UNEDITED.
MIDDLE SCHOOL CRUSHES AND HEARTBREAKS. chapter two
𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅 playing the sandbox at the peak of your early teenage years. At thirteen, thinking that sandboxes were for kids and you weren't one anymore. So you settled for videogames and sleepovers (although there were times at night that you'll hangout in the swing when it's your house's turn to be slept over with, for the tranquility and beauty of the night where stars and the moon lit up the sky of course.) The five of you stopped acting childish since that would be considered — immature at such age.
Having crushes and falling hardly in love with somebody always became the topic during middle school, unlike when you were seven, random childish interests were always the talk. You grew popular in the school for some reason, with how attractive you looked and how your personality was what they like about you. Day by day you were becoming the apple of the eye of the students and you were flattered by that fact, fully knowing that you have it in you. Your older sister said that you could use your attractiveness to your own advantage but you didn't, as of that age, because you already knew about moralities.
Almost everyday, you'd get letters containing confessions in your shoe locker and by the end of what you could consider a normal day, at least two or three students would confess their feelings for you. You'd turn them down of course, you already had someone in mind and no one needed to know that.
" Yuki. "
" Yuki. "
" Yuki, wake up! " You let out an amused huff seeing the confused look that painted the dual colored haired male. It was uncharacteristic of him to sleep during this time, usually he'd be up with his classmates talking about who-knows-what. But it was lunch time, and as much as you'd like to let him sleep (who knows at what time he slept), he needed food to eat. To get rid of that sleepy gaze on his eyes, he needed an energizer and food was exactly the definition of that.
" The three are already in the cafeteria, we're only waiting for you. "
" Mafuyu's already there? " You tilted at the way that he frowned at the thought of his words but nodded anyways, replying about to not sleep in class too much so he wouldn't be left out. He shrugged and grabbed his packed bento before following after you through the halls, waving back at those who waved at him first, smiling in amusement when the two of you had to halt at some point through the walk just so you could get another letter from a girl a grade lower than you.
" I'll think about it, Hori-san. "
" T-thank you, [Name]-san! "
Yuki knew that you wouldn't actually think about it and hide the letter in the box where you put every letters and anything related with confessions. He could vaguely remember you starting it as a joke during in the middle of your first year in junior high, making a bet that if you managed to fill the box up before the year ends, the group would have to give you 300 yen each. They were a bit confident that it wouldn't get filled but they came into realization after two months of your progress that you were a popular student and confessions just seemed to be a daily gift to you.
" Finally, we're starving you know. " Arriving at the table with a small smile on your lips, you sat beside Shizu with him on your left and Hiiragi on your right. You ignored the sound of annoyance that came from the latter when you scooted for more space and took out your bento from your lunch bag, the smell of your delicious food wafting around the air. You could feel Shizu's gaze on your bento and you turned to him, grinning before sticking your tongue out, " You and Yuki Rock, paper, scissors. " He sighed and turned to Mafuyu, stretching his hand, fingers formed into a relaxed fist. You nodded excitingly at Yuki who was currently opening his own bento, immediately salivating at the sight of sushi. You quickly gazed back at Shizu's bento to see glazed chicken.
" Shizu, please lose this time. "
" Not a chance. "
It came to your suprise when Shizu actually lost the game. Victory soon shining your eyes upon realizing that he would be the one to share his lunch today. This became a lunch tradition for the group when you were up for a challenge. Each of you should bring extra food and the one who lost the day prior and a random would compete in the game of rock, paper, scissors. The one who would be choosing the random would be the first to utter their name and to this circumstance you were the one to choose Shizu, Yuki just lost to Mafuyu yesterday. Though, there were times that each of you would just share their food from their packed lunch. There were times when you lost to that simple game for three days that resulted to solely sharing your lunch to them in a row and to say that you felt more than defeated was an understatement. You were devastated by that matter, but seeing the satisfied looks and teasing smiles your friends gave you somehow got rid of that feeling.
