Requested by BTSOT7stan894
⚠️Trigger Warning - Self harm⚠️
"Water boy Ishan where are you ?...."
It had been a running joke in the team for a very long time...Ishan is for raising the sprits of the team...Ishan is to carry the luggage of the team...Ishan is the bodyguard...Ishan is for emotional support in the group...When being the emotional support changed to being just the emotional support no one knew. And when laughing hard at these jokes turned to barely managing to put on a fake smile while holding back his tears Ishan didn't know.
"Ayee Ishu...carry my bag since I am making your runs for you on the ground"
Everyone laughed at Surya's joke. They weren't trying to be mean. Ishan knew that. They made these jokes because Ishan laughed at them because Ishan wasn't brave enough to tell them it hurt because he wasn't brave enough to draw a line and show his emotions because he was scared of ending up alone if he wasn't part of the jokes.
The joker...that was his role. He couldn't cry in front of the team..he just couldn't..they expected him to smile...smile...always smile he couldn't be weak he was already pathetic and useless he couldn't stop doing the one thing he is supposed to do as well that was be a joke...he couldn't stop that just because he was weak...
"Ishu...Ishu..." Shubman shook him out of his mind
"Does the group's emotional supporter need emotional support...Don't worry Ishu you helped a lot on the field today....after the match, in clicking our photos and carrying our bags.."Surya laughed
Don't cry..everyone is laughing...don't cry...it's just a joke...it's just a joke..
Ishan stopped eating not being able to swallow anymore but he kept his head down. His hands unconciously moved to his wrist, nails digging into his skin through his full sleeves t-shirt.
After a while when the conversation and attention on the dinner table had moved away from Ishan, he looked down to see red patches on his white shirt. He had reopened his wounds and bled through his shirt.
His eyes immediately traveled across the table to make sure no one noticed
It's okay..no one saw....it's fine....Shit !!
Ishan's eyes landed on Shubman who was frowning in confusion while looking at him. It didn't seem like he had caught on to what was actually happening but knowing Shubman there will sure be questions...What is that stain on your shirt ? How did it get their ?
Panic surged through Ishan
..He had to get out of here before Shubman or anyone else asked any questions..he had to get out...they can't know..
He stood up quickly chair scraping against the floor. In his panic he failed to notice a glass of water placed at the edge of the table and accidentally tipped it over while standing up.
The glass crashed to the floor and broke into several tiny pieces. The attention of the whole room turned towards Ishan.
Noo....no..you are soo useless...you break everything...what is wrong with you..
Tears sprung to his eyes as he panickedly bent down to pick up the broken glass.
"I am sorry..I am sorry... sorry...so sorry..." he kept repeating.
The whole room was stunned to see Ishan in such a state.
"No Ishu get up...don't do that with your bare hands you are gonna hurt yourself.."Shubman ran towards Ishan, held on tight to his wrist and pulled him up. Ishan winced as the cuts on his wrist stung because of the tight hold. Shubman noted the expression and removed his tight grip now holding on gently to his plam. He inspected the covered wrist but before his mind could catch on Ishan was running out of his grip away from the table.
Shubman followed Ishan running behind him. He opened the bathroom door Ishan had entered and froze at the doorway as he took in the scene in front of him.
Ishan was crying hard leaning on to the sink. He had now pulled his sleeves up and was scratching his already bleeding cuts in a desperate attempt to feel the pain..to feel anything other than what he was currently feeling and to mute the voices inside his head.
Shubman couldn't move, this sight of Ishan was too much for him. Virat and Surya came to the bathroom behind him the sight inside rendered them unable to move as well but they shook themselves out of it and moved towards Ishan holding on to his hands to restrain him from hurting himself any further. Ishan desperately struggled against their hold.
That was when Rohit entered the room. Tears gathered in his eyes as he assessed the situation, just then Ishan managed to push Surya away who stumbled backwards but quickly went on back to holding Ishan.
Rohit knew they won't be able to hold Ishan down for long and there was only one way to calm him down. He placed a hand on Shubman's shoulder shaking him out of his shock.
Shubman saw Ishan struggling against Surya and Virat. He quickly walked towards them and hugged him. Ishan stilled suddenly.
"Why...." Shubman whispered in his ears
Ishan broke down. Scream crying, griping onto Shubman's shirt like it was his last lifeline.
"I am sorry...please...I can't...I am sorry..."
The team watched as the two of them collapsed on the ground, one in hidden agony that he had been experiencing for an unknown amount of time and the other in pain of having to see his love break so badly in front of him while being unable to do anything.
The string of apologizes from Ishan's mouth didn't stop no matter the amount of reassurances Shubman gave him.
