「 nineteen ✧ bad idea 」
"Stay where you are," Augustus told me, a small smile lifting his lips.
Oh shit.
I'd been avoiding him since the surfing incident earlier. I'd joined Lacey and Aurora and stalled buying the bathing suit for as long as I could because I couldn't bear to look at him.
But then, there he was, grabbing the tequila and pouring it onto my stomach.
I was already shaking.
I dug my fingers into the cool rock beneath me, desperate for any friction to keep me grounded.
His head came up close to mine, a fresh lime in hand. "Open up."
That stupid, gorgeous smirk.
I rolled my eyes but opened my mouth, anyway, not missing the way his throat bobbed and his gaze lingered on my lips.
"You ready?" he asked.
I released a slow breath. "Sure."
The bastard smiled as he lowered his mouth to my stomach, and at the first touch, I found myself arching toward his lips.
Oh, for fucks sake.
But I couldn't seem to focus myself. He was all I could think about – his lips, and how bad I wanted them all over my body.
It was insane, this feeling. How bad I wanted to feel his tongue everywhere.
He licked up my stomach. When he reached the line of my bikini, he glanced up at me, noting my parted lips and ragged breathing.
Don't let him affect you. Don't let him affect you.
It wasn't fucking working.
As if torturing me, his tongue moved slower at my breasts, licking up every square inch available to him that wasn't covered by the bikini.
I was going insane. I was going feral for his touch.
He licked up the column of my throat and my traitorous head leaned back to give him better access.
What felt like years later, his face was right above mine. All I could think about was that mouth and how badly I wanted it on mine.
He leaned down, slowly, torturously, grabbing the lime with his teeth. As he did so, his lips brushed mine, and everything cataclysmic exploded in my blood.
The millisecond stretched into minutes in my mind. It felt as if time stopped at the single touch that left my wanting – almost begging for more.
And when he stood, lime in his smirking mouth, I looked in his eyes and knew the emotion filling them was desire.
Or maybe you're just delusional, Emilia.
My lusting mind cleared at the sound of my father's voice. Even dead, leave it to him to ruin every perfect moment.
I sat up too quickly, gripping my head in an attempt to steady the dizziness. When it didn't work, I slid off the rock and wrapped the white, thin coverup tighter around myself before finding my way on a log in front of the fire.
Stupid, fucking whore.
How do you feel with two men's mouths all over your body? the voice sneered. Do you feel better? Satisfied? Or do you need to fuck them to find your content?
I gripped the sides of my head. It was my father's voice. Make it stop, I begged my mind.
The chuckle that followed resonated in every part of my mind. You'll never escape me, Emilia. You may have killed me physically, but I will always be here. Watching.
I stood, grabbed a bottle, and excused myself to take a small walk. And it was only after I had hidden behind some of those tall rocks and taken a couple swigs of the tequila that the voices ceased.
Finally able to breathe, I took in my surroundings. I'd wandered my way into a small alley created by the dark stones, which encased me on either side.
At the end of the small walkway, the ocean lapped against the damp sand and the sunset painted the water a shade between orange and pink.
"Hey."
The voice startled me, and I turned around quickly only to be faced with those grey fucking eyes.
"Oh." I sighed. "It's you."
His smirk brought back my light-headedness. "Don't sound too disappointed."
I tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace as I took another chug of the tequila.
"Woah," he said, taking the bottle. "How many drinks of this have you had?"
I shrugged. "A few."
"Fuck," he muttered, grabbing the bottle and slamming on the lid then throwing it somewhere behind us. Then he grabbed onto my shoulders, and if I wasn't mistaken, the emotion in his eyes almost resembled worry.
"How many drinks, exactly? I need you to remember for me," he said, desperation coating his voice.
I thought for a moment. "That was my third." I held up four fingers, looked at them, then laughed. I raised my other hand to lower my pinky so that I was only holding up three fingers, then nodded.
"For fucks sake, Emilia," he murmured. "You're drunk."
"I am not drunk," I argued, pouting.
He cracked a smile. "You are too." He raised one hand to cradle my face. "I've never seen you pout. You are 100% drunk."
"I pout all the time," I said, but my voice came out as a whisper because I couldn't fucking focus. All I felt were his hands on my face and his mouth on my body earlier, and all rational thoughts left my mind.
I watched Augustus swallow. "Don't look at me like that," he muttered. His voice was deeper than before – more anguished.
"Like what?" I asked quietly, already knowing the answer.
He dragged his eyes from my lips to meet my gaze. "You're drunk. This is wrong."
"You were always such a rule-follower," I whispered, leaning closer.
"You're not yourself," he said.
"Who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself?"
We were inches away. Centimeters.
"Please, Emilia," he rasped. "If we start... I won't be able to stop."
"Who said you had to stop?" I was pulsing with need and every part of me wanted to close the gap between us.
"We can't do this. You're drunk. You're not thinking straight," he murmured, shaking his head even as his gaze never left my lips.
My head was spinning, and so was my stomach. "My thoughts are in perfect order," I answered, leaning even closer until our lips were a breath away from each other.
Our lips brushed, and I felt it everywhere. I pulled him closer-
But his hands found my shoulders and he pulled us apart, shaking his head over and over again. "Emilia. This is wrong. You're going to regret this in the morning, and I'm not going to kiss you when you're drunk."
I felt my expression drop. He rejected me.
As soon as he saw my face, his immediately morphed into regret. His grip on my shoulders was still firm and probably the only thing holding me up. "I want this. Believe me, I want this. But when I finally kiss you, Emilia, I want you to remember it."
