OUR FARM HAD BEEN in thefamily for more generations than I knew, and over the years,there'd been some changes in how we did things. We didn't use ahorse to pull the plow anymore, much to my niece's disappointment.We'd gone from not using any fertilizers or insecticides in thenineteenth century to using all of them in the twentieth toswitching over to only natural help in the twenty-first century. Iused the same almanac to tell me when to plant and when to harvest,but mine wasn't a paperback book; it was on my cell phone.
But over a hundred andfifty years later, one thing hadn't changed. We were stillcompletely at the mercy of the weather and unable to do a damnthing to change it.
Two nights after Meghanand I had our night down at the river, a front came up along theFlorida coast, a hurricane that never developed, and it stalledover eastern Georgia. We had days and days of torrential rain. Iwas stuck in the house most of the time; I went over to the standeach day, but business was slow there, since only the most stalwartsouls ventured out in this weather to buy fruit and vegetables froma stand instead of a grocery store. I spent more of my timeplanning for harvest and for next year's crops.
"I don't mind a day ortwo of rain, but this is ridiculous." I sat on the porch withMeghan after dinner. The steady patter on the roof had been cozythe first few nights, but now it just pissed me off.
"I know. I was supposedto take the kids out to a few places around town to do sketches,and we have to keep putting it off. They're all restless duringclass, too. I can't imagine how you're holding it together."
I raised an eyebrow."What's that supposed to mean?"
She smiled at me,unfazed. "It means you're a man who needs to be outside. You thriveon walking in those fields and being with your plants. You're kindof like a caged lion when you have to be inside for too long."
"Hmm." I folded my armsover my chest. "I like the lion part, but I'm not sure about therest."
"You can be not sure,but it's true." She laid down her drawing tablet and pencil andscooted closer to me on the wicker love seat. "Are you missinganything else, maybe?"
"What else would I bemissing?" I played dumb, mostly because she was right that I wasbeing antsy inside, and I wasn't sure how I felt about her knowingme that well.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybesomething like this." She leaned closer, kissing my ear lobe as herhand ventured to my zipper. "No alone time." She licked the side ofmy neck. "Other than the porch, I mean."
"I've gone longer than aweek without sex. As you know." Still, I took her hand from thefront of my pants and laced our fingers together. "But yeah, it iskind of messing with any plans to go back to the river."
"And I've thought aboutdriving home during lunch a few times, but with the stand not beingbusy, I know Ali doesn't always stay there all day.""Yeah, and she left Bridge with me today. That would've beenfrustrating, to have you come home and not be able to doanything."
"It's got to stopraining soon." Meghan wrapped both of her arms around one of mine,her boobs pressing into my side making me ache. "And then we'llmake up for lost time."
Of course, she wasright. Three days later, I awoke to clear skies, with no rain inthe forecast. I spent the day out walking the fields, checking forany damage almost two solid weeks of wet might have done to thecrops still out there. When I finally drove the farm truck back tothe house, all I could think about was kidnapping Meghan back outto the river and keeping her up all night-again.
Her car was in thedriveway when I got out to get cleaned up. I turned on the faucet,pulled off my dirty shirt with one hand and cupped water in theother. I had just made the first swipe with the rag when I feltarms slip around my waist.
"Now see, this is howthings were meant to be." Meghan's lips touched my back and herfingers crept up to tease my nipples.
I turned in her arms, aswell of something that scared the shit of me rising in my chest.It felt so right, so perfect, to have her greet me at the end of ahard day of work, her pretty curls dancing around her shoulders,her eyes bright and full of life. Like I could do this every dayand never get tired of it.
Not knowing what to dowith that thought, I tugged her closer and kissed her until thelips under mine were the only things I could think about.
"Hi." I lifted my mouthjust long enough to speak. "Ali and Bridget?"
She smiled. "Still atthe stand for another hour. Cassie sprained her ankle, and Ali'sexpecting a delivery, so she has to wait there. And Bridget wenthome with her friend Kate to spend the night."
Something new was risingnow, and it was not anything I dreaded. "We're alone here? For atleast an hour?"
"We are." She pulled atmy arm and began walking backward toward the kitchen. "Yourroom?"
"Oh, yeah."
We made it into thekitchen before I had to kiss her again, backing her into thecounter where I lifted her up and stood between her knees, my handsgripping her rear and my mouth on her neck, heading south.
When I heard a knocking,I decided it had to be my heart. Or something we were shaking inthe kitchen. Or maybe even a lost group of Jehovah's Witnesses whohad wandered to my front door and would just go the hell away ifignored.
"Sam." Meghan lifted herhead from my lips. "Someone's at the door."
"Uh-huh. They'll goaway. Shhhh, just be quiet, they'll think no one's at home."
"What if it'simportant?"
"Babe, nothing's moreimportant than what we're doing right here."
"But what if it'ssomething with Ali or Bridget?"
I sucked on the pulse inher throat. "Someone would call."
"Unless they didn't haveyour number, just the address."
