Eren . . . can turn into a Titan. People can turn into Titans willingly. If Eren can, can other people do it, too? How many are out there? How is this possible?
''Recruits are to maintain their equipment and wait for orders!''
They had nothing to do after that but wait for new orders. Y/n straddled the bench, sat facing Jean, though both of them looked at the ground. Reiner, Annie and Bertoldt sat on their table, too, while Connie told Ymir and Christa how they managed to save themselves.
''So everyone who's not here . . .'' Christa trailed off.
''Yeah,'' Connie said.
''Even Mikasa?''
Connie shook his head. ''I thought she came back with Jean and the others,'' he said. The three looked over the sullen group.
''Jean, don't tell me Mikasa got hurt,'' Ymir said. Jean didn't react.
''Hey, what's wrong?'' Connie asked upon the silence.
Y/n drummed her fingers anxiously on the bench. Jean took a gulp of water before spoke for all of them. ''We were ordered to keep that confidential. I can't say.''
''Confidential?''
''Although it's not something they can keep under wraps for long,'' Jean continued. ''It's only a matter of time before everyone finds out. That is, assuming people live to hear it.''
Right. The Titans were still out there. We would have to go back and fight them again. I don't want to go back. I don't want to die. But if we don't do it . . . who else would? We can't let the Titans have Trost. I can't surrender my home like that. Mom, Stella and Leo have to have a home to return to. Are they even okay? Did they make it out in time?
Dad . . . is that why you did it?
Y/n felt like she couldn't breathe. She stood up, causing Jean to look at her. ''Where are you going?''
''I wanna try and see if they'll let me where the refugees are,'' Y/n said, looking down at him. ''I need to see if . . .''
Jean's eyes widened. ''Right. I'm coming with.'' He stood up as well, looking at Connie. ''We'll be back soon.''
The refugee spot wasn't far — no one really asked them why they were there, either. Jean and Y/n walked in silence as they looked around, trying to spot their families. With each passing second, Y/n grew more anxious. What if they didn't make it?
''Y/n!''
Her head snapped back, seeing Stella running over to her. Y/n almost cried from happiness. ''Stella!'' Y/n crouched to hug her sister as she reached her, cradling her head. Never in her life has she been so relieved. ''Walls, I'm so glad you're okay. Where are Mom and Leo? And have you seen Jean's parents?'' Y/n let go of her sister, inspecting her from head to toe. ''Are you injured or anything?''
Stella gave her a gap-toothed smile. ''We're all fine! Come, I'll bring you!'' Stella grabbed Y/n's hand and started leading her to where the rest of their families were, Jean right on their heels.
Mrs. Kirstein, Leo and Y/n's mother were huddled in a corner; her mother had tear stains on her cheeks as Mrs. Kirstein rubbed her back, talking to her. Leo was leaning on the wall with his arms crossed, looking at the ground.
''Mom! Mrs. Kirstein! Look!'' Stella yelled, causing all three of them to look up. ''Y/n . . .'' her mother whispered, her hands over her mouth.
''Jean-Bo!'' Jean's mother cried in relief and rushed over to her son, bringing him in a tight hug. ''Are you okay, boy?''
Jean chuckled, patting his mother on the back as he hugged her back. ''I'm okay, Ma, don't worry.''
Y/n walked over to her mother, who didn't move from her spot. She opened her mouth, though it took a moment before she actually spoke. ''Mom, I—''
Her mother cut her off, catching her head in her hands, looking at her eyebrows. ''What happened?''
Y/n pushed her hands off. ''Jean saved me from a titan. This was just an accident because I was reckless,'' she said. ''I'm fine.''
In an instant, her mother brought her into an embrace, burying her head in her daughter's shoulder. ''I'm so glad you're alive.''
Y/n hugged her back, burying her head in her shoulder. Before she knew it, her chest tightened and a few tears spilled out, her mother's dress absorbing them. ''Mom, it was so bad . . . the titans, they're terrifying . . .''
''I know, sweetie, I know,'' her mother said. ''I'm so sorry. I should've never let you join the army.''