Then he let go of me, grabbed the bottle on the ground, and walked away.
✦✧✦✧
I'd never been so humiliated in my life.
The term "walk of shame" was invented for the moment that I had to walk back to the campfire, where everyone was, utterly embarrassed.
The night had passed quickly when I decided to read my book instead of partaking in the activities, and soon enough, we had to pack up our things and go back onto the cruise ship.
Lacey came up to me as we re-boarded the boat. "Hey, are you alright?" she asked, offering to carry one of the chairs I was holding.
"Drunk," I muttered, my head pounding too hard for me to think of another logical response as I allowed her to take the chair from me.
She chuckled. "Tequila will do that to you." When I didn't respond, she sighed and waited until I had put everything on the deck before turning to me and grabbing my hands. "Are you sure you're alright? What happened when you went on that walk?"
"Nothing. I just needed fresh air," I said automatically.
She rose a skeptical brow. "And what happened with Augustus?"
"What do you mean?" I suddenly found the darkening sky a lot more interesting.
"When he came back, he seemed... upset. We asked him what happened, but he wouldn't answer."
I shrugged. "He just came to check up on me."
"And?"
I shrugged again, helpless. "There was something, but he dismissed it. He left, and I realized I was an idiot."
Lacey frowned in front of me, then pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered into my ear. "But I'm sure it was for the best."
Sure. For the best.
✦✧✦✧
The night was even worse.
I was pacing the room and chugging water until I heard the door unlock and Augustus come in.
I looked away, too embarrassed to make eye contact, and sat on the edge of my bed. I wasn't even aware of the way my knees were bouncing up and down until I felt a hand steady them.
Bad move, Casen.
I felt the heat of his hand travel my entire body.
"Hey," he said.
I shut my eyes tight.
He shoved my leg a little. "You sobering up?"
"Unfortunately." I moved out of his grasp and laid flat on my bed, taking a pillow and placing it over my head.
But when he chuckled, it still resonated in every part of my mind.
I felt the bed dip beside me as he laid down. It was quiet for a few moments before he asked, "Are you alright?"
I huffed and took the pillow off my head. "I'm fine."
Then he reached across him and brushed a stray strand of hair out of my eyes. The touch was so gentle, so delicate, and yet... it made me ravenous.
I winced.
And he noticed, immediately pulling back. "What did I do?"
I slammed the pillow back over my face. "Nothing. I'm just humiliated."
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," he argued, pulling the pillow off of me.
I turned to lay on my side to face him. Bad idea. His eyes were bluer in this light, and his facial structure seemed crafted by a sculpturer themselves. The dark waves of his hair framed the sharp lines of his face, and his lashes made me envious of their length.
I told myself I was only attracted to him because of the alcohol. That I was only staring at him because I wasn't fully sober yet.
I told myself that I only wanted to kiss him because of the tequila flooding my system.
"Tell me why you walked away from all of us after..." He paused, then smirked. "After the body shot."
I looked down, unable to meet his gaze. "I was just..." I bit my lip, unable to continue.
His hand held my arm firmly. "You can talk to me, Emilia."
I released a long breath. "I hear my father's voice, sometimes."
His shoulders dropped, and when I met his eyes, there was an emotion there that I couldn't quite place.
"I see," he said. "And... what does he say? In your head?"
Another pause. "Bad things," I whispered.
Then his arms were around me, enveloping me, tugging me toward him until my face was buried in his chest and his lips were pressed to my hair.
All I could smell was him. Soap, leather, and wine.
"Don't let the voice take control of you," he muttered. "Whenever you hear him talking in your mind, think of something else. Talk to someone else. Do anything you can to ignore it, but do not succumb to it."
I nodded.
He let go slightly, and I pulled back so that we met each other's gaze. "Thank you, Augustus."
His lips curved into a smile, and I couldn't take my eyes off them.
And from the way his gaze drifted to my mouth, I knew he felt the same.
And then he leaned closer.
"What are you doing?" I whispered.
"I don't know," he admitted quietly.
"You were right earlier," I murmured, drunk on both tequila and the thought of him. "We shouldn't."
"It would ruin everything," he agreed.
"We're drunk. We'd regret it in the morning," I said.
"But..." He muttered.
"But..." I breathed.
So close.
Just another centimeter, another millimeter...
A knock sounded on the door, and we jumped apart, broken from our trance. Augustus quickly stood from the bed, and I followed suit, avoiding eye contact as he walked to open the door.
"Callum," Augustus said after unlocking the door, voice strained.
"Am I interrupting?" Callum rose a brow, looking between the two of us.
"Not at all," I replied through gritted teeth. "What do you need?"
He shrugged. "The other three and I were planning on getting together on the deck for one last celebration before we have to go back to the competition tomorrow. Do you want to come?"
Augustus glanced at me, but I refused to meet his gaze. "Sure," I said to Callum instead, grabbing my book and my water and shoving on my shoes before following him out the door.
But there was one thing repeating over and over in my mind as I met up with my friends on the deck. One thing that was echoing in my brain until it consumed every one of my thoughts.
We almost kissed.
How could I have been so stupid? Augustus was annoying and self-conceited, and I hated him. I hated him with every fiber in my damn body. I hated the way he talked, the way he looked at me. I hated his perfect hair, those hypnotic eyes, and that fucking smirk.
I hated him.
Right?
HEY EVERYONEE
my plan for this book was to obnoxiously drag on the slow burn but i cant help myself from including these scenes ;)
the next few weeks, updates may be scarce leading up to finals week but i'll try my best to keep updates consistent and let you know if any plans change <3
thank you for reading and see you in chapter 20!!