Lee Soojin
"That's the ring your future husband picked out?" San Mirae asks, scrunching her nose up at the photo of the engagement ring I had been sent by my future husband apparently.
To everyone's surprise, I was marrying for the sake of my father's business and not for love. The marriage was one of convenience and even after a couple of months of being engaged, I had yet to meet the man who I would wed in a couple of months and the man who had, at best, questionable taste.
If his taste is that bad, what does that say about his desire to marry me?
"It's ugly, isn't it?" I laugh, putting my phone down as I hand her a popsicle to soothe her mouth.
Chemo is a nasty process.
"Does he hate you?" She asks, cocking her head to the side.
I giggle and shush her as I try to contain my laughter from spreading to the hospital room next to us, "Shush, that's not very nice."
"Neither is he for selecting something so ugly."
The gaudy ring she was talking about was thick and fat and ostentatious and far too inconspicuous to wear at work, so it was hiding itself in a spot in my jewelry box at home.
A knock comes at the door to San Mirae's hospital room and she lets out a smile and waves as a familiar face wheels her way into our room.
Ms. Ryan was a patient in the hospital I worked as a nurse in and she and San Mirae had quickly bonded over their love of musicals during their rounds of chemo. Ms. Ryan was battling stage three breast cancer and San Mirae had a rare form of Leukemia that racked her body with disease and sores. It was a tough time for both women and I could only look at them with admiration as they battled their situations silently, with courage and pride.
"Hello Nurse Lee, I just came by to see my favorite kiddo," Ms. Ryan smiles and waves at us as she sidles her wheelchair next to San Mirae's hospital bed.
"Did your son come with you today?" I ask, courtesy spurning the question forward.
"He's getting his arm checked out again and then has physical therapy. I'll probably see him later," she beams.
Ms. Ryan's pride and joy was housed in the physical form of her son, Ryan Jae. I didn't know much about the man except that he had recently been injured at work and was the size of a brick house, but he seemed nice enough and Ms. Ryan doted on him and tells stories about him as often as people will let her. I'd met him a few times when she was visiting, but he seemed about as private and obscure as a person could be in today's digital age.
"That's good. Hopefully he'll be healed soon."
"I hope so too. He said he has a couple of gatherings in the next few weeks that he'd prefer to have both arms for is what he jokes about. Apparently, a basketball tournament and a wedding. The doctors don't think he'll be free from his sling quite yet, but a mother can hope," she sighs.
I nod in agreement and my watch beeps at me, alerting me to a call from Secretary Jin.
"Excuse me, my father's secretary is calling me and I should go and answer it."
I give San Mirae a quick hug and exit her room so she and Ms. Ryan can talk in peace without them having to hear the undoubtably tense conversation between me and my father's nervous secretary.
"Hello?"
"Miss Lee, your father wanted to know if you'll be joining us today for this afternoon's board meeting?"
Secretary Jin's reedy voice fills my ears and grates on my nerves as he continues to elaborate on why exactly my father wanted me at the board meeting.
"Secretary Jin, my shift is over at 4. I will leave for Headquarters at 4:15 to be at the meeting. I may be a little late, but—"
"I'll send a driver and a change of clothes that would be appropriate for the meeting. Wearing scrubs in front of investors is not necessarily appropriate or—"
"Secretary Jin, I know my father loves you for some reason, but you realize that if you continue to treat me like this, I will have no desire to keep you on staff when he forces me to take over the business?"
It was a threat I made at least once a month and it always worked for a single day before his nosy, busybody ways took over and he was unafraid to nag me like a second father.
An unwanted second father.
"Miss Lee, you should know," Secretary Jin says softly, "The heir to the Sam Corporation conglomerate will be attending to discuss your upcoming nuptials."
The realization that I would finally be meeting my future husband hits me and I grimace at the thought of meeting him in front a room full of businessmen who see us as a walking merger.
You made the decision to accept the merger, don't forget that part of it. Besides, he can't be as bad as Roh Bong I guess.
"Thank you for the warning; I'll be there."
I end the call and look out the hospital window and into the courtyard below. The people are the size of ants from my spot on the top floor of the hospital and at that moment I can't help but relate to the feeling of a bug about to be squashed by something much larger than itself.
***
The day was draining. I had specifically requested a transfer to the Oncology department. It was one of those places that seemed to scare medical professionals, the reality of death and the uncertainty of healing seemed to scare most people away, but the sterile halls and hopeful faces of patients fighting their own fight was familiar, so the transfer seemed to be a good fit.
Plus you're off nights...
While the transfer was the right thing for me, there were days like today where I wanted to run and hide away from the world. The inevitability of death didn't escape anyone, myself included, but sometimes death came a bit too soon. And today was one of those days as I comforted the mother of Bu Taeyang, a sweet little boy who no longer could fight his fight. He and his mother had made the choice to sign a 'Do Not Resuscitate' order the previous week, declaring that he was tired and in pain and was ready to join his father in heaven.
