I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED SEX WITH JACK TO BE LIKE, but it wasn't this. He tosses me on the bed, his smile big and loving and contagious. A squeal slips past my lips as my body lands on the mattress, a string of giggles bubbling from my stomach as he flops over me, hair falling into his eyes as a breathy laugh of his own nearly makes me faint.
I stare up at him, reminded once again of how undeniably gorgeous he is. My hands subconsciously reach out to grip his cheeks, fingertips dancing on the skin of his jawline.
"You're so pretty," I tell him, and I mean it. From the blue of his eyes to the faint freckles peppering his nose and cheeks that you can only see up this close. The way his nose sits so perfectly and his lips pull ever so slightly to the left.
He rolls his eyes. "Oh, fuck off."
"No," I giggle, forcing his gaze back to me. "You're pretty, stupidly pretty. Am I not allowed to call you that?"
He scrunches his nose at my words, shaking his head as if he still doesn't agree with me, but he'll allow it. "No girl has ever called me pretty before."
I cock my head. "Does handsome work better for you?"
He scoffs.
"No?" I smile, quirking an eyebrow. "What about sexy? Gorgeous? Beautif—"
Jack clamps a hand over my mouth, smiling so big I have to hold my breath. "What about just yours?"
He gives me a moment for the words to sink in, pulling his hand away from my mouth, staring at me like his entire world has just been handed to me and I held the power to make or break him. He blinks at me expectantly, while I stare back at him with wide eyes, my heart beating out of my chest.
"Mine?" I whisper, breathless and barely audible.
He nods, eyes hooded and focused on my lips as he lowers his head to reach mine, foreheads pressed together. "Yeah, yours."
"Does that make me yours?" I ask, feeling somewhat nervous as the question tumbles from my lips.
Jack grins, pressing a quick kiss to my lower lip. He lines his hips up with mine, pushing into me slowly, gently, now with a condom wrapped around him that he'd pulled from his wallet. I wanted to ask why he brought it with him, if he'd expected that this would happen for if he'd just hoped it would. Instead, o just sent him a single raised eyebrow and a smirk, to which he responded with a furious blush.
"I've told you before Miracle," he breathes, lips parted, breathing life into me. "You've always been mine."
As I said, I didn't expect sex with Jack to be like this. I expected up against the wall, harsh thrusting, angry growls and bruising all over me. Part of me hopes that if we ever get the chance to do this again that he does bruise me, because, what a privilege.
What I never had expected was fingers laced together, breathless moans, the deepest love I'd ever felt. Featherlike touch and heated kisses and I love you's over and over again. Jack wasn't fucking me, Jack was making love to me.
He flips us over effortlessly, like I weigh nothing, and places me on top, a gasp slips through my lips as I feel his erection in new places, filling me up completely. He brushes my hair over one shoulder, kissing the other, trailing his tongue over my skin slowly. I giggle at the feeling, tangling my hands in his hair and pulling.
Jack tips his head back, groaning lowly and making me feel like I could come for him all over again.
"I want to do this forever," he breathes, sucking on my bare collarbone before pressing a chaste kiss on the place he'd marked me. "To love you, make you feel good."
"Me too," I admit, watching as he admires the love bite he'd given me with lust filled eyes. "I want to make you come again."
Jack smirks up at me through his lashes, hands coming to grip at my hips. His fingers spread as wide as they go, wanting to feel as much of me as he can. "Then ride me, baby doll."
I nod submissively, chewing on my bottom lip as my hips begin moving in a circular motion, and earning a choked moan from the brunette. "Yes, Jack."
His eyes go wide, flashing with something I cant quite put my finger on, but then he's back to smirking at me like he owns me and he knows it, and it's dead sexy. "Good girl."
When all is said and done, we shower together for the second time, Jack using a sponge to lather soap over my body, which is exhausted and weak. He kisses me tenderly, passionately, like every kiss might be our last, and it takes me a good fifteen minutes of this to realise that he's terrified we'll never get to spend another night together again.
We climb into bed together, and I don't waste a second before shuffling my body as close to him as it can possibly get, curling up into his side and letting out a tiny hum of contentment.
Jack is silent, but he's holding onto me like he never wants to let go and I realise it's because tomorrow we go home, he'll have to face Trevor, and my older brother will no doubt tell Jack to leave me alone, to never see me, think about me, even look at me again.
And so, with a pounding heart and just a tiny amount of hurt, I turn my chin up him, press a gentle kiss on the sensitive skin between his jaw and his neck, and I breathe.