I blew out a breath offrustration and dug my fingers through my hair. "Fine. I'll get thefucking door and then-" I pointed at her. "Then you-me-upstairs,naked. Lots of naked."
She giggled and pushedat my shoulder. "Go, and then the nakedness."
I stomped to the frontdoor, cursing anyone who was stupid enough to come by my house atthis moment and already making up reasons to send them away. Theplague, maybe, forcing us to be quarantined. Or a rabid dog on thepremises. Something really believable.
I threw open the door,and I must have been wearing my frustration on my face for all theworld to see, because the guy standing on the other side took aninstinctive step backward. It was to his advantage that I had noidea who he was-just a man younger than me, with black hair thatreached almost to his shoulder. He was thin and not quite as tallas me.
"I'm sorry, I'm not sureI'm at the right house," he began, and my hopes soared. He had thewrong address, and I could send him on his way without resorting toviolence.
"Who're you lookingfor?" I opened the door a little wider and put one hand on myhip.
"I'm-" He started tospeak again, and then he looked over my shoulder, and his eyesbrightened. "Hey, Megs!"
I looked over myshoulder at Meghan, who stood frozen a few feet behind me. Her eyeswere round and her mouth had dropped open.
The guy smiled at me. "Icame to see Meghan. I had the address, but I wasn't sure if thiswas the place."
"Owen." Meghan's voicewas flat, and when she said his name, it dashed my hopes that thisdude was her brother, whose name I knew was Joseph.
"Surprise!" Whoever hewas, this Owen didn't know how to read Meghan at all. He was stillgoing on as though this was a big happy pop-up visit, when I couldsee in her face that she wasn't happy. Well, join the club, becauseI wasn't either. Matter of fact, I was damned pissed.
"Owen, what are youdoing here?" Her tone bordered on hostile. Hell, it more thanbordered. It actually set up camp there. That made me just a littlehappier.
He was beginning to getthe picture, and the shit-eating grin on his face faltered. "I wasjust ... I got back to town, after being away all summer. Remember,I went to Europe with Dr. Edgars?"
If Meghan rememberedthis, she wasn't copping to it. She lifted her shoulder in a littleno-but-keep-going gesture.
"Yeah, well, I got backto Savannah, and I went by to see you, and the girl who's stayingin your apartment told me you were here. I mean, she gave me youraddress."
I raised one eyebrow andlooked at Meghan. She rolled her eyes. "Laura and I sub-let ourapartment to one of Laura's friends who was doing summer session. Idon't know why she'd give out my address, though."
A sense of warmth spreadthrough me when Meghan called my house her address. I wanted to rubit in this idiot Owen's face, that my farm was where shebelonged.
"And I really don't knowwhy you'd haul your ass all the way out here to see me, Owen.Without calling. What the hell?"
"I figured you werebored out here in the sticks, and I was going to come and take youto dinner. Some place nice, back in the city. Give you a littlebreak." He glanced at me. "I thought you could use it by now.You're not a prisoner here, you know."
"Owen." Meghan's tonesaid clearly that she'd had enough. "You have no idea ..." And thenshe stopped and dropped her head into her hand, sighing. She lookedup at me, her eyes pleading for something. I wasn't sure what itwas. "Sam, would you give me just a minute with Owen? We'll sit outon the porch. And then I'll be right back in." She walked past me,not giving me the chance to say no. Her hand trailed over my chestas she stepped over the threshold.
There was nothing for meto do but close the door behind her. I didn't slam it, which Ithought spoke well of my maturity, and I didn't hover in the livingroom, on the other side of the front windows, like my dad used todo when I began dating and brought girls home to sit on the porch.I stalked back into the kitchen, pulled out a kitchen chair and satdown.
I had no idea who thisOwen was, but he was obviously someone she knew from school. He'dmentioned going on a trip. Europe, with a doctor somebody, probablyone of their professors, I thought. I wondered if Meghan wouldregret that instead of spending her months off partying throughforeign countries and checking out all the art she'd studied, she'dbeen stuck here on a farm in Georgia, teaching sticky little kidshow to draw and hanging out with a guy old enough-well, older.Grumpy, that was what she'd called me.
I'd let myself forgetfor a little while how different we were. When it was just us, outhere on the farm, it was easy to see what we had in common and howwell Meghan meshed with my life. But that wasn't reality. Realitywas her apartment in the city with Laura, classes and parties andthe college world. It wasn't meeting me at the end of the day,fishing by the river all night or sitting with me out on the porch.She'd told me from the beginning that this was just a fling. Justsomething temporary between two people who didn't want stringsattached. If I was hurt now, I had no one to blame but myself.
"Sam." She leanedagainst the doorway to the kitchen, and she looked ... drained. Hereyes were tired, but she tried a smile that I knew was for mybenefit only. "Sorry about that."
I didn't answer. Iwasn't sure I could speak without saying something I'd regret.Something that might be close to begging.