Watching a child no older than 10 make such a firm decision and the after effects of his mother witnessing her child die in front of her, it would take the life out of anyone. Even someone as cold and heartless as me.
After comforting his mother, my attention was on San Mirae. She was in the room next to Bu Taeyang when it happened and she was fighting her own battle with leukemia, an increasingly rare form that was difficult to manage.
I had managed to keep myself together for the sake of my adopted niece San Mirae, but she was sleeping peacefully now and the emotion clogging the back of my throat was overwhelming me. Drowning me. After letting my coworkers know I was taking a short break, I find myself wandering the halls of the hospital until I am in a familiar space. I exit into the stairway and go between the floors and squat on the landing, letting the pain of losing my first patient since transferring to the Oncology Department overwhelm me.
I sob, the tears streaming freely down my face, and the inevitable snot dribbling from my nose making me feel even worse. I rest my head on my knees and close my eyes, thinking about the young boy who was so vibrant and full of life, now gone and diminished forever.
A click of a door alerts me to someone walking into my emotional breakdown and I try to compose myself before anyone can see my messy face. I shield my face and hope that the stranger will ignore me as they pass by, but the hesitation in the steps alerts me that they have stopped to stand right beside me on the stair landing. I look over and see a slightly familiar profile handing me a package of tissues. He doesn't look at me, instead opting to stare down at his feet as though they're the most interesting thing in the world.
I accept the tissues and go to thank him, but he simply walks away without another word, simply focusing on taking the steps one at a time as he goes down.
Thank goodness for kind strangers.
I wipe up my face, using my phone as a mirror, and go back to work, thinking of a sweet little boy named Bu Taeyang and an equally sweet little girl named San Mirae.
May her fate turn out different than his, please.
***
"Miss Lee, why are you not here yet?" Secretary Jin hisses.
"Give the phone to my father."
"But—"
"Now."
A click and a rustle alerts me to my father's arrival and I let out a sigh, "Abeoji, I won't be coming today."
"Lee Soojin, you know—"
"Bu Taeyang died this morning. I am in no shape to be in the public eye."
The line fills with silence and I know that he's being overwhelmed with emotions, primarily, fear.
"Bu Taeyang was the boy with leukemia?"
"Yes. They found out incredibly late and there weren't any additional treatment options. I was the one on the case so I handled it."
"And you're okay?"
Are you asking about my mental state or my physical state?
"I'm healthy, but my heart is hurting."
Knowing that the answer will appease him, the words slip from my lips, but the coldness behind them and the intention in them feel like darts to my soul.
As long as I'm safe and healthy, nothing else matters, right Abeoji?
"Take the day and relax. I'll schedule something further out for you to meet your husband-to-be in person."
"Thank you," the relief in my voice is palpable as I excuse myself from the call.
Deciding that being alone sounds like the best remedy for the pain in my heart, I head towards the parking garage.
***
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump.
Today's run wasn't about training for my next half marathon. It was about enjoying the silence of the park and the breeze flowing through the trees. I needed space to breathe and the one place, ironic to some, where I could breathe without feeling like I was dying was when I was outside and running. Inside on a treadmill in a pinch.
My watch alerts me to my need to stop and I slow to a walk as I come upon a bench in the park. I take in some deep breaths and start to stretch out, careful not to overextend. A beep comes from my phone, and I pull it out from my pocket and see a new message request on my app. Shortly after, a text comes in from Secretary Jin.
"I gave your Messenger ID to the Sam son. He wanted to set up a time for dinner but didn't want me to have to worry about the details," I read aloud.
More like he doesn't want a nosy secretary is his business.
Opening the messaging portal, I read the message request from my future husband.
"Hello, Miss Lee. While I was hoping to meet you in person today, I understand the need for some alone time based on what your father told me. I know you're probably busy this week with your job at the hospital, but if you're free, I would very much like the opportunity to take you to dinner or something that would fit your schedule. Let me know. Thanks, Jae."
I accept the request and send him a list of dates I have available before locking my phone and deciding to rest on the park bench for a bit. I stare out at the small water feature in the park and think about the many, many decisions that were appearing before me.
Would I take over the Lee Corporation?
Would I quit my job to run the company?
How would I balance a new relationship invading my life, fake or not?
"What will happen to San Mirae if I leave the hospital?" The scariest question of them all plagues my heart as I think about her sweet face and the courage she had continued to show over the course of her treatment.
Far more courage than the bastards that abandoned her to die alone...
My gut recoils as I think about the people who gave birth to San Mirae, the word 'parents' not seeming to fit well with the picture of the confident little warrior in the hospital. Monsters seemed a better fit.
