[Warning this chapter contains sensitive contact and could be trigging for some people. If you are not comfortable with these situations please skip past those parts. I love you guys and I hope you enjoy this chapter :) ]
"Look out everyone." Kylie announced loudly in the hallway, "make room for Emily. She's going to need all the space she can get."
"Ignore her." Vanessa whispered as we pushed our way though the crowds of people.
"Careful! You might get some kind of STD from touching her." Lauren laughed.
"I-I I'm gonna go back to my locker. You and Cole can go to lunch. I need to talk to Mr. Rodgers about something." I whispered to Vanessa and she gave me a sad look.
"Are you sure? You missed lunch yesterday too. Why can't you just take your lunch in there?" She asked.
"It's fine." I say forcing a smile, "I have a few granola bars that can hold me over until I get home."
"Okay." She sighed, "see Ya later?"
I nod and we head our separate ways. I make my ways towards my locker and soon the hallways are empty as everyone else sits in the cafeteria.
I grab my books for my next class and start slowly making my way to that hallway. Of course, the door was locked because the teacher was having her lunch break, so I carried my stuff with me and I made my way to the bathroom.
I set my things on the counter and make sure nobody else was in the bathroom. The hallway was clear so I didn't have to worry about anyone coming in, I just had I make sure nobody else was already inside a bathroom stall.
When the coast was clear and I took a deep breath, barging into the farthest stall and soon kneeling down onto the toilet inside it.
"You need to do this." I whisper, "it's the only way for you to be skinny. Austin will love you again if your skinny and beautiful."
So I repeated the system and soon I was throwing up whatever was remained in my stomach even though their wasn't much.
After a few more minutes of trying to get it all out of me, I stand up and make my way out of the stall to clean up.
After washing my hands, I made my way to a nearby water foundation. Taking water in my mouth and swishing it around a few times before spitting it out.
After realizing I had more then enough time, I made my way back to my locker. Grabbing my water bottle and going back to the water foundation.
I dumped out the old water and soon filled it with some new. I walked back into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror and started at myself.
I turned to the side, seeing my stomach push at my shirt. My boobs not big enough, my hair not long enough and yet being in California my skin not tan enough.
'You'll never be good enough for him.' I think to myself, 'Austin just saw this whole thing as an escape. The whole call was an act.'
My ringing bell cut me off from my thoughts and I slowly made my way to my next class. I picked my things off the floor and soon my teacher came to unlock the door.
"Emily?" She asked confused, "your here early again."
"Oh yeah..." I say and laugh nervously, "I got done early so I went to my locker early again."
"Okay." She said even though she didn't really sound convinced, turning the lights on and letting me inside, "are you doing okay Emily?"
"Yeah I'm fine!" I lie and force a smile, "I'm just really stressed from the last few days of school."
"Okay...." She said nodding and moving to her desk to start checking some papers.
I look at my phone as other people begin sitting down in their seats and chatting amongst their friends and because Vanessa was my only friend, and she was not in this class I awkwardly sat alone.
I looked through my old messages with Austin and all of his sweet words that he sent to me once upon a time still managed to make my heart skip a beat.
I see all the texts he sent me when I first moved here. Checking in on me and making sure that I was doing and feeling okay. He always made sure that I knew that he loved me. That he made sure I knew exactly how he felt about me and I don't think I could ever find anyone like that ever again.
I can't picture myself with anyone but Austin.
After everything I've been through with my parents, he was there for me. Nobody else was. He always makes me happy.
The day I first saw him I knew I was never going to be the same. He changed me.
All that has been going through my had lately is if he still cares about me. Well, he told me he loves me just yesterday but I mean does he still care about us. He's been saying that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and I think he just needs to forgive him self.
I wonder if the plan is still on? His promise he made me... Promising me that he will take me away and get me far away from here, take me anywhere I want.
I don't want to go anywhere fancy. I don't need to go to Hawaii or Paris or anywhere like that. We could go to some ice cold, snow covered mountain and be stuck there as long as I had him and he wanted to be with me.
My biggest fear about all of this is just not seeing him. I never know when I'm ever going to see him again. I've texted him this morning and a bit through the day to try and check in but I don't want to sound clingy... So I gave up.
I don't want to lose him because he thinks that I'm going crazy... I mean I am but it's not because I need to know everything. I don't need to know who he hangs out with and I don't even want to know who the girl was he made out with.
