I'M A MUTTERER.
Ever since I was alittle kid, I muttered. According to my mom, when other toddlerswere throwing temper tantrums, I was sitting in the corner, my armsfolded over my chest, talking low to myself about the injustices oflife. She swore it came from spending too much time with Sadie, thegray-haired dynamo who, along with her husband Mack, had worked inour family restaurant for generations. Sadie had a tendency to walkaround wiping down tables, talking to herself. Since I'd hung outwith her at the Rip Tide since I was a baby, it wasn't surprisingI'd picked up some of her bad habits.
I muttered all the wayfrom Boomer's garage in the middle of Burton, down the emptycountry roads and into the rush-hour traffic of Savannah. And I wasstill at it when I stalked into our apartment and slammed the doorbehind me.
"Hey." Laura glancedover her shoulder from the stove, where she was stir-fryingsomething that smelled delicious. "You get the car back okay?"
"Hmph." I threw myhandbag onto the sofa and flopped down next to it. "Yeah, I gotit."
"What's the matter?" Sheleaned her elbows on the counter and frowned at me. "Was Boomer acreep? Did he over-charge you?"
"No, and no. The pricewas more than reasonable, and he seemed like a good guy." I scowledand jiggled my leg up and down, all my pent-up frustration waitingto burst out. "I ran into your hero while I was there."
"My hero? Who ... oh,Sam? That's funny, that you ran into him. Isn't he nice?"
"No, nice is not theword I'd use for him. He was a jerk."
Laura's eyes widened."What do you mean? What did he do?"
"He called me immatureand irresponsible. He said I wasn't a good friend to you. What didyou tell him about me? I felt like he was ready to string me up andbrand me with a scarlet D."
"D?" Her foreheadwrinkled.
"Yeah, for drunkard. Hesaid I was an idiot and that I put you in danger and ... I don'tknow, there was more." I sniffed. Now that my mad was subsiding,the hurt feelings were making themselves known.
"Megs, I promise, Inever said anything. I mean, he knew you were wasted because youwere passed out in the front seat. But I never said anything else.Just that maybe you'd had a little too much rum. I wasn't upsetabout it." She rounded the breakfast bar and sat down next to me onthe sofa. "C'mon, you know I'd never complain about being yourdesignated driver. You've done it for me enough."
"That's what I said.God, Lo, he was so mean. I've never had anyone who I just met hateme like that."
"Yeah, it usually takesat least a month." Laura elbowed me in the ribs, and I couldn'thelp a tiny smile.
"Whatever, bitch." Iclosed my eyes, drew in a long, deep breath and then let it out ina whoosh. "Okay. I am officially letting it go, forgetting abouthim. Tell me what you're making over there. It smells yummy."
"Veggie stir-fry. Yousit still, I'll bring it over."
I didn't have to be toldtwice not to move. My temper was legendary among friends andfamily, but after the worst hit me, I was drained.
"I'd offer you a glassof wine, but we all know what a lush you are. If I give yousomething to drink, you might go off and be irresponsible andimmature again."
"That's me. Don't forgetthoughtless. And idiotic."
Laura set down our foodon the coffee table, and we ate in silence for a few minutes.
"You're brooding." Lauralaid her chopsticks across the plate. "He really got to you, didn'the?"
I lifted one shoulder."It just took me by surprise, I think. I was kind of happy to seehim when he walked in, you know? To say thank you for his help, andthen he just jumped all over me."
"Or maybe you wish hehad. Jumped you, I mean."
I screwed up my face."What are you talking about? I don't even know him."
"Yeah, but what he saidreally bothers you. Meggie, I've heard people say horrible thingsabout you right to your face. Nothing ever fazes you. You blow itoff, or you laugh. Or both. But for some reason, what this strangerspouted off got under your skin. Don't you wonder why?"
"Are you saying it stungbecause there's truth in it? Is this an intervention? Shouldn'tthere be a sign?"
"Don't be stupid. You'renot an alcoholic. I'm just saying maybe it's not so much what hesaid but that it was Sam saying it."
"Why should it?"
She smiled and raisedone eyebrow. "Maybe he matters. Maybe you had some kind of... instant connection. You know, like with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanksin You've Got Mail. Even though he was obnoxious, she wasdrawn to him."
I shook my head. "Lo,give it up. This is real life, not a movie, and I wasn't drawn tohim. He's the equivalent of a grouchy old man, only he's not old.At least, not that old. And besides ..." I remembered his partingwords to me. "It's not like I'm ever going to see him again. Youcouldn't pay me enough to go back to that dinky little town."
