Three margaritas later, and this night has become an entirely familiar scene. I am slightly nostalgic as Eric doles out tequila shots and Jessica sings along with the band performing on stage. The air is warm, and the moon is full and bright. Michelle and Stephanie dance together on the dance floor. Matthew, Eric, Michael and Ben discuss baseball trades on my right. The bar is packed wall to wall with vacationers ordering drinks, socializing and enjoying live entertainment. This is a typical night in Chicago with my friends, minus the tropical heat.
But when I feel an overwhelming sensation of normalcy, I am also slapped with a dose of reality: I've had sex with Ben.
Not once, but twice. And I liked it.
I waved down the bartender and ordered another margarita.
Beside me, Jessica bounces a little, then reaches for my hand and squeezes it. "How's your Maid-of-Honor speech coming along?"
"Seriously? Do you have to micromanage everything?" I ask, laughing.
She is obsessed with knowing every little detail about my speech. I have yet to dare tell her it hasn't been written down on paper yet.
"Yes," she admits, sipping on a drink. "I can't help myself. You know what I'm like. I plan, I organize, and I make lists. I still have no idea how you function so freely. I hope you're prepared and write a good speech. Everything needs to be perfect. And you'll want to make a good impression on Steven..."
Hearing her say Steven's name out loud makes my stomach twist. I've seen this look on Jessica's face before – wide-eyed, hoping for a perfect match – at virtually every guy she's tried to set me up with over the years. I hate to think of when those didn't work out. She wasn't pleased with my lack of effort in those relationships. But the stakes are higher, with this one being her cousin – a blood relative. She's expecting a successful match. I can feel the pressure of her wanting things to work between Steven and me radiating from her smile.
She is still talking, and I lean in to catch the rest of what she says. "... he's totally into you. Can you imagine if you two ended up together? We'd be related. Oh, Megan, it would be perfect. I've never seen him so smitten. I can barely contain my excitement about you two." She grabs onto my hand, clarifying. "Even my mom thinks you two will end up together. He could be the one."
I know Jessica is excited about the possibility of Steven and me. Still, I can feel myself wincing internally, wishing I had been honest with her about what happened between Ben and me from the start.
As she continues to ramble on, I try my hardest to pay attention to what she's saying, but I become distracted when I catch Ben smiling at me from the corner of my eye. I gaze into his warm, dark eyes and tune out Jessica's continual chatter. I admire his sharp jawline and fantasize about feeling his five o'clock shadow between my legs. The thought causes my heart to beat frantically against my rib cage. And when he absentmindedly runs his tongue across his bottom lip, I have to physically restrain myself from reaching across the table to rip off his shirt.
I can keep things casual. I tell myself. I will not develop feelings for Ben.
I drank the rest of my margarita faster than expected and waved down the bartender for another. My cheeks went rosy, and my smile lingered in Ben's direction. I could see happiness in his eyes, lighting him up.
I can keep us a secret, I think, wishing he and I were alone back at my apartment in Chicago, binge-watching a television series and eating popcorn. I make a mental note to ensure we do this as soon as we return to American soil.
I look around the bar and realize how many people have left. The entertainment is no longer on stage, and the tables are empty. Stephanie and Michelle are no longer dancing; they sit beside Jessica. I can feel Ben still watching me, though, and I feel hyperconscious around him. Is Ben checking me out?
I meet his eyes again and give him a scolding look.
He laughs.
And I mouth, "Stop it."
He doesn't. He smirked, leaning back into his chair, stretching his legs and resting his hands behind his head. He looks calm, relaxed and, most importantly, unfazed by what's happening between us. This worries me, and I'm not even entirely sure why. I don't like Ben like that. And I don't want Ben to like me like that. At least, I don't think I do.
"This place is getting lame," Stephanie says before slamming back her drink. "Let's all return to our villa and keep this party going."
Eric raises a hand. "Count me in."
"Me too," Matthew and Michelle say in unison.
Michael kisses Jessica and says, "You crazies have fun. We're ready for bed, right, Jess?"
With a yawn, Jessica nods. "Yeah, babe. I'm tired."
They say their goodbyes and goodnights and walk away hand in hand from our table.
"I think I'm ready for bed, too," I say, yawning. "Why don't you all go back to Eric, Matthew and Ben's villa instead so I can get some sleep?"
"No. You're not going to bed," Michelle says. "Do not be a party pooper."
"I am not a party pooper," I tell her. "I am just reasonable. It's one o'clock in the morning."
"We are on vacation, Megan," Eric laughs. "And no one is going to bed."
Ben must find Eric's comment funny because he laughs, slides closer to my side and ruffles my hair. I swat his hand away.
Eric leads the way, and everyone follows. Well, fuck. I am not going to get any sleep now.