Y/n shook her head. She didn't regret joining, even now. ''Dad . . . Dad tried to prevent this, didn't he? He joined the Scouts to try and prevent them from taking over Trost . . .'' Her mother didn't say anything. Y/n continued whispering in her shoulder. ''He didn't want Shiganshina to repeat, but it did. He . . . he tried to save us.''
For the past five years, Y/n had thought her father might've been the stupidest man alive. That he was weird like Eren. That he had a death wish. Maybe he'd been delusional enough to believe he could make a difference by himself — but his intentions were always to protect his family . . . right?
''I'll support you . . .'' her mother whispered in her shoulder. ''. . . in whatever you decide to do.''
In whatever you decide to do. What should I do?
''Y/n . . .'' a hand landed on her back and she let go of her mother's embrace, turning to face Jean. He pursed his lips; her eyes were probably red from crying, but he didn't comment. ''We should go back.''
Y/n nodded, wiping her eyes with her non-bloody sleeve. ''Yeah, okay.'' She looked at Leo, who was looking back at her, but hadn't uttered a word. ''Don't do anything stupid. Take care of them . . . and yourself.'' She hoped those wouldn't be her last words to her brother, but she had to make sure he knew. Leo nodded, though still didn't say anything. Looking over her family one last time, Y/n gave them a tight-lipped smile and turned to Jean. ''Let's go.''
The titans are waiting for them.
''Hey, Jean?'' Y/n broke the silence when they were about to reach their friends.
''Hm?''
''Do you think we'll make it?'' Y/n asked. She didn't look at him, but she could imagine his somber expression. ''And go to the interior tomorrow?''
''. . . I don't know.''
At least he didn't lie to her.
———
Y/n leaned on a wall, looking up at the sky. Much like everyone, she was anxiously anticipating their orders. What happened with Eren, Mikasa and Armin? Are they going to come back? Her eyes fell on Jean, who was leaning on a table. Everyone was pretty much silent, aside from Daz, Marco and Sasha. She had bigger worries than interfering with whatever they were doing right now.
The sky turned yellow and a huge explosion followed, causing Y/n to straighten up from fright and snap her head towards the walls. Everyone had heard — obviously — and murmurs followed.
''Canon fire?'' Reiner asked. He, Jean, Annie and Bertoldt grouped together, so Y/n rushed to join.
''But why only one?'' Jean asked.
''Look, there's smoke!'' someone yelled from the crowd and everyone looked up, seeing the black smoke raising up. ''It's from within the wall!'' Y/n's stomach sunk.
''Could it be titan smoke?'' Jean asked.
''No, that's usually white,'' Y/n said, her eyes wide. ''Should we—''
Reiner triggered his wires before Y/n could finish, propelling himself in the air. ''Hey!'' Jean called after him. Annie and Bertoldt followed right after.
''Let's go, Jean!'' Y/n called and send out her wires, following after the three. She heard Jean scoff behind her before his wires were triggered, too.
The five of them landed on a building once they spotted the evaporating, half-formed titan. He was skinless, his eyes wide — it looked terrifying, despite only having one hand, a head and an upper body. The smoke covered a lot, but Armin suddenly appeared from within, dropping his gear as he did so, declaring they could use Eren for humanity's greater good. Commander Pixis appeared before another shot could be fired at them, whisking the three away to the top of the wall.
Y/n stood next to Jean as all troops were mobilized again, ready to receive their orders. The army faced the wall as they waited — Daz declared he wanted to leave and got threatened with desertion. Another girl near them said she wanted to die on her own terms, which Y/n understood, but that's not what you signed up for when you joined the army.
''Hey, you two!'' A higher-up must've heard their conversation.
''I-I was joking!'' the girl said, her eyes wide.
''Do it.''
''Huh?''
''Make a real scene.'' The Garrison member got close to her face. ''With as many people as you can. Many of us in the Garrison aren't in agreement too. We'll take advantage of the chaos and escape!''
Y/n's head snapped up and she looked at the two; Jean must've heard them, too. ''Where would you go then?''