IF I THOUGHT ABOUT SamReynolds at all over the next month, it was only a fleeting memory,some little stab of hurt pride as I fell asleep at night. Laura andI were both busy with finals and end-of-the-term projects, and somedays we hardly saw each other. Sleep became a scarce commodity as Ipulled more than one all-nighter at the studio.
When I did see Laura, Icould tell that she was walking around in a state of nerves andexcitement. Brian was supposed to come back stateside at the end ofMay, and they'd planned for Laura to spend the summer living nearhis new assignment in North Carolina. Brian had to stay in thebarracks on base, but Laura was sharing an apartment with one ofhis buddy's girlfriends who lived there year-around. I knew she wascounting the days until his return, even though she wasnervous.
"We haven't seen eachother in over a year." She was sitting on our living room floor,laying out a chronological drawing project that was due the nextday. "What if I'm not the person he expects to see when he getsback? What if we've both grown too far apart?"
"Lo, get real. You talkto him once a week, you email all the time ... and I've never seenanything like the two of you. No, that's not true." I rolled to myside on the sofa, where I'd collapsed after a particularly gruelingfinal exam. "My mom and dad were like that. When my mom came into aroom, everything stopped for my dad. He only saw her, and it wasthe same for her with him. That's going to be you and Brian.Forever."
She looked up at me, andI saw the understanding shining in her eyes. "Oh, sweetie, that'sabout the most wonderful thing you could say to me. Thank you. Iknow it's going to be okay. I'm just-" She put her hands to hercheeks. "You know, a bundle of nerves. Once I know Brian's backhere, on American soil, I'll feel better. I can't relax untilthen."
"Then we'll just keepthinking about that. Just a few more weeks, right?" I grinned ather and pushed to sit up. "God almighty, I'm exhausted. That testwiped me out." I reached for the coffee table to pick up my tablet."I'm going to check my email real quick and then go to bed. I'mbeat."
"I'll be up for a whilefinishing this. Luckily, I can sleep late tomorrow morning."
I opened up my mailprogram and scanned the inbox. Junk, spam, a picture of my nephewDJ-I opened it fast and smiled at his sweet chubby face. More junk,something from ArtCorps-
"Laura!" I jumped to myfeet. "From ArtCorps! It's my assignment for the summer."
She turned to look up atme. "What did you get? Arizona? New Mexico? Ooooh, SoCal?"
"I don't know, I haven'tlooked yet. I'm almost too scared. I've been so excited about this.What if I get, like, the mid-west? Or Alaska? I don't think I'm cutout to be an Inuit."
"Open it! Come on,inquiring minds want to know."
"Okay." I took a deepbreath, pressed my hand to my fluttering heart and touched themessage. My eyes skimmed down the page as I read the high pointsaloud. "Congratulations, happy to have you on board this project... report June first, transportation ... supplies ..." My voicetrailed off as I read the final paragraph.
"No way. No. Fucking.Way."
"What? Tell me.Alaska?"
I fell back onto thecouch, dropping the tablet onto the cushion next to me. "Someonehates me. Maybe God. Maybe fate or whatever's out there. I can'tfucking believe this."
"Meghan Hawthorne, tellme. Or I'll come up there and smack it out of you."
I lifted my head andstared down at her. "You're not going to believe it even when Itell you. Or maybe you will." I swallowed hard and let my head dropto the sofa cushion. "ArtCorps has assigned me to Burton. Burton,Georgia."
Laura didn't move. Hereyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. "You're kidding, right?You've got to be kidding. There's no way ..."
Without another word, Ihanded her the tablet and watched her read the email. When shefinished, she laid the tablet on the coffee table and gazed at me."No fucking way. Well ..." She sat back on her heels. "At least youknow the town has a decent bar, a place to dance and a trustworthymechanic."
I flipped her thebird.
"Nice. Can you ask themto change it? Switch you? Maybe they made a mistake."
I shook my head. "I canask, but it won't happen. When I signed up, I agreed that I'd workwherever they assigned me."
"You have to admit, thisis weird. I mean, you've never been to Burton the whole time we'vebeen in school here. Then we just happen to go to a bar, your carjust happens to break down there ... and lo and behold, yourassignment for the summer is that same town."
"What're you trying tosay? The universe is conspiring to screw up my life?"
She rolled her eyes."No, I think the universe is moving you to the place you need togo. Now it's up to you: are you going roll with it or fight thetide?"
"No ocean analogies,please." I closed my eyes, trying to settle my mind and thinkclearly. "I don't know what I should do."
"Look, Megs. You reallywant to do this program, right? You were so excited about it."
"That's when I thought Iwas going to be a hippie artist in New Mexico."