A beep comes from my phone and I look down to see that the newest contact on my messenger portal has responded to my list of available dates.
"Sooner rather than later works for me. Figure we should meet and discuss our situation without board members dictating our actions or forcing us to pretend to be something we're not. Tomorrow night, 7p.m., would you like to meet at..."
The address is unfamiliar to me and I quickly type it into my phone and am surprised to see a somewhat vacant building appear on my phone as the location. Before I can respond and ask why we were meeting at what can only be described as a serial killer's paradise, another message comes through.
"Sorry for the strange location, I have a meeting with contractors there as I just acquired it for a new business venture. I hope you don't mind seeing a bit of my professional life. I guess it's par for the course given the nature of our situation."
I snort at his comment and shrug my shoulders, unfazed that he was making this somewhat of a business meeting.
"Anything I should bring?"
"Comfy shoes. The ground is still a bit uneven since we don't start construction for another week and heels wouldn't be a good idea."
The thought of wearing heels on purpose, especially to impress my husband-to-be, makes me grimace and I quickly respond back to confirm.
Now filled with a nervous energy, I look back around at my surroundings and decide to do another lap before the anxiety in my soul eats me alive.
You chose this path, now you have to follow it.
***
I had enjoyed the day off from the hospital, enjoying a rare day where I didn't go in at all, not even to check in on San Mirae who was off her chemo cycle for the time being while we waited for results on her last cycle. Instead, I focused on packing up my room at my father's house as he announced that the Sam family had prepared a house for me and my husband-to-be.
Once again, they chose something for me without consulting me. How rude is this family?
After packing, a quick run in the afternoon, and some time spent working on my father's business, I was dressed casually in leggings, sneakers, and a comfy sweatshirt my cousin Catie Lee had gotten me from her college in America. Now I was standing outside the entrance to looked like an abandoned bomb-making facility, eyeing it and questioning the sanity of my fiancée if he thought it was a good place to invest in.
I prepare to send a message to let my fiancée know I have arrived when a second car pulls up near my own. I step back into the shadows, the eerie appearance of the setting and my own sense of self-preservation warning me to keep an eyes out for strangers pulling me back.
You're 20 minutes early, Lee Soojin, maybe you should have arrived when directed.
To my surprise, a familiar face climbs out of the vehicle and surveils the area. He's tall and lanky, thin with shaggy brown hair that looked like it could use a brush through if I was being honest.
What is HE doing here?
Lights flicker on from inside the building and one of the giant garage doors leading into the serial killer lair opens, unveiling someone new, their face hidden due to the light shining in from behind them.
"You're late."
"Someone's eager."
"You could say that," the faceless man sighs. He turns away from his friend and shrugs as he looks inside the building. "Anxious might be a better word, I guess."
"About the investment?"
"Du Jii, you know I have no love affair for the business world. That's where you come in."
I cock my head to the side and watch as Du Jii and the other man converse, utterly confused why my father's pitching coach was meeting with this man here of all places.
"Contractor on the way?"
"Confirmed the meeting with him myself," Du Jii sighs, looking around the area.
"Then what's the issue?"
"Lee Soojin is coming here tonight."
He knows me, yet I know nothing of him. Seems fair.
"Lee Soojin? The Chairman's daughter?"
"The very same."
"Why is she coming here, Jae?"
His name is Jae? Interesting.
"Familial partnership I guess you could say."
"Vague."
"Let's not get into that right now. She's on her way to meet me here in a little bit. Thought I'd show her the compound as it is since I'll be spending most of my time here for work."
"I thought your father was insisting you work in his company."
Jae laughs and my spine tingles at the unfamiliar sound, "I don't give a damn what he wants. If it wasn't for my mother, I wouldn't ever associate with him. Ever since I returned to Korea he has been up my butt. I don't rely on him for money or love, but ever since the merger—" Jae sighs and then turns back around so I can see his face more clearly.
Isn't that Miss Ryan's son—
Another car pulls up and a sturdy, middle-aged man hops out of the vehicle, "Ryan Jae?"
"Mr. Gal, I presume?"
"The one and only. Thanks for considering us for the remodel. You're turning this into an athlete training center, correct?"
Ryan Jae grins and the tingles in my spine turn from comforting to concerning.
"Now that I have retired from baseball, not by my own choice of course, I figured it's as good of a time to give back."
"You professional athletes, never able to give up the sport you love," Mr. Gal chuckles.
I blanch.
Professional athlete. That man, Ryan Jae, Miss Ryan's son, was a professional athlete...and my soon-to-be husband.
I feel bile growing in my throat and I wait for the three men to enter the building before making a quiet escape to my car where I start to hyperventilate at the sudden realization.
A chirp comes through from my phone and I see it's a message from Ryan Jae. I quickly make up an excuse to avoid meeting him tonight and drive out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell as I try and figure out what fresh hell I was now in.