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My friend was curled up against me, his breathing shallow and his body sweating like a waterfall. My hands ranked through his black and thick hair, and my eyes silently dart over him.
We didn't pulled the glass shard out, knowing that he could bleed out instantly and quickly. It could probably cause an infection, but now we just have to focus on surviving.
While we stayed silent, I ponder over Cactus's words.
„In this game, you can decide if you want to fight for yourself or for others. What's the strongest source of power?"
His words are a matter of perspective, how someone views the world. If he would ask fart-smeller that, his answer would be himself. But not out of love for himself, but to get a luxurious and selfish lifestyle.
And my answer is both.
I fight for myself, for my inner child and get her everything that her parents didn't gave her. It isn't money that she wants, but simply someone who fights for her. I fight for my precious and loyal dog, to give her beautiful life. I fight for Ali, and I fight to annoy the shit out of Cactus and In-ho.
This is my motivation, and the prize money and my survival is just a tool to achieve it. It isn't my main priority, but the things I can do with it are my priorities.
I want to go around and gift strangers beautiful bouquets of flowers, I want to give the homeless a new reason to continue fighting. I want to make charities happy and help them out, children's home or animal shelters. I want to go to amusement parks with people who never got the chance to experience this.
As my eyes drift down to Ali who's close to dying, I realize that I want him on my side as well. Through all that, I want him to accompany me.
The fact that only one person wins this game is tearing at my heart, my lungs feeling heavy and small as if they are ready to welcome death soon, taking Ali's place with pleasure.
But I don't think it's my decision to decide. I can complain as much as I want, I can scream at the sky for being so unfair, I can say that I don't want Ali to die. In the end, it's not in my control.
Life isn't in my control, and I have to give up on the thought that tells me that I do have everything in control.
This game shows me the harsh reality. I don't have anything underneath my wing, because in the end, I can only fly or fall. Anything that comes rocketing toward me isn't mine to control.
„Ali?" I whispered and tap his wet cheek, feeling as if I splash my finger into a rain puddle. He startles a bit, his eyelids fluttering open and he made a short hum in acknowledgment.
„I feel nervous about you falling asleep." I confessed with a worried frown, feeling deep anxiety that there's a small chance about him waking up.
„Then talk with me. Anything to keep me awake and soothe your fear." He croaked out, before he took a breath and moved himself in a sitting position, so he wouldn't be tempted to fall asleep.
My heart melts at his thoughtfulness. I just adore him.
I ponder a bit over my answer. „What is the first thing you would return to after this game?" I asked him.
„My family. Back to my wife and kid." His answer surprised me, but also doesn't. I may not know the details of his life, but that doesn't mean he didn't has a life.
I'm determined to know the details, so I will forever remember them if the owner isn't able to remember them anymore.
„Tell me about them." If people never get tired talking about something, it's about their life and themselves. I want his head to be rushed with activity and emotions, in order to keep him awake.
A ghost of a smile graced his face, the sad and haunting ghost of the past, mixed with the endless hope to see that ghost become reality again. He took his time as his face was drunken with reminiscent.
„My boy, just a year old. He just learned to walk and speak his first words, and I was a fool to think I needed money when I was already rich with everyday smiles from him. Every morning, and just.. every second." He croaked out slowly and quietly, his dark eyes lingering on my empty bedsheets, as if it displayed his son and family like a movie.
I just listened silently, my eyes on him. Yet sometimes, they dart around our dark hall that was only illuminated by the candles from our dinner. I looked toward Sage, seeing her just as miserable, laying on her bed and the knife clutched in her hands.
I look toward fart-smeller, seeing him wide awake sitting in his bed, playing with the knife. I know he's listening, and I just eye him with a very unfriendly gaze. I shortly look back toward Ali.
„Does he have the same appearance like you?" I asked softly, wanting to know everything about him.
He made an unsure noise, but still wore his smile. „Not really. He does have my black hair and tanned skin, but his eyes and face, he got that from my wife." His gaze seemed to soften. „Green eyes and thin lips, and I never saw a more beautiful boy than mine."
I smiled as well, vividly picturing his boy with his big baby green eyes, illuminated by his tanned skin tone, long lashes and just a wide and joyous smile.
I never thought about having children myself, I rather thought about adopting. I don't want to set more innocent humans into this world, I rather want to give the poor souls that were thrown in it, only to experience black way before they know white, another and brighter chance of living.
I want to teach them white, and from then on, I want them to only see white and grey as long as I have a say in it.
I don't want to give this world more children, but I want to give love to children who dream of it every night and day.
„And my wife," Ali continued, and I let my eyes softly resting on him. „She.. she is everything." He whispered, sounding so full in love and adoration that no amount of volumes could get even close to the highs his love goes.
„She is my rock through everything. She is the abyss I fall into, and she would make sure I would never feel the harsh impact of the ground. She would grow a bed of clouds where the once hard ground was. She's my family, and," A pained sound escaped him, and I doubt it's because of the glass shard hurting his body.
„It breaks me that I let her down, that I have to." He sniffed, and I take his hand in my own. I can't comfort him with words, I don't want to feed him lies that'll spark a false sense of hope.
So I avoid comforting him with reassurance toward his future.
„Were you good to them?" I asked, and I received a tearful nod from him.
