The release of their Japanese comeback was tomorrow, Beomgyu has been working so hard on perfecting his Japanese, throwing aside anything else on his mind so that his Japanese is close to fluent.
There is one thing however, that no matter how hard Beomgyu tries, it won't leave his mind.
He hasn't said a word to Taehyun since they last fought, and Taehyun hasn't spoke to him either. That night, after Taehyun had said the words fuck you Beomgyu, he walked out the kitchen and into his bedroom, leaving Beomgyu in the kitchen alone with his thoughts. It was only seconds later that everything clicked into Beomgyu and he couldn't help the tears fall from his face. He might've just ruined the most beautiful friendship he has, and all because what he wants isn't good for the group.
Beomgyu is torn, he loves all the members so much and especially Taehyun, who he always saw as his best friend. The younger probably despises him now, the look he had given Beomgyu before he stormed off was filled with sadness and anger and Beomgyu has never seen Taehyun so affected by something. He was definitely not expecting the conversation to go like that, he thought that maybe Taehyun would agree when Beomgyu said that it was wrong what they were doing, he was hoping Taehyun would agree. But instead the younger fought Beomgyu's statement and it threw him off even more. They still had time to fix it and pretend that whatever they had; never existed, he just can't understand why Taehyun didn't see that.
If the media, if the public were to find out about them, they would be blacklisted from the industry forever. Beomgyu would ruin everyone's careers, their years of hard work would all go down the drain, and he can't do that to any of them. Especially to Taehyun, who Beomgyu knew was the most talented, the most deserving, his voice was beautiful and Beomgyu would never say it out loud in fear of it becoming a reality but Taehyun had all the qualities to be a solo artist if he wanted.
And now, Taehyun is avoiding him, it's not like Beomgyu is going out of his way to talk to the younger, he wouldn't even know what to say, is there a turning point for them? Will they ever be able to go back to normal?
It's painfully obvious that something is going on between them. Whilst Beomgyu was having issues, he still interacted with Taehyun during work, but now, it's almost as if Beomgyu doesn't exists. During practice, Taehyun stays to himself, interacts with Huening Kai the most, speaks if he's spoken to, and it's not going unnoticed by their leader and the eldest. When it comes to work hours, the younger stays far from Beomgyu, sits on the other end, doesn't spare him a single glance.
It's overwhelming, Beomgyu is hurt. He misses his dongsaeng so much, Beomgyu thinks about texting him, asking Taehyun if they can talk, maybe visit the roof of the Bighit building and look at the sky like they used to, but he can't bring himself to do so, and Beomgyu fears that if he tried, Taehyun might just push him away.
He grabs his phone from the nightstand, there's only 18 minutes until it's almost seven in the morning, and they have early practice at eight, and he hasn't even gotten a blink of sleep. He opens his phone, and winces at his homescreen, a picture of him, Taehyun and Huening Kai, at the beach a year ago, greets him. He tries not to think much of the memories as he scrolls through the pictures in his camera roll, ignoring the ones of Taehyun when he tries to find a new image for his homescreen. When he finally settles on a picture his mom sent him of Toto, a notification pops on his screen.
hyung :3
are u awake?
Beomgyu is a little confused by the sudden message from Yeonjun, but he's quick to reply yes as worry sets in him. Messages at weird times like this give him a bit of anxiety.
Yeonjun's response comes a few seconds later, a thumbs up and good, come run with me which makes Beomgyu groan, he wants to complain and tell Yeonjun that he's tired and it's freezing, and that they have practice in two hours, why would do they go on a run at 7 in the morning? But Beomgyu knows those types of responses won't work on the oldest, if Beomgyu refuses, Yeonjun would just come into his bedroom and drag him out bed.
So after a minute of silently screaming into his pillow, he types back Okay .
Beomgyu meets the elder at the door of their quiet apartment, his hyung is dressed in a black hoodie, black sweatpants, black shoes and a black face mask, a little contradictory to Beomgyu's clothes, he was so tempted to leave in his pajamas but he decided on something less embarrassing, he wore his white sneakers, blue sweatpants, a grey sweatshirt that, truthfully, probably belong to the maknae.
"Ready?" Yeonjun asked in a low tone, probably due to everyone else in their dorm still sleeping.
Beomgyu crossed his arms against his chest, shaking his head, gosh he really didn't want to run this early in the day, especially when the rest of his schedule was filled with physical activity.
"Don't worry, we'll take it easy."
Easy ? Easy? Beomgyu is dying, they were on their second mile with still two more to go and Beomgyu was ready to give up and go home. Heck, he wanted to go as far as to message their manager with a cry of apologies and tell him he feels too sick to take part in today's schedule.
"You're such a baby."
Beomgyu looked up in annoyance at the oldest. He sat on the bench, trying to catch his breath and rest his burning feet. "I'm sorry not everyone is an adrenaline junkie like you and a masochist running to the brink of exhaustion, Hyung."
Yeonjun chuckled in response, bringing his foot up next to Beomgyu on the bench, stretching with a big grin on his face. "Doesn't it feel good, when your brain is just thinking of the pain in your feet, and nothing else? You're just focusing on breathing, trying to keep up the pace? You don't have to think about anything else, just running."
Beomgyu looks away, his hyung was right on that, the entire run, he was freed of his problems, he was only thinking about trying to make it to the next mile, just a bit closer to being done. He wasn't thinking of their comeback, of his terrible Japanese, and he wasn't thinking of Taehyun.