''I'll go see my daughter!'' the man declared. ''This wall won't hold for long either, after all.''
Jean and Y/n shared a look. He was right, it was about time before the titans broke through this wall, too. Even worse, the Armored Titan might appear anytime. Without thinking, Y/n grabbed Jean's hand. She felt him stiffen, but she didn't let go. Within a minute, he was holding her hand too, their fingers intertwined as he gave her a light squeeze. Both of them needed all the comfort they could get.
The tension and unrest only seemed to grow.
''Kill me! If you're gonna execute me, do it quick!''
''Fine, I'll do it!''
''ATTENTION!''
Y/n jumped at the loud voice. She looked up, seeing Commander Pixis standing atop the wall, Eren next to him. Holy fuck, they didn't kill him? The crowd fell silent, looking at the Commander.
''I will now elaborate on the plan to recapture Trost District!''
Y/n squeezed Jean's hand. So, we are going back . . .
''The objective of this plan is to seal the hole in the destroyed gate!''
Y/n's widened. ''Seal the gate . . .?''
''How are we supposed to do that?'' Jean whispered back.
''I will now explain how we intend to seal the hole! Belonging to the Training Corps, this is Eren Jeager!'' Eren stepped forward and saluted.
Holy fuck. They're going to use his titan form? How the fuck would that seal the gate?
''He is the product of a successful top-secret titan transformation research! He is capable of generating a titan's body and moving it according to his will! In his titan form, he'll lift the lard boulder in the vicinity of the front gate, carry it to the destroyed gate, and seal the gate! Your duty is to protect him from the other titans until he's moved the boulder!''
''So, their plan is . . . to carry a big rock and plug the hole?'' Y/n thought out loud, looking up at Jean. ''You know, that sounds so dumb that it might actually work.''
A lot of people didn't think so. A lot of them tried to leave. Y/n didn't dare to, as much as she didn't want to go back there. Jean stayed put, too. Looking back, she noticed Sasha standing alone, shaking in her boots, unmoving. Connie, Ymir and Christa stayed put, as well as Reiner, Bertoldt and Annie.
''Heed my command!'' Pixis yelled again, causing everyone to stop. ''Those who desert us now will be pardoned! Once a man surrenders to their fear of titans, they are no longer fit for battle! Those who've experienced that fear are free to leave!''
Y/n froze in her place. Those who desert us now will be pardoned. She didn't have to go back there. She could go back to her family and then go to the interior tomorrow without facing the titans again. She could be safe. She doesn't have to die pointlessly.
But that's so . . . cowardly.
Since when had she started thinking cowering away from the titans was shameful? Since when did she want to be brave? She squeezed her eyes shut, willing her feet not to move. Stay fucking put.
''Furthermore, those of you who want your parents, siblings and loved ones to experience that fear for themselves may also leave!''
Right. If she left, that's less manpower, more of a chance the plan will fail and the titans will break through and kill her family anyway. What was the point of backing out and going to the interior after that? She looked back up, straightening her knees. There's nothing to do but fight.
''Let us think back to four years ago,'' Pixis continued. ''Recall the plan to recapture Wall Maria. Though I presume you all knew this without me having to say, the plan itself sounded glorious, but in essence, it was a way to rid ourselves of the unemployed that the government was unable to support! The only reason why everyone maintained their silence was because we managed to survive within these confined walls thanks to their sacrifices! All of mankind bears that sin, including myself!''
Wasn't Armin's grandfather . . .?
''Because the inhabitants of Wall Maria were few in number, the conflict did not escalate. But what about now?! If Wall Rose is breached, reducing the mouths to feed by a fifth won't suffice! Not even half of the remaining population can be supported within only Wall Sina! Should making cease to exist, it would not be because we were devoured by titans! We humans would be our own end! We mustn't die within narrower walls. I implore you! Die where you stand!''
It all happened quickly after that. Everyone strapped on their 3DM gear, reloaded their gas and swords, were divided in squads and readied to be sent back to Trost, to defend humanity's new weapon, Eren Jeager.