Anyone who knew Smiity knew he was terrified of the ocean. There was too much unknown about it, it was too deep, too chaotic. Nothing could control it, nothing could stop it. It would grab you and pull you in before you had the chance to think.
Smiity sometimes felt his emotions about Matt were the same. One day they were just best friends, laughing and playing games with each other. The next, Smiity's heart was pounding in his chest at every touch.
Some days it was like a soothing touch, as if you were looking at a painting of the sea. Calm blues, greys and whites barely moving. A comforting sound of quiet rushing.
Other days it was like a hurricane over the waves. Thrashing water, dark and foreboding. The currents dragging him further and further in until he was gasping for air. He never knew where he was, what he was seeing, what he was feeling.
Matt understood though. Smiity had never felt such intense emotions for another person, and it terrified him. What if he was cast ashore? What if he was too far in the mainland and couldn't see the sea anymore?
Laying on the sheets with Matt gently holding him, he sometimes felt as if he was drowning. As if the waves of the sea held him hostage, an embrace he never wanted to lose.
But a gentle kiss to his lips, forehead or nose, he was holding a lifesaver. He was held above the chaotic darkness, where he could feel the sun and breeze warming him. He felt safe, comforted, grounded.
Smiity didn't know how to swim, but he never felt like he needed to learn with Matt holding him. He had full trust and confidence in his partner to keep him afloat.
The waves of the ocean were unforgiving, but he didn't need forgiveness. He just needed Matt, and he had full faith that he'd never lose him.