As I walked towards the door to greet Jonathan, he walked in and let out a tired sigh as he pushed back the strands of hair from his forehead, I knew that Jonathan was exhausted like always from another long day from work.
His work was no easy job, I guess that's what I always admired about Jonathan he was persistent and a damn good worker and boss. But besides all those things he was attractive. he never fails to make my heart race and my cheeks flush, his physique, his scent, the way he spoke and dressed all those things made me want to melt into him.
Work always had to get in between of us, but I like to think that he's doing this for us. I loved him regardless though, Every six-feet and three-inches of this man and he was mine.
"Hey hon, how was work?" I asked knowing exactly how he was going to answer back.
Jonathan shrugged before setting his briefcase down on the hard wooden floor. "business as usual." Jonathan said as he shrugged his blazer off and hanged it on the rack. I cleared my throat as I Followed Jonathan into the closet.
"Meetings, is that what was holding you back from coming home today?" Jonathan gave me a nod before he turned to me "you know it. This enterprise is really kicking off."
"I know and that means more hours away from home." I said my voice carrying and undertone of disappointment without really meaning to. But I couldn't help it I hated when Jonathan was gone especially for really long hours, I'd usually meet up with friends and talk to family through phone in order to distract myself.
I would visit family but most of them live all the way in Rhode Island while we lived in Seattle I'm a long way from home and and I have to admit there are times where I miss it desperately, living in a quiet village, where the air was fresh. Just felt so free compared to the busy city.
I quickly snapped back to reality as Jonathan began to undo his tie, really he was just undressing to get into something more comfortable but It was a sight worth seeing.
As he undressed I knelt down and gathered his clothes. "Are you hungry dear, I made roast beef today. Your favorite." This got his attention he cocked up an eyebrow and glanced back at me with some amusement. "Roast beef?" He asked.
"Yes." I exclaimed as he slipped on a shirt. "You know...I learned that recipe from your mother. I wasn't going to serve it to you until I knew it was perfect." A small smile appeared at the corners of his lips. "Linda you really don't have to go to far extents to satisfy me I'm sure I'd enjoy it regardless."
"Oh, but I do." I said as I took a few steps closer to Jonathan and wrapped my arms around his strong body. "For all the hard work you put in for us, I think it's important that I meet all those criteria's."
Jonathan's eyes locked onto mine as his thumb grazed over my chin, before I could get in another word he pulled me in for a tender kiss. Warmth spread through my body as his lips met mine lasting a good few seconds before it broke.
"I love you." I whisper against his lips. "I love you too." He whispers back his voice low. "Now about dinner..." He said leaning in and pressing another kiss against my neck, sending chills down my spine.
"Mhm...what about dinner?" I prompted with a playful smile, I knew he was probably starving but I liked to poke fun at him from time to time.
"I'm starving, and I need to critique you on that roast beef." He said roughly a sly smirk playing around his lips, he then pulled away from my embrace, I felt my cheeks flush slightly.
"You won't be disappointed." I said as I brushed my fingers over my cheek feeling the warmth against my fingers tips. Even after two years of marriage he never failed to make my heart swell.
11.00 pm
In the dining room I began to set the table, setting down the plates and utensils where Jonathan and I would be sitting. After the table was prepped I surprised Jonathans with his favorite wine, he always liked the expensive stuff and anyways there was enough money to go around in this house.
Once Jonathan and I we're sitting at the dining table we both grabbed some of the roast beef I watched as he lifted the fork and knife as he began to cut into the roast beef my palms began to sweat, I didn't understand why I was getting so nervous I just didn't want to disappoint him and this was my first time making roast beef but not just any roast beef a long time family recipe. I held my breath as he took a bite and chewed.
"So?" I asked, he then set down his utensils and looked back at me, but his expression was incoherent so I didn't know what he could possibly be thinking. Adding to the silence in the dining room it just made me more anxious, until finally he spoke.
"Linda...this roast beef is phenomenal." Hearing these words I sighed out of relief and put my hand over my chest. "
"Do you mean it?" I asked, Jonathan chuckled and leaned back against the chair seeing how angsty I looked.
"Yeah, spot on. Just like my moms, flavorful and tender." He said as he wiped some grease away from his lip with a thumb.
"You mean it?" I asked a smile playing at the corners of my lips. I couldn't help but feel some pride over my roast beef, but again it was just one of his many family recipes. "I mean it Linda, you did great recreating this recipe." Jonathan said he sounded sincere.
"Thank you, im glad you like it." I said as I began to cut into my roast beef, taking a bite into the roast beef he wasn't lying both flavorful and tender.
As Jonathan and I continued to eat I glanced back at him he seemed lost in his thoughts while I was thinking of how should I approach what I wanted to ask him, but before I could get in a word he spoke.
"I need to ask you something Linda, and I want you to answer honestly." Jonathan said and he looked pretty serious, wondering what this could be about I set my fork and knife back on the table and cleared my throat.
"Okay, what is it?" I asked nervously. "Are you happy?"Jonathan asked, I paused for a moment not understanding what he meant by that question. "I mean with this life...with me?" Jonathan asked with some hesitation.