„Yes. I gave them my best, and my all everyday. I never gave up on them." He wiped his nose with his suit sleeve, and I smile softly at him, squeezing his hand.
„Then you have everything achieved, Ali. You don't have to built mountains to be remembered, you only have to give love and you'll have a home in hearts. Death is scary, I know. But it isn't as scary when you realize that Life and Death are forever tangled with each other. Life isn't the end of Death, so who says Death is the end of Life?"
He had lifted his eyes to meet my own through my talk, and I held it. My voice was soft and serious, and my gaze was piercing as if this moment truly is something precious and intimate.
He stared at me, my words caught his voice like a fly glued on a spider's creation. Stolen his voice like the seashell pendant of Ursula, taking Arielle's voice as her own.
„You don't really die, Ali. You'll live on in your wife's heart, in your son's heart, and you'll live in those hearts that your people share stories of you to. Because believe me, you're going to be a superhero in your little one's eyes, and he's going to share stories of his papa to his schoolmates in the most prideful tone."
A tear detached from his eye as he listened to me, and I almost cry as well because these words came so easily to me, it speaks volumes about the person he is in my eyes.
„Dear god, thank you, Esmeray. Thank you." He sniffed, before he broke out into sobs. I carefully take him in my arms, cradling his head to my chest.
„I know this situation is hell on earth, but this game gave you to me. Otherwise I probably never met you, and I cannot help but to be grateful in a way." I whisper in his ear, and I feel him nod with agreement.
„Please, win this, Esmeray. If anyone deserves this, it's you." I hear him whisper with a quiet sniffle, and I held him tighter.
„I will, because I'm fighting for you."
After this talk, we talked a lot more. He asked about me, and I told him parts of my life just as he did. But the longer our conversation drove, the faster he weakened and the night seems like it's never going to have an ending.
I have watched the other two players closely, and I know that Sage won't make it long, just like Ali.
Fart-smeller has been quiet this whole time, but he also was too paranoid to sleep peacefully. I often caught his eyes lingering on us, or on Sage. I don't know what he's planning, but I know that he's selfish. And selfish people risk anything if it ensures their survival.
Ali was quiet now, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. His skin was sweaty again, and he seriously needs to keep being hydrated, but we don't have any water. I sigh, contemplating what to do.
On one side, I know they won't send anyone to treat these poor souls. But maybe they would bring us water if I'm convincing enough. But on the other, there's a person I don't trust.
What if he takes this opportunity and kills the weakest, to have a more chance of living?
My eyes dart over Ali's weakened form, and maybe water can keep his body going. I just can't get distracted.
With my mind set, I stood up from my bed. My heels echo over the silent hall, and I made sure to walk proud and confident. I had my knife tightly held in my hand, my fingers wrapped around the weapon.
My blue eyes dart over to fart-smeller, noticing how his head lifted to follow me. I eyed him, not showing one ounce of fear, telling him that I'm ready to face him and slit his damn throat.
And it doesn't have to be in a game.
I bang against the door, without letting my eyes off of him. He would take any chance to strike, so I'll make sure there's no chance.
„Cactus, Tringly or Circly! I demand y'all to give me a damn bottle of water or I'll become ugly real quick, and you don't want to see me ugly!" I yelled, before I got a brilliant thought and just annoy the hell out of them until I get what I want.
„And I don't want to see myself ugly so you better not force me to become ugly because it's gonna be an ugly sight and you don't want to see that ugly side because it may bring some ugly memories up so you better chose clean instead of ugly because no one like ugliness and especially not an ugly Esmeray so please make it quick and chose carefully because it can get ugly and I mean really ugly ugly and-"
The doors opened!
The lights flickered on, making me squint my eyes shut before I adjust to the brightness. I backed away a bit once Cactus, Circly's and Tringly's came marching in.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that it's not because of me.
I frowned and followed them, but I knew what's up the moment my eyes strived over a casket with the typical bow on top. My eyes immediately dart to Ali, and my throat squeezed slightly with relief.
He's awake, and he also looked at the scene.
Yet my relief was short-lived as I saw that they made their way to Sage. My heart sank, and she died of heavy blood loss. Sang-woo luckily didn't had anything to do with it, since I had my eyes hawked down on him.
I approached the group slowly, just as Piggy over us filled with more money. My eyes linger on Sage as she was put into the lifeless casket, and my expression was overcome with grief, but my heart was also a bit filled with relief.
Not because I have one less person to fight against, but because I knew that I didn't have the guts to fight against her. I wouldn't have been able to kill her off, and my mind would probably gave up my whole fight here if my hands were forced to raise against her.
My heart just prays that she's in a better place now, a place of peace and without any worries. That's what most people on this earth deserve to have.
Especially her.
„Cactus?" I tipped his shoulder as he was facing away from me, my voice was small and quiet as if I do not want to disturb the dead. He turned around to me shortly after my call, and he kept silent.
„Can I have-" Before I could finish his sentence, I hear him sigh quietly and at the same time his arm reached to his side and pulled a water bottle out. I gave him a small and thankful smile.
„Thank you." I took it and walked past him and toward Ali, my spirit soft yet incredibly down.
I could've sworn I heard Cactus quietly say my pleasure, sun. back.
˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