CW: Self-worth issues
When Cirrus joined an academy, one of the ones certified by the council, his parents gave him a new pair of headphones, ones that he really liked a lot. He was looking forward to going to it, he wanted to be an amazing admin like his parents were. He was hoping to get a job in the centre of the Main World, maybe for the currently growing council. He didn't mind living where he currently was, he lived on the outskirts of the Main World but it was also not where he wanted to stay for the rest of his life. He didn't like the people he went to school with but he did hope to make friends with the people in the centre of the Main World, it was his dream job.
At the academy, he didn't make any friends, but that was more because of the competitive energy around them. They all knew that the council was still recruiting members, there were only 7 members and there were going to be 13 of them and they all wanted a spot. Cirrus didn't really care, he didn't think he would be able to get one of those positions so he just focused on doing whatever he could to make it seem like he would be good for a position in ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ. So he was ready to have the five years of study it would take to complete the academy so he would be in the best place he could be. So far he had already improved his skills with using a blade, he wanted to be able to defend whoever he needed to; he learnt a myriad of different commands covering whatever position that he would need to do and there were also classes on how to improve his typing speed.
- - - - - -
After Cirrus had completed his five years at the academy he moved into the centre part of the Main World. He lived in a flat with five other people, all of whom he barely saw as they all worked night shifts and often spent weeks away on work trips, he was ninety per cent sure that they were some sort of spy agency that worked for either the council or for their enemies, he wasn't sure but he was also slightly scared of them so he didn't say anything. For now, he was working at a very popular place known as Le Café De La Lune, which was run by two friends. Everyone knew that Melura and Zeli were pining after each other but both of them didn't think that the other liked them. He enjoyed working there, for more than just the discount on food that he got, it was really good. He enjoyed the environment that came with working with people who loved what they did and it made everyone else around them love the environment too. If he couldn't get a job in ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ he wouldn't mind working at Le Café De La Lune.
It was the end of his shift when he heard everyone go silent, he heard a couple of clatters of cutlery as they fell onto the table. Cirrus was out the back so he came out to the main floor and saw four of the council members standing there, he recognised them and it seemed like he was the only one who was going to move. "Hello council members, my name is Cirrus and I can lead you to a private table we have on the roof, don't worry we have some magic in place so even if it starts raining you won't get wet,"
The council members seemed slightly embarrassed with how the customers had stopped everything to see them so they quickly followed the admin onto the roof, glad that they were getting a private table. As he brought the upstairs, menus in hand, he showed them the private area. Zeli and Melura had made it specifically for the council, right now there were only seven seats but there was room to add more. "Here are your menus, the specials get updated automatically on the bottom there. I'm finished my shift but someone will be coming up to take your orders soon," Cirrus said, he was also trying to not freak out, he was a fan of the council and everything they had done. One of the council members, one of the newer ones but Cirrus recognised him as High Watcher Xelqua Carolus, turned towards him and asked, "Hey if you're finishing your shift do you want to join us?"
Cirrus blank screened, he didn't know what to say, it would be fun to join them but maybe they were just being nice, "It's okay, I'll probably just head home and have lunch,"
"Okay, but you could help us choose what to have and you seem like a fun person to hang out with," High Watcher Xelqua said.
Cirrus didn't miss the kick in the leg that High Watcher Xelqua Carolus got from High Watcher Zyrex Void, but it didn't sound like High Watcher Xelqua Carolus was going to give up. "If all of you don't mind I don't have anything else to do," he said.
High Watcher Zyrex Void didn't really seem on board with it, but it looked like he was going with it for High Watcher Xelqua Carolus. High Admin Via Celrinine and High Watcher Blaze Celrinine both seemed fine with it, so he decided to sit down. He felt awkward sitting down, "So Cirrus right?" High Watcher Xelqua asked.
"Yes, High Watcher-" Cirrus started.
"Just Xelqua," High Watcher Xelqua- Xelqua said smiling.
"Call me Blaze, the whole title thing is over the top," High Watcher- Blaze said, a smirk on his face.
"Yeah, you can call me Via. It'll be easier," High Admin- Via said, a welcoming smile on her face.
"Zyrex," High Wa- Zyrex said.
The conversation wasn't bad when it got started, and Cirrus thought that Zyrex seemed to be warming up to him by the end of it. Cirrus enjoyed talking with them more than he had ever talked with someone before, with the exception of his parents. At school and the academy because everyone was so competitive, most also wanted to leave their home on the outskirts to do something great in the centre of the Main City. As the council members had some of the best positions it wasn't like that for them, they weren't trying to be friends with him to get something from him, he felt good about everything. As they were finishing up they exchanged communicator numbers so they could directly message each other, it was more than Cirrus was expecting from the encounter. The other three council members went ahead leaving him with Xelqua so he asked, "Why did you let me sit with you?"