The older hums, "You should run more with me."
Beomgyu groans, throwing his head back. "No, you're too fast and I hate trying to keep up with you. Plus, isn't four miles just a little too much for a Tuesday morning?"
"I usually do 6 miles."
Beomgyu almost cries at the sound of that, how can anyone do that to themselves. "Gross."
Yeonjun laughs, he stretches a little more before he takes a seat next to Beomgyu, they're both silent for a few minutes, enjoying the cold breeze, the birds chirping in the Seoul park, listening to the breaths of other early risers going on their morning runs.
"Beomgyu, you know you can always talk to me right?"
Beomgyu is surprised, turning to look at his hyung, but the older isn't looking at him, he stares straight at the tree in front of them, a calm expression resting on his face.
"I do." He whispers.
"Good." Yeonjun smiles, shaking his head, he puts his palm on Beomgyu's thigh, and the physical touch almost makes Beomgyu pull away, but he stays still, sighing away the tension.
"What's going on between you and Taehyun?"
"There's nothing going on between Taehyun and I." Beomgyu replied, rather quickly and defensively. He should've known this question was coming, he should've known when his hyung texted him at almost seven in the morning to go on a run with him.
"Sure, don't think I didn't notice how you two were always disappearing off at the same time, and then suddenly, you both stopped. You're avoiding each other. Why?"
He can't run away from this question, Yeonjun is good at instigating, great at bringing the truth out in people, and Beomgyu isn't too sure that he wants to hide away from Yeonjun, it probably wouldn't fix anything, instead just add more damage to his brain.
"We got into an argument," is all Beomgyu could muster.
"I figured that." Yeonjun hums, turning to look at Beomgyu with soft eyes. "Are you okay?"
Beomgyu doesn't know why but he can't stop the tears fall from his eyes at the question. Is he okay? He doesn't know. He was having a hard time way before his situation with Taehyun started, he's been struggling, and Beomgyu has been so afraid to tell anyone.
The older notices the tears in Beomgyu's eyes and he's quick to pull him in a hug and Beomgyu completely gives in, his heart burns as he sobs into his hyung's chest, hands curling up into fists when he realizes he's not in control, can't stop himself from crying. He's never in control, he's always lost, Beomgyu has been trying to find himself for the longest and it's been tearing him apart.
Beomgyu feels fingers caress through his hair, and he's brought back to the present. Beomgyu pulls away from Yeonjun, rubbing away his tears with the sleeves of his hoodie. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening to me."
"Don't be." Yeonjun tries to reassure him, but Beomgyu knows deep down that this is probably a lot for the older, he had invited Beomgyu out on a run, and now Yeonjun is sitting in a bench, with Beomgyu's tears all over over his sweatshirt. "Stop thinking so much, dummy."
Yeonjun jabs Beomgyu's forehead with his finger, making him break out into giggles and the older laughs with him. Despite just crying a few seconds ago, this is probably the first time in while that Beomgyu feels at ease.
"You guys need to talk."
Beomgyu sighs, staring at his hands. "Hyung, I'm not too sure he wants to talk to me."
Yeonjun puts his hand across Beomgyu's back, patting him softly. "Well he did."
Beomgyu looks up, eyebrow raised, he's confused by the older's words. "What do you mean?"
"Around last week, he had asked all of us to stay off the dorm for a few hours. I believe Soobinie and Hyuka went to the movies, and I stayed a little longer at the gym. Hyunnie said he wanted to talk to you comfortably."
Of course. That was the evening they fought, and Beomgyu said all those things he didn't mean. "I didn't know he did that."
Yeonjun hums, resting his head on Beomgyu's shoulder.
Beomgyu doesn't know how much Yeonjun knows, but it's nice to have someone be there for him. He knows it's his fault, he's been the one distancing himself from everyone, especially Taehyun. To finally talk to someone about what he's been feeling the past few days is a huge relief, he feels more light, like he can climb this wall and see the sun.
—
"They're going to shoot Huening Kai and Yeonjun's photos first, the rest of you just wait here, it will only take around half an hour."
Beomgyu shakes his head, he takes on the sofa and watches his hyung and Kai leave the green room to the photographer.
"Are you guys hungry?" His attention is driven to Soobin standing up from one of the chairs, making his way to the snack area. "I'm kind of hungry." Soobin whispers and Beomgyu wants to laugh as he watches their leader place tiny sandwiches onto a plate.
"I ate this morning." Beomgyu's head shifts to the voice coming from Taehyun, who had been on his phone up until now. Beomgyu's cheeks heat up when he makes slight contact with the younger, his heart breaking when Taehyun immediately breaks it.
Soobin hums, grapes in his mouth. "Yeah, not all of us wake up at the ass crack of dawn." Beomgyu watches the younger grin at Soobin's response, walking over to their leader and grabbing a juice.
"Gyu, you sure you don't want anything?" Soobin says, mouth stuffed with food making Beomgyu cringe internally.
"No, thank you. I also ate this morning." The oldest groans, throwing his head back, and Beomgyu wants to laugh, if it wasn't for the lie he just told. Beomgyu actually did not eat this morning, his appetite hasn't been performing the best. It's hard to eat when his body just focuses on his anxiety instead. He opts for a smile instead until he catches Taehyun glaring at him, and he's taken back. Even when Beomgyu makes eye contact with him, the younger doesn't look away, and continues to glare at him.
