WHEN I REACH CONSCIOUSNESS, I am instantly hit with an excruciating amount of pain. My head is pounding and the ache is so deep it's like it burrowed it's way inside of my bones. I don't even want to try to open my eyes, because I know being exposed to light will only make the pain worse. But after a few seconds, I do anyways to take in my surroundings.
My breath is shaky and when I inhale, that unexplainable hospital smell floods my senses. I feel the IV'S jammed into my skin and hear the distant wail of someone crying and that annoying beep of whatever machine I'm tied up to. And, despite all of this, despite the fact that I am in a hospital and I was in without a doubt the scariest encounter of my life who knows how long ago, I am grateful. Being here means that I survived, that I got out of that car. I don't know how, but I am glad, even if I do have to bare with the insufferable pain in my head, a bruised elbow, and God knows what else.
Instantly my heart drops as I think of Luke and then I want to see him and I need to see him and I can't stop wondering if he's okay. He has to be.
I turn my head and push up on my hands in a frantic attempt to get off of the bed and call someone to find him, and then the need to completely disappears. When I turn I see him, cramped inside a chair much too small for him and his inhumanly long legs.
Luke's hair is matted against his forehead and his lips are parted; quiet, almost inaudible snores coming from his mouth. He too is dressed in a hospital gown, and he is hugging himself, no doubt in an attempt to try and make himself fit in the chair. Or maybe it's to keep himself warm, since hospitals always seemed to have the air conditioner blasting. I smile in relief and reach for one of the pillows behind me before I throw it at him, trying to wake him up.
"I know I'm not supposed to be in here leave me al-" He groans in a tired, angry voice and then jumps up and runs a hand through his hair before his electric blue eyes land on me. Luke breaks out into a grin and quickly crosses the few short steps to get to me, completely engulfing me in a hug. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, Cohen, I-"
"It's okay, Luke, I'm fine." I mumble, words muffled by his shoulder. I hug him back tightly and find solace in the fact that he still smells like himself, and not the hospital or sickness or cleaning products or any of the other notable hospital scents. He was still Luke. My Luke. "My head hurts like a bitch." I groan, lips falling into a pout.
He laughs and shakes his head, relief clear in every one of his features. Luke brushes hair out of my face and bites his lip, exhaling heavily. "But you're okay. I really thought you weren't. It's just, you didn't wake up and you lost so much blood and I-I thought I killed you, Cohen." His voice cracks and I shake my head profusely, trying to reassure him of the fact that I was very much here and alive.
"We're a little scratched up but we're both alive and everything is okay, alright?" I insist, tightening my grip on his hands. His hands --more specifically his knuckles-- were bandaged, and I assumed that that was because he had punched through the window several times. I was unconscious, so I didn't know whether or not he actually broke through, but, judging by the bandages, I thought so. "Did anything happen to Lucy or Calum?"
"No, they're fine. Lucy wanted to leave early since we left, so that's why they were on the road too. They were fighting because Calum brought up the trial and his testimony against John and Lu hates to hear about it so they were yelling at each other and I guess neither of us were paying attention." Luke sighs, looking angry with himself. "After you passed out I kept trying to break through the glass and I got it eventually and pulled you out. Calum dove in and helped me get you back to the shore and to the hospital and you've been unconscious for the past thirty hours or so. I kept trying to come in every time the nurses left me alone even though they kept yelling at me for sleeping in that chair."
"It doesn't look very comfortable." I grin, happy to hear that he had endured repeated yelling just to be by my side.
"It's not, but I don't care." Luke says, gently pressing his lips against my forehead. "I have to tell you something, but can you please promise not to be mad?" He mutters after a few seconds, pulling away.
"I can try to not be mad, but, I can't really guarantee anything." I say slowly, eyebrows furrowing.
"Okay, fair enough. Just please hear me out and then after this I'll go get your parents and Lu and Cal and tell them that you're awake." I nod and Luke swallows, looking nervous. "So, do you remember how I wanted to give you something last night?"
"Vaguely, yes." I reply quickly, wanting him to tell me what was going on.
"I...I had that something in my pocket when we went under and the water destroyed it and it's gone." Luke says quietly, so quietly that I can barely hear him.
"What was it, Luke?" I ask, even though I know, I know exactly what he's talking about. He doesn't answer, and I pull my hands away from his, shaking my head. "What was it?" I repeat, louder this time. Luke's eyes shift to the blankets draped over my body to avoid my gaze, and he has yet to answer, but he doesn't have to. My heart sinks inside of my chest as I am hit with the realization of what was going on.
It couldn't be gone. It couldn't be destroyed because if that was gone, then my future was gone. My sole hope at a life worth something, a life where I got to do what I loved, was gone. And it was all his fault.
How could I have let myself get attached to him? This person who had set out to intentionally ruin my chances of following my dreams all for his selfish gain? Who had manipulated me into helping him and had blackmailed me all while he held the upper hand. Now that upper hand was gone. Gone. I lost my virginity to him, I trusted him, I honestly believed that I was capable of changing him and making him a better person. I let myself develop feelings for him and for what? So that I could forever lose my one chance at happiness?
All at once I am full of a fiery rage and I know I shouldn't speak because I can feel my face getting red and the tears pooling into my eyes and anything I say is most likely going to come out hysterical and incoherent. But I do anyways.
"Why the fuck were you carrying it around anyways, Luke? That's my life. You literally held my life in your hands and you let it get ruined." I screech, already beginning to cry. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, this wasn't happening. He's lying, this is a really bad joke and he still has my entry and my future isn't gone, it can't be gone.
"I already told you, I was going to give it back to you that day. That's why I had it." Luke replies quietly, the volume of his voice barely half of mine. He's not kidding.
"And why would you do that? I know you love having control over me. I know you love manipulating me and ruining my life, so why give that up-" I yell, likely attracting the attention of all nurses and doctors and patients with enough proximity to me before Luke interrupts.
"Because I fucking love you, Kendall! You. Not having control over you or manipulating you or any of the other bullshit that's running through your head. I've said I love you a million times without actually even saying the words until now and you should know that the only reason I kept your story was to keep you." He says through gritted teeth, vein in his neck appearing as he desperately tries to explain through a rage. "You were only with me because I still had it, that's the entire reason all of this started. I thought that it wasn't about that anymore, that you might actually like me, but maybe I was wrong. I actually fell in love with you and I was dumb enough to think that you loved me, too." Luke finishes, jaw clenching as he turns away and storms out of the room, leaving me angry and sad and full of longing and hopelessness all at once.
Seconds after he leaves, my parents come in with Lucy and Calum in tow and they're all grinning and trying to hug me and chattering about everything that has happened in the past thirty hours and how worried they all were and other things that I wasn't really paying attention to.
I would have liked to pay attention, I would have liked to assure them that everything was okay, that I was okay. But I'm not. Nothing is remotely okay right now. My future is in shambles and they keep talking and I nod and smile but my heart isn't in it, because my heart is with the boy who has just walked out of the room.
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hope you guys liked this!!! kuke is alive in the physical sense but in the relationship sense hmm idk we shall see?!
THIRD CHAPTER OF THE MICHAEL FIC IS GOING TO GO UP SOON, PLS GO CHECK THAT OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY :) xx