The cadets didn't have to fight anymore once the Survey Corps arrived. Together with the Garrison, they took out the remaining titans over the course of a day, without any more casualties. Two titans were captured for titan testing, and that was that. Trost was liberated. Humanity's first victory was secured.
It was achieved through the loss of 207 soldiers and the injury of another 897.
Trost still wasn't inhabitable. It was littered with bodies that had to be cleaned up so the civilians wouldn't be exposed to them. The cadets had to help, so Y/n walked around with a mask over her face and gloves on her hands, much like everyone else. She'd only helped carry about three bodies so far, but the more she had to carry, the more nauseous she felt. How do these people do it?
Rounding off a corner, Y/n's eyes spotted Jean's two-toned hair leaning on a wall, his hands hanging limply on his sides. Needing a break from all the blood and stench, she quickly walked over. ''Hey, Jean!''
He didn't look up. He didn't move. His eyes were stuck on the ground and he was so still, Y/n couldn't even tell if he was breathing.
''Jean?'' she asked again as she came to a stop in front of him. She could see his wide eyes, but the rest of his face was covered by a cloth. ''What happened?''
He slowly looked up. His eyes were red, but Y/n wasn't sure if it was due to crying or not blinking for a long time. A lump settled in her throat. ''Jean, what—''
''Marco . . .'' Jean said, his voice breaking a little. ''I found . . .''
She didn't need to hear more as her eyes widened and almost immediately watered. She brought one of her gloved hands to her clothed mouth, keeping the eye contact with Jean. ''No . . . No, you didn't. How could . . .?''
Jean shook his head. ''No one knows. His body . . . He looked horrible, Y/n. How . . . How did this happen?'' Jean asked, his eyes still wide, becoming even redder than before. ''He wasn't . . . He . . .''
Y/n didn't know what to say. She'd been close with Marco, of course, but not nearly as close as Jean had been. She pulled him in a hug despite still having her gloves in, holding him tightly as she rested her chin on his shoulder. She didn't cry, as much as she wanted to. She didn't have any tears left, really. But Jean didn't cry either. He simply wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly in-between the familiar streets of Trost, the two of them basking in the silence, trying to cope with the death of a friend.
''He was supposed to go to the interior tomorrow,'' Jean mumbled in her ear. ''He was supposed to work under the King like he'd wanted to. He was supposed to be honorable and all that bullshit.''
Y/n did shed a tear at that, but didn't make a sound as Jean silently started weeping in her shoulder.
Once we go to the MPs, this would never happen again. We would never have to grieve like this again. By tomorrow . . . everything will be different.
———
Bonfires were lit all around Trost in order to get rid of the bodies quicker. The stench of rotting flesh filled the air, but Y/n couldn't look away from the flames that burned her comrades' bones to ash.
Y/n stood next to Jean with her arms crossed, unable to look away from the orange flames. Marco was somewhere in there. She, Jean, Sasha and Connie had made it through the liberation of Trost, but Marco hadn't. Why hadn't he? Where had he gone? She was sure he'd been with them for most of the time. How had he gotten eaten?
Those titans . . . have to pay. But how would she make them pay if she was within Wall Sina, safe and never to see them again?
Connie was sobbing on the ground as he clutched his head.
Jean looked away from him and back at the fire. Everyone's regretting it. If I'd known this would happen, I wouldn't have become a soldier. And I dragged Y/n into this, too . . . Now that I've burned myself out, that's all I can think of.
Jean walked ahead, crouching down and picking up a piece of bone that had escaped the flames. He crouched down and picked one up, holding it in his palm. Hey, Marco . . . I can't tell which of these are your bones anymore. If I hadn't become a soldier, I wouldn't have had to worry about who'd die next.
As much as he hated it, Jean thought back to Eren's words just two days ago. He almost wanted to scoff. I get it. I know I have to fight. Still . . . Not everyone can be a reckless idiot like you.