He's distracted by Soobin and his groaning, "I wish Huening was here, he would eat with me."
The rest of their time waiting is spent quietly, Soobin taking bites of his food while sitting next to Beomgyu, Taehyun far away from them on a chair, just scrolling through his phone. Beomgyu watched him quietly, the younger was sitting normally, legs spread, elbows seeking support on top of his knees, phone in his hands. He looked good, the outfit he was wearing was simple, a black long sleeve tucked into black pants. Though the shirt did wonders for Taehyun's muscles, he wasn't even flexing, he was just sitting and Beomgyu could see the way the sleeves tighten around his biceps.
"Your turn." Huening Kai and Yeonjun step back into the room, smiles on their faces as they let their bodies fall back in relief on the sofas.
Beomgyu follows Soobin out of the green room, he wants to cling to the older's back, he is always a little shy when it comes to photo shoots. Surprisingly, it's something not many realize, a lot have described him as a natural soulmate to the camera. They stop, and listen to the staff for direction and Beomgyu takes in the set. There's lights, dark walls, even a motorcycle.
He's about to point out the bike to Soobin when he feels a body pressed behind him. Beomgyu stiffens, turning his head a bit and meeting Taehyun's dark eyes right behind him. "You didn't eat this morning."
Beomgyu is shocked, this is the first time Taehyun has spoken a word to him in almost two weeks, this is the first time the younger is within a close distance to him. "What?"
"You need to eat something."
Taehyun is quick with his response, not breaking eye contact with him, and it hits Beomgyu what the younger is talking about. He really has no idea how Taehyun knows he didn't eat this morning, he wants to argue back, say I did eat something , but the younger's stare is strong. Beomgyu whispers instead, "I will."
Taehyun continues to stare at him for a few more seconds, until he steps away from Beomgyu, directing his eyes to the photographer.
If Beomgyu's cheeks are hot for the rest of the photoshoot, no one says a word.
Beomgyu lets his muscles relax under the hot water as he's taking his second shower of the day. Originally he was fine with just his morning shower, but today was a busy day for the group, lots of shoots, two interviews, and individual meeting with their producers. He's definitely not comfortable going to bed without a shower.
Beomgyu is rinsing his hair when he remembers his interaction with Taehyun that happened earlier, the was the closest Taehyun has been around him for a while, it was nice, despite the situation. Taehyun felt warm, and Beomgyu signed. He really misses the younger.
And he had listened to him. Right after the shoot, Beomgyu went back into the green room and ate anything that was appealing, which were many things.
He also knows the only way to get him back is to talk to Taehyun, and apologize. But Beomgyu is scared, scared of Taehyun, scared of rejection. What if the younger doesn't want their friendship to return to normal? What if Beomgyu really screwed things up for them?
The thought of never having Taehyun as a friend again makes Beomgyu want to cry, he can't do it. He just can't. He shakes his head. Tonight. He'll talk to Taehyun tonight.
The rest of his shower goes by fast, and Beomgyu hurries to tie his bathrobe around him, wrapping a smaller towel around his hair, and leaving the bathroom quietly into his room.
He decides to wear his pajamas, simple plaid pants and a sweatshirt two sizes too big for him. When he's moisturizing his body, he catches a glimpse of himself in his full body mirror, and Beomgyu groans. He's really going to do it, he has to. He doesn't think he can go on another day without Taehyun
He brushes his hair, lip caught in between his teeth, Beomgyu won't let himself back down from this decision, for the sake of his friendship with Taehyun, Beomgyu has to do it.
When he's done, he grabs his phone, and opens up his chat with the maknae.
Beomgyu types, huening~~ is tyunnie with you?
The younger's response is fast, seconds later. yea hyung he's with me in our room
Beomgyu grins, typing out his plan. perfect! do u think u can slip out for a few minutes~~ I want to talk to him about something :3
Not even a minute passes before Beomgyu receives the younger's reply. of course hyung! I'll leave in a minute
Beomgyu takes a deep breath, he takes one last glance at himself in his mirror, and steps out of his room.
He stands in the hallway to the maknaes' room, waiting for Kai to walk out of the room. He fiddles with his fingers, hoping everything goes smoothly, and that by tomorrow, Taehyun and he are back to normal.
The door opens, and the taller one steps out of the room, gently closing the door behind him and turning to look at Beomgyu with a grin. Beomgyu smiles back, and makes his way to Taehyun's room, giving Kai a thumbs up when the younger whispers to him good luck.
Beomgyu bites his lip as he lifts his hand, and softly knocking on the youngers' door.
"Door's unlocked." He hears Taehyun say behind the door, and Beomgyu takes one last deep breath before twisting the door knob and opening the door.
He meets the younger's wide eyes as he stands in the door way, and Beomgyu is afraid to admit almost all his confidence is gone. "Can I come in?"
Taehyun continues to just stare at him, eyes wide and lips pushed closed, and Beomgyu looks away, leaning to the side, his right leg supporting most of his weight. The silence is loud, and Beomgyu wants to wrap himself into a ball. He turns to look at Taehyun again, the younger still holds the same stare and Beomgyu sighs. Maybe, Beomgyu should leave. Yeah, maybe this was a bad idea.
"Please come in." Taehyun finally speaks, and Beomgyu pushes his lips close, taking a small step into Taehyun's room and closing the door behind him.
