Ben's body stills, and I tense in his arms in the silence. Over his shoulder, I can see a hint of light circling in our direction. Muffled Costa Rican-speaking voices become audible in the distance. A flashlight beams and rushes from one side of the pool to the other, making my stomach churn.
When I catch a shadow of a tall, dark figure dressed in resort staff attire approaching us, I slide off Ben. "Fuck. I told you we'd get caught," I whisper-hiss.
Ben's eyes widened, and he took my hand, guiding me out of the pool. We were dripping wet and half-naked as we quickly gathered our clothes from the pool deck. I could hear the resort staff hollering at us. Flashlights exposed our bare skin as we ran toward the beach, laughing.
Once we are safely tucked between two palm trees and no longer visible to resort security, Ben finally says between laughs, "Holy. Shit. I can't believe I am covering my junk with your dress right now."
"That was humiliating," I playfully whack him in the bicep with my sandal. "They saw us...naked."
Ben shrugs. "Lucky them."
"You think rather highly of yourself, huh?"
Ben laughs. "No. I think highly of you. All I'm saying is you have nothing to be embarrassed about. As a matter of fact, with a body like yours, you should expose it more often."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny."
"I mean it," he says, stepping closer. "You're beautiful."
Silence fills the space between us for a long, heated beat. I don't know what to say about this. I'm overwhelmed by the sincerity in his voice. It seems like a good time to tell him I'm feeling things for him, too, to let him know I think he's incredibly sexy, but the vulnerability of it seems too rash. I don't want to force him to think I need more from him than just sex.
I watch him for a moment, swallowing thickly.
He reached forward and entwined his fingers in mine. "Come here," he whispered, tugging me closer to his chest. "I'm not done with you."
We stand there for a moment – my lips against his bare shoulder, his face in my hair – before I slide my hands up his thighs, his stomach, his chest, pulling myself up against his body until I can kiss his mouth.
"I'm not done with you either," I tell him and follow it with another kiss. "Plus, we're already naked. We probably should make good use of it."
He nods. "Agreed."
Slowly, under our tiny, sucking kisses, I feel his hands move up my sides and down my back. Our kisses are intense yet soft; Ben gives me only the tiniest tip of his tongue to wet my lips against his. His hands slide back around to my front and down between my legs, cupping me over my wet panties.
The vision of Ben's head between my legs and memories of his skilled fingers, of the things he did to me earlier, makes me so hungry for more.
His other hand comes up to grip the back of my head, and he gives me exactly what I want: the deep, demanding kisses of a man who knows how to satisfy me.
His cock presses into my stomach, and it's a presence I can't ignore. Kissing down his neck, I nibble and suck on his warm chest, stomach and hip bones. I love how he watches me, eyes steady and lids growing heavy when I draw my tongue up the length from base to tip.
"Fuck, that's good," he whispers.
Playing, I lick around the base and up to his entire length, making him wet all over so I can take him in my mouth as deep as I can, sucking up and down as he stares, eyes dark and lips parted. He runs a thumb across my lip, his gaze growing intense.
I lick his thumb, licking the head of his cock, taking both between my lips, playing with them with my tongue. Beneath my flattened palm, his stomach muscles spasm and tense.
"Are you sure you want to do this here?" he asks, voice tight. "We might get caught. Maybe we should go back to my villa."
I pull back, smiling. "No way. That's the fun of it, Ben."
He releases a quiet little laugh and gazes down at me, running a hand through my hair.
Taking his entire length in my mouth, I lick up and down, slow and then fast. He lets out throaty hissing noises in response to every movement. The more I taste him, the more I relish in his pleading moans and groans and the way his length throbs in my mouth. He tastes so sweet; his hands fist my hair, making me weak in the knees. The curl of his body over mine, the way he's responding to my licks and kisses. I'm in way over my head.
He pulls back for a heavy, pounding heartbeat, his hands on either side of my face. "You don't have to do this, Megs," he exhales quietly.
"I know," I whisper. "But I want to." I lean closer, taking the shaft of his cock into my mouth again. When he starts to feel the teasing slide of my tongue, it's mine. He's mine.