Finally digging in with your food, you used your chopsticks to pick one from the ravenette's bento and moaned in delight. " Shizu, your glazed chicken is the best! You should give me the recipe so that Yori could cook us when we're having a sleepover at my house. "
" I'll ask my mom the recipe. " You let out an appreciative hum and smiled before munching your food.
" Mafuyu, you got some sauce in your face. " Hearing the voice of Yuki, you averted your gaze away from your bento and stared at the scene in front of you.
Yuki had a soft smile on his face as he used the back of his thumb to wipe the glazing sauce from the corner of his lips. It was a simple act of help. There was something on Mafuyu's face and Yuki was there to get rid of it. But you couldn't help the feeling of a stab in your chest, something about the dual hair colored and salmon pink looked intimate. But there was no way that Yuki would have liked Mafuyu that way right? And vice versa...
Realizing that you might have been wrongfully assuming your best friends, you shook off those thoughts and decided for a new topic to remove that painful throb of your heart.
With an interested smile, you let your eyes wander on Yuki's hair catching the under part of it was no longer dirty yellow like what his whole hair had been, it was in a darker shade of brown now.
" You dyed your hair recently? " You already knew the answer, of course. He had told you through chat that he decided to some part of his hair since 'he felt like it'. You just wanted to get rid of the image of Yuki and Mafuyu romantically involved with each other. Them together... You frowned at the thought.
" You noticed it just now? Why? Are you finally interested in dyeing your hair? " He grinned and looked like he was ecstatic about the thought.
" Something red would look great on you. "
A soft laugh bubbled in your throat as you shook your head, the frown on your face was quick to be replaced, joking absentmindedly. " Oh please, and let these beautiful locks of hair get damaged? The time that I dye my hair will be the time that I'd get my heart broken and you'll know about it and that would be pretty embarrassing — so I'll probably won't. "
🌌
" You like Yuki. "
It would have been a nice tranquil moment between the two of you in the shoe lockers if it wasn't the fact that being halfway done untying the lace of your shoes, Hiiragi told you those alarming words all of the sudden.
" What? "
If there was someone that you would have to guess and see right through you, you would have thought that the best person would be Shizusumi. There had been countless of times that he saw right through you, often they were small like knowing what you're about to do out of impulse but then again, when Hiiragi stood before you claiming those words with a cross of his arms — but even if this wasn't some confession, you still felt cornered, if not, more than you have ever felt in your entire middle school life. Maybe it was the glare that he sent you or the way that he crossed his arms, the frown sent your way — but Hiiragi unsettled you for some reason.
You craned your head to the side to stare at him, your fingers still paused, only staring at each other for a second. A perplexed in mixture with a shocked look plastering your face, whilst he, for whatever reason, had a soft glare on his eyes and his arms were crossed against the comfort of his chest. Thankfully, you were the only ones in here as of the moment — you had cleaning duty done in the gym after the P.E. class today that caused the two of you to lag behind the others headed to class.
You weren't the only two who had cleaned though so you wondered where the others were — but that didn't matter now because the two of you were alone — and you considered a blessing because if there were somebody with you, they would have heard your best friend so clearly. And you didn't want that — the last thing you wanted to happen was for your silly crush towards Yuki to be known and spread.
You liked privacy, but it was a wonder how Hiiragi knew about it, when you didn't tell anyone.
This staring contest went on for a while before you sighed, defeated, feeling the embarrassment slowly build up inside your chest. You straightened your back and turned to fully face him, your shoelace temporarily forgotten.
" How'd you know? "
Hiiragi huffed and rolled his eyes, uncrossing his arms as he said with a incredulous tone, " You're pretty much obvious from my eyes, it's a wonder the others are still aren't getting right through you. " You hoped that he meant by others, were your best friends. As much as you really liked Your that way, you didn't want everyone in the school to know that you do. You didn't exactly know why you didn't want to but you definitely had your reasons.
