***
"You good?" Austin presses his hand on my shoulder as a way to ask for my health as I get lost in my own thoughts.
"Yeah, maybe I am or I'll be good. I guess." I replied with a forced smile as I couldn't make any eye contact with his blue eyes.
Something would happen if I do.
It's not the first time I have avoided eye contact with him. After Rosie's sudden plan of a night long drive to which I just couldn't disagree, as Austin came with cooper.
He was wearing casuals in contrast to what I saw today in the morning. Along with casual black colored pants he wore a simple plain white shirt with it's sleeves tied up to his forearms and I could see his veins, his muscles and I myself got busy into calculating his time he spent on working out and if sleeves being up was not enough to make me feel something his two buttons wear opened nope three and I could see a clean chest.
I stood still as I saw him on my door no greeting no hi just staring at him.
Ogling.
I felt as if my stomach's Butterflies kept on dancing till they burst my stomach out.
I felt this tension around my gut and my chest. Was I nervous? How and why can I be so nervous? It's not that it's my first date or he is my crush whom I am meeting for the first time.
But maybe because it's our first time meeting after processing all the chaos of shock, surprise kiss, kissing back, lies, pretendence, argument, back to pretendence. I
t's our first time meeting each other after having our all time alone and thinking about what we actually did in the cafe.
Am I the only one to feel this? Is Austin feeling things like this too?
Confused, overwhelming, breathless, out of words like me because I can see him too just staring and staying like a rock as we both stare at each other for five minutes straight.
I become the first one to break the eye contact and cooper becomes the first person to break our stand still position.
"Are you guys done with staring at each other? Alessia, Austin looks hot and Austin, Alessia looks beautiful. Now I have done your parts of compliments. Now, shall we?" He said in his teasing tone and led us to the car directly from my apartment door.
Austin didn't have the chance to see my apartment. We both stayed silent in the long drive as well. Nothing.
We both sat at the back seat opposites to each other staring out in our windows completely lost in our thoughts.
We tried to fake by smiling at each other for a few seconds trying to hold hands in the car but none worked.
We both felt as awkward as we could become. Every action followed our nervous and awkward laugh with break in eye contact.
Cooper and Rosie are so into each other that they barely notice us being completely strangers to each other and shockingly, Cooper revealed he already has another car parked near the mall and now his car is all mine and Austin for night to go wherever we want.
Austin seemed to shoot lasers to Cooper as he responded, "You don't have to do anything like this. We are in no mood now for this."
THIS. What is this. A time to maybe know each other. Maybe where we can head to become at least friends or at least mere acquaintances.
Does he hate my presence to this extent? A mere thought of at least getting to know him even shattered.
I liked Cooper's sweet gesture as a lovely friend to help us sort our so-called issue which never existed in the first place.
I on the contrary anticipated as if I might get a chance to think to discuss with austin about everything, know him. But his response just makes my idea of being at least get known weaker.
I mustered the redness in my eye and moved forward to say the same, because if that's what Austin wants we can't be on board together.
I am just being too emotional. The burnout is taking over me that's it.
"I would prefer if you wouldn't have done this sweet gesture. We don't have anything to talk about." I responded politely to Cooper with a bit of bitterness on my tongue.
Austin's face fell as if he was contemplating something thinking about this.
This situation.
Cooper responded with casualty as if he had seen this version of us being all grumpy and formal.
"You guys have the car for yourself. Do whatever you guys want. We just want you guys to chill and relax." He smiled and Rosie nodded in affirmation and they left us here, stranded near the mall it was quite dark as well absolutely no car just us.
Me and Austin. Alone. With a car Of Cooper's.
***
"You'll be? Like If you feel uncomfortable, I can drop you back home" Austin's tone seemed formal and gentle.
I immediately felt the need to defend him from his thoughts. Because even though it has been less than twenty four hours with him.
I certainly feel warm with him. Safe.
I never thought to feel such emotions with less than no time. I always thought of myself as a girl of tests and steps.
When it came to dating I became practical, getting to know the guy first before giving in my feelings, taking a lot of tests of him a lot. But feeling safe in such a short duration felt like a conflict in my mind.
Why was Austin felt so safe and warm, as if he was just lost, and he came back.
"No, not at all, I-" I hesitated to say that but we both can't continue the conversation without this.
Austin frowned but waited patiently for me to complete. Gaze locked to mine. Eyes staring at each other.
"I- feel safe on the contrary" I took a pause and as he released his frown to his normal brow. Rock face .
"Maybe it's you who-", I could feel my body let itself swinged in the air against the sidewalk towards the other with my one hand tightly tugged on Austin's shoulder.
His plain white shirt and the other in the air trying to hold a firm grip on an imaginary support. As if I want to clutch my hands onto something as if to not feel the heat his touch sends to my body.
As I process this, I hear a fast speed motorcycle cut across my front, Austin's back and I meet his eyes, those...eyes, which pangs my heart up and down Again! Those same eyes.