I want to taste him so much I'm nearly wild. I want to feel him lose control because of me. His sounds are so deep and quiet that they are like vibrations that go straight to my bones, rattling me, turning me into a horny mess. I'm entirely consumed with pleasing him this way. I am craving a level of intimacy with him that I've never craved before.
"Megan..." he growls, breathless.
I can feel his hips begin to tighten, his noises growing wilder, and the sounds push a button somewhere inside that unleashes a frenzy in me. I want to watch him be the one to come undone in my arms this time. I don't care if we are hidden between two palm trees in the middle of the beach. It's quiet. It's dark. We may as well be alone on an island somewhere, for all I care about the setting.
I want to see him come from my mouth.
I take him as deep as I can, and he braces himself against a palm tree so I can take him all in. Everything's happening so fast, and I'm sucking, licking, swallowing deep, and gasping because I love feeling him in my mouth like this.
It's so good.
His gaze catches mine, and the intensity of his expression makes me feel shaky and fragile.
A ragged groan tears from his throat, and I hear the throaty sounds he's making, begging, so close –
"I'm coming," he gasps, twitching, and I shove my mouth wildly deeper into him. A few more sucks and licks before I swallow his release. His hands fist my hair, and I pull back to glance up at him, meeting his hooded eyes. He brings his hands to my face, and I stand to meet his gaze.
He takes my face in his hands for a heavy, pounding heartbeat before he presses his mouth to mine. As soon as we touch, our lips part slightly, and he exhales a quiet "My turn" and then leans closer, taking my bottom lip between his. The teasing slide of his tongue dissolves my body like putty in his arms.
His skin is so warm and soft. His fingers fumble with my panties, pushing them aside, not even bothering to take them off, fingertips seeking and finding me wet and greedy, my unintelligible sounds telling him where I need him to be.
"You're unbelievably wet," he rasps. "Is this for me?"
I nod urgently, and he holds me in his arms, pushing his fingers deeper inside me. His thumb rolls over my clit, and I'm gasping because it's so good. He kisses me, wet and messy, groaning against my teeth. He moves slowly and fast, and I moan with little sounds of approval when he touches my sweetest spots. His skillful fingers slide and tease and play inside me as he kisses me more, teeth grazing my lips, my jaw, and my neck. I release more sounds of need. Just please. Like that.
He pets me exactly where I need him, and I hear myself making these tiny hiccupping sounds begging....so close. I throw my head back and moan – falling from his touch – as he guides us onto a nearby four-poster beach bed. At the same time, he continues to torture me with his fingers deliciously. I arch wildly, and his fingers shove deeper into me. My body clutches and squeezes all around him. It feels like forever that I'm coming and kissing him, and his free hand is on my face, and his sounds are pressed into my skin. I can't hold back any longer.
I twitch, and my breath shakes. "I'm coming," I say quietly, exhaling tightly.
My orgasm is a relief I can barely even comprehend. I've never felt anything so intense. Being with him like this, even on a beach bed in the middle of the night where we could be caught at any given moment, feels so right.
He feels so sturdy, and his heart pounds against my ear. "Megan," he whispers against my hair. "That was –"
"Amazing?" I breathe.
"Yeah. Something like that..." he pulls my shoulders so I am sitting upright, and I feel the press of him still hard against my thigh. "I also thought it was pretty fucking hot."
We both laugh in unison, and I lean in, pressing against his chest and closing my eyes. I give into the sensation of melting into him as he groans and kisses the top of my head, digging a hand in my hair to hold me close. My heart slams into my breastbone from exertion and impending panic.
"Are you okay?" he asks against my mouth.
I nod. "Yeah. It was just so unexpected. I can't believe we did that."
"Me either."
We share an awkward glance, then grab our clothes and dress silently. Once fully clothed, I glance over at Ben, unable to meet his eyes when I ask, "Should we go back to the villa?"
"No."
He reaches for my hand and tugs me backward, laying us down on our backsides on the mattress. I snuggle against his chest while Ben plays with the ends of my hair. We lay in a comfortable silence, gazing up at the stars and listening to waves crashing against the sand. It's so warm and serene, lying here in the darkness, but something about how Ben remains a little too quiet and his body feels a little too tense has me worried.
"What are you thinking?" I finally asked, turning to face him.
He doesn't turn to face me, though. His gaze remains up at the sky. He remains quiet for a beat before saying, "Just about how much you mean to me."
