Oh little me. How she admired every girl older than her, cooler than her, freer than her. When you are young you want to be older why because people who are older make the rules, are more respected, aren't looked down upon like some little innocent girl in her little innocent sparkly shoes. Being older means being part of the conversations, knowing the secrets, not being "too young" to know or not being told "I'll tell you when you're older. Spoiler alert, i am now 12 years older and still haven't been told.
I always wanted to be a beautiful teenager, out with my friends, no parents of course, with my own cool style and endless confidence. These were the types of girls that made me pause and admire while out shopping. Stood in my little sparkly shoes I would say to myself "I can't wait to be older". Now 12 years on and missing the confidence i had at that age. I try to remember what it was like to not look in every reflection i see, to point out every fault that i effortlessly try to disguise. I look back on my pictures and think of how cute my nose was or how undamaged my hair sat or how skinny i was. I forget sometimes that it is extremely normal to not be the same size as when i was in preschool but sometimes that's what being 'grown up' does to you. It eats away at your confidence, degrades your style, makes you miss the relationship you had with your parents, ruins friendships and certainly does not make you feel beautiful.