The team stood unable to comprehend. Ishu...their Ishu...the one behind every laughter...the one they had never seen be even slightly sad no matter the situation...the most optimistic of them all...the life of the team...was now on the ground crying and breaking...how had they never noticed..
how had they let it get this bad...had they been a reason for this ??..
It felt like hours before Ishan finally stopped crying, he had fallen asleep on Shubman. Shubman's shirt now had patches of red, not that he cared at all.
With the help of Hardik, Shubman had layed Ishan down on a sofa in the living room. He was now sitting beside it patching up the cuts on Ishan's wrist and wiping the tears tracks on his face with a wet towel.
The team had all abandoned their half eaten dinner and were all gathered together in the living room. The atmosphere was tense to say the least. Some were sitting in silence staring as Shubman worked to patch Ishan up, Some had active tears flowing down their faces, Some had their heads in their hand still unable to process what they had seen.
"I made fun of him.....I didn't...I didn't realize...I didn't" Surya choked trying to keep his tears at bay unsuccessfully
"None of us realized.." Rohit said rubbing his hand on Surya's back in a comforting motion
"I can't believe Ishu could do something like this." Hardik mumbled
"We should have known" Shubman turned away from Ishan towards the others slight anger audible in his voice
The team immediately quietened down, they all knew Shubman knew Ishan best and if anyone could tell them anything about Ishan it was Shubman.
"We should have known...Making jokes is one thing...down right degrading him...not even stopping to see whether he was fine with them,... not caring about what he felt..when we knew that he doesn't share his emotions easily....when I knew he doesn't share his emotions easily....." Shubman's angry, accusatory tone deflated as realization of his own faults hit him "I should have talked to him...he always asks me whether I am okay...why didn't I question him the same..why didn't I ask him just once whether the jokes hurt him..why did I just laugh at them...Why did I not notice him struggling when he doesn't let even a strand of my hair change without him noticing...How could I not notice...Why did I not know...How could I just leave him by himself when he needed me the most...."
Ishan choose this moment to open his eyes and sit up.
"It's not you fault.."
Ohh so he heard everything...
"But it is Ishu" Shubman took Ishan's cold in his own "And I am so so sorry...I should have helped I know I should have..."
"It's not your fault...it's no one's fault...it's just I am weak and stupid and dumb and I am sorry for that I will improve I promise..."
"Noo.." "No no Ishu.!!" "Ishan!!" "Don't say that!!" several voices sounded together as the team moved closer to Shubman and Ishan almost in sync.
"Ishan you are one of the most wonderful and talented person I have ever met" Virat said
"I have not seen someone as bright as you" Rohit continued
"You are the life of the team you are the one that always elevates the stress in a difficult situation and make us roll with laughter" Surya followed
"I have been blessed to have ever met you little brother" Hardik smile at him
One by one all the members of the team praised Ishan lifting his confidence back up little by little.
When all but one was done Ishan finally turned his teary eyes towards Shubman.
"The first time I saw you I was put in a trance at you fearless hits. Then soon we became teammates and your unshakable determination was one that I learned immensely from. What made me admire you the most was how you put everyone before yourself and how even in tough situations you were strong and made sure to not only keep yourself cool but help the whole team be calm. And then we became best friends and finally roommates and I love how you make me smile with your silly dances and have the ability to make me double up with laughter even on my worst days. I love playing pranks on the others with you. I love playing video games with you at late nights. I love sneaking chocolates and ice creams with you. I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. I love the way your lips part when you fall asleep beside me. I love it when you push your self against my chest in your sleep. Everyday I get to know you a little more and unfold another layer of you my admiration and love for you increases. I love every second I have spend with you and I love every inch of you..You are my love.......So Ishu please don't hurt my love...please let me help you..let us help you"
Ishan could not open his mouth to say anything but his little head nod was a clear enough answer.
Ishan would get the help he needed. It won't be an easy recovery but Ishan knew that his team and his love would be their beside him every step of the way.
"I love you" he wishpered too quiet for anyone but Shubman to hear, but then that was who it was meant for...
A/n :- Sorry for the late update school work has kept me busy for the last few days and I believe the next few weeks before the winter holidays are going to be the same so the updates will be slow.
Another reason for the late update was probably because I wrote this chapter at least 3 times 😅
It was an amazing request but the topic had a very fine line between being relatable and triggering..So it took me quite sometime trying to figure out what things to include and what could be too much. I hope I did justice to the request without harming anyone.
Either way thank youu soo much for your patience and I will see you again very soon (maybe not very but still soon 😅) ❤️😁😁