"Hi." He stands close to the door, his hands intertwined behind his back. Taehyun stares at him and Beomgyu stares back.
"Hyung." Taehyun replies, sitting up from his bed, his own hands coming to rest on his lap. The younger locks eyes with him. "What are you doing here?"
Beomgyu swallows the lump in his throat. He fiddles with the fingers behind him, what is he doing here? He can't remember. "I want to talk to you."
Taehyun looks away for the first time since Beomgyu stepped into his room. "About what?"
"About what happened, we can't continue like this, Taehyun."
The younger stands from his bed, he looks at Beomgyu before walking to the desk in front of his bed, connecting his phone to the charger. "Okay, talk."
Taehyun looks at him, eyebrow raised, arms moving to cross against his chest. And Beomgyu freezes, where does he start? There's so much he wants to say, he wants to tell Taehyun he misses him, that he didn't mean any of the words he said that night, that he's been doing horrible without him, but no words leave his mouth.
The younger scoffs at the silence evolving around the two of them. "I thought you wanted to talk."
"Taehyun." Beomgyu speaks, he takes a step closer to the younger, and breathes in the air around him. "I'm sorry."
The younger's eyes widen, Beomgyu notices the way his lips slightly fall open. He takes another step closer to Taehyun, "I'm sorry for the stuff I said that night, I started overthinking and I just, I stopped thinking straight I guess." Beomgyu moves closer again, grabbing Taehyun's hand and holding it tight with his own two hands. "I didn't mean anything I said that night, Taehyun."
The younger looks down at Beomgyu's hands holding his own and Beomgyu tightens his grip, afraid the younger will pull away. "I miss you, Taehyun. I miss my friend."
As soon as Beomgyu says those words, he can't help the tears fall from his face. He bites his lip, Beomgyu thinks he can stay and wait eternity for Taehyun to forgive him.
"Hyung." The younger whispers and Beomgyu lets out a small sob, bringing Taehyun's hand to his chest, holding it as close as he can.
"I'm really sorry, Taehyun." Beomgyu sobs, no longer caring, crying in front of the other. He feels the younger pull his hand away from his grasp, and Beomgyu shuts his eyes, he should've seen rejection coming. He doesn't deserve an amazing friend like Taehyun.
But seconds later, he's wrapped into a warm hug, Taehyun's hug, Taehyun is hugging him. Beomgyu freezes, he can't believe that the arms wrapped around him are Taehyun's, but he's quick to hug the younger back, burying his face into Taehyun's shoulder and he can't help the ugly sob escape his body. The younger comforts him by rubbing his back, and Beomgyu cries. Taehyun's warmth, smell, embrace, Beomgyu misses it all so much, and now he's here, in Taehyun's arms once again.
The younger continues to comfort Beomgyu until he stops sobbing, or at least until he stops crying so much. Pulling away gently but his hands never leaving Beomgyu's.
"Hyung." Beomgyu nods, he probably looks awful right now. Is there snot in his nose? Probably. "I missed you too, I just needed to stay away for a while."
Beomgyu feels the tears pick up again, and he shakes his head, looking down at his shoes. "I'm so sorry."
Taehyun's hands let go of his own, coming up to hold Beomgyu's face. Taehyun gently lifts Beomgyu's face, making his eyes meet Taehyun's. "Hyung. We're okay, I promise."
Beomgyu nods, he can't help the pout on his lips, especially with the way the younger holds his cheeks. He also can't help the warmth in his cheeks, Beomgyu's face is only centimeters away from Taehyun's, and he's so close to him. So close that their lips could touch.
Yet, the younger let's go. Taehyun takes a step back, smile on his lips. "We're good, we're still best friends. Whatever happened between us, let's just forget about it. Our friendship is more important."
"Okay." Beomgyu smiles but deep down, he's not sure he can forget about the way the younger's lips felt on his own. It wasn't fair, but Beomgyu is not sure he wants to forget.
—
"You can do it, just focus on lifting your leg at the same time you lift your arm." Yeonjun said, one arm going in the air and the other lifting Beomgyu's arm.
"Hyung," Beomgyu signed, his hands pressing against his knees as he kneeled his body over. "I've been at this for almost three days now. I can't."
Yeonjun shook his head, mumbling a string of no no no as he walked closer to the mirror in the dance room. "Watch how I do it."
Beomgyu watched, Beomgyu had been watching for days. They were rehearsing for the end of the year Weverse ceremony, which was only a few weeks away. This morning he has asked Yeonjun to help him perfect a move he has struggled with since they learned the choreography. But even with an added hour of just focusing on one move, Beomgyu couldn't get it and he didn't know why.
"How long have you guys been here?" Beomgyu shifted his focus to the leader. Who was standing at the door, drink in his hands and the two maknaes following behind.
"Just a bit, did you guys bring us something?" Yeonjun replied for both of them and Beomgyu moved to sit on the floor, trying to catch his breath as he rested his back on the mirror.
Beomgyu closed his eyes, picturing himself dancing and still struggling to piece the moves together in his brain. He didn't know what to do, the concert was in five weeks, and while the rest of his band mates managed to perfect the choreography, Beomgyu was stuck on one move.
Beomgyu opened his eyes when he felt a presence sit next to him, he turned his head and was met with Taehyun. The younger's big eyes stared at him, expressionless but not empty. Beomgyu smiled, and Taehyun stared.