" He's always with Yuki-kun, huh? "
" Mafuyu-kun and Yuki-kun look so good together! "
" I wonder why I don't see [Name]-san together with Yuki-kun anymore. "
" Please don't tell him, " You told him with a plead in your eyes and he shook his head. It could mean two things, but you hoped that it was the one that you anticipated.
" I won't, " He sighed and uncrossed his arms, you let out one of relief and smiled gratefully at him. It was quick to vanish as you stared at his leaving figure with furrowed eyebrows.
" Just be more aware around Yuki. "
...
What did he mean by that?
Of course you were sure that your feelings for Yuki were true.
Uncertainty gripped your body, realizing that Hiiragi went to a direction that was the opposite of where his classroom would be located, his figure leaving from your line of sight fully. Standing there for a couple of minutes, his words replayed inside your head before you let out a sigh. Perhaps it was the tiredness that Hiiragi felt during P.E. class ( he was never fond of playing volleyball anyways ) that brought him to act like this.
Unbeknownst to you, when Hiiragi turned left — he ran through the empty hallway and halted infront of the boy's bathroom door, opening it quickly before going to one of the stalls and slamming it shut. He sat on the closed toilet and hid his face behind his open palms. Then his shoulder shook, subconsciously feeling the wetness around his hand. He felt stupid for crying at a time like this but it felt so painful — akin to thousands of needles stabbing the organ with each seconds that passed — he was still trying to process. Now rying to process the fact that you liked Yuki. If only that he didn't became so observant with you, he wouldn't have let his heart feel like this.
You liked Yuki.
But Hiiragi liked you.
You quickly untied your shoelace and replaced your P.E. shoes with the regular ones that's mandatory worn inside the building. You checked your wrist watch and noticed that you were already for your next class — so you hurried and turned only to bump into someone.
And that certain someone was Shizu, he was one that you were with having duty to clean up the gym and it seemed like he had just came back to change his shoes. At least I'm not the only one who's late.
" Have you seen Hiiragi? "
" He went that way, " You pointed your hand to the left with a small grown and he nodded in understanding. " probably in the bathroom. "
The distant feeling of embarrassment knowing that Hiiragi found out about your certain fondness towards Yuki was felt but the feeling of confusion grew more than that when his words repeated inside your head once more.
" Be more aware around Yuki. "
Hearing footsteps entering the bathroom, he covered his lips to muffle his sobs. He felt like a baby crying this so much. Hiiragi pressed the palm of his hand more against his lips when he heard the same steps halt in front of the stall that he was in.
" Hiiragi. " Realizing that it was Shizu's voice, he wiped the tears that fall down his face with the sleeve of his jacket, the fabric turning a shade darker than the original when it absorbed the waters. He sniffled and by now, he knew that Shizu was already catching up with his cries, hearing him knock against the stall's door once again. " We're already late for the next class so you should hurry up. "
Shizu waited for a couple of seconds as he stared at the wooden door. What he didn't expect when the stall opened was the sudden crash of a head against his neck and the feeling of wetness staining his skin. The ravenette could feel his best friend's shoulder shake but he didn't ask any question, instead, he let Hiiragi cry in his shoulders, wanting him to calm down first from whatever brought him to act this way.
🌌
You didn't plan on confessing, but having these feelings grow more day by day might have been the one that triggered your confession. It wasn't exactly planned, like what those girls would do to you— under the shade of a sakura tree after school, a letter given to you — no, it wasn't anything like that at all. You just couldn't stand hiding them anymore, keeping it inside your chest somehow felt heavy so when you were alone with Yuki in the school's garden, having no other people around you — it was like your whole brain blanked out with only the one thing in mind. Confess. Confess. Confess.
So you turned to him and felt the wind brush your hair as you called his name. You didn't miss the way that he had a focused look on his face. The two of you were picking carrots that you and the gardening club have grown. He wasn't even part of the club, he just thought that it was a good day to help you seeing that no one was there to help you. The way that his face scrunch up like that was cute and you felt your breath being taken away for a second.