Slowly, he turns to face me. He threads his fingers through mine and gazes into my eyes.
"You mean a lot to me, too," I tell him.
Because he does, he's my best friend.
I watch him reach under my dress, and I close my eyes. I feel his hand glide up the inside of my thigh, around my hip. When his hand stills suddenly, I open my eyes again. His expression straightens, and he says, "I like being with you like this, Megs."
Reeling from this, I slide my hands into his hair and pull him into me. "Yeah. The sex stuff is good."
He tilts his chin to look at me, face unreadable. "We'd be crazy to stop doing the sex stuff. I think our friendship needs sex stuff to survive at this point."
"Totally."
"Who knew Megan Daniels was an expert cock-sucker." Even though it's dark, I can see a smug smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. "I can't give up a mouth like yours now that I know what it's capable of."
I laugh. "It was that good, huh?"
He nods and kisses my nose. "Good would be an understatement."
I bite my lip, roll onto my backside, and don't say anything more. I'm feeling nervous- like super nervous- like I'm feeling things a little too strongly about Ben. He doesn't say anything more, either. We lay in more comfortable silence. He plays with my hair, and I draw random objects with my finger on his bicep until we drift off to sleep.
_________
I wake up to birds chirping and waves crashing against the sand. The sun slowly rises from the horizon and shimmers against the turquoise water. I sit on the beach bed and glance over at Ben sleeping beside me. I poke at his shoulder and wake him up. He sits up on the bed's edge, looking too perfect for someone so sleep-rumpled.
"Shit," he moans. "What time is it?"
"I don't know," I tell him. "But I'm guessing it's super early. The sun has barely risen, and there's no human insight."
"Do you think they looked for us?" he asks.
I shrug. "Maybe."
Ben pulls his phone from his back pocket, glances down at the screen and mutters a few curse words.
"Eric must have called me at least fifty times," he says, voice shaky. "I should call him back.
"I'm sure he's sleeping," I say, pausing thoughtfully. "I'm sure everyone is still sleeping."
I don't like how panicked Ben seems. What's his problem? I don't want our friends to know about us fooling around either, but Ben seems way too anxious for me not to feel offended.
"What's our story?" he asks, eyes wide and searching mine.
"I don't know," I tell him.
"They are going to want to know where we were."
"Don't ask me. I'm a terrible liar."
He frowns, scratching the back of his head. "Fuck. I'll think of something."
He rakes a hand through his hair and leads the way back onto the resort grounds. We only pass a few more villas before Ben makes up another fabricated tale that goes something like this:
The bartender was still cleaning up when we arrived at the bar to get my purse. He offered another drink when we thanked him for keeping my purse safe. We decided we couldn't refuse him because he was kind enough to offer us another. We sat at the bar and chatted for the next hour with the bartender. We even helped him tidy up afterward (which was my input to this lie). Once we said our goodbyes and started to head back to the villa. Then we thought we'd stop at the pool for a bit (the only truth of this story). We both picked a lounger to lie on and before we knew it, we had fallen asleep.
"If Stephanie or Michelle asks you what happened, you know what to tell them, right?"
When he says this, it makes me feel dirty. Like I'm his dirty little secret, and he's embarrassed by someone knowing the truth about what we did. I don't like this feeling at all. It just solidifies why I should have never given myself to Ben in the first place.
Finally, I take a deep breath and say, "Yup. Got it."
I turn away from him, but his hand catches my elbow. "Hey, wait a sec."
I look up at him to see him wipe a hand across his face, eyes crinkling in my favourite Ben smile. "Will I see you later?" he asks.
"I'm sure you will," I shake him off. "We are staying at the same resort with the same friends for the same wedding."
"Yikes," Ben laughs. "Someone needs their morning cup of joe."
I realize I sounded bitchy, but I couldn't stop myself this time. I have to remind myself this is just sex. Nothing more. I need to turn off any emotion to protect myself.
I wave him off. "Later, Ben."
"Wait. That's no way to say goodbye," he says. Leaning forward, he slips a hand into my hair and softly kisses my lips. "There. That's better. Bye, Megs."
My heart sinks a little as I watch him disappear down a separate pathway before I head in the direction of my villa.
I am totally screwed.