Footsteps filled Jean's ears and he looked up, his eyes widening as he saw Marco. ''You might get mad, but listen. You're not a strong person, so you can sympathize with the feelings of the weak. Nevertheless, you excel at looking at things objectively, so you have a clear idea of what needs to be done.''
Jean clutched the piece of bone and stood up. ''What . . . needs to be done . . .'' I can't go to the MPs. I can't be a selfish bastard, not after . . . not after this. I'm so sorry, Y/n. ''Hey, you guys.'' Jean turned to face his comrades. His eyes were wide as he looked through each and one of them. ''Do you know where you're going to enlist?'' His eyes finally settled at Y/n, who was looking at him with her arms crossed and her eyebrows furrowed. ''Well, I do.'' He didn't break eye contact. He couldn't bring himself to. ''I'm . . . I'm . . . enlisting in the Survey Corps!''
Y/n felt like her whole world had shattered right then and there.
Jean clutched his wrist as his eyes shut close. It felt like a boulder had been dropped on her. If anything, she felt like that would've been preferable than whatever she was feeling right now. Her eyes couldn't move away from Jean. She wanted to yell at him, to slap some sense into him, convince him to go to the MPs like they'd planned to.
But she couldn't.
She looked down at her feet, taking a deep breath. ''You're an idiot, Jean-Bo.''
His eyes opened at her words, falling on her figure. Y/n looked at him, her face devoid of any emotion. He couldn't tell what she was feeling. She didn't say anything else but turned around and walk away.
He bit the inside of his cheek, but he didn't follow her. I'm so sorry.
———
Why . . . Why did everyone around her have a death wish?
Her father. Eren, Mikasa and Armin. Connie had been convinced, too. Now . . . now Jean was going to leave her, too. How was she supposed to go to the MPs now?
It was the day they needed to decide which regiment they would enlist in. She'd avoided Jean, Connie, Sasha and pretty much all of her closest friends the whole day. She didn't show up for any meals — not that she had an appetite, anyway — and sat behind corners by herself.
She couldn't face her friends. She didn't know what to do anymore.
Killing titans . . . was that what she wanted to do for the rest of her life? How long would that life be? How long would Jean survive out there? Why did he suddenly change his mind?
She thought about her life if she went to the MPs as she'd planned. She'd have a good salary and be able to provide for her family. She'd be safe inside Wall Sina, and her work wouldn't be too hard. She would have access to good food. The more she thought about it, the more like a dream it sounded.
A very, very distant dream.
It was obvious already.
I'll support you . . . in whatever you decide to do.
Her mother's words echoed in her mind. Thinking about her possible life as an MP sounded wrong. After what she'd experienced, the horrors she'd lived through, she couldn't allow herself to sit back and relax in the inner walls. I can't be selfish with this. Not with lives at stake.
Would she, as a single newbie-solider, change anything for humanity? Highly unlikely. She was probably going to become titan food. But she would never be able to forgive herself if she didn't at least try. Every soldier counts, right?
Dad . . . I think I understand now.
———
Jean was sure Y/n was avoiding him, and for a good reason, but he at least wanted to spend his last day with her, well, with her.
Announcing he'd be joining the Survey Corps had been an impulsive decision, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. He couldn't imagine himself in the interior anymore, that felt wrong. He needed to make his life at least a little meaningful. Was that what Marco would've wanted?
Night had fallen, which meant the Cadet Corps were about to split off to join their new regiments. The crowd was silent as Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps, stood in front of them. Jean kept subtly looking around, but he couldn't spot Y/n anywhere.
''Today, you'll decide where to enlist. And to be blunt, I'm here to recruit soldiers for the Survey Corps,'' Erwin said. ''I'm sure the latest titan attack has made you fear the titans and recognize the limits of your strength. However, through that battle, mankind has made unprecedented progress in its struggle. The key was Eren Jeager. His willingness to risk his life for mankind signifies his unquestionable allegiance to us. Furthermore, not only did he allow us to stop the titans, he also provided us a way to unveil the titan's mystery!'' Erwin proceeded to talk a bout Eren's basement back home containing secrets and how they planned to try and reach to Shiganshina.
