I ALMOST LAUGH at the way Rey is glaring at the television screen as if it murdered his entire family, but I just barely manage to contain myself.
Vanessa is giggling in the corner as she sits on Noah's lap with her arms wrapped around his neck and his around her waist. They're in their own little world, and I know for certain that Rey is despising every single second of this.
I get confirmation when he abruptly stands and heads toward the kitchen without a word. Vanessa watches him leave, a sad look on her face. Her eyes meet mine. I send her a comforting nod before I leave Ivy, the Maine Coon snuggling up to me, and get up to follow Rey.
He's angrily searching the fridge for something before he slams the door shut and goes to retrieve a glass from the cupboards.
I put my hand on his shoulder.
"Rey."
His body is tense and his fists are clenched. He takes a few deep breaths before turning around. Immediately, I'm on guard because his eyes are glossed over.
"It hurts, Rosie," he whispers.
He shuts his eyes, furiously running his hands through his hair and further messing it up.
"What hurts?" I ask quietly, even though I already know the answer.
He opens his eyes only to look at the floor. His expression softens with a sadness I'm not used to seeing in my older brother.
"It hurts seeing her with him," he says so softly I have to lean closer to hear him. "It hurts how he's the one who gets to be with her in a way I never will. It...it hurts because it took me too long to figure it out, and now it's too late."
My heart aches for him. I know how it feels to love someone who has feelings for someone else, and I hate that Rey has to feel that way. He's such an incredible person and he deserves someone just as incredible.
I don't say anything. I just wrap my arms around his shoulders and pat his back soothingly. His chin lands on the top of my head as he lets out a sigh.
"Fuck, this is so embarrassing."
I pinch his side. "Shut up. It's not embarrassing."
He pulls away slightly to look at me. "It is, Rose. How am I supposed to tell my sister that I'm in love with her best friend? Especially like this. When she's happy with someone else."
I send him a pointed look. "Reiner, I've known you've had feelings for her for a long ass time."
His eyes widen. "What the fuck? How? I only just realized it."
I smile, rolling my eyes. "Hey, it's not your fault you're slow."
He narrows his eyes but lets a small smile slip.
"Was it really that obvious?"
"To me, yes. To her, no."
He lets out a breath of relief. "Thank God."
I pat his shoulder and then frown. "Rey, I know it hurts, but Van hates that you don't like Noah. Despite what she says, she values your opinion, and even though she doesn't admit it, she wants you to accept him."
His shoulders sag. "I know. I've been a dick."
"At least you're aware."
He scoffs, ruffling my hair. I laugh, pushing him away.
Sobering, I tell him, "It might not be too late, you know. I mean, I know that she's with someone else, but you never know what might happen. Just don't convince yourself it's never going to work out so soon."
Rey smiles, pulling me in for a tight hug.
"Thanks, Rosie," he says. "Who knew I'd be getting advice from my baby sister?"
"You're only a year older than me, dipshit."
Our laughs are cut off when footsteps sound from the entrance of the kitchen. Vanessa stares back at us, expression half-worried and half-smiling.
"Hey," she says quietly, eyes darting between me and Rey before resting on him. "Can we talk?"
Rey swallows before nodding. I take that as my cue to leave. I send Vanessa a thumbs-up before leaving the room. I start walking back to the living room when I get a text.
Grabbing my phone from my back pocket, I look down and tap Steven's contact.
꘏
JEREMIAH ISN'T THE only reason I'm in front of Laurel Park's party for her new book.
I'm genuinely a fan. I've read Party's Over about a million times, and every time, it's like I'm reading the book for the first time again. It's painful in a beautiful kind of way, and I can't stop admiring the way Laurel writes.
I wasn't originally planning to go, but then Steven texted me about Jeremiah being there, and I thought what the heck? I might as well.
I think I caught him off-guard when I appeared as a new lifeguard where he works, and I'm not sure if it was a good kind of surprise or a whatever kind of surprise. Either way, I'm determined to keep moving forward in this plan.
I'm about to open the door's entrance and go inside when I stop.