_________
When I entered the villa, Stephanie and Michelle were still sleeping. I tiptoe into my bedroom and crawl into bed, immediately falling asleep.
A few hours later, I was startled awake by the sound of a fist pounding on the front door and Jessica's voice shouting, "Open up. It's me."
Reluctantly, I climb out of bed and tiptoe once again past Michelle and Stephanie, who are curled up together in Michelle's bed. I feel sick about answering my friends about my late-night disappearance with Ben. I've already forgotten the details of the lie he created, and I have no idea how I will hide what we did.
I open the front door to see Jessica in a floppy white sun hat on the porch. Her long, blonde curls flow beautifully past her shoulders. She's wearing a bikini and has already applied makeup. She looks sun-kissed and well-rested.
"Good morning," she says, walking into the villa.
"What time is it?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.
"It's already nine o'clock," she says, glancing around the living area.
Fuck. That's so early. What is she doing here?
Her face looks disgusted as she picks up a pair of men's underwear from the floor. "What the hell happened here last night?" she asks. My eyes focus on the living space to see it's trashed. Empty beer cans are scattered all over the floor and table. Trays of leftover room service are half-eaten on the sofa. Jessica trips on a pair of heels as she takes a step forward. "Your villa is disgusting," she says, staring at me in disbelief. "You're such a neat freak. How did this happen?"
"It wasn't me," I tell her. "It was the two sleeping beauties."
Jessica shakes her head and lowers her voice to a whisper. "I feel for you. It must feel like University all over again."
I laugh at this, remembering when I lived with Jessica, Stephanie and Michelle during a short transition period while I looked for an apartment of my own. Stephanie and Michelle were both disasters. They never cleaned up after themselves. One day, I lost my temper because I couldn't wash my hands in the bathroom sink. It was grossly dirty and filled with bottles of hair products. To teach them a lesson, I tossed everything into the garbage. It didn't go over too well. I moved out the following week.
Jessica kicks another pair of heels to the side, finds a clean spot on the sofa and sits down. She looks up at me and gives me a little smile. I know this smile. She wants something.
"Okay. What's up?"
"I need someone to go to the pool with me."
"I'm exhausted," I say, suppressing a yawn. "Go with Michael. I will meet you at the pool in a bit."
She shakes her head. "No. Michael and the guys are spending the day together. I need my girls and want to go to the pool."
I exhale. I can't say no. She's the bride. This is her week, after all.
"Okay. Fine."
"But don't wake up Michelle and Stephanie just yet," she whispers. "Let's just have some time for you and me."
Digging through my luggage, I pull out the first bikini I find. I change, grab my sunglasses, and slide on a pair of flip-flops before we leave the villa.
We decided to make a pit stop at the breakfast buffet. I was in desperate need of some food and coffee. Jessica also ordered us mimosas before we headed to the pool. We find four empty loungers in a quiet spot on the pool deck and lay back to enjoy the sunshine.
"This resort is amazing," Jessica says, sipping her mimosa. "I can't believe I'm getting married here in a few days. It's way too good to be true."
"I'm glad you opted for a destination wedding," I tell her. I'm not a traditionalist when it comes to weddings. Big, fancy, church and banquet weddings are not my thing. If I ever get married, I'd like to have a simple ceremony in a park surrounded by my closest family and friends- nothing too extravagant.
"Me too," she says. "And I know I've been a little crazy leading up to things."
I raise a brow. "A little?"
Jessica laughs. "Okay. A lot crazy. But I'm so glad you are my maid of honour and that you're here in this tropical paradise with me to relax this morning, if even just for a minute. I need this."
I slide my eyes to her, giving her a pleased smile. "You're going to have the best wedding day. I promise."
"I hope so," she says. "I just love Michael so much. I want everything to be perfect."
"It will be."
She raises her mimosa glass to mine and says, "Cheers to that." Our glasses clink, and we sip in unison.
Jessica looks at me curiously and asks, "So...think you'll hang out with Steven again today?"
I shrug. "Maybe."
Frowning, she smacks me on the shoulder. "Why don't you sound excited?"
"I'm on vacation and don't like all this pressure," I mumble. She's giving me an opening to talk about my hesitation to date Steven, and I can't even bring myself to tell her I'm confused as hell because of Ben. I'm a mess. "This week is supposed to be about you and your wedding and spending time with friends, not finding me a boyfriend, " I continue.