Jean continued looking around for Y/n. He still couldn't see her.
Erwin explained they couldn't use the Trost exit anymore, so they would have to go around. He explained how high the Survey Corps mortality rate is and that most of them would most likely not survive their first expedition.
''Are you capable of offering your hearts to humanity?'' Erwin almost yelled as he spoke, causing whispers to erupt. ''That's all. Those of you who wish to enlist elsewhere may leave.''
People started taking off at once. Jean looked at the ground, his eyebrows scrunched. Y/n should be leaving about now. I never got to say goodbye, in case I . . .
Countless of Cadets passed by Jean, but he didn't move. He couldn't. He'd dedicated his heart, his life, to mankind already.
The people around him cleared and the footsteps slowly faded. However, a single stride filled his ears and when he looked on his left, his eyes fell on Y/n, who confidently stood next to him with her back straight and her hands behind her back, eyes staright straight at the Commander.
What . . . is she doing here?
''Y/n—''
''Shut up.''
That seemed to ignite something within Jean, though he wasn't sure if it was anger or something else. ''Don't tell me to fucking shut up, what are you doing here?''
His whole body was angled towards her, though her eyes or posture didn't shift. ''Commander Erwin said those who wanted to join the Survey Corps were to stay.'' She breathed out. ''So I'm staying.''
Jean's eyebrows furrowed in anger. ''Now isn't the time to be playing hero! Go to the MPs before you're actually stuck here!''
That earned him a scoff and Y/n finally turned to him. ''You think you have any right to tell me that? You think you're so special, the only one who can enlist in the Survey Corps so he doesn't feel bad for the rest of his life?'' She laughed, though there was no joy behind it. ''I'm a soldier, Jean, and I can go wherever the fuck I want. After what happened . . . after what they did to us . . . I can't sit back and do nothing. Even if I die, maybe my pathetic life might have had a little meaning behind it.'' Her voices lowered and her eyes softened. ''I have to try and finish what Dad tried to do.''
Jean gulped, his adam's apple bobbing. He closed his eyes. Y/n. In the Survey Corps. Me as well. The two of us. We were supposed to go to the interior and be safe. What the hell happened?
He opened his eyes again and met hers, this time calmer. The anger disappeared from his body, replaced by fear for her, himself, for Sasha and Connie, Mikasa, Armin. The few of his friends who stayed behind, ready to sacrifice their lives for mankind.
Jean chuckled. He put a hand around Y/n's shoulder, bringing her to his side as the two faced their new Commander again. ''Man . . . we really are a bunch of fools, aren't we?''
He felt her nod as she wrapped one of her arms around his waist and her other hand was placed over his. ''I think we've always been fools. But this might be our dumbest decision yet, don't you think?''
Jean nodded. ''Yeah, definitely.'' Moron Kirstein and Moron L/n. There was a morbidly comedic ring to it. Regardless, he vowed to himself that day that he would let nothing — no titan or human — lay a hand on her, as long as he was breathing.
''Could you . . . die if given the order to?''
The few leftover Cadets were lined up now, standing straight with their hands behind their backs as they faced their stoic Commander.
''We don't want to die!'' someone called from the crowd.
''I see . . .'' Erwin looked down with a smile. ''I like your expressions. Now then, I accept all of you that remain as new Survey Corps soldiers! This will be a true salute! Offer your lives!''
Each Cadet saluted, most of them with grim expressions. ''Sir!''
Jean looked to the ground, the reality finally settling in. ''This is the worst. Damn the Survey Corps . . .''
Y/n sniffed. She'd wanted to cry, but why should she? She chosen that for herself. ''I hope I can die in a cool way, at least . . .''
Jean looked at her as she said that, his heart tight. He didn't want her here. He didn't want himself here, either. But despite everything he'd gone through and everything he'd chosen for his future, he was glad he would be on Y/n's side until the end.
''You are all brave soldiers. You have my deepest respect.''