Xelqua looked towards him, "I just had a feeling there was something about you, and you looked like you needed a friend," he said, a smile on his face, "See you around Cirrus,"
- - - - - -
Cirrus was not expecting it when he met the High Leader. It was late at night a few weeks after he met the council members, he had been hanging out with them during his free time and they had become close, but he wasn't sure if could call him friends yet. He was walking home after a late shift, he knew that his roommates wouldn't be home, doing whatever possibly illegal thing they possibly did. He had an uneasy feeling and he didn't know why. He was surprised when he saw someone from his old academy following him, he wasn't even sure he knew his name, but he did know that he was one of the better admins in his class and that he was one who was very vocal about how he deserved to be in the council. He wasn't expecting the admin to attack, but he was able to counter the attack with a shield he pulled out when he came forward.
"Stop being friends with the council," the attacker said, still attacking them.
"Why exactly? They're my friends," Cirrus said, fighting back, still not being sure if they were friends but not wanting to say that in front of whoever his attacker was.
"You don't deserve to be friends with the council members, you are a nobody. I deserve to be friends with them so I can be on the council and have the power here," he said.
"I'm not going to stop being friends with them just because you say so," Cirrus said as he started getting the upper hand in the fight.
"Well maybe my friends can help with that," he said as three more people, whom he also recognised from the academy, came out with their swords raised.
Cirrus knew he was in trouble, he was trying to think of a way out when a misty purple light came and surrounded the four admins and then they fell to the ground. He was still on guard, he wasn't sure who had stopped the attackers and if they were a threat or not.
It was then that the High Leader flew down, he was in shock and didn't have the words. He had barely gotten used to being close with Xelqua, Blaze, Via and Zyrex, but this was the High Leader. The one who was responsible for creating everything around them, the one who ended the war between admins and watchers that had lasted for centuries. He was not expecting her to then ask, "Cirrus Cirinn I offer you places in The Council do you accept?"
He blank-screened again, but he still managed to say, "I do,"
"Cirrus Cirinn, you'll have a room available in ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ if you wish to move there. I have to deal with these admins but I'm sure your friends will be happy to help you with anything you have to do,"
The High Leader flew off using light purple magic to lift the admins, who were still out. He guessed that he would need to tell his roommates he was moving out and hand in his two-week notice.
- - - - - -
It had been a few months since he had started in the council and he felt out of place. He wasn't the youngest member, that honour went to Xelqua, but he was the newest. Even though he properly became friends with the others when he joined, he wanted to make sure they were okay with being friends. Cirrus was currently sitting on the roof of ᓵ||∷╎ℸ ̣ ⍑⚍∷╎ᓭ, he had participated in his first attack on one of the evil academies, and he just felt so useless during it. The others all knew what they were meant to do while he felt lost. He attacked anyone who came towards him or anyone who was trying to get away but he still felt like he didn't do what he should have. He was a council member now, something he still wasn't quite used to, he was a leader of the Main World, but he didn't feel like he was doing enough. He felt like anyone could be doing a better job than what he was.
Just like a few months ago, he wasn't expecting the High Leader to come and see him. He wasn't sure if he wanted the High Leader to see him now, he was supposed to be a council member after all, he was supposed to be strong. "Cirrus are you okay?" she asked him.
"I'm fine," Cirrus said, turning his face down and away from the High Leader.
"You can talk to me if you want to. You don't have to stay strong," the High Leader said, giving Cirrus a hug.
Cirrus debated on whether or not he should talk, but he decided it might be nice to unbottle all the feelings he had been having. "I guess I just feel like I'm not good enough," he started, "You've all done so much and I've barely done anything. I had no idea what I was supposed to do at the attack, and I know I'm supposed to because I'm a council member. I just- I just feel like I'm not good enough to be a council member, that I don't deserve it,"
He was crying on the High Leader's shoulder, he had been holding these feelings for the past few months but the attack had been the final nail in the coffin.
"Cirrus, the others have been on the council for longer than you have, and they've had different experiences. Gryff, Lysabel, Xelqua and Zyrex were extended invitations to the council after battle and the twins have been at this longer than you. You did what we needed you to do, if there was anything in particular that you could do, we would tell you. Your help, just like you did during the attack, is what is needed. I may not be able to tell you why you were chosen, but I can tell you it was always going to be you. I have known that you, Cirrus Cirinn, would be a council member. You are good enough, and you deserve it. Even if you don't see it yet you will one day," the High Leader said, comforting him.
"Thank you," Cirrus said, happy that he got his thoughts out.
"Remember you have friends on the council who are willing to talk to you, keeping everything bottled up isn't healthy. Having people you can be honest with about everything will make life easier. If you need the next few days off, take them, maybe visit your parents if you want to," the High Leader said as flew back inside.
Cirrus still didn't feel that he was good enough to be on the council, but talking about it felt better. Maybe someday, he thought to himself, I'll be able to say that I deserve to be on the council.
WC~ 2329