He smiled and asked what it was and when you told those three words, that curl on his lips wavered a little. It twitched for some time, perhaps there was a small debate by the sudden confession. It was quite funny now that you were thinking about it. The one who keeps on getting constantly confessed to was confessing to someone. And yet, when you saw his smile turned upside down, a sorry frown painting his lips — you already anticipated the next words for him to utter. You could yourself in him when he's about to say " I'm sorry ". He was you when you were in your early first year, the first time that you got confessed to— frowning and apologizing because you were worried about how they would feel about being turned down. About not having their feelings reciprocated.
" I'm sorry, [Name]. " And now in all the years that you were the one getting confessed to, you finally felt the position of being the confessor. And now, you knew how bad they feel when they get turned down. Despite the heaviness of your heart, you smiled at him and nodded, understanding wordlessly. You continued picking as if there was nothing that had happened.
It was golden hour and the sky was painted the prettiest shades of orange you have ever seen in your entire life. It would have been perfect, the way that his skin was glowing by the rays of the large star, the way that he had a smile on his face before you told him that you liked— should you have said that you loved him? Would it make a difference?
Your hand paused as you stared at the dirtied gloved covering your hand, " Yuki, do you like someone else? " You didn't take your eyes off them and you could hear words caught up in his throat. As if he was taken aback with your question. You turned to him and saw the way that his lips parted for a reply. But like seconds ago, he didn't.
There was a call of his name that automatically let the two of you turned your heads to and just a couple of feet away from you, before the small gate stood Mafuyu.
Sweet and meek Mafuyu.
Ah.
" Yuki! "
Sweet and meek Mafuyu, who stood at a perfect place where the sun's rays just hit his face so ethereally, his orange eyes glowing like a thousand stars.
Mafuyu, who always stood side by side with Yuki.
Mafuyu, who seemed to be someone so precious to Yuki.
So it was him all along.
At this angle, you couldn't see Yuki's face fully, but his right cheek covered in a shade that you felt jealous of was enough for his answer. And with just a small frown and a whisper of an apology once again, Yuki left you to catch up with Mafuyu. Something about cleaning the classroom the salmon pink haired male said or was it something else? You sighed and stood up, basket in hand, watching their retreating figures stood side by side with their shoulders almost hitting each other with quivering lips.
🌌
It had been two weeks since you've confessed and every time you saw the two of them, the heartbreak that started ever since that day only had worsened. It was their subtle affections that put you through edge.
Hiiragi was the one that comforted you all the way, being the only one that knew you liked Yuki and the latter himself. It was a Saturday night when you knocked on his door on an ungodly, he would have cursed at you if it wasn't the fact that he saw the stains of dried tears against your cheeks and when he asked if you were okay, you bursted out crying against his neck.
Hiiragi hated the way that you were like this. You look liked you hadn't been sleeping right and had always been crying. He couldn't miss the way that your eyes stared far ahead as if lost in thought, you were just like that or staring at your two best friends with a melancholic look in your eyes. Knowing that Yuki and Mafuyu were obviously together — knowing that you liked Yuki...Hiiragi couldn't help but feel pity.
He couldn't help but kissing you when you were alone in the backstage after the rehearsal for the graduation ceremony.
He couldn't help but tell you that he liked you.
He couldn't help but feel happy when you reciprocated his feelings, even though he knew that your feelings were false and absent. If it means to get rid of that sad look on your face, he'd do anything just to make you feel happy.
" What are you looking at? " Hiiragi followed your eyes as it stopped at the form of the dual hair colored male. You muttered a quick "nothing" before staring at somewhere, whilst he stared at you with a distant look in his eyes before turning back to Yuki who was talking to Mafuyu with a confident grin.
Even if it means that he breaks his own heart.
And Shizu was there all the time to see his best friend's hearts break apart. Shizu had been friends with the two of you for years and those span of time was enough for him to see what lies behind those orbs. He wondered when you would realize that you weren't in love with Hiiragi and when would Hiiragi ever realize that if he kept fantasizing about the thought of you being in love with him, his heart would break more the day that two of you would be finally truthful to each other.