She crossed to sit in achair across the table from me. "That was Owen. Well, you probablyfigured that out. Sorry I didn't introduce you, but I was reallyshocked to see him. As you could probably tell."
I swallowed over thelump in my throat. "You're welcome to have friends come out here tovisit you, Meghan. You know that. Or I hope you do."
"Owen's not really afriend. Or maybe ... well, I don't know. Laura's really my onlyfriend at school. I know other people, but there's no one I'd wantto come out here. No one I care about. And Laura's in NorthCarolina, you remember that."
I nodded. Meghanmentioned Laura frequently, and I knew the two talked via cellquite a bit.
She took a deep breath."I met Owen in freshman year, and I knew from the beginning that hehad a crush on me. He was the one who always came by our dorm roomor made sure he was at the same parties we went to. Laura alwaysteased me that all I had to do was crook my finger and Owen wouldpropose."
When I nodded again, Ifelt like an idiot. But I knew there was nothing I needed to sayhere.
"I made sure we werejust friends. I never encouraged him in any way or flirted. Ididn't want to hurt him. When he finally started dating someoneelse, I was thrilled. But then one night he got drunk and came tomy apartment, and he told me the girl he was dating was just asubstitute for me, that when I was ready, he'd drop her for me. Ifelt horrible. I didn't know what to do. So for the longest time, Ididn't do anything.
"Then my dad got sickand I was back and forth to Florida all the time. When Daddy-died,I was there, and I stayed until the funeral, but then I had to goback to school. Joseph was staying with Mom, but I had exams. So Icame back, and I was hurting so bad. I just wanted it to stop. Iwanted anything that would make the pain go away. I went out thatnight, and I got drunk. I mean, really, really wasted. I drankuntil I couldn't remember my own name ... and you can probablyguess what happened next. Owen was there, and he found me crying ina corner. He took me home, and we ..." She dropped her foreheadonto her arm so that her voice was muffled when she finished. "Wehad sex."
I closed my eyes. Iremembered that pain. I had done some fairly reprehensible thingsin the name of making it go away. I imagined Meghan, hurting andneeding comfort, and I couldn't blame her for what hadhappened.
"Honestly, I didn't evenremember it. I woke up with him looking down at me like we'd justhad our wedding night. I couldn't get away from him fast enough,and I tried to explain what had happened, but nothing's ever gottenthrough to him. He keeps hanging around, no matter how many otherguys I sleep with." Her eyes flashed to me, worried. "He thinks inthe end we're going to end up together, so he's willing to wait meout."
"What did you tell himjust now?" I understood this guy was hung up on her, but someonehad to tell him to get lost. If Meghan couldn't do it, I was happyto volunteer.
"I sat him down and toldhim that I was never going to be with him again. I told him thatwhat had happened between us once was a huge mistake and that Icouldn't even remember it at all. I said he didn't mean anything tome, that I only let him hang around me because I felt sorry forhim." She raised eyes to me that were brimming with misery. "I wascruel, and that's the one thing I've always sworn I wouldn't be.But I didn't know what else to do."
I couldn't sit stillanymore. I went around the table and knelt in front of her chair,pulling her to me. "You had to tell him. The guy's living his lifebased on a lie, on the chance that you might someday change yourmind. What you did was the kindest choice." I stroked her hair."Don't beat yourself up. It's going to be better in the longrun."
She shook against myshoulder, and I realized she was sobbing. "I'm a terrible person,Sam. You were right that day. I'm irresponsible and immature andI'm a bad friend."
"Meghan, no." I liftedher up, sat down in the chair and held her on my lap. "I wasstupid. You're one of the kindest, most mature people I know. Plus,you're so full of joy and life, you make everyone around youhappier. Hell, you even made me smile, right?"
She sniffed, loudly. "Hewas so upset when he left, Sam. What if he gets in an accident?What if-" She shuddered. "He wouldn't do anything to himself, wouldhe? Oh, God. I need to call Ziggy. He used to be his roommate. Heneeds to know." She reached into her back pocket and pulled out hercell. I held her while she scrolled her contacts and hit a name.She spoke to the guy who answered for a few minutes, choking a fewtimes as she explained what had happened.
After a shortconversation, she hung up. "Ziggy's going to text me when Owen getsback, and he won't leave him alone until he seems okay. Those guysare idiots, but they're good friends. I know Ziggy'll watch out forhim."
I kissed the top of herhead. "I'm sorry you had to do that."
Meghan craned her neckaround to look at me. "I'm sorry Owen ruined our hour alone. Alishould be here any minute now."
I touched her cheek."That's okay. You couldn't help it. And when Ali gets home, I thinkI'll take the two of you over to Kenny's for dinner, so you don'thave to cook or clean up."
She narrowed her eyes."You're being awfully understanding. I thought you were going to bemad about missing out on the naked."
"I might have been,except that I just remembered that Bridget is going to be gone allnight. My sister's a big girl. She can handle the idea of you beingin my room with me." I turned her face and kissed her. "We mightnot have had our hour, but we'll have all night."
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