"Yeah, I get that. Butwas it really the setting or what you were going to be doingthere?"
I pursed my lips. "WillI sound terribly shallow if I say a little of both?"
"Nope. But remember whyyou wanted to sign up in the first place. It was to teach kids, tofind out if that's what you want to do long-term. Right?"
"Yes." I nodded. "You'reright. I just thought I'd go a little further from home to figureit out." I stared down at my hands. "I need to be away fromeverything. And from everyone. I'm tired of being Meghan Hawthornefrom the Rip Tide when I'm at home. Or Meghan Hawthorne who sleepswith lots of boys but can't keep a boyfriend when I'm inSavannah."
"It's not that youcan't." Laura rubbed my knee. "You choose not to have a boyfriend.Love 'em and Leave 'em Hawthorne, right? Isn't that what youwanted, never to be tied down to one guy?"
"Sure." I swallowed overthe lump in my throat. "I guess. But Lo, it's exhausting. I need abreak from being me. I thought that was what this summer wouldbe."
"It still can be that.No one knows you in Burton, except that Boomer dude." She wiggledher eyebrows. "And of course Sam."
"Yeah, that's what I'mafraid of. I'll be walking into a situation where at least oneperson has already decided I'm a drunken slut."
Laura rolled her eyesand shook her head. "You might be exaggerating a tiny bit. But it'syour decision. What're you going to do?"
I ran my finger alongthe seam of the sofa cushion. "I think I'll call tomorrow and findout if there's any way to change it. But if not, I guess Burton itis."
At nine o'clock sharpthe next morning, I was on the phone, listening to the recordedvoice prompting me to press one for help with an application or twofor a list of locations where ArtCorps would be sending volunteersthis year. I hit zero and waited for a live person.
"Good morning, this isTina. How can I help you?"
I mustered up my bestprofessional voice, the one I'd perfected over years of waitingtables at the Rip Tide, dealing with rude tourists and testylocals. "Good morning, Tina. I'm Meghan Hawthorne, and I-"
"Oh, Meghan! Hi. Iremember your application. Actually, I processed it myself."
"Wow. What are theodds?" I bit the corner of my lip.
She laughed. "Betterthan you might think. We're pretty small here, since we're juststarting out. Everyone pitches in. And I remember you because I wasso excited about the location we matched you with. It was alast-minute add, and when I read their needs, I thought about youright away."
"Oh. Really?" I tried tokeep the skepticism out of my voice.
"Definitely. They're soexcited about you coming. We sent them your portfolio, and the homeand school association said you were exactly the kind of teacherthey'd hoped to have. I spoke to Mrs. Moss yesterday. She waspositively giddy."
"Mrs. Moss?" I searchedmy memory for the name.
"Yes, she's your host.She's been the driving force behind getting ArtCorps to Burton, andshe also agreed to open her home to you while you're in town. Shewas telling about where she lives, and I have to tell you, I'mjealous. Apparently it's a farm house that's been in her family forgenerations."
"I'm sure it's lovely."I hesitated, not wanting to sound unappreciative in the face ofTina's enthusiasm. "I just wanted to check, though, and make surethat there hadn't been a mistake. I read that usually you try togive applicants their first or second choice of locations. I hadsaid either the southwest USA or the west coast."
"Yes, that's true. We dotry. But we had a few special circumstances this year. We had anumber of people request Arizona or New Mexico. We had intended toplace you in northern California, but then one of our volunteerapplicants had a family emergency. She's from that area, and hermother is ill. She asked for a special placement, and when therequest from Burton came in, everything fell into place. I'm sureyou understand."
I did, all too well. I'dhad my experience with a sick parent, and if giving up my spot inCalifornia let someone else have more time with her mother, I wasfine with it. I still wasn't sure about Burton, though.
"So if there's nothingelse ..." Tina was ready to wrap up this convo.
"Just so I can be clear,there's no other options for me as far as location? No way for meto ... I don't know, switch with someone?"
"No, we don't allowswitching." Tina's voice lost some of its patience. "We're carefulabout how we make the assignments. We have a process. Your optionsare either Burton or withdrawing from the program."
I gritted my teeth."Okay, well, thanks. I'm sure Burton will work out fine. Iappreciate your time." I turned off my phone and stuck out mytongue at it. Or rather, at Peppy Tina who'd been on the other endup until a few seconds before. Damn her and her process that wassending me to purgatory in the form of Backwater, Georgia.
"You're up bright andearly." Laura shuffled out of her bedroom, blinking at me."Everything okay?"
"Sure." I rubbed myforehead, where a wicked headache had just begun to blossom. "Guesswhere I'm spending the summer?"
***