Ben lingers by my side, keeping back from the rest of the group. The voices of our drunken friends carry into the night. They remain ahead of us, moving down a pathway. When no one is looking, Ben drapes an arm along my shoulders and pulls me close to his side. He whispers against my hair, "Play along with me, okay?"
I lean away from him to get a better look at his face. He's trying – but failing – to tamp down a smile. Before I could even open my mouth to respond, he stopped and kept me at his side. He shouted, "Hey. Megan forgot her purse at the bar. We need to go back. We will catch up with you in a bit."
"You two are the most forgetful people I know," Eric mumbles. "Whatever. See you in a bit."
"We could wait here for you," Stephanie suggests. "I mean, you're coming to the villa. Right, Ben?"
Ben steps away from me. "Yeah. Sure. But no need to wait. We'll be there soon."
I slowly spin and see that our friends aren't even looking at us anymore; they have returned to walking down the pathway.
I playfully punch him in the shoulder. "Are you crazy?" I ask, laughing. "I wasn't even carrying a purse."
Ben laughs, tugging me and pulling me against his chest. His chin rests on my head, and he wraps his arms around me. "I wanted to be alone with you," he whispers.
My heart swells when he says this. I absentmindedly ran a hand down his abdomen before realizing how forward that was. Ben doesn't mind, though. His hands slide down my backside to meet mine at my side. His fingers slide like a perfect puzzle piece into mine.
"I appreciated you sending me a margarita tonight. And I'm sorry if I seemed a little distant at the bar."
He smiles at me, running a thumb down my cheek before kissing the top of my head. "Follow me," he says, guiding me off the pathway leading to the villa and down a pathway toward the pool.
Outside the pool, the water glistens in the full moon's reflection, palm trees rustle, and people are nowhere to be found. Everything falls completely silent. Ben and I stare at each other.
"What are we doing here?" I ask.
Ben removed his sandals, sat on the pool's edge, and slid his bare feet into the water. "Come sit," he said, patting the spot beside him.
I remove my sandals and do as he says, sitting down beside him.
"I like being with you," Ben says, glancing over at me. "You know that, right?"
I nod. Maybe it's the lights from the pool or his mood, but his eyes seem softer tonight than they usually do.
He pauses, and his eyes focus on my lips. "I'm sorry about earlier. About being an epic asshole."
Laughing, I whisper, "You said that already. You apologized with words. And then with your fingers and dick."
He laughs, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I bite my lower lip, trying to keep my body from reacting to this fresh reminder that he was overtop of me. Also, he gave me the most explosive orgasms of my life and that it might be possible to convince him to come back to my villa again later. Even to curl up and sleep, I'd like that.
"I want you to be happy," he admits. "I don't know how else to tell you how much you mean to me. I know we talked a little about all this..." he pauses, smiling devilishly. "And then we didn't talk, but I just don't want things to be weird between us again. I hated it."
I sigh. "Why is it complicated, though?"
The lights from the pool run shadows across his face, and he looks so fucking sexy, and I feel like I am losing my mind. The question fills my throat, and I feel like I'm choking. "Is it because we've never once come close to crossing that line before? And then suddenly here we are naked together and stuff."
He smiles, raking a hand through his hair. "Maybe. But I'd be lying if I said a part of me didn't always want to see you naked and stuff."
I laugh again. "That's because you are a pervert."
"You're a bombshell, Megs," he whispers. "I feel like you don't even realize it. But that's what makes you so incredibly refreshing. You're a brilliant real estate agent with these amazing, beautiful eyes. You're insanely funny –"
"You're the only person I know who laughs at all my jokes."
"- and you have this insatiable vibe that attracts everyone to you. You also have excellent taste in friends." He smiles, and my breath quickens as his fingers slowly entwine with mine. "I know this is weird, like really weird. From the first time I met you, when we were fourteen, to now, years later, we've been close but never like this. And I think this is confusing for both of us, but we can stop if it needs to stop. Right?"
Shrugging and pretending to look nonchalant, I murmur, "Yeah. Sure."
He reached out and pulled me closer to his side. We were quiet for a moment before he asked, "So...would you rather be able to talk with animals or speak every foreign language imaginable?"
I lift an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
"This is our game, Megs," he says. "Answer the question."
I pull back and stare at him. "It's not that I don't want to play the game. I'm surprised you don't already know the answer."
Ben shrugs a little and runs a fingertip along my collarbone. I shudder a little and smile up at him. "I would rather be able to talk with animals. You know how much I love them."
"Yeah..." his voice trails off. "But if you could speak every language, you could eavesdrop on foreigner's conversations."
I hesitate for a beat, contemplating this. "When does that ever happen?"
"You could also travel worldwide and communicate wherever you went."
I laugh, swirling my feet in the pool water. "I'll let you know whenever I find time and money to travel around the world."