When Jonathan asked this I had to pause and think about it, I know that I loved Jonathan but my happiness always seemed to come and go. I have a history of depression Jonathan, family and friends knew about my constant battle with mental health. It's the reason why many worry about me constantly.
I sighed I wanted to answer him honestly. "Well...you know I love you Jonathan, but my happiness...it's complicated sometimes. You understand that." I said before pausing momentarily.
Jonathan just watched me I wasn't going to try to force a smile knowing how stupid I would look if I did, Jonathan sighed before leaning in to take my hand in his.
"Linda I know I may not always show it, and I know that I'm always busy, but your happiness means the world to me...you mean the world to me. you're the most important thing to me, more than my career more than my success, hell even more than the money." Jonathan's hand tightened around mine, before he spoke again. "I just want you to be happy." He finally said.
A tear rolled down my cheek as he said this, I could hear the raw emotion behind those words, he meant them. I sniffled before my eyes locked onto his. "Jonathan..." I breathed out, my vision blurry from the tears. "Thelma. What could I possibly do to make you happy?" Jonathan asked as he leaned in closer against the table.
"I don't know..." I replied, glancing down at my plate. How could I possibly answer him knowing there was so much I wanted from Jonathan, I was scared and honestly If he rejected what I wanted then it would crush me, and I definitely didn't want to say anything I would regret.
"Linda don't lie to me..." Jonathan prompted, it's as if he could see right through me and anyways with my body language I was making it pretty obvious.
Finally I decided to give in, how could I possibly resist him. This man was my husband and like he told me once communication is key.
"Okay I'll tell you, but first let's get all these dishes out of our way and talk in the bedroom." I said, but this time there was no uncertainty in my voice. Jonathan seemed to like where I was going with this.
We then stood from our chairs and cleared the dishes from the table. Once the dishes were washed we headed to the bedroom.
I sat on the edge of the bed and patted the bed so Jonathan would sit beside me, I inhaled as he walked towards me and sat beside me. "Alright talk." Jonathan said as he piercing gaze locked into my mine.
I nodded finding it hard to keep eye contact with him. "Okay." I said as I rubbed my hands together. "You know we've been married for two years already, right?" I asked Jonathan, then nodded. "Yeah." He answered simply, while listening to me intently. "Well don't you think it's time we start thinking of our future, that our future isn't just all about you and m-"
Jonathan then stopped me by gesturing his hand. "You're talking about kids aren't you?"
My eyes widened slightly Jonathan basically knew what I was going to say, I bit my lip and nodded shyly as I kept my eyes locked onto his. "Yes I'm talking about kids, don't you think it time we start talking about them, I mean we've been married for two years already, and our friends are talking more about us having kids than you and me. We're more than financially stable and living in a big ass house is just no fun when there's Just two people living in it" I vented, and Jonathan just listened.
Jonathan than grabbed my hand and I went quiet almost immediately, did I say too much? I asked myself.
"I get it. You want a baby." Jonathan said his voice deep, I then nodded. "Yes, and anyways Imagine how pretty they'd be with our genes." Jonathan then gave me an amusing look. "You're not wrong we'd make some pretty cute kids."
I chuckled and nodded before leaning in until my Lips were no further than a centimeter away from his lips. "Mhm...and imagine our son having your killer looks. Or our daughter having my delicate features." I whispered against his lips.
"Hmm...tempting." Jonathan replied with a sly smirk.
Jonathan then leaned in closer until I felt his breath against my neck. "You know you don't have to convince me, I've been ready for them too." He whispered against my ear. My heart skipped a beat hearing those words.
"Why didn't you say anything...?" I asked my heart racing as he leaned his head back so that he could look into my eyes. "Because I wasn't sure if you were ready yet." Jonathan answered. "I am ready." I replied my gaze softening. Jonathan then leaned in and kissed my cheek tenderly.
"Then show me." Jonathan said lowly before he stood up from the bed his still locked on mine. "But not right now..." Jonathan said, my anticipation disappearing almost immediately as he said those words, I wanted him. Right now, but I knew he was exhausted from work and I couldn't lie I was pretty tired myself.
"We should get some sleep, we've had a long day." Jonathan said towering over me while I sat at the edge of the bed, I looked up at Jonathan before glancing at the clock on the nightstand. It was already twelve-thirty in the morning. I cleared my throat and stood from the bed. "Right we should probably get some sleep now." Jonathan nodded in agreement.
As I laid in bed, I couldn't help but think of what he said, "show me" those words filled my mind over and over again.
I then turned to my side and looked at Jonathan as he slept peacefully beside me, I felt so lucky to be able able you wake up to this man every morning.
I then rested my hand on his strong chest feeling the warmth through his shirt, feeling the fabric of his shirt against my finger tips. I snuggled closer to him until my chin rested against his shoulder, with his warmth I was able to drift off to sleep almost immediately.
As I drifted off to sleep I thought about the future, Jonathan and a family, that maybe there was going to be a chance where I could be happy that I could put the ugly past behind me.