"I've been telling you about Steven for months," she says in an annoyingly shrill voice. "If you weren't ready for something serious, why didn't you tell me? This is my cousin we're talking about. He's not some random guy. He's husband material. I'm doing you a favour."
I look over at her, trying to keep my cool. I don't particularly appreciate how she thinks she's doing me a favour by introducing me to Steven. I know she's been worried about me since my breakup with Marco, mostly because she hated him but because I've been reluctant to get back into the dating game. But unlike Jessica, I didn't find my one true love at fourteen at a dingy basement party. I don't particularly appreciate feeling pressured. Of course, Steven is a great guy, but Ben...
"I'm not your little match-making project," I tell her.
"Steven is nice. Funny. Successful. What more could you want? This is a home run. He's ready for love. You're looking for love –"
"I never said I was looking for love."
" - I just want you to find someone who treats you like gold and loves you as you deserve."
She's taking a jab at Marco, and that's fair. He didn't treat me like gold, and I deserved better. But that's no reason to settle for Steven, especially when I'm confused about what's happening between Ben and me.
"You need to stop wasting your time on guys who aren't ready to commit," she continues. This causes an acute awareness to trickle up my spine. I know she's referring to Marco, but Ben also fits into this category. Is Jessica right? Do I purposely choose men who can't commit? "I know you want to find love. You want a travel partner. You want to get married and have babies. So why not see if Steven is that guy? Because I know he wants those things too."
I glance at her from the corner of my eye, wary. "Okay," I say slowly.
"What exactly is holding you back?"
Here is my opening. I stare into the distance, thinking, Just tell her about Ben. Come on, Megan. Tell her.
"What the hell happened to you last night?"
My head jerks to Stephanie's accusatory voice coming from my right. I watch her and Michelle approach us, wearing oversized sunglasses and bikinis.
Fuck.
Jessica glares at me. Her face has gone red. "What are you not telling me?"
Stephanie stares at me curiously and lifts her eyebrows. "Megan and Ben returned to the bar to find her purse, and they never returned."
I can practically see the wheels turning in Jessica's head. "Okay, so...where the hell were you two?" she asks, eyeing me skeptically.
I try to speak but fumble a bit before gaining my composure. I tell the story Ben and I made up on our walk back to our villas. I have no idea if I've told the story accurately, but I'm feeling too anxious to care. I hate lying, especially to Jessica.
"I've never met anyone like you and Ben," Jessica says, attempting to sound accepting but failing miserably. She can't even hide the concerned look on her face. I feel a shiver move down my spine at the hint that she wasn't entirely buying my story. "You two go walk back to the bar to get your purse...have a drink with a bartender...and then decide to hang out alone at the pool?"
"Yeah," I admit. "Why is that so weird? We always hang out together."
"And you fell asleep on two lounge chairs..." Jessica's voice trails off. "Listen, I'm telling you this because I love you, and you're my best friend. You need to cut the ten-year umbilical cord from Ben."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.
"You know what I mean," she says.
Okay. Now I'm just angry. "No. I don't. Explain yourself."
"Jess, maybe you shouldn't have said anything," Michelle says, glancing between us uncomfortably.
Stephanie sits down on the lounger beside Jessica with a smug-ass grin, and Michelle cautiously sits down on the lounger beside me.
"What shouldn't she have said?" I ask, now flippant.
Jessica winces a little. "I'm worried Ben holds you back."
"From what?"
Shrugging, she leans forward. "Truly giving yourself to another man. I know you two have been inseparable since the ninth grade, and I love how we are all such good friends, but I think there's a reason you have a hard time maintaining relationships with other men. Look at how he acted towards Steven after the excursion. And then he was such a cranky dick while you two were at dinner. You're not his girlfriend, but yet he treats you like one. You work together, you jog together, and you shop together. You do everything together. I worry about you, Megs."
Is it wrong that the only thing I took from her rant was that Ben was a cranky dick because I was at dinner with Steven?
"I can't believe you think I'm that pathetic," I tell her. "Like I'm Ben's little puppy dog or something."
"That's not what I'm saying," Jessica clarifies. "I just don't want you missing out on something great because Ben convinces you otherwise. Or he wastes your time when you could spend time with a real boyfriend, not Ben."
