''Offer your lives!''
All 218 cadets moved in sync, saluting. ''Yes, sir!''
''From this day forth, all of you who have graduated from being trainees have three options. Firstly, the Garrison, which is responsible for wall fortification and defending the towns. Secondly, the Survey Corps—'' Y/n felt like Eren was about to burst from excitement next to her. ''—which resolutely ventures outside the wall into titan territory. And lastly, the Military Police Brigade, which governs the cities and maintains order.'' This time, Y/n felt like she was about to explode. ''Of course, only those that we previously announced to be ranked amongst the top ten trainees can select the third option!''
Y/n straightened even further if possible, proudly standing between Eren and Jean — sixth place wasn't bad, definitely better than seventh. She'd managed to score higher than Jean and he was never going to hear the end of it. Despite that, he seemed more mad that he'd scored lower than Eren rather than Y/n.
Y/n looked to the rest of the lower five — Jean, Marco, Connie and Sasha all made it to the top ten, meaning their dream of all going to the MPs would actually come true.
———
Y/n happily sipped on her drink as she sat next to a brooding Jean — it was their 'graduation party' in Trost and everyone was excitedly talking with their fellow cadets; some people would most likely never see each other again. It felt weird to think about it. She was most likely never going to see Eren, Armin and Mikasa again, especially considering . . .
She shook her head. No. Those three were strong. They'll survive anything that comes their way and Y/n was sure they would meet again someday.
''Why was I ranked below Eren?'' Jean's voice was low, but Y/n heard him anyway.
She hummed. ''You were ranked below me, too, you know.''
Jean's head snapped to her. ''Yeah, but you're actually skilled. Jeager, on the other hand . . .''
''I think your ego is making you underestimate him, Jean-Bo,'' Y/n booped his nose as a joke, though Jean's eyes widened. ''Besides, it doesn't matter. He's going to the Survey Corps, we're going to the MPs. You won't have to deal with him for a long time.''
Jean sighed. ''I guess so . . . still! Damn it!'' Jean raised his cup and took a few large gulps. Y/n laughed as he almost choked on his drink.
''You can't win!''
The room fell into silence. Y/n and Jean, as well as the rest of the 104th Cadet Corps, all looked at where Eren and Thomas stood — Thomas's eyes were wide as he yelled at Eren. He seemed to calm down as he noticed all eyes were on them. ''You know too, right?'' Thomas asked. ''About the tens of thousands of victims. The answer was obvious after over twenty percent of the population was lost. Mankind can't win against the titans.''
A pit formed in Y/n's stomach. She looked at her half-empty cup. She agreed with Thomas. Eren, Mikasa and Armin wanted to throw away their lives for humanity, but would it really pay off? Did her father's death pay off? She put a hand over her vest's pocket, where her small family portrait was.
''So . . . Are you giving up because you think you can't win?'' Eren asked. ''True, up until now, it's been a loosing battle for mankind. But that's because we didn't know much about the titans! A battle of recourses against the titans is pointless. Although we lost, the information we obtained through fighting will surely bring hope!''
Y/n stood up, pushing her drink to Jean. ''You can finish this.''
His head snapped away from Eren, his glare turning soft. ''Are you—''
''I just need some fresh air.'' Y/n didn't even turn to look at him. She was aware of the few stares on her back, but she ignored them as she hurried towards the exit of the mess hall.
She walked down a few stairs before she sat on one, looking up at the glistering sky. Did you have hope, too, Dad? The closer she got to having to officially pick her regiment, the more she thought about her father. She'd spent countless of hours thinking of why he would ever want to join the Survey Corps after he was already in the MPs, why he'd choose to go somewhere where he knew he wouldn't return from, where he knew he would be abandoning his family for. What was so important out there?
She needed answers. She craved them. But was there a way to get them? Did anyone knew of his reasons? Maybe if I joined the Survey Corps . . .
Y/n almost wanted to laugh. What a silly thought. There was no way she was sentencing herself to death — she was no Eren, nor was she her father. She wanted to go to the interior, to earn money and support her family, to be with her friends, to be with Jean and live a safe and relaxing life. She didn't want to throw herself in harms way for answers she might never even find out. She couldn't leave her family behind like her father had. She couldn't leave Sasha and Connie and Marco . . . and Jean.