"Promise me you'll bring me with you when you do," he says.
I laugh and nod. "Sure, if I ever find myself booking a trip around the world, you'll be the first person on my invite list."
Ben guides my hand to his mouth, kissing it gently before placing it on my lap. I watch him pull off his t-shirt and toss it onto the pool deck before he slips the top button of his shorts free.
"What are you doing?" I whisper hiss.
Can he not read the sign on the pool deck? It clearly says no swimming after eleven o'clock.
He gives me a mischievous little smile, then kicks off his shorts and plunges into the water in his underwear.
"Come join me," he says. "Or are you going to sit there looking pretty?"
"We're not allowed to go in the pool right now," I tell him. "It's against the rules. You'll get caught."
Ben laughs, "That's the fun of it, Megs." He reaches out with his arms and pushes my legs apart, standing between my thighs. "If we get caught, all the better." He slides his wet hands along the outside of my thighs until they are resting on my hips. "If you don't join me on your own, I will yank you in fully clothed."
I'm sure he's bluffing, but the way he says it – the way his voice drops and his eyes kind of close – well, hell, it sounds like a challenge.
"No, you won't."
"One last chance," he smirks, his fingers gripping my hips tighter. "What's it going to be, Megs?"
"You don't have it in you," I say, inches away from his lips, grinning wickedly. "You know I'd kick your ass if you yanked me fully clothed into this pool."
His grip tightens, and his eyes playfully glimmer as he watches me. His dimple is on full display as his smile widens.
I push my palms against his forearms. "Ben. Don't you dare?"
He hesitates for a beat before lifting my body from the pool's edge and propelling me into the water. My scream is cut short when my face connects with the cold, and I'm submerged underwater.
I spring to the surface, gasping for air, and hear Ben laughing. Wiping wet hair from my face, I can't help but burst into laughter with him.
I look up and see a clear image of Ben standing before me. He's illuminated by the dim lights surrounding the perimeter of the pool. His dark hair is ruffled and wet. He looks gorgeous. Water droplets trickle down his smooth chest, and my mind goes completely, directly into the gutter when he moves closer to me, reaches forward and runs his thumb along my cheek.
I stand still, watching his dark eyes study my face. Slowly, Ben steps forward and slides his hands onto my hips. He watches intently as my hands slip behind my back, guiding my dress from my body. I toss it onto the pool deck, standing in my bra and underwear. Ben hisses out a breath, running his hands up along my sides and over my shoulders. My hand instinctively rakes into his hair, pulling him closer. I lower him to my face and lean forward to kiss him. Our quiet little moans fill the space between our lips, and our tongues echo mildly, growing tighter when he reaches between us and slides his fingers over my skin, playing where I am slippery and hot. My pulse hums in my throat.
"God, Ben," I whisper, feeling desperate. "Is it weird how much I like kissing you?"
He shakes his head urgently and blinks at me, his eyes wide and wild. "No, " he says, " because I like kissing you too."
His hand flies to my bare ass, and he lifts me. I respond by sliding my arms around his shoulders and wrapping my legs around his waist. Even though the water is cold, my skin feels flushed and warm. With a moan, I meet Ben's lips again, closing my eyes, needing to devour every inch of his mouth. Before, with every guy, I had sped up our kisses. I'd been unattached and rushed to get to the sex part. But with Ben, it's different. I want to relish every suck, every lick, and every kiss. He makes me want to slow down. He makes me ache for more. Something about this kiss especially is different than every other time before.
It feels so fucking perfect. It's slow, deep and desperate, like a kiss you think you'd only see in the movies or a kiss you could only imagine you might have someday with someone you trust with all your heart. Or maybe even someone you love. I've never kissed anyone like this before.
The mixture of wet and dark makes every touch between us electric. His gaze hovers over me, scanning the length of my body before he braces me against the pool's perimeter.
"Tell me what you like," he whispers, stepping closer and kissing the hollow of my throat.
"I like it when you touch me."
He lets out a quiet laugh into my neck. "I already know that. What else?"
"I like watching you come."
He shakes his head. "Tell me what you like that I do to you."
"I like it when you take control and manhandle me a little. I like it when you make me feel like I'm yours."
"When you're with me -" he whispers against my lips. "- you are mine."
His words make me dissolve further into his arms. As he trailed kisses along my collarbone, I groaned in quiet command, unable to take it anymore. I want Ben more than ever.
With a groan, I close my eyes, feeling him bite small circles into the swell of my breasts. His hands slide lower to my panties, and he works them down to my knees, slipping his fingers into my folds. I quietly beg him, whispering dirty nonsense into his ear before I feel him freeze and place an index finger over my lips.
Ben's eyes dart around the pool. "Shhh."
"What?"
"Did you hear that?"