I bite my lip. Is this really a good idea? I feel like I'm not being subtle about popping up out of nowhere in front of Jeremiah. This feels stupid. Everyone's going to think it's strange that I'm there.
My body turns on its own accord, but my head bumps into a solid chest. Stepping back, I look up and see Conrad Fisher.
He nods in greeting, so I nod back, feeling awkward.
"You going in?" he asks, reaching out to touch the handle of the door.
Well, it would look ridiculous if I said no now.
"Yeah," I answer reluctantly. "I'm a fan of Laurel's book."
The brunette boy lets out a small smile, looking down at me. For a second, I think he sees straight through me.
"Sweet. Laurel would love it if you went in and told her that."
Yeah, he definitely knows I was about to leave.
Before I can answer, the door opens and Steven steps out.
"Look who actually made it!"
He greets Conrad and then ruffles my hair. Conrad laughs and says he'll meet us inside before slipping in through the door. Steven grins down at me.
Our friendship was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Although I've known him for years, I didn't really know him until last summer when he found me sobbing after the surfing competition last year.
He thought it was because I had lost to Jeremiah, but that wasn't it. It was because I had just seen him with another girl. And at that moment, I guess the confession had been weighing down on me for too long, so I spilled everything. I told Steven about my feelings for Jeremiah, how long I'd liked him, how pathetic I felt about it.
It was a low moment for me, but Steven didn't judge me and instead comforted me. At first, I resisted his friendship because a part of me felt like I didn't deserve it, but he kept insisting on hanging out, so I gave in.
Obviously, he found out about me trying to get Jeremiah's attention, so naturally, he agreed to help me out. Ergo, the text he sent me about Laurel's book party.
"Ready to seduce your man?"
I roll my eyes as he opens the door and pushes me forward.
"I hate you."
"No, you don't."
He wiggles his eyebrows, making me laugh. I shove his shoulder and he chuckles. His eyes catch on something before returning to me.
He smirks. "I'll leave you to it then."
I furrow my eyebrows. "What—"
He turns around and waves at me before I can say anything else.
"Autumn, are you pining after my best friend?" a voice asks to my left.
Chills race down my spine as my eyes meet cerulean irises. My eyes instinctively fall down his body before I return them to his face hastily. Not seeming to notice, he stares at me expectantly.
Remembering his question, I snort. He doesn't even know the half of it.
"Why?" I attempt to joke. "You jealous?"
He raises a brow as if my joking with him is unexpected. Then, he laughs in a way that makes my insides melt. God, he's so gorgeous it actually hurts.
"So jealous," he jokes back. I let out the smallest smile as he continues. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm a fan," I reply. "I have, like, five copies of the book at home."
Jeremiah raises his eyebrows and says in surprise, "Really?"
I flush in embarrassment.
"It's a really great book," I say defensively.
He lifts his hands in surrender. "I know, I've read it too. I just didn't think it was really your kind of thing."
"My kind of thing," I repeat, frowning.
He shrugs. "I don't know. I feel like the book is just really raw and real in a heartbreaking kind of way."
My face drops and my voice falls flat. "And what? You don't think I could be into that sort of thing?"
His eyes widen and he shakes his head. "Hey, I didn't mean anything by it. I just thought you were more into crime or thriller books or something."
I let out a bitter laugh. "Right. Because I'm incapable of having feelings other than anger and irritation."
A frown touches his lips.
"That's not what I'm saying."
I shake my head. I keep forgetting that he assumes the worst of me. I keep letting myself believe that we're friends and that he doesn't hate me.
I take a step back. "See you later, Jeremiah."
He calls after me, but I don't stop walking away. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it. Maybe I'm being dramatic by not letting him explain, but it hurts when someone you admire thinks the worst of you.
It's unfair of me when I haven't given him any reason to think otherwise, but I'm far too in over my head to keep doing this. I need to re-evaluate this plan. I need to stop walking away every time things get too real.
꘏
I SPEND A good chunk of time talking to Laurel about her book. She got really excited while talking about it, so I just stayed and listened to her—it was pretty interesting.
