She knew she had to, but Roxanne almost didn't want to go out that night.
It was bullshit. She knew she was being lied to. When she was on War of the Worlds, she had told herself to play with her head and not her heart. That still seemed to stand—she found all of her emotions getting in her way, possibly the worst feeling she could possibly have.
She was tired. She was upset. She felt betrayed. She did not want to do anything social at that point. But she knew she had to—so she'd just lock it up and move on. It was probably best that she didn't let anyone know about this, anyway—after all of the stuff with the list, they didn't need any more of that.
She found a seat alone, away from everybody yet still able to observe them well enough to know if anything was going on. Nobody seemed to approach her—not even Gabo, her partner, who she exoected to talk with about game—but she was too tired to be the one to initiate conversations. Eventually, she looked up to notice CT standing there, a drink in his hand. "This seat taken?"
Roxanne couldn't help but laugh, at least a little, moving over slightly and patting the space next to her. CT sat down, putting his drink down and one of his arms behind her. It was like he could tell there was something wrong. "What's goin' on?"
Roxanne inhaled. "Don't freak out."
"What? Why, what's goin' on?"
— — — — — — —
"So now I'm in this weird spot of, okay, do I keep what I heard to myself, act surprised, and wait for the eventual decline, or do I tell him, prepare him so he doesn't freak out, and leave it at that?" Roxanne sighed.
— — — — — — —
"Don't.. Don't freak out. Okay?" Roxanne inhaled. "I... I heard something I wasn't supposed to."
"I won't." CT nodded. "What did you hear?"
"I heard that I'm gonna be the Agency's vote in."
"What?"
"Yeah. I don't... I heard it after the Daily. It was Josh, and Amanda, and probably Fess, Ashley and a few others, maybe. I don't know, but Josh said the ideal vote in—because the house vote will probably be Tracy and Kelz—is me and Ed."
"Jesus. Let me go talk to him—" CT began to stand up, but Roxanne grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, gently.
"No. Don't. It's... It's not like I haven't done it before."
"This blows up the whole premise of the Vet alliance."
"I know. But it's just one time. And we can send a powerful rookie like Kelz home. If it is me and Ed, then I'm confident enough that we can win."
"No, this... this isn't okay."
"It's a proactive move. And I mean, I'm fine with it." Roxanne lied—she was not fine with it, at all. But going with it was better than starting drama. "If it gets rid of those threats, then..." she shrugged. "And if it's okay, I'd like to steal you as my partner."
CT chuckled. "That would be good."
"I thought so." she smiled, lacing their fingers together. "I love you."
"I love you, too." he smiled, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. "It'll all be good."
"I really hope so."
"So," Devin approached Roxanne the next day before deliberation. "I'm sure you heard what it's gonna be, right?"
"Tracy and Kelz, right? One of the three rookie-rookies." Roxanne nodded. "Tracy-Kelz, Ed-Emy, or.. Tacha-Jeremiah?"
"Tracy and Kelz." Devin nodded, sitting in the seat across from her. "If they're the house vote, then Fess and Esther are gonna vote in either of the other two teams. Boom. Two rookies go home either way. Best case scenario."
"Wait, so it changed?" Roxanne said before she could even think—but as she so desperately tried to change the subject, she knew Devin could see through her bullshit. "Yeah. Yeah, that's good."
"What do you mean, it changed?"
Roxanne sighed. "Who did you hear this from? Josh?"
"Yeah. Josh. Is this not the plan?"
"Uhm..." she inhaled. "I don't know what the plan is anymore. But— But yesterday, after the Daily, when we got back, I overheard Josh, Amanda, and probably Ashley and Fess talking about this same thing, but instead of throwing a rookie-rookie team in against them, Josh had the stellar plan to put in Ed and me."
"What the fuck? Why?"
"Don't blow up, please." she sighed. "What I heard Josh say was that he thinks that we're the best two to be able to send Tracy and Kelz home but, if it doesn't work out, then we're two people that the game would be fine without. Like, it was more or less that we can get rid of Ed because he's a dangerous rookie and we can get rid of me because I'm a Layup, or something. Like you guys, the—the whole vets alliance, I mean—can afford to lose me 'cause I don't do much. Or whatever."
"No, no, no, that's not what he told me."
"Probably because he knows we're close enough that you'd tell me if you heard this. I'm not as close to people like Fess, or Amanda, or Ashley. They play dirty, dirty games." she sighed, shaking her head. "I get it, I guess."
"No. This isn't gonna happen."
"But it is, Dev. He's called 'Messy Fessy' for a reason, and you know how Josh plays this game. Whether he tells people or not, or if we get together and say whatever, it's, like... it's bound to happen."
"They're not that stupid. This is gonna blow everything up." Devin shook his head, almost certain. "Right? Does anyone else know about this?"
Roxanne could tell that, in his heart of hearts, Devin knew that they were, in fact, that stupid. "CT does. It's fine. Especially if the challenge is something strategic, I know that me and Ed can beat Tracy and Kelz. He's a fucking engineer, for god's sake. The dude is smart, and he's got muscle, and I know what I'm doing."
"But it's not fine, because this goes against everything we have been saying!"
"Devin." she sighed. "He's right. I know it, you know it. It's one move. If me and Ed get out, there'll be many other opportunities to get rid of the other two. Ed's a strong person anyway and it's better that you lose him, and, I mean..."
"Don't you dare say you're a Layup, Rox."
"I kinda am, though."
"No, you're not. You've done five of these. Three finals."
"Lost all of 'em. You guys can afford to lose me, Dev."
"No, we really can't. You have probably the best social game out of all of us. I mean, you got Emy to spy, right? And that's how we learned about the list?"
"Yeah."
"Boom. You're smart, you're strategic, you're killer at puzzles, you're fucking good at this game. And let's be real," he leaned in closer, his voice growing quieter. "You're much better than Josh and Fessy combined. You are a fantastic player and a fantastic person. You're not like Ashley, you're not like Josh, where you have these meltdowns and start fights and all that shit. You'll be a threat when we reach that point, but right now, you're such an asset and such an important part of this alliance, and you're my friend, and, if, like, we reach the point of having all the vets together to talk about this, I'll do my hardest—and I'm sure CT and Aneesa and maybe even Kyle or Tori will—to make sure you don't go in, because we cannot afford losing you in this game. No matter what Josh and his big-ass head says. Okay?"
Roxanne smiled, blinking back the tears that had sprang to her eyes. She nodded, hoping he wouldn't notice her emotion—but he did, walking over next to her and embracing her tightly. Despite the situation, she laughed softly, hugging back. "Thank you."
— — — — — — —
"I know how this is gonna play out, I know what's gonna happen, but all we really gotta do now is just wait until it's official." Roxanne shrugged. "I'm hungry. I want it more than them. So, let's fucking go."
— — — — — — —