The eyes I saw myself today, something spoke about them. The pain, the mystery, the coldness, the heat. I can feel the cold rush the wind sent it to my skin even though it stays little with Austin being here.
His hands tucked closely around my waist, and although I am standing on my feet, completely good. Not good, just tense. Even after the bike is long gone.
Austin doesn't let himself release me. His warmth clutched me towards him. His gaze locking me with a thoughtful expression, confusion and our lips inch apart send me thousands of tingles around my.... I feel as if-
Why am I feeling this? He was trying to protect me from a rushing bike. He is just being the formal guy.
I broke the eye contact, trying to breathe the oxygen as much as I can. I need to fill my lungs up and fill the vacuum inside because I can't breathe.
I need to look somewhere else before he notices the pink flush on my cheeks. Making him feel his presence to do something to me is the last thing I want him to know about me .
He pushed his hands back into his pocket and I noticed him swallow down his throat.
He spoke those words which completely turned my body to heat up not because of his warmth but because of rage.
"Thank god you are gifted with those beautiful eyes use them Alessia." His tone was rough with breathless tone as if he felt too obliged to this gesture.
As if he hated to touch me so much. I heard him say beautiful eyes.
It could have done wonders to me if a man who loved me said that, but only they were used as a way to make me feel how irresponsible I am.
I have had enough of the humiliation. I am not going home without making this man feel what he is messing with.
I might not have as much money or power he has but that doesn't give him the right to say anything he likes and snap on my face.
I had shit to figure out, what has been happening to me all this time now and get my life back together but not today, not now when in one hand this man asks me how I am or his presence is making me uncomfortable like a gentleman and to the very next, he snaps at me being a complete asshole.
"No thank you, my beautiful eyes are cursed by your presence right now, thanks for the unsolicited advice but that bike was too fast to catch up." I snapped hard, grazing in glare. All the heat exposed to him, looking at me with anger in my eyes.
"You shouldn't have come up if you hate my presence so much." he grumbled.
"You should have left me here then if you are in no mood to talk." I said.
"You should have left early if I make it so uncomfortable." He says coldly.
"You shouldn't have swirled me in the air to protect me with the bike" I said.
"You should have used your eyes then." He said gently.
"I could and I would it was my responsibility, maybe I would have died no one is putting you accountable. " I said out too fast.
Something might hit him hard in his chest when he shut down.
He frowned and moved an inch closer, enough for me to feel something in my chest again.
And he whispered, "Say it again, and I would take you up in my arms again and you'll beg me to put you down."
My eyes widened with shock at his words, "You might be an obsessed independent woman but when you are with me, I am accountable and responsible whatever happens to you even if you are my girl or not." he snapped at me still locking his frowned expression and cold in his gaze .
" I-... I did not mean that, you are responsible, fine." I tried my best to control the water coming from my eyes not because he snapped at me but because nobody has said those words to me before.
I have always been an independent girl, because I just couldn't trust anyone helping me, I couldn't trust myself to rely on anyone after the heightened expectations from my parents regarding my life.
I became a plan oriented women, a women living on her own terms, a women who could say she needs no man to rely on. But sometimes it was hard to be a strong person.
Lately, I have been feeling I have drained my whole energy to become stronger and for once now I want to be dependent.
Austin must have read my expressions and maybe he might have felt an inch of emotions fluttering up my eyes when he moved back.
Turning his back on my face as to gather up his mind and prepare himself to say something.
I don't need an explanation right now. Austin might hate me or my presence but I am not making him feel obliged to apologise if he doesn't himself feel anything.
"I need cupcakes" I said, his shoulders moved up and he turned his back again to face myself as if he heard something wrong.
"You need what?" his brows closed together.
"CUP-CAKES" I made him clear what I need right now.
"At this hour?" he huffed with my irrational need.
"Yes" I shrugged my shoulder. Not as if I know it's pretty irrational to get cupcakes at this hour.
When every bakery shop might be closed but this is the least Austin can do for snapping at me like that.
Austin seems to know what he did. But his expression was firm and tough.
"What if I don't get you them?" He questions me with a firm tone.
"What if then you apologise for talking to me in a not so sweet boyfriend material tone" I smiled.
A smile which challenged Austin Stafford if he really was a man of ego, as all millionaires are.
From the way I look at him, I have an idea that at least he doesn't apologise. Egotistic. So it would be worth an achievement to make him say sorry.
My prediction proved right when he said, "I am not a man of apology Alessia, those five letters you might be dying to hear from me are the words I haven't said for long now", his expression firm and he seems to accept this challenge when I can see his small smile. A tiny one.
The one which made me forget our small argument and gave me a competitive spirit.
"Let's get you a cupcake, NOW." As I seemed to feel some thrill because it is next to impossible for Austin to get cupcakes.
Now, at this very hour. In the midst of the cold weather.
--✧✧✧--
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