A smile broke out on her face. It was finally starting to hit her — she and Jean were going to the interior soon. It felt surreal. She's wanted this for years, but never really thought about getting to live in the moment. She would be safe, she would earn good money, have a nice home, eat good food, be with good people. It was like a dream come true. Why would she ever want to abandon that dream to make herself titan food?
Footsteps echoed from behind. Y/n looked back and found Eren coming out of the mess hall, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. ''Eren?''
He jumped at her voice. ''Huh, Y/n? What are you doing here?''
''I just needed some fresh air.'' She patted the ground next to her. ''You okay?''
Eren's cheeks flushed. He sat down next to her, wiping his red eyes again. ''I don't know.'' He didn't look at Y/n. ''I just . . . it's so annoying to see how hopeless everyone is. Does no one truly believe we can be free from the titans someday?''
Y/n looked up at the stars again. She hugged her legs closer. It was getting chilly outside. ''I don't know. I think that everything is possible.'' She looked at Eren. ''I'm not the best person to talk about this with, but I think it's good that you have hope. It's rare nowadays. I mean, just look at me, I'm running away from the problem, too, because I'm a coward.''
Eren's eyes widened. ''I didn't mean—''
Y/n waved him off with a laugh. ''We both know it's true. I want to live comfortably and provide for my family. Because I'm selfish.'' Y/n touched her pocket again. ''But I really wouldn't mind if you do get rid of all the titans for us in the meantime, yeah? If anyone, I think you can do it.'' She wasn't sure exactly how much she meant it, but it felt right to say it.
Eren hummed. ''Your family's in Trost, right?''
Y/n nodded. ''Yeah. My mom, brother and sister. Both younger.'' She managed a weak smile. ''My dad was in the Survey Corps, you know.''
Eren perked up. ''Huh, really?''
She bit her tongue. Why was she telling Eren this, of all people? Only Jean knew about her father, she hadn't even told Sasha. But it felt nice, telling him. ''Yeah. He was an MP originally, but he transferred to the Survey Corps after the fall of Shiganshina. Wanted to help humanity and all, I don't know. He never really explained why he did it.''
Eren's face suddenly fell. ''Is he . . .?''
Y/n pursed her lips. ''He died on his first expedition out.'' Y/n felt a tear prickle on the side of her right eye. ''We never got his body back. Got fully swallowed by a titan.''
''Y/n, I'm so sorry,'' Eren said.
Wiping her tear away, she looked at Eren again. ''It's fine. Just . . . don't be like my dad, Eren. Stay alive. And make sure Armin and Mikasa do that, too.''
As if on cue, three pairs of footsteps sounded from behind. Y/n and Eren turned around, seeing Armin, Mikasa and Jean walk out.
''You guys okay?'' Armin asked, corned written on his face. Were both of their eyes red?
Y/n nodded as she started standing up. ''Yeah, all good.'' She dusted off her skirt and looked at Eren. ''You understood that, Jeager?''
Eren chuckled. ''Yeah, fine. Thanks, Y/n.''
''Yeah, no worries.'' She walked over to Jean, grabbing his biceps. ''Come on, I still have half a drink to down, no?'' She pulled him inside, leaving the trio on their own.
''Not anymore. Sasha drank it,'' Jean told her as he closed the door after them. Y/n's years filled with talks and laugher again.
Y/n scoffed. ''So, she eats my food and now drinks my drinks? Does this girl want everything I consume? Where is she!''
Jean grabbed her arm before she can walk off to pursue the rations thief. ''Hold on. What were you and Eren talking about? And why were you crying? Did he say something?''
''Huh? Eren?'' Y/n shook her head. ''No, not really. We just talked. It was sappy, you know, nothing that serious.'' Y/n smiled ''Don't worry about it, Jean-Bo, I won't replace you.''
''Fine,'' Jean said, his cheeks becoming rosy-red. Was he flushing from the cold? ''And one more thing. You're not . . . backing out from the MPs, are you?''
Y/n blinked at his question, then chuckled. ''No way. I didn't bust my ass off for three years for nothing.'' Y/n punched his shoulder playfully, the smile never leaving her lips. ''Besides, I can't let you have all the fun, can I? It's you and me.'' At Jean's freeze, Y/n wiggled out of his grip and turned around, her eyes falling on her prey. ''Sasha, you owe me a drink!''