Beomgyu jokingly grabbed the iced drink from Taehyun's grasp, but it was almost like the younger didn't care, didn't bother to stop Beomgyu from taking a sip, and Beomgyu giggled as he even finished the rest of Taehyun's drink.
They all spent the next six hours touching up on the choreography of the songs they will perform, and although Beomgyu managed to learn all the songs, he still struggled on one, just one move and Beomgyu couldn't get it right.
"I think I'm going to stay for a while more." Beomgyu said, watching the members pack up their things.
Soobin was the one to respond. "I don't know, Gyu. We gotta be up early tomorrow."
"I'll stay with him." Taehyun replied before Beomgyu could defend himself, and he didn't know what to say. It's been a while since Taehyun and Beomgyu were alone together, last time being when Beomgyu broke down, and begged for the younger's forgiveness. "I'll make sure we both get home before it's too late."
Soobin eyed them suspiciously, Beomgyu could tell. But the leader didn't fight against their choice, instead he grabbed his things and wished them a good time, with Yeonjun and Kai following behind.
And then it was just them two, alone in the wide dance room, mildly lit and with their music playing lowly through the speakers. Beomgyu watched Taehyun walk to the stereo, he watched Taehyun's back, he watched the younger scroll through the songs on his library, lip caught between his teeth, one hand holding his phone and the other pinching onto his bicep, a thing Beomgyu noticed Taehyun picked up in the last few months.
There was no reason for Taehyun to stay, he could've gone home, took a nice warm shower and gone to bed early. But here stands the younger, accompanying Beomgyu when he clearly doesn't have to.
The volume raises in the speakers and Taehyun turns to look at Beomgyu. "Is this it?"
Beomgyu feels his cheeks rise in color at the question, what does Taehyun mean, is this it what? "Huh?"
"Is this the song?"
Beomgyu's eyebrows rise in embarrassment, Taehyun was asking about the song, that's it. "Yeah, I'm struggling with the second chorus move."
Taehyun shook his head, making his way over to Beomgyu. "I'll show you how I do it."
Beomgyu nodded, taking steps back, giving Taehyun space to move.
Beomgyu watched as Taehyun effortlessly danced, like he didn't have a single thought of what move was next, or whether he was doing it right. Taehyun was just doing it, like he did everything else. And Beomgyu admired how he could do anything he wanted. However he envied him as well, whatever Taehyun wanted, he'd get it. He was good at everything he does, good at dancing, good at boxing, good at singing, good at performing, good at being smart, good at all the things Beomgyu seemed to struggle with. Taehyun could get anything, anyone he wants. Beomgyu just wishes he was like him in that way.
"That was good Tyunnie." Beomgyu breathed, the song was over and he couldn't stop his hands from clapping.
"Okay now you try it." Beomgyu shook his head, trading positions with Taehyun and the pre chorus to the song began again. Beomgyu watched Taehyun from the mirror, he watched the younger stare him, his gaze dark and arms crossed against his chest. Beomgyu knew he was just evaluating his moves, but he couldn't help but feel something, and he danced better. He moved better for Taehyun unconsciously, the younger didn't even seem to blink, never breaking eye contact with Beomgyu through the mirror.
When the part was over, Beomgyu turned his body, hands going behind his back, intertwining right above his bottom. "So?"
He expected criticism from Taehyung, some sly remarks about his mistakes, and a pat on the back. What he didn't expect was the one word answer coming from the younger, a simple response, that lacked any help to the problem Beomgyu faced. "Good."
"Good? Just good? What about the part where I have to lift my right leg and right arm? Doesn't it look goofy to you?" Beomgyu questioned, not believing Taehyun. He hasn't even perfect the choreo, and Taehyun was here to help him.
The younger laughed in response, arms dropping from his chest, clearly amused by Beomgyu's behavior. "I thought it was fine."
Beomgyu groaned, he turned his body, and from the mirror he looked at Taehyun. "Play it again."
For the next half an hour, it was mainly Beomgyu trying to get Taehyun to help him out, and it was always the same response, "I think you're doing fine, Hyung." And Beomgyu could not have it, he was not doing fine. The dance looked awkward, his facial expressions didn't align with his body, his movements were shallow and stern. How can Taehyun say it's fine?
However, Beomgyu's body was tired, and he couldn't hold it anymore. He sat on the floor, he brought his knees up to his face and rested his right cheek in between. Beomgyu watched the younger walk over to him, taking a seat right next to him. "Hyung."
Beomgyu pouted, turning his head away from Taehyun. "Leave me alone."
The younger laughed, shifting closer, arm wrapping around Beomgyu's shoulders. "I don't think I want to do that."
Beomgyu groaned, turning to look at Taehyun with a frown. "I just don't get it, how can you think I'm doing it fine? It looks awful, even Yeonjun hyung thought I needed help."
"Maybe Yeonjun-hyung helped you not because he thought you needed help, but because you asked for help." Taehyun smiled, he brought a hand to Beomgyu's cheek and Beomgyu's eyes widened at the touch, he was lost. His cheeks were warm, and he could feel the heat of Taehyun's palm on his cheek, this was a lot. This was the only touch he has received in days. So he froze, cautious of Taehyun's further actions. "Hyung. You're doing good."
Beomgyu watched Taehyun's eyes, he watched the high cheekbones on his friend's face slightly rise with color. He watched the younger's smile drop slowly but the warm expression never left Taehyun's face. He was beautiful, Beomgyu knew that. But this was the first time he had felt the need to tell the younger, he wanted to scream it to the world. Taehyun is beautiful.