"Jack," I say, my voice is quiet, timid. "We can keep it a secret. Us, I mean. If you want."
He rolls over in bed, lacing his fingers in my unruly hair, sighing deeply. "I don't want to, you know that, right?"
"I know," I say, but a tiny part of my heart is still doubtful.
His knuckles brush the skin of my cheek. "I want to show you off, take you wish me when I go back to work, parade you around like the fucking princess you are, kiss you whenever I want. I want to love you, Miracle, I just—"
"Can't."
"It's Trevor, he's always been weird about us," Jack breathes, but his voice is shaky. "And it's work, my schedule for the 23-24 season is fucked, what if I don't give you what you need and you get bored?"
"I get it Jack," I whisper. "You've also got a reputation to keep and you'll be going to so many parties and—"
"No," he snaps. "No. It's not about that. I don't ever want you to think it's that. I want you, Miracle. I just also don't want to blow your life up. You're about to start college, we'll have no time for each other and I'll barely get to see you."
"Jack," I whisper, kissing his lips, wanting him to be quiet for five seconds. "You can just tell me that you're not ready to be with me."
"I'm fucking—" he snaps upright, sitting as straight as he can in the bed, running his hands through his hair. "I'm ready. I want to be with you, so fucking bad baby. But, I want to be present for you, give you more than a few weeks a year."
"So, we take it slow," I shrug, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest at his words.
It's not that he doesn't love you, I tell myself.
"Slow?" Jack asks, scratching his cheek. "How do we do that? I was thinking more along the lines of flying you out to jersey every time you got a weekend off."
My chest swells at his words. "You so wouldn't do that!"
"I fucking would," he argues, flopping back down beside me, an arm lazily resting over my body as his face nuzzles into my neck. "I don't think I can live my life without you now that I know what you feel like, taste like, how my name sounds on your lips."
I giggle. "So you're just after the sex?"
"Well, it's a pretty good bonus," he chuckles, kissing my exposed skin.
I sigh. "So, what do we do?"
"I don't know," Jack admits, his brain reeling. "Let's worry about that after I go back to hockey. For now, I get to keep you until Christmas and I fully intend to."
"And Trev?" I urge, more confused than I was when we started this conversation. He still hadn't said the word girlfriend, he'd implied it, but now I wasn't so sure. What did the end of the holidays really look like? If Jack's schedule was anything like Trevor's, I could go months before I saw him again. What would that do to our feelings for each other?
"I think you're right, we should try to keep us a secret from him for a bit," he sighs, sounding a lot more defeated than I could have imagined. "He'd probably kill us both."
"Maybe we should try to just not do that again for a bit?" I offer, shaking and blinking back tears as my hands trembled with the idea that Jack might agree.
"The sex?" He asks, his own chest tightening. This wasn't what he wanted at all.
"The sex, the kissing," I take a deep breath. "The I love you's."
Jack's heart drops. "I-um, if you want, I guess."
"I just don't want to get my hopes up and then you leave and realise that I was just a momentary weakness."
"Miracle, no—"
"I think we should just stay friends for now, and if we end up kissing again, then whatever."
"Why?" He whines, like I've genuinely punched him in the gut. "I just got you, Miracle, don't pull away."
"I'm just trying to come out the other side of this in one piece," I admit, a stray tear escaping without meaning to.
Jack doesn't notice in the dark. "I would never hurt you, Miracle."
I want to point out that he would hurt me, that he has hurt me, so many times before that I'd actually lost count. I want to remind him of all the girls he'd brought home, all the comments he'd said to make my crush deepen, only to pull away and tease me for it. I wanted to remind him that a few weeks ago he'd bright a girl to a party in hopes of making me jealous, and it worked, and I didn't want it to be like that anymore. I didn't want Jack to be like that anymore. But, I had no reason to believe he wouldn't be. He'd never shown me love, not until tonight, but it was hard to believe and it was terrifying and I was only protecting myself.
But, instead of telling him all of this, instead of being honest and open and possibly having to hear that I was right. Instead, I say: "I know."
Jack sighs. "I'll respect your decision, because I respect you, but I don't like it. I want to have you, I want to make it work, I want to kiss you."
And, because I'm weak for Jack Hughes, like I always have been, I say. "So, kiss me."
And he does, with so much urgency I really do feel myself wanting to believe him, but the idea of letting my guard down for a boy who's been breaking my heart since I was nine absolutely terrifies me, and so, I stay with my decision.
Jack and I were friends.