I can't know because I would just be comparing my self to her forever. Before the whole situation I already didn't feel good enough to have him and once I see the girl that he cheated on me with... She would be what I have to be beat.
At everything.
***
"Emily it's dinner time." My dad says knocking on my bedroom door.
"I'm still not feeling very well." I tell him, "do I have to eat?"
"Can I get you something to drink then?" He sighed, "you need to have something Em."
"Can I just have a glass of water?" I ask him and he nods before soon leaving my room again.
I cover my cold body with the blankets as I lay in the darkness. My eyes rapidly moving along the walls of the pictures of all my "friends."
I looks at the picture in the frame on my bedside table. Inside the frame was a picture of Austin and I. It's was one Alex took of the two of us when we were all hanging out together at their place.
I miss the boys too. I feel weird trying to talk to them because I feel like Austin's so upset and it looks like that I did something wrong...
What if they hate me?
Of course they do. Why wouldn't they? Everyone hates me and I'm alone and nobody would care if I just killed mysel-
"I have your water hun." My dad says, interrupting me from my thoughts and setting the water down in front of the picture frame.
He notices my dad gaze as I looked at it and took it in his hands and placed it face down, "is this why your not eating?"
"No daddy." I sighed, "I just feel sick. That's just making me feel worse."
"Well then I'm gonna take it for a bit." He said plucking the frame back up and started walking out the door.
"Wait no please." I say to my dad, sitting up in my bed, "can you please leave it in here?"
"Emily." He sighed and then say at the edge of my bed, "it's clearly upsetting you."
"But it makes me feel better too." I admit, "can you please just leave it in here? Please?"
"I guess." He sighed and kissed my forehead, "get some sleep."
I nodded and rolled over in my bed, shutting my eyes tight in attempt to sleep.
I was laying with my eyes closed for what seems like hours and I just couldn't fall asleep. I rolled and tossed around and I just couldn't get comfortable.
I looked at my clock only to see that minutes have passed. I groaned, sitting up from my laying position and taking a big sip of water, trying to calm myself down.
Once I laid down again and finally got comfortable I heard my phone ring. I groaned, realizing that it was probably Vanessa who I forgot to call when I got home from school.
I unplugged my phone from my charger and then I heard a voice. And it most definitely was not Vanessa.
"Emily?!" They asked quickly, stress clearly laced in their voice.
"Kelsey?!" I asked confused, I haven't talked to her since I moved... "What's going on are you okay?"
"I don't know what's going on! Austin just showed up to my house and my parents aren't home and he's screaming and I-I I think he's drunk! He thinks your here!"
"Oh my god." I whisper under my breath.
"W-what should I- Oh my god Austin stop!" She yelled and I could here a very loud pounding, "I'm not going to let you in if your acting like this!"
I could hear on the line that Austin soon stopped and started talking to Kelsey but it was so hard to make out anything they were saying.
"No Austin she's not here...... She's still in California! You know that Austin...."
"Kelsey," I urgently say, "can you put on speaker or something? I need to hear what he's saying."
"Of course Em one sec." She said and soon I could hear everything.
"Emily?!" Austin quickly said, "baby is it you?"
"Austin what are you doing?" I ask him quickly, "are you drunk? You need to go home. You need to call Zach or Rob or down thing and have them come pick you up."
"Baby I miss you." Austin said quickly, "I want you back! Baby please I'm such and idiot you have no idea how much I hate myself for what I did."
"Austin please." I say, "baby listen to me. You need to go home okay? We can talk again when your in a good, clear state of mind. Your not even going to remember any of this when you wake up tomorrow."
"Austin give me your phone." Kelsey said, "I'm going to call someone for you. You need to get back before you say or do something you regret."
"But I need to talk to Emily." He whined.
"You can call me on your own phone tomorrow." I sighed, "Austin you can't be like this."
"I'm sorry baby girl." Austin said quickly, "you know that right? You know that I regret doing those things with her?"
"I know you do Austin." I whispered, "I know."
"Wait." Kelsey said, "Austin..."
I couldn't hear anything but I could feel all of the tension growing. What the hell is going on right now.
"I had to." Austin said, pure sadness laced in his voice.
"Why would you tell her that Austin?!" Kelsey shouted, "why did you tell her that you cheated on her with me!?"