The younger wasn't only beautiful though, he was kind, he was smart. He's the best person Beomgyu knows, and the most amazing. He truly doesn't know what he did to deserve Taehyun in his life, but he has him and Beomgyu, at moments like these, makes promises to himself to never let him go.
Scarier thoughts set, like when Beomgyu can't help his eyes shift down to Taehyun's rosy lips, the lips that just a few weeks ago were on his. Lips that Beomgyu is afraid to admit he misses everyday, lips that when it's late at night, Beomgyu pictures them on his body, in his neck, in between his thighs, on his own lips.
These feelings unsettle him, they scare him, he's afraid he is losing his mind. Beomgyu is not fine, he's not fine and everyday he struggles to find a solution to soothe his brain. Is there even one? Is he just desperately sexually attracted to Taehyun and there's nothing he can do about it?
He knows attraction, but what he feels for Taehyun isn't just level surface he-wants-the-younger-to-fuck-him type of stuff. No, he wants nights where they're just holding each other, or days where their bodies are pressed against each other's, smiles burning into their faces as they enjoy their time together, he wants the warmth of Taehyun's hands to never leave him, he wants the younger's sweet smile to himself.
And it's terrifying. It's terrifying to be in love with Taehyun.
Beomgyu's body rises on his own, he stands on his own two feet and looks down at the younger staring up at him, confusion obvious on his face.
Beomgyu looks away, "Weren't you in charge of time? It's already pretty late don't ya' think?" Beomgyu grabs his bag from the floor. "We should head back."
—
Beomgyu has never been the one to say no to a short vacation, a warm place away from the dorms. Yet when he's given the news that the company rented them a house out in the countryside for two nights, he's not the happiest. He won't say it out loud but he can't find himself to rest, not at the moment at least. With award season right around the corner, he doesn't feel like he's prepared the way he should be, and a three-day vacation is the last thing Beomgyu needs. He sits, quietly, tuning out his manager and the excitement of his band mates. He can probably say something, tell their manager if he could stay back, get in all the practice he can and be satisfied with his performance but Beomgyu can't, their manager won't say it but this is probably their company's last minute attempt at team bonding, not that they need it but if he suddenly claims he doesn't want to go, it would bring down the group's chemistry.
Beomgyu has to go.
The next morning, they're all packed and ready to leave the city. Beomgyu frowns as he steps into the black van, turning his head and staring at the HYBE building. When he gets back, he'll practice non stop.
The drive wasn't long, an hour of Beomgyu watching the scenery through the car window was nice. And he had his earbuds in his ears to prevent Soobin's slight snoring from invading his serenity.
He played a song that had been on his mind these past few days, a painful song that reminded him of feelings he shouldn't have. The realization of his own feelings for Taehyun had pushed him to the edge. He didn't know what to do, but Beomgyu knew what not to do. Taehyun could never know.
Beomgyu turned his head a bit, from the other side of the van sat Taehyun. His eyes were slightly shut, his breath was steady with his arms across his chest. Beomgyu knew he wasn't asleep, he was just resting. Aware of his surroundings but peaceful. He looked beautiful.
Beomgyu sighed, turning back to the window. The universe wasn't fair, this was the last thing he needed, to have a crush on his bandmate is to sign his heart away to suffering.
Taehyun would never see him like that.
The van came to a stop, and Beomgyu looked around, noticing a small gate covered in trees. They were really in the middle of nowhere.
Their manager turned with a smile, reassuring them that the house will have everything they need. When Beomgyu got off the van, he took in the fresh air, grateful to be away from the city.
And the view? It was amazing. Beomgyu wrapped his fingers around the strap of his bag, eyes following every tree, the birds chirping, the grey blue sky, and the air, so fresh, so different from the city. He shut his eyes close, his lungs closing in and then opening when he breathed out. The remorse he felt earlier, it was now easy to store it in the back of his mind. This is way better than the dance room.
The sound of the car starting back up distracted Beomgyu, he turned back and watched their manager waved at them from the driver's seat, and Beomgyu joined in the others in waving back. He watched the car drive away, no cameras, no producers, no managers? He couldn't believe it. They really had three days to themselves, privacy and all.
"Let's check out the inside, yeah?" Soobin said, the keys the manager had handed to him earlier in his hand. They trailed behind the taller, waiting as the older struggled to open the door. He clicked his teeth, "Why won't it open?—" And with one more turn of the key, their leader managed to open the door. "There." He turned back, looking at the text of them with a shy smile, his teeth bright.
"Hyung, you're so funny." Kai laughed, patting the older's back as they stepped inside.
Beomgyu's eyes widened, the house from the inside was even better. Wide, cream colors decorating the walls. Minimalist paintings, green plants, a wide kitchen counter, a wooden coffee table. How was it possible that the inside of the house felt just as fresh as outside. It was nice, a nice change to their otherwise messy apartment that Beomgyu denies to be a part of. Huening Kai is the messiest, in his defense. But this was untouched, this space was clean, polished, bright, and simple. He liked it.
"There's three rooms, four beds." Soobin announced, phone in his hand and backpack on his other. "Look, I'm just going to say it, since I'm the tallest, I think I should get my own bed, I don't mind sharing a room."
Beomgyu prepared to complain, he knew what was about to happen, everyone is going to fight for a room and he's not going to lose, he deserves a bed for himself just as much as the rest of them. But right when he was about to open his mouth, Yeonjun spoke.
