of us.
"Marriage should be the last thing on your minds right now! We are preparing to go to war. You should be focussed on that, on getting revenge for our parents!" He stabs the desk with his finger angrily.
"If I am about to go off into war then I want to know what and who I am fighting for. I want to know that when I return I will be allowed to marry the woman I love and no longer have to hide or pretend and watch her be taken by some high lord!" Aeris barks back, neck strained and body rigid.
"I agree, I want security and confirmation that after the war is over that I will be allowed to marry Dae with your blessing. I want your word that Dae will be safe here in the palace while we are away and won't be sent away or given to someone else." I say, staying close to Aeris just in case.
Demwyn doesn't speak, he just looks at the two of us, expression hard and eyes expressing betrayal. Like he couldn't believe his own brothers would make these demands of him.
"And what if I say no? What if I refuse your terms?" He asks, voice low and quiet.
Aeris collects himself, standing upright and reeling in every one of his emotions.
"If you refuse then I will do my duty to Wyndelle, I will fight in this war, I will avenge our parents and the attack on Daella, but then, when it is over and I return home I will renounce my place as crown prince and leave the palace with Daella." Aeris answers, his voice sure, like he has never said words more true in his life.
"And you?" Demwyn asks turning to me as his expression darkens.
"The same. I will fight in the war but when I return I will renounce my place as crown prince and leave the palace with Aeris and Dae." I answer. The idea was hard to accept, the thought of leaving that way, of turning my back on my home, on Demwyn. But what else could we do?
"You are giving me no choice. This ultimatum is absurd. You are willing to turn your back on your Kingdom, on your people, on everything you have." Demwyn says quietly, staring at the desk, head bowed, no longer looking at us in anger and disappointment. But I can feel it just the same.
"It only seems absurd because you do not love Dae the way we do. You do not understand what it feels like to love someone so completely that you are willing to do whatever it takes to be with them." I say glancing at Aeris as he stands remaining silent, having said all he wanted to. "You do have a choice Demwyn. Aeris and I are already betrothed to Dae and we will marry her. It is your choice as to whether it will be here with your blessing or somewhere else, without you."
Demwyn holds himself up, his hands flat against the table as he stands hunched over it. I can feel the anger radiating from him, like a viscous substance it fills the room, flooding my senses. He wasn't hiding it behind his shield, no he wanted us to know, to feel it. But we could do the same to him, we could unleash our anger and betrayal and it would be no less overwhelming.
"Is that everything?" He asks, still not looking up from his desk, not wanting to look up and see his brothers so ready and willing to leave him and everything behind.
"That's everything." I answer with a nod glancing at Aeris who nods at me.
"Right, well you will excuse me if I don't give an answer right now." He sighs. "With everything else that has been heaped upon me since the coronation I will have to take everything into consideration."
It was a King's answer, not our brother's. No if it were just him he would have suggested a bout in the sparring ring, or he would have just jumped over the desk and attempted to beat us into submission.
No, now he is a King, every decision he made, no matter how big or small would reflect on the kingdom.
"Just go, I will call you when I have my answer." He says with a flick of his hand.
I turn to Aeris who turns on his heel and walks towards the doors.
As the doors close behind us and I feel the memories from the room finally relent I let out a heavy breath, feeling the weight of all of our words and demands settle over me.
"Well, it's done. Now we wait." I say quietly as Aeris walks beside me.
"We have given Demwyn a choice, it's more than he gave Daella." Aeris returns tightly, still unable to forgive Dem for what he had said and done to Dae.
In truth it was hard to forgive him as well, he had abused his role as our brother and tried to take our choices from us. He wasn't even sorry he did it, had never offered an apology to us or Dae. I doubt he ever would.
Even with the anger towards him I couldn't help but see him in that office and feel the weight he was under. This new role as king is a heavy burden and while he may have known his entire life it would be his to carry one day I know he would never have planned for it to be so soon.
He would wear it as he wore everything. He wouldn't show and signs of struggle, he wouldn't ask for help, he would stand straight, he would show strength and wear the crown as Father had.
Even seeing him wear the crown for the first time had left my mind silent and grasping for anything to fill the silence.
He looked like Father, with a few less years under his belt and longer hair, but standing by his side, watching as he sat on the throne, I could almost imagine it was Father. I imagined that we were standing at his coronation instead of Demwyn's. It was a strange thought, like I had somehow travelled in time and was witnessing the past.
There were even those who bowed before him that would have been there for father as well, like ghosts from the past they visited as well.
While I knew it was impossible, in that moment it had been a way to escape, like in the pages of all the books I read, it felt easier to imagine the impossible then accept the reality.
Reality was becoming harder to accept. While I enjoyed the escape I found in the stories I read I was always willing to come back to reality. As the hours passed it became harder and harder to stay here.
Accepting reality would mean accepting I would never see my parents again.
Accepting reality would mean accepting that their murderer had been in our home and we had welcomed them with open arms.
Accepting reality would mean accepting that their murderer was alive and unharmed at this very moment.
Accepting reality would mean acknowledging that now the decision had been made and the terms had been laid out there was a chance I would have to leave my home.
Accepting reality would mean knowing soon I will have to leave Dae here alone and I don't know when I will see her again.
It felt different now, leaving, before it had been an easy decision, we would go to war and fight and kill everyone who fought against us.
Now there was more, more anger, more rage, more fear.
Anger that we had shared a meal with him and he had stood and smiled and kissed my mother's hand all the while knowing what he had planned.
Rage that he had gotten away with it, not just once but twice.
Fear that it wouldn't be enough, that no matter how hard I fought and how much blood I spilled it wouldn't be enough and they would win.
I couldn't allow that to happen. I couldn't allow that thought to become my reality.