Summer break is almost done now. Ibiza had came and went, leaving a lot of good memories and a very confusing situation to sort out.
After Max and I had discussed where we stood, he unfortunately had to leave to fly back to the Netherlands to film for a sponsorship, leaving me with my thoughts at the side of a pool.
The girls hadn't brought up the situation much, knowing that I'm not a person who particularly enjoys in divulging my own drama, but they did check in to make sure I was alright. I managed to keep it to myself however, waiving them off and claiming that Max only brought my home, knowing that Christian was already ready to kill me for making an arse of myself in front of so many cameras.
Since his sneaky exit that morning Max and I had both been texting each other back and forth, nothing big really, just updates about our days and a few sarcastic comments along the way. But now that we're getting closer to returning to the track, I can't help but let my nerves overwhelm me. Would we be able to keep it a secret? Would it effect our driving? Will it be awkward? All of the possibilities run through my unstimulated mind at a speed faster than an F1 car.
Knowing how easily these thoughts are about to consume me, I decide that it's finally time for me to tell Ellie now that we're home and the other girls aren't around. It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that I trust Ellie with my life and that means she needs to deal with all of the decisions that I make.
But it seems that we're that close that she practically can read my mind.
"So what's up with you and Max?" She looks up from her phone and towards my direction at the opposite side of the couch, an eyebrow raised and a knowing look plastered across her face.
Her instant questioning makes me feel quite embarrassed for some reason. I've never been like this with her before, all of our talks have been full on with no space for secrets or shames, yet here I am growing red at the name of a boy.
"I, erm, actually wanted to talk to you about that." I avoid eye contact and instead lock my phone, placing it face down on the table in front so that I don't get distracted.
"So you're finally going to tell me why you said he just dropped you off but I caught him sneaking out the next morning?"
My head snaps up to meet her smirking face, trapping me like a deer in the headlights. My heart pauses for a moment before it begins to race, causing me to feel lightheaded and nauseous.
"I- er - you saw - em." I struggle to get any words to form, feeling shocked and embarrassed so badly that I can't even come up with an excuse.
She rolls her eyes at my state letting out a small scoff. "Did you seriously think I wouldn't know? The tension from the past few races, and him purposefully wanting to see you on your birthday when you both would be drunk." She begins to explain, standing up from the couch with purpose before walking to the open planned kitchen. "We all knew something was going to happen - Daniel and I even had a bet on it, he thought it would happen at the DJ booth, but I knew you wouldn't do something as public as that." Her hand reaches up to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, emptying it in to a glass, whilst all I can do is sit still and comprehend that this conversation isn't going the way that I had planned for it to. "But then I saw you dash off and that threw a spanner in to the works, until about 15 minutes later when you both walked back out hand in hand, and straight out of the door." She turns and walks back over to me. "I made sure the girls stayed at the club for another couple of hours so no one else would catch on, but he wasn't exactly a secret agent walking out the next day." She comes to stand in front of me, her smirk having turned in to a full blown smile that only made me want to crawl deeper and deeper in to a hole. "So tell me, will you be going back for seconds?" She wiggles her eyebrows like a teenager, which does make me relax a bit more, enough to let out a small laugh.
I take a deep breath before shrugging my shoulders. There's no point in delaying the inevitable, especially not with Ellie, so sooner or later I'll need to tell her what's going on, and it would probably be best to be sooner. "Yeah." I nod with a small smile, watching her eyes light up as she tries to contain her excitement.
"So how is this going to be?" She starts to grow confused with her eyebrows lightly furrowing. "Like is it a when drunken thing? I would say a friends with benefits, but then again it would actually be more of an enemies with benefits, considering you've hated each other for years."
"Actually." I awkwardly draw out which immediately catches her attention, her eyebrows furrowing even further. "I think we might be giving dating a go."
The glass of water slips through Ellie's fingers, dropping to the ground with an almighty crash as shards of glass scatter around.
As the words had left my lips I watched as the confusion morphed in to utter shock, with her jaw dropping simultaneously with the glass.
Out of instinct, I jump up from the loud noise with my heart rate spiking, letting out a scream as I clamber on top of the couch to avoid accidentally cutting myself on the shards.