The party may have not been a success Jeremiah-wise, but at least I got to talk to one of my favorite authors.
After spending some time talking to Steven and Conrad, I tell them I'm going to call it a night—to much of Steven's displeasure—and start heading outside.
Right as the night breeze greets me, a hand catches my elbow. I turn around and see Jeremiah staring down at me with an apologetic look in his eyes.
I think he's just going to say sorry and leave, but instead, he says, "Let's get some ice cream."
Despite myself, my heart skips.
"What?"
He runs a hand through his hair, making his bicep flex. I internally groan, clenching my jaw to stop myself from saying something embarrassing.
"Let me make it up to you and buy you some ice cream."
I'd be fucking stupid to say no to that.
Unable to form any coherent sentences, I simply nod.
His grin does something funny to my stomach, but I ignore it as we start walking in the direction of Angel's ice cream.
We're silent on our way there. Weirdly, it's not the uncomfortable or excruciating kind. The lit-up sign outside greets our eyes just as the sweet smell of vanilla hits our noses as we enter the small shop.
Mario, the owner, greets us with a large grin.
"Ah, my favorite customers."
I narrow my eyes. "Mario, don't lie. You say that every time anyone comes in here."
He lets out a loud laugh and waves me away. I smile at him and look to the side just quick enough to see Jeremiah pulling his gaze away.
"You know, I didn't expect you two to come in here together what with all the years I've spent hearing you bickering. Have you finally realized you're in love?"
He seems far too pleased with himself at that comment. A light blush covers my cheeks. I open my mouth to respond when Jeremiah cuts me off.
"Oh, no. Definitely not. We still very much hate each other."
He nudges me, and I force a smile though a piece of my heart is cracking.
Mario exaggerates a sad frown. "Aw, I hoped this would be the summer. Oh well, you two are still young. What can I get you?"
I blink at the sudden topic change. Jeremiah looks down at me and gestures to go ahead. I send him a small smile. An unreadable look crosses his face before he swallows and looks away.
I knit my eyebrows together in confusion but turn to answer Mario.
"Cookie dough please."
"I'll take mint chocolate chip."
I stare at Jeremiah through the corner of my eye as Mario scoops our ice cream into cones. After we pay, Mario waves at us and we leave the shop.
Once we're several feet away, I mumble, "Thank you."
He looks down at me for a brief second before staring forward again.
"No problem." He pauses for a second. "I'll walk you home."
I almost stop in my tracks but somehow manage to keep moving my feet.
"Oh. Okay."
Keep your cool, Autumn.
We walk for a little bit before he speaks again.
"I'm sorry about earlier." His gaze finds mine quickly before he turns his attention away. "I didn't mean to offend you. I don't think you're incapable of having feelings. I just think you're kind of badass and that would be the kind of vibe of books you're into."
I blink at his confession. My head swings toward him though he keeps his eyes forward.
"You think I'm badass?"
His lips quirk up the tiniest bit as he shoots me a look.
"Don't let it get to your head."
"Too late. It already has."
A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as he laughs.
My mood from earlier is immediately lifted as we continue walking. The closer we get to my house, the more I don't want him to leave.
We stop in front of the front gate and turn to face each other. I shuffle my feet, trying to figure out what to say. He beats me to it.
"You know, you're pretty cool when you let your guard down."
I stare at him for a long moment, a smile threatening to break out on my face.
He rolls his eyes. "Shut up. That doesn't mean I don't hate you."
I hum. "I think it does."
He shakes his head though there's a soft smile on his face.
"Bye," he states pointedly.
I laugh as I shake my head and make my way toward the front door. With my fingers touching the handle, I look over my shoulder.
Jeremiah is still standing where I left him, staring after me. When he notices me looking, he makes a motion with his hands for me to head inside.
"Hurry up," he calls out. "I have places to go, people to see."
I roll my eyes. "I'm sure you do."
He chuckles and waves me away. Smiling, I duck inside the house and close the door behind me.
There are a million butterflies in my stomach.
𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 !
i'm a mess but i'm the mess that you wanted.
yes i was listening to rep while writing this chapter