When I say, "Nothing is going on between Ben and me," it may be because of rising guilt or desperation to avoid further discussion of this topic.
"Nobody said anything was going on between you two," Stephanie laughs.
I glare at Stephanie. God, I dislike her sometimes.
"Oh God, Megan," Jessica says, watching me. "Please tell me you do not have feelings for Ben. Or that he doesn't have feelings for you. Not after I already introduced you to Steven. I love you, Megan, and I get he's your best friend too, but he's also such a man-whore," she scoffs.
"He's not that big of a man-whore," Stephanie grumbles under her breath. "I just think it would be a little presumptuous to assume Ben would like Megan as more than a friend."
"Pardon me?" I say. Did I hear her, right?
Stephanie and I are frenemies on a good day. But right now, I downright despise her.
"Jesus, Steph. That's super rude," Michelle says, frowning.
Jessica glares at Stephanie. "You better take that back or properly explain yourself."
Stephanie raises her hands in surrender. "Sorry. It's not that Megan isn't attractive, fun, or pretty. It's just you're not his type. I mean, you've always been a little bit of a tomboy. That's probably why you two have been able to remain platonic friends all these years."
My heart climbs into my throat. I watch her for a few seconds more, but she doesn't back down by breaking eye contact or laughing at her comment. Instead, she studies me, gauging my reaction and waiting for my response.
My mind races. I'm already insecure about Ben's intentions, but now I'm destroyed. Stephanie is right. I am far from Ben's type. His last fling before we flipped a coin was a Brazilian model. She had a perfect ass-to-tit ratio. Before the model was a gorgeous strawberry blonde with the cutest button nose and plump pink lips, the girl before her was a dimpled starlet with a body you could bounce a quarter off.
I feel nauseous thinking about the beautiful women Ben has dated. A wave of self-consciousness washes over me as I glance down at my flat chest and then my less-than-curvy body.
"I need a drink," I say, standing up.
I hear Jessica calling me as I walk away from them and head straight to the bar. I sat there alone for a while, drinking Pina Coladas, trying to escape my thoughts about Ben and what Stephanie said, and battling my insecurities. I'm not even sure why I care so much. Sure, Ben and I slept together twice and messed around a little bit, but it's not like I want him to want me in the way he wants other girls.
Three drinks later, I decided to head back to the loungers. I've realized that Stephanie is horrible, and I don't care what she thinks. We aren't friends, anyway- never have been and never will be. She's Jessica's friend, and after this week, I'll make a point of never seeing her again.
"Hey, you okay?" Jessica asks as I lay down on the lounger beside her.
"I'm fine," I tell her. "Never been better."
I slide on my sunglasses and let the warmth from the sun soothe my face. I drift off for a few minutes until I'm startled awake by a looming presence.
I opened my eyes to see Steven's tall, lean, muscular body towering over me. He sat down at the edge of my lounger, and I sat up to greet him, pulling my knees up to my chin.
"Good morning," he says, smiling.
I feel horrible staring into his big, blue eyes. I like him, I do..., but he's, well...not Ben.
"Good morning,"
Jessica sits up, smiling. "Hey, cuz. You look very handsome this morning." She glances at me and raises her eyebrows, probably expecting me to chime in.
Steven laughs. "Thanks, Jess." He turns his head to the side, facing me. "I booked jet skis. I thought you'd like to take a cruise with me."
"I wish you would have told me before you booked them," I say apologetically. "Jessica wants a girl's day –"
"Don't be silly, Megan," Jessica pipes up. "You can go with Steven."
Steven smiles. "See Megan, Jessica doesn't mind. It's only a few hours."
I stare at her, frowning.
"Really? I thought you needed a girl's day?"
"We will meet up later. Michelle and Stephanie are here now."
"Are you sure?" I ask.
She nods, smiling up at Steven. "Promise you will bring her back in one piece."
He laughs. "Of course. Did you still want to come?"
If I say no, Jessica will know something is up. And it's not like I don't like to jet-ski- I do, and I like Steven. But all I feel is white-hot frustration when I finally say, "Of course I do."
Steven smiles and takes my hand, pulling me from the lounger. And just like that, I've made a mess of things.