I look at Ellie in horror whilst her face copies mine, both for two entirely different reason. Hers being that she finds the news that I might actually have some feelings in my stone cold heart towards the man who's caused me so much terror and grief for the majority of my life, and mines is because she's just broken our most expensive crystal glass that we got as a housewarming present. I think we know which out of the two is more justified, and it's not hers.
Whilst we're both stood staring at each other in utter silence, the door behind Ellie bursts open to reveal a panicked Max.
"What happened? Who screamed? Is everyone alright?" He breathes out heavily, his face flushed from what I can only presume is him running down the stairs.
Like something from a comedy movie, the three of us stand in a stare off. Max's eyes flit between a jaw dropped Ellie and a startled me, Ellie's head whips to look both at Max and I repeatedly with an accusatory finger pointed in our directions, and I look between the two wondering how the fuck I'm about to deal with this situation.
"Watch your feet on the glass." Is the first thing I say to Max, noticing that he was in fact only in his socks and most likely out of the three of us to injure himself on the shards, and I wouldn't particularly enjoy explaining to Christian why his golden boy can't put his feet fully on the pedals.
His brows scrunch in confusion as his head tilts to the side. "There was screaming and glass shattered but the first thing that comes to your mind is to watch my feet? Why are you screaming over a broken glass anyway? It's not that big of a deal."
My arms shoot out in defence with my eyebrows raised. "It's was a very expensive crystal glass thank you very much for your concern."
In response he rolls his eyes and lets out a huff, instantly letting his form relax when he sees that the situation isn't as concerning as he imagined it to be. "Okay then." He breaths before closing the door to the apartment and walking in to the kitchen, leaving me as confused as Ellie looks. "Where is your dustpan kept?"
No way has this man just sprinted out of his apartment and down the stairs, burst in to it frantically concerned about us, only to then want to help clean up the mess. Where did this Max come from and how come I never noticed him before?
"Under the sink." I manage to breath out, still not comprehending the last five minutes.
"Huh, huh, what?" mMy attention is back on Ellie as she points repeatedly between Max and I with her face growing more perplexed by the second, which only concerns me more - she's due to have an aneurysm at this rate.
"What's wrong with her?" Max calls out with his voice echoing from the inside of the cupboard under the sink, until he pulls himself out with a dustpan in hand. "She normally looks confused but not as badly as this."
"Hey!" I death glare at him, making his eyes go wide instantly in fear. "You're not allowed to be nasty to her. I'm her best friend so only I can, you hear me?"
I love Ellie to bits, and yes sometimes she does stupid things but we jokingly blame that on the stereotypical blonde part of her, but I'm the only person ever allowed to say those things because no one is allowed to ever utter a single syllable of a bad word about her.
All I see Max do is nod understandingly in response before all of my attention is back on my best friend.
I take a deep breath to collect myself, feeling slightly guilty about snapping. "And she found out that we're seeing each other, so her complete understanding of how the universe works has just shattered."
"That makes sense." Max approaches us before placing the dustpan on the ground and turning his attention back to Ellie. "We might just have put her in to shock." He quickly throws a smirk in my direction before focussing again on her. He tentatively places his hands on her arms, using them to slowly drag her backward to carefully avoid stepping on glass until she's sitting safely on the opposite couch. Once she plops down he removes his hands and instead reaches in to the pockets of his shorts and pulls out a cold bottle of water for her. "Try not to break that one."
I can't help but let out a little laugh which he definitely hears as he begins to sweep up the glass. I go to step down but as soon as my foot lifts in to the air, the brush is pointed at me. "Don't even think about it."
"Max I can't let you clean my house." I protest, feeling guilty.
"You can and you will. It's my choice." He pointedly stares at me, raising his eyebrows as if threatening me not to challenge him.
Once he sees that I'm not going to pick a fight his hands and eyes drop to the floor, meticulously sweeping along the grains of the wooden flooring to collect any tiny shards that might normally go unnoticed. I think it's the most concentrated I've ever seen him out with a racing car.
Once it's all been collected he carries the tray to the kitchen, carefully dumping the glass in the bin and placing the dustpan and brush back under the sink. He stalks back in to the living room and without missing a beat he makes a b-line straight to me.