"I'm the oldest, I should also get my own bed. I've been in this planet longer than you four." He said, pointing at Beomgyu and the rest.
"Well I'm the second tallest, and frankly really close to Soobin-hyung's height, so I should also get my own bed if I'm using hyung's argument." Hyuka was quick to reply, and Beomgyu's lips fell open, no, no he knows where they're going with this.
Yeonjun clapped his hands together, shaking his head with a smile, he turned to look at Beomgyu, and then his eyes shifted to Taehyun as well. "Perfect, Beomgyu and Hyunnie should share a bed then, they're the smallest!"
Beomgyu couldn't help it, the temperature in his cheeks rose, and he bit his lip turning to look at Taehyun, who's wide eyes were already on Beomgyu. Can he fight them? It makes sense, it's fair, neither him or Taehyun are close to Soobin's height, the only advantage he has is that he's older than Huening Kai, but what is he supposed to do? Whine and complain, make the tall maknae share a bed?
"Then we get the master bedroom, it has a king sized mattress, and its own restroom." Taehyun spoke, arms crossed against his chest, eyes directed to the oldest.
Yeonjun hummed, raising an eyebrow, Beomgyu frowned, watching the exchange between the two. There's no getting out of it, he can see. "That's fair." Yeonjun said, and just like that, the situation was resolved, not for Beomgyu though. As he walked down the hall, to his bedroom, he can't get the thought out of his mind. He's sharing a bed with Taehyun for the next two nights.
He drops his bags on the bed, looking around the room, it was pretty, clean. Beomgyu would be grateful for this room, if it wasn't for the fact that he has to share a bed, and not just with anyone, but with Taehyun, his best friend who has been non stop tormenting his thoughts for weeks.
There was a wide sliding window, Beomgyu could walk out to the backyard from the bedroom if he wanted. This room also had art pieces and plants, and the bed? It was amazing. Big, wide, and covered in pillows. The comforter was white, and when Beomgyu slid his fingers over it, it was fresh and soft. He sighed, he does love a fresh bed. Beomgyu was tempted to say fuck it and just lay on it and sleep already, but he still was wearing his outside clothes and he will not taint this clean bed with germs, not yet at least.
He should unpack right now but he's only going to be there for three days so what's really the point of unpacking just to pack all his stuff again. Beomgyu instead grabs his backpack and duffel bag, throwing them under the bed, he'll deal with it later.
"Woah."
Beomgyu turned around, eyes meeting Taehyun's frame in the doorway. He looks back, eyes falling on the bed, the bed he's going to share with Taehyun, for two whole nights.
Beomgyu tries to laugh in response, hiding his uneasiness. "Yeah, it's really cool."
Taehyun enters the room, dropping his own bags on the bedroom bench, looking around as well. He chuckled, smiling at Beomgyu, "Aren't you glad we're sharing a room now?"
Beomgyu glares at him, grabbing a pillow and throwing it his way.
"I hate this part." Yeonjun whispered, eyes fixated on the screen in front of them. They all sat in the living room, Yeonjun on the singular recliner seat, and on the three-person sofa sat the four of them, pressed together, too close for Beomgyu's comfort. On one end sat Taehyun, Beomgyu next to him, Huening Kai and Soobin close on the other end.
The thing about this situation is that Beomgyu is sat in the middle, in the middle there's no reclinable installation, only on the both ends of the sofa. If Beomgyu wants to rest his legs, he has to inch closer to Taehyun, and share that reclinable extent with him. Beomgyu, though, has too much pride. So he sits awkwardly in the middle, legs bent down, hands in his lap, and eyes trying to focus on the film. Which he lost interest in a long time ago.
"Hyung." Beomgyu jumped, head moving to his right. Beomgyu was taken back, Taehyun's face was centimeters away from his own, staring at him with his dark eyes. The movie reflecting off the edge of his eyes, and Beomgyu froze. He thinks, or has he been frozen this entire time? He doesn't know. He doesn't know a thing. "Hyung. We can share this seat, get closer."
Beomgyu looked away, if he were to deny Taehyun's request, would that look weird? Would it be mean? Can Beomgyu be pressed up beside Taehyun without freaking out, without his cheeks heating up, and his hands shaking? He doesn't know.
He moves closer, bringing his legs up and putting them next to Taehyun's. Their thighs were now pressing close, their shoulders touching as well. Beomgyu swallowed the lump in his throat, he can do this.
He stared at the large TV, his eyes trying to follow along with the film but his mind was somewhere else. No matter how hard Beomgyu tried to focus, all he could think about was Taehyun's body heat. He was always warm. Taehyun said it was because of good healthy meals and regular workouts but Beomgyu likes to think Taehyun was born to be warm.
He stared at Taehyun from the corner of his eyes, the younger looked cute. Round eyes pointed forward, lips slightly parted, body leaning back, with his arms resting on his lap. He looked so calm, relaxed. Taehyun deserves this, he deserves a break, a vacation. Taehyun deserves everything.
They stayed like that for the rest of the film. Pressed against each other, so close and yet Beomgyu felt an indescribable distance between them.
"What should we watch next?" Yeonjun started to scroll through more movies on Netflix, the rest of the members giving suggestions.
Beomgyu stood up, he didn't turn to look at Taehyun, something told him not to. "I'm going to bed."
His members all looked up at him, whining, Kai going as far as to grab his wrist, stopping him from walking away any further.
"Beomgyu, why?" Soobin whined, lips pushed into a pout. "Stay."
Beomgyu couldn't help but giggle, shaking his head no. "I'm sorry but I've been wanting to sleep all day, I'm so tired."
They all sighed, wishing him a good night's rest. Beomgyu couldn't help but notice how Taehyun never said a word. He wished he would've just checked a little, saw his expression, if he had one, maybe it would've been a hint to his thoughts.
Beomgyu walked to his room, thinking about Taehyun. When wasn't he thinking about the younger. It's driving him insane, if it's not Taehyun, it's work, and if it's not work, it's how much Beomgyu wants to kiss Taehyun.
Beomgyu closed the door behind him, pulling out his luggage from under the bed. He grabbed his pajamas for the night, grey plaid bottoms, and a white crew neck sweater. It was a chilly night, and he knows Taehyun likes a cold room so he should dress warmer than usual. Beomgyu pulled his toothbrush, shower gel, and shampoo. He didn't do much today, but something about sleeping on a new bed without showering sounds rather unusual to him.
When Beomgyu slid his suitcase back under the bed, the door to the room opened, and Beomgyu turned around in fear.
Taehyun.
Of course. Who else would it be?
Yet the fear didn't leave his body, especially when the younger stared at him from the entrance. Body straight, eyes looking at his own. Beomgyu panicked, turning away to look around the room awkwardly, "Hi?"
"Hyung." Beomgyu turned to look back at Taehyun, his low voice putting him in a trance. The younger took steps closer to Beomgyu. "Hyung."
"Yeah?" Beomgyu whispered in return, the younger now standing in front of him, Taehyun's body was too close, his eyes was too close, his mouth was too close. Beomgyu can feel his cheeks get warmer the longer Taehyun stares at him. What is happening?
Taehyun looked to the side, biting his lips. He looked in distress, yet it fit him. Beomgyu thinks any emotion looks attractive on him. But the lip pulled between his teeth, the way his eyebrows furrowed, and the way he flexed his jaw was more than enough to make Beomgyu's knees weak.
"You're," Taehyun started, a sigh following.
Beomgyu breathed, the atmosphere was weird. There was a tension he couldn't point, he couldn't figure it out. He whispered, "I'm?"
"You're driving me insane."
Beomgyu's body was pulled by sudden hands on his waist. He flinched, and then warm lips pressed against his own. His eyes widened in shock, hands coming up to hold Taehyun's shoulders. Taehyun who was kissing him.
Taehyun is kissing him.
Beomgyu sighed, closing his eyes and opening his mouth, the younger indulging him in a deeper kiss. His tongue entering Beomgyu's mouth, sliding against the inside's of his mouth, crossing his teeth. Where did he learn to kiss like that, is a frequent wonder in Beomgyu's mind. Beomgyu let his fingers wander higher, hands wrapping around Taehyun's neck. He couldn't help but pull him in closer, and Taehyun's hands were working too. Holding his hips, pressing him just as close. There was no distance between them.
Did Beomgyu fall asleep already? Is this a dream? Is this real?
Beomgyu didn't know. Taehyun's lips were too warm, too inviting for him to focus on basically anything else. He missed this, the feeling he gets when the younger kisses him is like no other. Beomgyu melts more into the kiss, his fingers finding strands of Taehyun's hair.
The younger arms wrapped around him, his body in a hug. How long has it been since Beomgyu had this? Too long.
They parted from each other, taking deep breaths. Their chests rising, Beomgyu's eyes wouldn't leave Taehyun's dark ones, he couldn't believe it. He can't believe that right now, his waist is being held by Taehyun's and his fingers are feeling the softness of the younger's hair.
Beomgyu pulled him into a kiss this time. Taehyun accepted. And they were kissing again. He didn't think it was possible, but they were kissing deeper than before. Tongues fighting, noses touching, Taehyun's hands were exploring his back, lowering down to his hips, and Beomgyu moaned into the kiss. God, Taehyun is fucking hot. He's amazing, his hands are amazing, his lips are insane. Beomgyu can't believe he's experiencing this again.
Taehyun parts his lips from Beomgyu's, moving to trail wet kisses on his neck. And Beomgyu throws his head back, moaning as he feels the younger's wet tongue travel through his neck. "Taehyun." Beomgyu breathes out, hands gripping his shoulders.
The younger hums, face still buried deep in Beomgyu's neck. Kissing the spot behind Beomgyu's ear, the sensation surprises Beomgyu, moaning loud.
He shuts his eyes in embarrassment, turning his head to the side. He feels the warmth leave his neck, and suddenly there's warm fingers on his chin, the younger makes Beomgyu face him, and something about the interaction makes Beomgyu want to wallow in embarrassment. "Hyung. You're killing me."
Beomgyu gasps, Taehyun eyes were dark, staring at him, half lidded, and intimidating.
The small knock on their door surprises them, jumping away from each other in an instant. "Taehyunnie, the movie is starting." Beomgyu could recognize Soobin's whisper from outside the door.
"I'll be right out." Taehyun replied, his eyes focused on Beomgyu. They stared at each other as Soobin walked away from their door, Taehyun's eyes were wide, still dark, still intimidating.
"Sleep well." He says, walking out the door, leaving Beomgyu with warm cheeks and wet kisses on his neck.