"What are you-"
His arms enclose around me, one on my back and the other behind my knees, sweeping them out so that I fall in to his embrace. The whole ordeal makes me feel like a damsel in distress - which I definitely am not - however, being curled up against his chest provides a warmth that I didn't know I could enjoy. His arms protectively around me like a stone cold soldier but my head pressed against his chest listening to his steady heart beat which reminds me that there is so much more to Max than his fronted exterior.
"I'd still wear shoes around the apartment until it has another clean." I feel his voice vibrate through his chest as he walks me over to the couch that Ellie is on. "We can't have you coming in to the paddock with bandaged feet." He gently places me down next to my best friend, smiling as he pulls away whilst still keeping eye contact.
"Why am I so shocked, I literally knew this was going to happen." Ellie breathes out, finally coming back to the real world. Her face is a shade paler and her eyes are still wide, but if she's talking then that surely must be a good sign. "I always had a gut feeling but after Monaco I was sure."
"So you've like me since Monaco?" Max smirks, which really makes me want to go and slap it off his face. I know we're not enemies anymore but god those tendencies seem to be sticking.
"Shut up Cinderella and get back to cleaning the floor." I instantly glare at him, hoping that by not giving much of an answer then he'll drop the subject.
He only rolls his eyes with that same god forsaken smirk permanently etched on to his face, before squeezing in to the tiny space that was left on my left side, sneaking the opportunity to snake his right arm around the back of my shoulder and casually leave it there.
I don't know if that smirk is because he enjoys winding me up or if it's because he knows the reaction that his arm placement is having on me since now I can only focus upon how much of a caring yet slightly protective move it is.
"So who knows?" Ellie leans forward so she can ask the both of us.
"You're the first person I've told." I send a small smile to her. "I promised you that you would always be the first to know."
My smile reflects on her as a small blush begins to coat her cheeks, clearly heart warmed as I once again show her that she's the most important person in my life.
"I haven't told anyone." Max ruins our moment by getting Ellie's attention.
"So I'm the only person who knows?" Realisation settles as her eyes light up with joy. "Oh my god the others are going to freak when they find out!"
"No they won't." I quickly rain on her parade. "Because this is new and we don't want it to affect the team, so our relationship is to only stay between the three of us. You need to keep this a secret."
"That's a lot of pressure." She breathes out. "It's a lot of information as well. If it's alright I'm going to go for a quick shower and try to clear my head." She stands up for the couch, walking the long way around it towards her room, making sure to avoid the spot where the glass was broken.
And whilst I'm glad that Ellie's taking the time to completely absorb the information, that did mean that she had left me alone with Max for the first time in person since we said we would give this a go.
I don't know why I find this so awkward. Yes, at the moment I think I want to be with him, and yes, I'm definitely attracted to him, but this whole situation is confusing me both mentally and emotionally.
"Does this make me your knight in shining armour?" He tries to break the awkward tension with a lopsided smile.
I can't help but laugh slightly, shaking my head at the fact that's the first thing he thought to say. "More like my knight in jeans and a white top. Do you even own anything else?"
"It's the best armour a guy can have." He then flexes his muscles, trying to show off and gently moving my head as he does so since it's still resting on his arm.
And whilst I have to admit that it's not a bad sight, I can't let his ego know that. "It's normally best for them to at least have a sense of humility."
"I think we both know I can't do that." His arm drops from the back of the couch and falls to rest on my shoulders, ever so slightly pulling me closer in to him, and as I melt in to his embrace I feel my walls starting to crumble ever so slightly.
This is a moment so intimate and so new that it's overwhelming. I've never experienced something like this and that scares me. It scares me because these new emotions are overwhelming and something that I'm not in control of - the nightmare of a racing driver. By him placing an arm around me I lose the ability to be guarded. It's as if I want to let the real me show, a me that only a few have ever caught a glimpse of. And whilst that's what I want to do, I won't let myself, because despite all of this progress that we've made there's still a voice cackling in the back corner of my mind, constantly repeating that he can't be trusted. I don't want to listen to it, I would rather tune it out and follow the feeling in my chest - that feeling which is so overwhelming scary. Maybe it's the adrenaline junkie in me, or maybe deep down it's that I live to self destruct, but I'm staring to enjoy the feeling.
So I do something that I don't think anyone could predict - I snuggle in to his embrace.